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I know that now when I cross dress the goal is to blend in and hopefully not be found out. However when I think back on my younger days it seems like there was more of a thrill of doing the "forbidden" and almost a flirting with perhaps being discovered especially when under dressing. Will someone notice the remnants of makeup on my face or discover the pantyhose beneath my jeans? I was just reminded of this phase by telling a story to another girl here of years ago when a neighbor unexpectedly patted me on the shoulder and must have felt the bra strap beneath my shirt. There was certainly an element of risk taking for me once upon a time---but as B B King said "The thrill is gone" now, but is it gone away for good?
The thrill now is living authentically and being truly happy. What could be more thrilling than that?
/LK
The thrill now is living authentically and being truly happy. What could be more thrilling than that?
Amen.
@lizk Well said Liz. For those that truly accept themselves as trans, the thrill slowly morphs into an extreme sense of joy at being able to live life as a feminine trans woman. That feeling of happiness is itself a thrilling sensation.
@d44 Absolutely 🙂 The clothes I put on in the mornings are just clothes. It's still nice to see the day's look finally come together when the hair goes on after my (minimal) makeup, my first smile in the mirror is always a little high point. But rather than "hey wow I'm wearing a skirt" it's more a quiet "this is the me that the world is going to see today" 🙂
@maureen76 I do not think so as there always new challenges being out there as a woman. How about getting a sales lady advise you on an outfit. If she accepts you as another woman you have to be thrilled.
@ria Very true---Ria----that is a dream---that might be easier to achieve than most---because they do after all want to make a sale---and that might be a factor in their acceptance
@maureen76 Well I’ve had people ask me things while underdressed a few times . I use to be so nervous at first now I own it if they do. Hell at times I kinda let things show, maybe my black pantyhose at my ankles, the smell of my perfume in male mode, having my nails on, coloured or lace bralette barely showing through my top. Since I’ve excepted myself and love this part of me I don’t let it bother me at all. I enjoy that thrill.
Are you mixing up not being thrilled by crossdressing, @maureen76, with being familiar with crossdressing?
After years of doing something in public, even something considered edgy, it is bound to become routine, eventually.
When I first started going abroad I was quite self-conscious because I was always being self-critical. How did I look? Could I doing something better? Were the bumps on my chest too noticeable? Would someone notice my shoes without laces? Was I confusing people enough or too much?
Eventually, after assessing how things worked or didn't work day after day, I got used to this. Now I just dress.
@harriette Harriette you make a very good point when you say the following---"After years of doing something in public, even something considered edgy, it is bound to become routine, eventually."----however as another girl mentioned here---dressing has become routine for her but now the thrill is to look a little better each time she dresses
@maureen76 Having an attainable goal will help to keep the CD engaged.
There is a lot to be said for enthusiasm, wanting to learn or to improve.
@maureen76 I so hope the thrill is not gone for you. Last week out of the blue , I was swept away to the closet and for that brief 2 hours I was in heaven. But the thrill did not leave. The excitement continued for days, even though I was not Lorraine physically. I had not felt that happy and content for the. Last 2 months. To me, the great mystery is why it comes and goes, and what triggers such a strong pull.
@missylinda " To me, the great mystery is why it comes and goes, and what triggers such a strong pull."----I agree Lorraine---this is a mystery for me as well---in my case, I think the busier I am with the rest of my life the smaller the pull, but when I get a break from all the pother things, the pull becomes stronger
@maureen76 Every day living authentically for me is a thrill. There are so many things that I missed experiencing as a woman due to my confined existence. Being able to do these things now is thrilling even if they are considered mundane by most people.
@maureen76 More like the thrill has redefined itself over time. Still lots of thrills, just different.
@maureen76 I had to put some thought in before writing this one, which is not usually my forte but I did have to consider my response. I must admit that, on reflection, there is no thrill about it these days. I just get up in the morning, get dressed & get on with my day. This is, I must admit, what I have always desired if I'm honest, just to be me is enough & I don't miss any thrill that may have at one time existed. I can see that anyone who only gets to dress up infrequently might get a special kick out of it but as it's pretty much all day every day for me then it's just the normal state of affairs. There are still nerves on the odd occasions I am "out in the wild" so to speak & I don't actually get a thrill or a kick out of that, quite the opposite if I'm honest. I would be much happier if I could just do my thing & the world passed me by unnoticed but then I'm no attention seeker anyway so that's the same as daily life. I'm happy for anyone who gets a buzz from dressing up but I'm equally happy to leave that for others to enjoy.
