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My wife knows about my dressing. But there are many things she doesn't know about it... at least I don't think she knows... she's not nearly as nosy as me...
1) I go out dressed a few times a month, on lunch breaks. Easy to do since I work from home.
2) I have a collection of swimsuits and bikinis.
3) I wear pantiliners.
4) I've been lucky to get compliments from other women when I've been out dressed.
5) I made really good friends with sales people at several shoe stores and thrift stores over the years.
6) I have a collection of purses.
7) I have a lot of formal dresses and ethnic clothes all hidden in plain sight. I should have been a spy....lol.
8) I have a small nail polish collection.
9) I'm on CDH 🙂
10) And if she found out about these things, I wouldn't feel ashamed. This is me.
@gracepal For many reasons...
I don't want her to feel hurt any more than she already does.
I don't want to spoil her mood.
It's awkward to bring up the discussion.
I don't want to see the truth that she would rather live her life without this part of me, and completely without me.
I'm selfish, I want it all to just work out.
@lea-jhene well. I don’t think she knew I crosse dressed or at lease I don’t so when she was alive. I use to wear all her clothes right down to the panties. Even though she’s been gone for 7 years I still have some of her clothes that I still wear.
@rosiebeth I haven't worn my wife's clothes in years. Until the other day, out of anger for some things we argued about. And a rage took over where I dressed up in some things she was going to discard. It felt good, but strange, and the moment if rage disappeared.
@lea-jhene Lea, it's all good if working for you both. I also didn't share everything with my wife after opening up since I felt there were just some things she didn't want to know or acknowledge.
@rikiinla Very true. Kinda like if we shared all our true desires and things that attract us, it would hurt those who m we love. CD or not, part of love is to protect, and that may mean hide or suppress..
@lea-jhene If your wife knows about your dressing, these are just mere details. I can't speak for her but I doubt that there is much on your list to which she would strongly object. Probably the most significant is the first but if she knows that you go out dressed, this only speaks to the frequency that you do it. If your wife isn't "nosy" as you say, she probably either doesn't care about the details or doesn't want to know.
@lauren114 You reminded me that so much of this is just in our minds. Sharing with ladies like you bring a more reasonable perspective. Thanks, and hugs!!
@lea-jhene Agree Lea, I mean, everything in life comes down to your mental attitude towards it. This little hobby of ours is certainly no different. There’s a huge spectrum here on CDH, you just have to figure out where you fall on the scale. And let’s face it, for most of us, all these “crossdresser fantasies” whatever they encompass, are never gonna happen. And even if they were to somehow materialize - the odds of pursuing them are slim to none. It’s not the real world. Most people get irritated by small changes, imagine how different your life would be if you made some huge ones. It’s why we love CDH. It helps us live vicariously through other followers of the cult. This is definitely not a “one size fits all” pursuit we undertake.
I try to imagine being the wife in these “My Husband Betty” scenarios. I’d be okay with it. I’m the type to say to a spouse - “If you’re going to do it then go get knee-deep in it.” Call their bluff. Or at the very least, overindulge him just to gauge how far he really wants to take it. Because if you encourage and shower him with all things girly - chances are he’s going to get sick of it. It’s only been 3 months now since I joined CDH and resumed Grace with gusto. (There’s now more pictures of her in just 90 days than of her drab counterpart in 67 years.)
My wife asked me - “Is Grace coming over tomorrow?” I answered, wasn’t she just here yesterday? That chick needs to take a break! I’m good with about once a week right now. And that’s way more than many of my fellow sisters here I know.
This post ended up being a lot longer than I originally planned for. But there again, that’s the fun of ruminating on all things girly. It starts and ends in our minds.
GP
@gracepal I love your post. It was like you mentioned so many things that have crossed my mind.
It can be tiring being girly too often. My happy medium would be just having that option to express my fem side, along with my guy side.
