The "Other" Woman?? 💃🏽

I think first we have to define "adultery". I get that some would feel any action that the SO does not know about and would like to keep secret falls in this category and others may consider only a physical sexual act to be adultery. Depends on the couple. I have heard some young GG's don't consider oral to be sexual but going all the way would be. Its a matter of definition in the mind of the beholder.

I don't know how much our SO's suspect or know but when I came out to my wife she said..."Well that explains a lot"... so she did suspect but also said... "I thought you quit that years ago"

Since the "other woman" is us, I don't see that PoV as making any logical sense.

However, logic does not apply to everything, so I see it as entirely possible that a woman who chooses not to get involved in the CDing side of her husband can reach all manner of intuitive and incorrect conclusions.

Note: "intuitive AND incorrect", as opposed to "intuitive AND correct" - I am not suggesting for a second that all intuitive feelings are incorrect, merely that some are!

Adultery is when a married person voluntarily has sex with someone else - and don't get me started on the woke faux psychology of emotional affairs!

One of the points of love is that it is limitless and boundless, thus shareable with anyone and everyone.

One of the points of marriage in most cultures is to save the most physical and intimate side for the person you're married to.

It's not a difficult boundary! If you're exchanging fluids, it's probably off the marriage contract, otherwise it is probably OK.

As we all know, some couples are rather freer in this - and if that's their choice, it's theirs alone to make and live with.

But, unless you are equipped in such a way that it's physically possible, then no, we're not committing adultery.

With women's intuition, though, who knows what conclusions might be reached without a decent supply of information?

Love Laura

As far as I am aware my SO doesn't now I am crossdressing; we've talked about crossdressing and transgender subjects on a number of occasions and I have revealed that I know a lot about these things.

One evening watching a comedy show which included a scene with a crossdresser in a over the top lingerie outfit - she asked me - 'Is that what you wear when you dress up ?' ; I replied 'No, not the sort of thing I would wear'. Nothing further was said.

So I think she does know or has an inkling and has decided not to say anything ? Well only the time will tell 🙂

To keep it short, a while ago my then partner found my clothes in my wardrobe. She had no idea and thought there was another woman. For that moment in time I was, in her mind, adulterous but we weren't married. Other partners also had no clue either although there were some clues about.

She had no idea and as for womens intuition? Not one family member or female friend had a clue. 

Maybe in a marriage some may know but not talk about it until you do. For me the jury is out on that one.

Women are very observant and if your married I think it's almost impossible to keep it completely hidden.

She more than likely knows something, but if she thought you were buying clothes and other feminine items for another woman I'm sure she would confront you about it.  If she does think you are cheating on her but is afraid to say anything about it, maybe because she's afraid of losing you? Maybe it would be best if you let her in on your secret.

My wife found one of my nightgowns I accidentally left in the dryer and she got extremely upset because she thought I was cheating on her. She was very relieved when I told her it was mine.

We had a lot of deep discussions about it after that and it's wonderful to have it all out in the open now.

I don't have to run away and hide when I want to dress and I can wear my feminine undergarments every day without fear of being caught. I also get to sleep in my nightgowns every night.

My suggestion would be not to try to hide it. If she doesn't know by now it's only time before she does find out.  You may be surprised to find out that she doesn't have a problem with it and both of you will be much happier in the long run.

Crossdressing is really no big deal but cheating is definitely something that will kill a relationship. It's much better to let her know the truth than have her suspect your cheating.

Lacy,

My story is similar to yours. I feel more relaxed in general, and I get to wear a nightgown every night, not to mention the unmentionables I wear everyday.

Alana

It is wonderful to be able to wear what you want when you want to without fear.

Hi Barb I believe that is a question for SOs here in CDH . My opinion is SOs know more than we all think. They just have not put it all together yet.I remember when when my wife found my clothes she just freaked out and really did not know what to think. It amazes me how so many here including myself believe or believed that they could put together a few outfits complete with make up and wigs not to mention the accessories and not have anyone even suspect something is going on. I am sure they suspect their is another woman in their world and they can just feel it.  I believe the last thing they think their man is a cross dresser.  Many have said it before its just easier for you and your SO to just finally put it out there. How you let them know is important. The first thing they always want to know "are you gay". Then just get ready for a next hundred questions. Then silence for a while because she is trying to put it all together so it makes sense to her. I believe the hard part for my wife was not be able to share her secret with anyone including her best friend. Adultery is one thing they can understand despite being devastated. Having her man expressing himself as woman even if it is just sometimes!!!!, they will never understand unless you explain why you enjoy it so much.