@sashabennett yes it must be an entirely different experience for someone who dresses every day all day----very different than my world and I can see what you are saying---however, don't you still experience something when you have unique experiences only women have---like wearing a skirt or dress on a windy day?---the feel of the breeze on your shaved legs or the lipstick on your lips, or the dangle of your earrings? Has that become routine or is there still a little thrill there somewhere?
@maureen76 I certainly enjoy all of those things very much, don't get me wrong it's just that, as you say, it is just routine now & as with most everyday things, it just blends into the background. These days I find that just being myself brings me great joy so I suppose you could call that a thrill if you like. P.S. lipstick (or any other makeup actually) isn't a thing in Casa Bennett, it always seemed to me that makeup is for the benefit of others as I can't see it unless I'm looking in a mirror. However, that's another subject entirely & I know I'm in the minority on this one. Or maybe not? A topic for discussion perhaps.
@sashabennett Thanks for the explanation Sasha --- with the infrequency of my being able to fully dress, I am a far way from the reality of your life--of dressing everyday
@sashabennett My reply above to Liz said - "For those that truly accept themselves as trans, the thrill slowly morphs into an extreme sense of joy at being able to live life as a feminine trans woman. That feeling of satisfaction is itself a thrilling sensation." Liz @lizk is right on with her comment.
I live full time and, like you, being Fiona is just me being me. But the feeling it gives me is lovely and that in itself is thrilling.
@maureen76 When I first began going out at 17, I tried to look as pretty and sexy as possible. I would be all excited about how I looked and what I was going to show others. Problem was I would often chicken out. I would have to make many attempts before I was able to do what I had envisioned doing.
Things like just walking close to and among people. Shopping for and buying pantyhose and shoes. I was often so nervous. But when I finally got up the nerve and courage, it was such an exciting and thrilling experience.
After taking a break after college and when my kids were growing up, I began dressing again at my wife's encouragement. I felt the same fears and nervousness again, but also the thrills and excitement. Now I want to be Patty all the time.
@pattyphose It's great that you are dressing again with your wife's encouragement
@maureen76 Well, actually now it's been over 15 years since I started again. I just love it. The thrills and experiences are amazing.
@maureen76 I so agree. I love pantyhose. At 4, I actually started with stockings, but keeping them up was a problem. When I got my first pair of pantyhose and figured out how to put them on, I loved them. Stayed up by them selves and more of that wonderful, silky fabric.
Then I slipped into a pair of pumps and the thrill was wonderful. WOW! I'm wearing pantyhose and heels like the ladies do. I want to be like them. But I need a dress. Then somewhere along the way, I learned about bras. I so wanted one.
Fortunately and luckily, I was able to get these things from female family members. I loved being girly. I wanted to wear the clothes all the time. I wanted to go out looking like a pretty girl and showing my pretty legs in nylons and heels while wearing my pretty dress.
So these desires started at a very young age. I often dreamed an fantasized about when I would be going out as a girl. I started buying my own clothes at 13. By 17, I had everything I needed to go out femme. It was time to live out the many dreams I had. It was often scary, but when I had the nerve to act out my fantasies, it was such an incredible rush an thrill.
Then at 18, I got my own place. That's when I really got into dressing femme and even to a large degree living the femme lifestyle. With my own place, I dressed everyday and often went out.
There was social things, college classes and work where I was in guy mode. But I always had femme clothes with me and looked for places and times to wear them. I knew of places I could change at the college. When I didn't have classes, I often went about the campus femme. I thought I looked different enough where I was not easily recognized. But I made sure I could change back into guy mode when I had to go to classes.
Times were different then. I think if I was doing it now, I would just identify as femme and stay femme the entire time I was on the campus, including when going to class. And of course my femme image starts with pantyhose, and to wear pantyhose and show my legs is why I dress. It's all about and starts with pantyhose.