I went out with some guy friends recently, dressed well in guy style. We bonded. It would have been nice to have paired my guy clothes with cute flats and a painted manicure. I just realized... not once did I notice what shoes or nail situation did any of the other guys have. It didn't matter.
My wife didn't know anything....until the day she did. Three years later she was my ex-wife. The time in between sucked. Getting divorced was a blessing in disguise. I should've told her when we were dating. Could've gotten a head start!
/LK
Thanks Connie! And you know what? I look better than my ex-wife! She'd be so jelly!
#fullcircle
Liz xx
@lea-jhene my wife knows and is supportive…her biggest fear is that I want to be a woman full time and transition. I don’t. I love that this is our secret and I can transform into Emily when the opportunity presents itself. The only thing I might keep a little from her is that I’d maybe like a little more, but full time never!
@lea-jhene wow Lea you sure put out a topic that caught on. I am open to my wife she is tolerant but not a cheerleader by any stretch. She wishes it hadn’t turned out this way, but is resigned to live with it. I volunteer all info she asks , even my therapy sessions to her. We all, I am sure, have some thoughts we do not share, especially since they don’t come up. I feel there is nothing wrong with that.
I'm trying to think but I'm not sure there is anything significant my wife doesn't know about me.
Oh, there is one thing. Years ago something very embarrassing happened (before we met) and I've never told anyone about it...
...and I'm not going to here, either.
There, I'll bet that's annoying 
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Sadly, my wife knows about virtually all the embarrassing stuff I did before we met - my mates have told her
@rebeccabaxter There’s certainly nothing wrong with not sharing everything, even between spouses. Gotta keep the air of mystery going don’t we?
Can you keep a secret? Well, so can I😊
I have always been opened and honest with my SO regardless of what or when I usually tell her everything that’s new and what’s going on I even gave her all my log in info to here there was an incident that was hiding but she found out that was tuff times I made a commitment to her that I would never hide anything again so know I’m just opened and honest TC
Like the old saying goes it’s easier to ask for forgiveness then to ask for promising 😁
I wonder if she has ten things you don't know about her Lea 
@ab123 She probably does. I wonder if the day will come when I learn that and it some how hurts.
No real secrets. Fully open. She's fully accepting.
I'm not allowed a name, so Cerys is just for online use, though I have mentioned to a couple of friends that it would be my name.
She doesn't know I'm on here. She knows that I used to be many years ago. She also joined for the SO section. My previous username is different.
Secrets cause stress. Secrets control you. When a secret is shared, it loses it's power.
Cerys
@dazzler indeed secrets kill you or break relationships lose control serve anxiety and there never secrets sooner or later then always find out haven’t figured that part out yet
My wife knows I dress and suspects (rightly) that dressing consumes me. She however is not aware that if i wasn't married i would transition in a heartbeat.
I was going to start a new topic but this thread ties in with something I was thinking today. My wife and a girlfriend were going shopping today as she needs a new holiday dress.
After they left I was pondering my good fortune to be married to her. This is my third marriage. #1, I was too young and immature. I still wanted to be with many women. #2, was my “opposites attract” marriage. After we got together we both agreed that we were total opposites. It was a physical thing. When that got old, we were never on the same page. Still, it went on for 13 years before she finally bailed. #3, was finding someone who I’m compatible with in 95% of things. We both like mostly the same stuff. From food, tv, politics, all the biggies. All my spouses knew and were okay with my crossdressing hobby, this one especially so. And we’re both retired and doing whatever we want nowadays.
When she returned from her shopping today, with a couple of new dresses, I asked as I always do: “Did you guys have fun?” Of course the answer’s yes. I was giving my opinion of the new purchases and she got to the one that was going back because “It makes me look huge. Maybe you want it?” No I said, same here, it’s too big for me. Then we discussed dresses for awhile and I realized that women’s clothes are just another thing that we’re both on the same page about. We both like buying and wearing them.