Luv  Stephanie

Definition of terms is so important for words, in spite of a decaying society that claims otherwise, do have particular specific meaning. Though commonly understood as sex outside the bounds of the marriage covenant, adultery's root idea is a breech of trust. Therefore Christ explicitly teaches it is fornication not adultery that breaks the bonds of marriage.

I suppose in the strict narrow definition of the word then our being closeted, is adultery. Our wives are trusting we are male, period. How many a wife after finding out that her man is a CDer is hurt because, "you didn't trust me with this part of your life." The other side of that coin is that the wife may be guilty of adultery (in the narrow strict definition) because her husband can't trust her to manage his disclosure with understanding, compassion and eventual acceptance at least to some level. So when the "talk" is had and both spouses work out an acceptable resolution trust is in the place of being restored. This site is replete with many (to be sure not all) much improved marriage relationships when the husband is honest about his feminine side / needs and the wife though perhaps not supportive is able to accept. Why the improvement? No more adultery; i.e. breech of trust has been removed from the relationship. Thus it is written, "thou shalt not commit adultery." Trust is so critical in relationship; a breech of that trust is damaging is it not?

Trust is a sublime "thing." It is part of the spiritual (do not read religious) dimension of the relationship. Though our wives "can't necessarily put their finger on it" they do know, as do we as men, when that spiritual (the "Force" be with you) dimension is disturbed. . . . no matter how well we may think we are closeted.

Kindly,

Charlene

A few weeks prior to fully disclosing to my wife in 2020 my deep need for feminine expression I posted the following here on CDH.

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/what-do-you-really-think-now-that-you-know/

Eventually the topic was moved to the wives only forum. One of the wives who answered and with whom I exchanged PM opened my eyes to this truth. When I did begin to dress and present more freely as a woman though not intentionally, I would be introducing a third party into our relationship, a woman nonetheless.

Such an introduction is difficult for many wives. Intended or not it will be the case. She told me to be prepared for this. I prepared myself. She proved to be correct. My femme presence caused angst for my wife. That angst was not because I was dressing (or so she said) but because a woman was replacing her man and more importantly when I was en drab there was enough of "residual  Charlene" in my action, carriage, demeanor that she felt as if another woman was taking away her man.

So yes from my own personal experience the "other woman" is there when we begin to seriously express our femme self. Thus was not my intention, but happened it did.

Kindly,

Charlene.

I think it becomes adultery, when this other woman replaces our wives formost in our minds.

We yearn, plot, scam, and plan for a 'secret' rendezvous.

Sometimes cding as elements of porn driven lustful control... we have an image, or an idea of what true feminity should be, and we are repulsed that our other doesn't meet that standard, and so we aim to surpass our 'S.O' reality.

I'd say our S.O's know something is up. Mine knows I dress. I have more makeup then she does. And she borrows it at times. But, im fully her man when with her.

And how did things develop from that revelation?

Barb having dealt with EXACTLY this situation I can unequivocally say YES!! Women are by their nature much more a being of emotion and feeling and men are literal and factual in their assessments of situations. If a man develops a relationship talking but never having a sexual relationship with a woman in his mind he has not cheated on his wife yet to his wife he has given of himself to this other woman and thus cheated. For this exact reason, by giving of our male self to our feminine self we have cheated on our spouse. My beloved wifey and I have had this conversation and though I have endeavored to give of both sides of myself to my wife to assuage this fear yet she still fears the “other woman” will take me away from her and either deliver my male self toward total femininity not wanting her but a man for herself, or just to be free from her to totally engross myself in my femininity and transition. So yes, if my beloved is indicative of the fears of the wife of a cd/tg then you are correct in your questioning assessment of are we the other woman.
🍷C

I'm totally single, so I don't have much to say that would have merit.  However, I will say this...

The woman who beats out Carmen for my time is the woman meant for me.

What I mean by that, is creating Carmen and being Carmen I'm effectively dating myself.  Carmen doesn't allow me to be lonely.  She makes guy me emotionally stronger than I've ever been.  She makes me happy.

I've been on a couple of dates this year (with women), and all I can think about afterwards was getting dressed as Carmen and heading out again doing the usual Carmen thing... by herself, enjoying the world, by herself.  Well, she's never by herself, she's with me.

ANYHOW, what I mean by all this, is that I will NEVER settle in a relationship again.  If I meet someone and they provide me with everything I want in a relationship, the kind of real love I want to be in, the kind of partnership that makes me WANT to give up Carmen, then I'll happily give up Carmen for that woman who is worthy of it.

Carmen protects me from ever "settling" in a relationship.  Been there, done that, and won't do that ever again.  They say the worst kind of lonely is feeling lonely WITH someone.  I refuse to find myself in that situation for anybody, and would rather be alone.  Well, alone with Carmen.