@pattyphose That's quite a story Patty----you were certainly hooked on women's clothing and quite a little risk taker back in the day. You must have presented pretty well to get away with it because many people didn't have the tolerant attitude then that they do now. It is amazing you were not caught or confronted during your outings---Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 For as long as I can remember, I loved wearing pantyhose, heels, bra and dress. I always felt a desire to wear them, and always felt a thrill when I was wearing them. But it really was my love of wearing nylons, and the look and feel of them that led me to the other clothes. Yes I did prance around in front of female family members who gave me the clothing items, and proudly and happily showed them my pretty legs in stockings and pantyhose.
But I was not allowed to have girly time when my father was home or we had company. I enjoyed my girly time when I was allowed to do it, but I wanted more. I wanted to go out and show off my legs in my nylons to everyone. And as I got older, approaching my teens, my dreams and fantasies got more intense and my desire stronger. So when I was able to got out and do it, I couldn't wait any longer. And I wanted to look as femme and sexy as possible and not look like my guy self.
I even went to parties in college where my classmates didn't recognize me. Even when I told them who I was, they looked at me with disbelief.
I liked to think I was pretty and sexy with killer legs, ample breasts and pretty hair. When I looked in the mirror, that's what I saw. I hoped others were seeing what I was seeing. Still, I was careful where I went and when I went there. I would go to certain stores at certain times. I would go out and walk around in public, but in carefully chosen places.
I turned heads, got comments, cat calls, professions of love and promises to make me feel so good. I chose my places so there would be considerable space between me and my admirers and suitors. I never went to malls, because I would not have that space.
So when my girlfriend dragged me off to the mall for some girl's shopping, I was out of this world excited but even more scared. I was sure if I walked from the car and into the mall I was dead. She encouraged me and led me along. I never felt so scared. Even once inside, it took a long time for me to calm down and begin to enjoy the experience.
We went out many times as girlfriends and she gradually dragged me off to different places I would not have gone, like restaurants and movies. I can't say I got more comfortable and confident. I just learned to push through the fear better.
@pattyphose Patty, you were/are so lucky to have a girlfriend who encouraged you to wear your feminine finery and go shopping at the Mall with her, That sounds so wonderful. It is one of my dreams. First she would help me be as pretty as possible, then take me out, and when we got home she would reward me for my femininity----Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 I figured she must have liked me a lot to come into my place, see my girl clothes, get all upset figuring I lived with a woman. Then when telling her the clothes were mine, and how i wear them often for fun, and I was out wearing them the night before at a party.
I could see where she would think I'm full of it when she asked me to show her. Coming out of the bedroom all dressed and femme, she was stunned. I really was telling the truth.
The fact that she not only didn't walk out, but wanted to be girlfriends was a surprise to me.
@maureen76 There is definitely a different feeling once you get past the initial nerves and excitement. If you come to a place where you can dress up regularly, then it's inevitable that the feelings will change. I mean, how you can have the feeling of doing something new and forbidden what it's become routine?
In some ways, I actually like it better once you get past the nerves. It feels more natural and comfortable. I also find if I just take a bit of a break and don't dress up for a while, much of the excitement returns when I am finally able to dress.
@raven188 Sarah, you make some very good points in your post---as always very thoughtful and insightful--Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 I think life is like this as we age after observing my parents slowing down and challenging themselves takes a back seat. We perhaps even find hormones say we lose energy and get up and go to do certain things more and more because our body change. Also perhaps there is more an erotic element to your crossdressing than you think as now it is to predictable? I find many CDs are into a range of things and many keep taking ever bigger risks to get a thrill. Outside of labelling ourselves crossdressers, there are many more specific things or kinks. So ask yourself, are you into it to find yourself or more for the erotic kick? I know how I am with it, and sometimes I disappoint myself.
@sarahmichellelustre Hi Sarah---even as an old woman---there is still a certain erotic element to my dressing---just not nearly as intense as when I was a young girl
@maureen76 I hope there is tbh. I know that when I tried to dress more often when home alone all day it was hard to appreciate it after a couple of hours, or keep away from mirrors and wanted to trying another outfit on. and shocker, brace yourself, I find female clothing impractical for many things other than sitting there not doing much. I find clothing doesn't stay were it should or I get cold or too hot. I love it but the novelty goes when spending time as Sarah.
