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I had a sweet experience the other day with a coworker. We were talking and I said something about how I don't pass very well and she looked surprised and said, "is that what you think?" I was confused and said "well yeah, I just look like a guy in a dress, I know I'm not fooling anyone." She said "no, you look nice, in fact just the other day I saw you and thought 'who's that new girl in the department' and then I realized, 'oh it's ____________(male name), he looks so good!"
I was so surprised. She said, "yeah, your voice gives you away, but you just look like a woman who's tall and doesn't wear makeup."
I couldn't believe it, but it felt so good. She was so kind. I felt great all day after that.
I guess the lessons here are, you probably look better than you think, and say kind things to people, it's easy and it makes a difference.
How nice of her. acceptance is so wonderful
Thanks for posting that wonderful story. It's nice to get compliments and smiles to reassure us that we are normal in a different way. So happy for you!
It is a nice reminder that the world goes around much better if we ate kind to each other.
Sarah -
What a lovely experience for you. I hope you have more like it.
XOXO
Suzanne
Love this. Congratulations.
Good things happen when we least expect them. I think I look more girly from behind, probably the long hair. Haven't been able to pass from the front since my 30s though.
That's so great! It's just amazing to get validated like that. My wife is a good sounding board on my style and she's very complimentary and has promised to always tell me if I'm making a fashion faux pas. And while I never tire of hearing her telling me I look great, it's something else entirely if I hear that from someone else. I'm out to her best friend, and the 3 of us have been out together several times; to Sephora, shopping, the Barbie movie, etc. We have even shared nail colors. One time when we were visiting she told me effusively how much she liked my style and how it was such a great fit for me and how I was "absolutely crushing it". I was over the moon! Anytime my confidence starts to wane, I remember that conversation and it never fails to lift my spirits. If someone told me I'd pass, I'd probably faint dead away!
I have come to believe that many of us see the worst, physically speaking, in ourselves, and as such tend to assume that we are always going to be read. I know did. I suppose its a useful defense mechanism for those times, but I have been very pleasantly surprised to learn how often I have passed.
Two recent events stand out. One night I went to a local bar and eatery for dinner. I ended up being invited to join thebachelorette party seated near me. I had a wonderful time. Towards the end of the evening, I took a moment to thank the young woman who had invited me to join them, mentioning how special it was for me as a transwoman. She was surprised, and insisted that she simply saw me as an attractive, mature woman.
The other example is from a local coffee/wine bar that I frequent. I have had dozens of conversations with the owner, a petite woman of my own age. One evening she asked if I had played sports, because I am quite tall. I said, “yes, pretty much everything”. She looked puzzled and commented that she was surprised because in our day, before Title IX, there were few real women’s sports. It dawned on me that she assumed I was a woman. I responded by reminding her that I had six older brothers (which is true) so I ended up laying everything.
I suppose I should be honest with her, but I really enjoy going to a place where I am received as a woman.
