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These Situations Make Me Feel a Little Dishonest

23 Posts
20 Users
89 Reactions
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Posts: 131
Baroness
Topic starter
(@aflower)
Estimable Member     Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

I'm fortunate to be out as "April" a good portion of the week including my business. I have been in a few "situations" where I feel a bit dishonest due to certain circumstances. For example, I'm part of the "girls in the office" areas such as the "general space" areas such as the lunch room, open workspaces and....the lady's restroom. Women talk with me all the time in the lady's room, as we have become friends at work. 

Recently, a woman friend of mine at the office was talking with me in the lady's room as we were at the sink area both washing our hands. As I was washing my hands, I looked up at the big mirror and could see her blouse was open, her bra lower as she was adjusting one bra shoulder strap while continuing the conversation with me. She was standing right next to me. Well, I just put my head back down, looked toward the paper towel machine, and by the time I looked back she was all "buttoned" back up as we continued talking about the working world. I felt a bit dishonest. We both left the lady's washroom at the same time.

In another situation, I was trying on a new blouse at White House - Black Market. One of the saleswomen recommended a new blouse style that had just arrived and recommended I try it on. I was over in that long dressing area with the big mirror(these stores all appear to be configured the same so you might know what I mean) and she was behind me looking at how the blouse "fit". It looked a bit baggy on the sides and she came up behind me and said "you are not tucked in all the way in the back" where she proceeded to tuck in my blouse all the way down. I could feel her hand on my panties and butt. Again, I felt a little sheepish.

What do you think? It has only occurred a few times. however, can this be avoided when out in public?

 

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22 Replies
17 Replies
(@valentina16)
Joined: 3 weeks ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 664

@aflower Not an expert, but if you are going to mix in those situations and places, I guess you need to do it with resolve and have confidence that you are doing the right (and honest) thing. The problem, your ‘guilt’, is perhaps in your own head. In both of these situations, each woman has accepted you as you are as a fellow woman. It is for you to embrace that, their trust should help you feel honest. If you still can’t feel honest and you can’t return that trust, then perhaps you are not quite ready for what you are doing, you might need to roll things back a little, until you are. But, as I say, I am anything but an expert.

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Lady
(@kendra2024)
Joined: 1 month ago

Trusted Member     Chicago, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 48

@aflower I went to Lane Bryant for one of their free bra fittings. In the dressing room, I was actually nekkid from the waist up in the salesgirl's presence, and she was holding my prosthetic in her hand...as in your case, an astounding level of "total immersion" in femininity 🤣  Hey, if you're gonna look like you play for the other team (and you do!) you gotta expect to field a few grounders. Just routinely throw the ball over to first, like it's something that happens all the time. 😉

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Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 1491

@kendra2024 i love that metaphor

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 970

@augustvaliant Me too. And Carole’s right. A woman glances at us men and our first thoughts are: “She wants me.”

No, she really doesn’t.

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 3 weeks ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 664

@gracepal ….break this to me gently GP, she didn’t??!. Well, 🎶 I think I’d better think it out again! 🎶 🤪

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 970

@valentina16 I don’t know that song VV🤷‍♀️

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 3 weeks ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 664

@gracepal Fagin, in Oliver. 😎

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Duchess
(@carolcorbett)
Joined: 8 years ago

Reputable Member     WNY, New York, United States of America
Posts: 353

@aflower As men we think every touch is a flirt.for women it’s more about a woman helping another.  Don’t feel dishonest. React the same …saying thank you and consider it just a bestie helping out another

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Lady
(@joannajoy)
Joined: 1 month ago

Reputable Member     British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 180

@aflower Hello April!! If you are dressed and are actively in your workplace, which you own, and a lady coworker doesn’t have issue with adjusting her clothing basically in front of you… I would take that as she totally trusts you and thinks of you only as a female boss or coworker… if it was uncomfortable for her , she wouldn’t have done it. She must know your situation , or does she not know you are Crossdressing?? If she knows then , you are one of the girls to her, and ladies always seem to pitch in to help when clothing failures happen if possible… 
 As for the salesperson… she should have asked before tucking in the blouse, that would make many ladies uncomfortable, and it’s not appropriate to be putting her hands in anyone’s pants without permission … don’t feel dishonest… that’s totally on her, not you. That’s my take on these events you have shared.

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Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1071

@aflower 

 Welcome to the reality world of women. Its perfectly normal for them to do the things you experienced. 

 You did react, but you didn't lose control of yourself or the situation. If anything you're ready for anything in the future. 🥰

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(@mirandam)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 77

@aflower thanks for sharing this.  Personally I feel that your questioning these incidents speaks volumes about the kind of woman/person you are.💕  in a good healthy way.☺️

I will echo the sisters above in reinforcing that these situations came your way and you dont seem to have any ill intent.  Just daily regular interactions so to speak.

I’ll point out that unless you are in congress you have the right to use the restroom with which you identify.  For you it appears a genuine use with no malice or ill will.  

but I’ll throw this out … would we tell lesbians not to use the restroom/changing room for the chance they might encounter situations as you describe above?  I think not; rather that person would need to check themselves and be respectful.

which is what any lady would do.👩🏽‍🏫  Which is what any respectful person would do. 🩷 Which is exactly what you did.💕

 

keep being lovely inside and out.