I think becoming Sarah is not at all something I want half the time, not just an opportunity thing when time and privacy allows. I do love the odd clothing choice good though. I think I just like the idea males can wear what we want when we need it.
Maybe try outfit changes and where you wear?
Sxx
It seems like the more one dresses. The more everyday feminine we become. Just like what most of us are emulating!
To cis women dressing feminine, is their everyday routine.
Fran 🥰
@maureen76 Well, I can tell you that those definitely aren't my goals. Rather the opposite really. In the chat today I noted that guy-me walks around invisible everywhere. Mostly I'd expect I could rob a bank and an eyewitness having looked dead at me would tell police, "He was very...uh...guy-ish."
I don't get dolled up to get more of that. "Well, officer, she was tall, and pretty solid looking...this flaming red hair...these cute wedge sandals that I even yelled after her asking where she got them...and this fab little clutch - I can't even imagine how she got all the money in there."
Why do you feel your attitude has changed? Because you're older and more cautious? Or because you simply don't have those rebellious desires anymore?
@melodeescarlet Good question----I think it is because I am older and more cautious for the most part' I also think that early on there was initial excitement because it was new and forbidden fruit so to say and much of that has worn off
I had something similar happen to me many years back. I worked at a plastics factory. I was about 20 years old and one day I decided to wear panties and a girdle under my jeans to work. During the course of the day I enjoyed the feel of the girdle. I was walking down an isle between a couple machines when I passed an older mechanic sitting on a stool near one of the machines. As I passed, he patted my rear. I knew he felt the girdle under my jeans. It was one of those older styles that had a satin panel in the rear so it felt very smooth under my jeans. I turned al looked at him and I know that I must have turned 15 shades of red. I never again underdressed at work. Lol
Denise
@denisecross Yes, I certainly understand your reaction to an unexpected and revealing touch where someone "finds you out"---that was very similar to my experience although I am not sure if I turned 50 shades of red--LOL---the neighbor who touched my bra strap didn't give me any "knowing look" ---he either didn't pay any attention to it or wanted to willfully ignore it I think---by the way---my favorite under dressing item was also girdles
Although I don't go out into the world fully femme, I do spend 90% of my time at home dressed and almost always underdress with a hint of makeup when I do go out. I still find it incredibly thrilling to be wearing these clothes, not from a risk-taking point of view, but sensually and contentment that I am able to wear these things... if that makes any sense!
I don't get as turned on by just putting on a pair of tights as I used to (fortunately!), but I do still get that frisson of excitement when I get dressed in the morning, and enjoy an almost constant buzz throughout the day. I did worry when I first started to dress on a frequent basis that the thrill might go, but so far... touch wood! 🙂
@caroline2k Yes, I get the "buzz throughout the day" part of it. You get to wear the same sensual under things that women do without anyone being aware of it---you have joined the sisterhood without women being aware of it
I have been meaning to post just such a thing. The answer is that the thrill is not gone, but it has changed. Rather than being as exhillerating it has just become a very oleasent and mellow feeling. The worry and anxiety of getting caught has changed. I no long have such fears or the adrenaline rush, but find I just have a mellow, pleasent feel when I am put and about en femme.
@jjandme good point about the thrill not being gone but rather changing--if there wasn't some type of reason (thrill, comfort, de-stressor) involved then why would we do it?
@jjandme I know what you mean JJ. Mine has changed into a more mellow, pleasant and feminine way of living. It's just me being me and that sensation is something that I find thrilling.
In my few months of being authentic, I have wondered at times if this joy will change. I've tried to keep the 'thrill' aspect tempered as the days and weeks go by, trying either prove or disprove that I am correct with my conclusion that I am trans. So, I am very happy to be living female, and, if I am making any sense, if there is a thrill it is in acknowledging the burden dysphoria is gone.
Dani
I think crossdressing’s like any relationship or hobby. Once you’re a little more comfortable at it - it becomes more routine. Many people view “routine” as a bad word when it comes to things like relationships or activities they enjoy. Not me. I just appreciate them in a different way as time evolves.
As Caroline said in her reply above. I’m not as turned on by putting on tights as I used to be (fortunately is right girl!). But that doesn’t diminish the immense satisfaction I have when getting ready and getting my Grace on to the standards I like.