The realization hit me that this is an obvious argument if one is trying to incorporate their crossdressing hobby into their marriage. If you have a spouse you’re very compatible with, many similarities etc…just ask her: “You love shopping for new outfits and fashions, yes?” Well, so do I. My wife has had no trouble accepting and encouraging me after I put it to her so simply. We both like the same things.
GP
@gracepal Good for you Grace. I'm 38 years into an 'opposites attract' marriage. It was wonderful for years but does really cause some difficulties now. And as you all know I believe coming out would be instant divorce. I mean it's tempting. I know for sure if I was on my own I would be totally overwhelmed by my feminine side and that sounds so lovely. But I just wouldn't put my daughters and wider family through that. What's a girl to do?
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
Chrissie
I think we are in the same boat!!!, my marriage is stable , but my female side never has been part of this stability, my wife knows about I used to crossdressing me in the past, but she is an evangelical Christian so the church looks this as aberration and a sin, so I don't see how she would accept this in a close future.Like you, I don't want to affect your marriage of 21 years and my daughter of 20 years old.Maybe one day she will be willing to meet Odeth.
Kisses Odeth
@lujan2099 it's so difficult isn't it Odeth? My wife is also staunchly Christian which adds to my suspicion that she would never understand or accept my girly side. I guess we'll carry on doing what we can.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
Chrissie and Odeth,
I can totally relate to this! I’m sure others can too. My wife’s religious faith makes it so difficult for her to go all in with me. I wish so much she could just relax and worry less about this!!!
Lisa 🥰
@chrisfp99 It's a sad, but livable situation. The kids, larger family mean so much.... I too am cautious about risks that affect that. I want to grow old with my wife. I want to be my true self. The invisible battle will never end. It feels like its about spiritual patience and just living in what's there vs not there.
@lea-jhene Lea, I like your invisible battle reference. The problem is that my drab side is winning out big time. How do you manage to achieve some sort of balance? xx.
@chrisfp99 At first, it was doing really subtle things like wearing women's sneakers with guy clothes. Then I tried a bracelet, sort of gender neutral. Next was wearing panties undercover. That led to being bold and wearing opaque tights under jeans - the foot part looked like socks. Then a bra. Even a full dress tucked into male jeans and hidden under a thick sweater. All just not very noticeable. Little steps. Confidence builders
Guy fashion can be so drab.
@chrisfp99 "I don't want to put my daughters and wider family through that." You put their interests before your own wants. 👏🏼💐❤️
My wife and I have almost nothing in common. We like the theatre and we like dogs and we like our garden; aside from that we are poles apart.
In February, we will have been together for 37 years.
Oh, we do like girly shopping, so that's one more thing I suppose.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter "that's one more thing I suppose." 😅 . Yeah, just a little "common like ."
We know just about everything about each other. Marg
I tell wifey everything - she even knows that I enjoy wearing gals clothes - Oh the humanity!! She even knows my CDH password. So much easier that way.
Happy Thanksgiving all... Staci...
I tell wifey everything - she even knows that I enjoy wearing gals clothes - Oh the humanity!! She even knows my CDH password. So much easier that way.
Happy Thanksgiving all... Staci...
My wife and I know all each other's passwords, or rather, where to get hold of them (I have so many and use a PW manager) and could in theory look into each other's stuff; however, just because we can doesn't mean we do. In truth, I doubt she'd want to log into my chess.com account and I certainly wouldn't want to access her Facebook account (perish the thought. Facebook? I think not!).
@rebeccabaxter Becca, I don't do facebook either... Eccchhh.... Smile, Staci...
When my wife was alive, like so many of you here, I never could come out to her. Crossdressing was something that I wanted to do, but loved my wife so much that I could never tell her. We were married 46 years. After she passed away, of course I knew I wanted to pursue my lifelong dressing very quickly and often enough to make up for lost time. It’s funny but when I read this, I knew that we didn’t keep any secrets from each other, but it was ok, I think, to keep just one big one in order to completely enjoy the life that we lived. I have complete respect for our members that won’t tell their wives for fear of ruining their marriage. I hope that they all do what they think is best for themselves and don’t necessarily follow advice to come out to their wives and ruin their marriage. But my other advice would be just make sure you aren’t discovered by your wife if you don’t plan on telling her, that would be even worse.