 

miranda 

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 173

@aflower No, I don’t think you should feel you are being dishonest.   You are fitting in, just like any other woman.  You can’t know (unless they tell you) whether they are assuming you are a biological woman or a transgender woman.  But you can know that they are comfortablein your presence.  AND you not seeking out or exploiting these situations.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2144

@aflower April, I SO MUCH understand where you are coming from. As I have mentioned here on many posts, I worked at Torrid part-time, I had a couple of instances where customers asked help with a bra fitting. I passed these customers off to a coworker. There was another case where someone wanted help removing a bra in the fitting room. I did feel good in that I think these people thought I was a GG ,but I felt SO UNCOMFORTABLE that I might be discovered and cause an incident. I am so happy with the experience of working there, but I don't think I will ever go back. 

Another time, last year, my granddaughter was shopping for a prom dress when she invited me into the fitting room to help get the dress zipped up. In some ways I am so happy to have family be comfortable with me as Cassie. BUT I don't EVER want ANYONE to think in any way I am some kind of creep. 

Cassie 

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1188

@aflower For me it's all part of being my authentic self.  Considering how long I have gone without this, I believe I have the right to all the experiences that come my way.   I know my motives are true and it makes me feel comfortable.  I avoid any situations where my actions could be construed as being flirty when around other women.

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Duchess
(@mkat3874)
Joined: 4 months ago

Reputable Member     Northeast GA , Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 154

@aflower 

Thanks for sharing this. Allow me to answer on behalf of my wife. When we go out we often meet up with a group of other CD's to go out to eat or to an activity. Sometimes there are other wives there and sometimes it's just my wife. As we all know women will often help each other out to avoid wardrobe problems, etc.  It's kind of like an unspoken sisterhood code. When we're all out together my wife pretty much instinctively does this. I asked her about it and she said, while we're all together she feels like she's out with just any other group of girl friends and it comes natural to her to do this. When other wives are with us I've noticed this from them as well so apparently it's not just my wife who does this.  They seem to have accepted us into their sisterhood even if we don't feel it ourselves.  So the feeling of dishonesty is most likely in our heads. 

In a different conversation with her I asked if she really enjoyed being out with us or if she was just being incredibly supportive of me.  I was surprised to hear that she actually preferred being out with us and truly looks forward to it. Her reason was that we weren't "catty" like some of her other girl friends.  I didn't push any farther to dig into the "catty" comment. I'll save that for a future conversation with her. 

 

 

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1776

@aflower It sounds to me more like she is very comfortable and trusting in your presence and just thinks of you as a female friend.

Hugs,

Anna xx

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 Lea
Lady
(@lea-jhene)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     California, United States of America
Posts: 1093

@aflower This is an interesting topic.

Let's say you're dressed as a man, and both incidents happen to to you. It might feel awkward, shy, or maybe even arousing. It feels dishonesty because we think men shouldn't see those things.

Let's say you're dressed as a woman,  same situations. You might find it sheepish. And have the same feeling as a hetero woman.

I wouldn't say any of  it is  dishonest.

 

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Posts: 1119
 Erin
Princess
(@erinb)
Noble Member     Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

Wow some very interesting things has happened unfortunately I wish I could be some help but unfortunately I never been out I feel as if I was in your spot take the wins and learn and gain form them I say but like I said never been in these situations 

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Posts: 3381
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Perhaps you need to 'think' like a woman as it seems you have been accepted into their world. Your embarrassment is a typically male reaction and I am sure that you wouldn't reciprocate the same way in the same situation.

I have been in the same workplace of women and some of the conversation would make any man flush. Being party to that conversation is also part of that acceptance so there is no shying away, you get involved. The longer you are in that group the more you are attuned to the vibe and learn too. I have been in restrooms where conversation carries on even when I am in a cubicle, it's normal. Like you I have that modesty mode but have to think differently. 

I am sure they know you well and are comfortable so there is no dishonesty. In an area where there are women you do not know when out and about it is different, different rules apply especially if you are alone, modesty and care need to be taken.

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Posts: 316
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 1 year ago

Hi April

The way I look at it you haven't done anything wrong. It is a compliment to you and the way you conduct yourself while you are April that in the case of these two ladies they were totally comfortable with you to act and treat you as they would any other woman. You didn't force yourself into those situations. I think you did do the right and respectful thing to put your head back down when she was adjusting her bra. I agree with Angela there is no dishonesty here but I can understand why you felt there could have been. I think for other women to be treating you as one of their own you are doing something right not wrong or dishonest.

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Posts: 2088
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

April -

Like Angela I worked in an environment that was mostly women. This was before I acknowledged being a CD so I was totally drab(it was actually unisex as I'm a nurse and we all wore scrubs). That didn't stop the conversations though and I was part of the girls chit chat. 

I understand your feelings but I wouldn't call it dishonesty. The woman at work knows you and was comfortable enough to adjust her clothing in your presence, cudos to you for looking away. As to the salesgirl, I can see her adjusting the clothing to make it look good on you and wouldn't read anything into it. I went to a boutique with my wife once and the SA was very particular in how the garments were draped and fit when my wife tried them on. Nothing untoward about it, just trying to make a sale.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 120
(@jerryn)
Estimable Member     Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

That feeling of being truly accepted as a woman must be magical

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