But after awhile - that will become routine too. Is that why we girls decide to “come out”? Is it us looking for the next adrenaline rush like the good old days of first starting out? I think it is. People love firsts in their lives. I think a lot of things we do are simply because they’re just that, firsts.
I do believe that’s one of the reasons I have not posted a public pic of Grace. Once it’s done, if I then start to post them pretty regularly like I would do, it’s old hat. Been there, done that. I gotta find a new first now. It leads people to do things maybe they wouldn’t normally do or don’t really think through to consider all the consequences. The adrenaline rush of it. The living dangerously. The taking of chances.
It’s something I’ve considered and thought about since I got on CDH. Great topic Maureen!🥰
GP
@gracepal Thanks Grace----You had a very thoughtful and honest reply---it seems you have gone from the "adrenaline rush" of the good ole days to a "hobby routine" where the thrill is now seeing how much you can iprove your look and become more convincing each time you dress. I certainly understand that and it would probably be where I was at as well if I currently had more time to dedicate to my exciting "hobby". There is a thrill in appearing convincingly feminine
As an occasional crossdresser I still get a thrill from seeing myself as Lizzy in the mirror in full dress, wig and make-up, but think now would it be the same if I was able to dress more frequently? Hence why I quite like remaining as a part timer for now.
@lizzy89 good point---perhaps being a part timer would keep the thrill going longer
@lizzy89 I think once something becomes routine it becomes normal and the thrill is gone, why do we still do it, well l think we do it as it becomes part of our daily routine , lf we bought a new car than we would want to be driving it all the time as it's new to us , after awhile driving it becomes normal and we only drive it when we need to as we are used to it.
@candycross great car analogy ---don't forget the attraction of the "new car smell"--LOL
@maureen76 especially if it has leather seats, not that most can even afford to dream about it 
There is no way I would want to dress every day. The clothes, the forms, the wig, makeup, etc. would really be too much trouble. I dress mostly when I'm going out, because sitting at home, all dressed up and nowhere to go is a little pointless; that's not what I do it for.
I get enjoyment from being out at the shops, or the theatre, even walking in the park; I just enjoy being someone else for a while, feeling different, looking at the world through Becca's eyes.
Do I miss the thrill? There was never a thrill to miss. To me, dressing is like reading a book and being taken to another world; and I've never, ever got fed up of reading.
@rebeccabaxter I agree would find it a pain to do my make-up and shaving my legs everyday. One thing I have learned from crossdressing is I now know why women take so long to get ready LOL
@rebeccabaxter Is it a little exciting to be in "another world" for a while? and the fact that you don't do it that often might add to that?
@maureen76 I probably dress about three times a week but wear a skirt indoors, almost every day. But the interior wearing is more for comfort than anything else as I don't use forms or a wig, just the skirt.
I've been practically living as Cerys for the past 2 months. Every day all day except for about 3 days where other things required the presence of the real me. Every day. I get up, and live as Cerys. I'm not trans. I don't want to be female. I want to present as female. For all sorts of reasons, I'm happier presenting as Cerys.
Cerys is every day. All the things I would do in male mode are done in Cerys mode. Some days, Getting Cerys ready is hard work. I might not really feel like it. On these days, I tone Cerys down a bit. I go a bit more casual.
Has the thrill gone? No. It's changed.
Many years ago when all this started. It was a kink. It was thrilling. My girlfriend )now wife of 32 years) got on board, and we had amazing times pursuing where this kink would take us. Things moved on. My wife went off my crossdressing and things cooled down, and Cerys was all but entirely, put back in her box. for some years. Slowly Cerys was allowed to reappear. On times when I dressed, it wasn't a turn in any more. It was exciting, but not in a sexy way. It just felt exciting to have this little secret.
Things moved on.... A few friends found out/were told about Cerys. This made it easier to be Cerys. Around these friends, it wasn't a secret,so the excitment of the secret wasn't there. It was replaced by being somewhere out of the house as Cerys when we visited them.
Things moved on... More friends found out. The secret was getting dispersed. It was losing its power. I was venturing out more at night, walking the dog under cover of darkness. The excitement was just being out in public dressed as Cerys. A whole different excitement to when this first started. The excitement wasn't about being found out, it was about being out in public, albeit at night. This was a only a dream before.