@jennconn Jennifer I love this post! It really sums it all up when it comes to being a married crossdresser. You echo all of my sentiments here. A perfect response.
@jennconn Oh Jennifer, what an eloquent post. I have read of your loss before and I'm so sorry hun. I really admire your courage in not telling your wife about your girly side. Did you dress at all when your wife was alive, if you don't mind me asking? I've read a few times in these pages of girls finding some solace in dressing after losing their SO, and of course you have blossomed into a quite beautiful woman. You deserve this.
My position is exactly as you describe. She doesn't know and I would never tell her. I'm keeping the status quo for the sake of my wider family but it's so hard.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 thank you for your kind words Chrissie. I know that I have read your posts in the past and as I was writing this one, I was actually thinking of you. Coming out to a spouse is definitely a very personal decision, and you know your wife better than anyone.
I did dress when my wife was alive. But I never had the benefit of a wig or makeup and could only dress when we were not together which was very rare. I didn’t even buy my first clothes until about 5 years ago, and when she was due to come back, I had to get rid of them. The only thing that I am thankful for after she passed away was that I could finally see the female inside me. It has helped, but not been a substitution, rather some entertainment for me.
Chrissie, my advice to you is just keep doing what you are doing, and be very careful.
My wife is accepting of this side of me. We first “explored” gender role play on a dare over a game of billiards many years ago. We were discussing fantasies. At the time she didn’t realize that she opened Pandora’s box that night but would soon find out that this was a part of me that wasn’t going away. We have had many conversations over the years on CD topics and my dressing has progressed to full female presentation in front of her which she is now comfortable with. There were things I did purchase/hide from her in the development of my femme presentation (silicone prosthetics for example) . I eventually showed them to her and felt embarrassed/ashamed to reveal them. She was both surprised yet intrigued that there were items like that. She understands why I wear them though. Our relationship started as besties before we dated and eventually married and we have a lot in common. She always thought it was a bit strange that I loved to shop (even before the CDing came into our lives)
We are at a point now where we give each other fashion advice and share fem things, buy each other items. I am truly blessed to have the support.
My wife is accepting and supportive. She has recognized that this part of me has brought me much happiness and I'm a more well adjusted person because of it. Still there are secrets. I desire her approval on my clothing choices, so I am very upfront with my purchases that I know she would like and even wear herself. I do however hide my more risque side that would include more revealing, overtly sexy attire and photos of same. I keep those things to myself at present, at least until I feel the time is right.
Hi Lea,
my wife knows and accepts. I know everyone has their comfort level with frequency, how much is revealed and what the SO actually tolerate/ accept. That said, my minor transgressions are that I do it more than I tell her. I also work from home most of the time and on slower days at work, I’ll dress up and only the dog knows lol. There was one time when I had a slow Friday and she was working and kids were at school until at least 4pm. I was dressed at 9am and was definitely in the pink fog, since I didn’t have any zoom or teams calls that day. I was caught up and completely dolled up, in a dress, heels, make up, wig. Well, we have a decent size house and have a drive up, and hidden by lots of trees. This was when ring first came out and I completely forgot about it. It was a nice day and decided to walk out front, literally to enjoy heel clicks and just enjoy being outside. Few minutes later I get a text… “I see a strange woman outside..”. Dang forgot the ring, you got me. She responded with “you call that working from home lol”. Yes that’s it. I think when I do she prefers to know about it and join in. However, other times when her and the kids are away longer, especially summer time, she fully knows I dress up on my own. Says that’s much safer I walk around in heels around the house than going out golfing or drinking with guy friends.
XOXO
Karensa