Things moved on... More friends found out. More parties were attended as Cerys. Regular visits to my counsellor as Cerys. My first visit to my Doctor as Cerys. It started feeling normal, though my dressing frequency was nothing like it is today. The excitement was having more freedom. Like a kid getting regular, but not every day visits to the sweet shop.
Things moved on.... 18 months or so ago, I nearly died. This changed me. I decided that Cerys wasn't going to be a secret any more. My wife wasn't keen, but with planning, and careful, phased announcements, I came out to all as a crossdresser. No more secrets. No more hiding. Photos went out on Facebook, I met friends for coffee. I could be Cerys as often as I wanted. The frequency wasn't quite like it is today, but it was not far off. The excitement here was that there was no ore hiding. I could be Cerys as much as i wanted. Cerys lifted me. She gets me through hard times. She fights off my demons. She's my superhero!
Things moved on.... Two months ago or so, I lost my job. A job that I loved. My contract came to and end, and the funding wasn't there to continue it. This hit me hard. Since then, almost every day is a Cerys day. From morning to night, I'm Cerys. Whatever I do, I do as Cerys. The only time I go back to male mode is when being Cerys might make things irksome for others. 3 days (2 full days and 2 evenings). I'm living as Cerys. The excitement now is that I can live as Cerys. I can be this amazing person that lifts me, empowers me, give me confidence. Cerys is my superhero and every day spent as Cerys is like living as a superhero. If I can walk into a crowded pub on a Friday night as Cerys, I realise how much confidence that takes. If I can go to a tyre bay, full of "manly men" as Cerys, I realise how much confidence it takes. The excitement has changed. I'm now excited to be out fully as a crossdresser. I know that I'm a man in a dress. I'm not trans. I'm not living as the real me. I'm living as the other me. I don't care that the waiter in the restaurant called me sir three times tonight. I am "sir". I don't care that the shop assistant that served me earlier called me sir... I am sir. I'm excited that I can go out every day as Cerys and get on with my life, something that 40 years ago was an extremely dfar away dream, that I couldn't even imagine happening... This is exciting.
The thrill hasn't gone. Like energy. The thrill cannot be destroyed, but it can be changed.
Cerys.
PS I've been lucky enough ti have seen B.B King live 4 times. A true legend!
@dazzler I so totally agree with what you said "The thrill hasn't gone. Like energy. The thrill cannot be destroyed, but it can be changed.
Cerys.
PS I've been lucky enough ti have seen B.B King live 4 times. A true legend!"
I saw BB two times and so love that song---also your story is amazing---you almost died and then lost job and your feminine side just got stronger!
@dazzler This is a good post and I like the way you think Cerys. You’re a good example of someone living life on their own terms. I like that you’re not upset if someone calls you sir. You know who you are. And you’re not offended by words or trying to force others to treat you as you “present”. A refreshing perspective this morning as I sip my coffee. Thank you.🥰
I like the hobby analogy. While it does not apply to many here, it certainly does for me. My dressing is a sort of hobby. Like skiing or cycling, I enjoy them, but do not want to do them everyday. I also get a thrill out of all three, though the thrill has changed. If I am doing something for the first time, be it going out dressed in a new situation, or dropping into a double black ski run I have not done, I get the same adrenaline rush. If it is a ski run I have done many times, even if steep, techical and dangerous, I get a thrill, but it is in a " been there, done that" sort of way...same as dressing.
For many dressing is a necessary part of them and how they identify, so the hobby analogy is not particularly valid. I am just a guy who likes to dress en femme and enjoy my time dressed, knowing that I will soon be back as my usual self. Just my hobbies, I enjoy them while I am doing them, but am happy when not doing them and look forward to my next oppurtunity. Also, like skiing, if I get to ski for two weeks straight on a trip I am super happy and enjoy myself, and while I hate the trip to end, I don't mild getting back to my everyday reality. The same goes for being en femme. I love when I have the oppurtunity to dress for days and days, but am fine when I get back to my "normal" life.
@jjandme Hi JJ---that is a great way to vision your cross dressing---as a hobby like skiing---it is part of you that you enjoy doing and is exciting while you are doing but it is not all of you nor does it consume the rest of your life----Hugs, Maureen
