What bathroom should a MTF Crossdresser use and why?

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Liz K Deputy Managing Ambassador

Since I began going out in public I have always used the ladies room.

I am not "cosplay", I am not in drag. This is not some "hobby" for me. I know many feel it's dangerous. I don't feel that way. I've had interactions with women in the ladies room and always had a positive reaction. There has never been an argument or a screaming match or anything. 

My feeling is that I would rather have a confrontation/discussion I hope, with a woman who felt I didn't belong there than to run into some homophobe in the men's room and perhaps come out with a broken nose. 

Personally I would not feel comfortable using the ladies room. I am a man who likes to dress up, not a female. That is a safe space for women and should be respected. Now take an objective look in the mirror. If you really do pass as a woman then obviously you can get away with it. I also see no problem with using a single occupancy female restroom. But personally I do not feel crossdressers should intrude on a female only space. At the end of the day we are not women. Just my 2 cents don’t be offended please

Ladies rooms have cubicles, you don't have to stand next to another woman to take a pee. If you even half-pass, I see little problem using female toilets so long as you are in female attire. As Cheryl says @cherylt , it's better than getting the crap kicked out of you in a men's room while dressed as a woman.

I certainly don't think cross-dressers intrude on female space in this day and age as things are so much freer, certainly in the UK. We have unisex changing rooms in some shops, my city theatre has a unisex toilet (although I usually use the ladies if that's nearer). In several places I go, there is a sign outside the gents that tells you that the toilets are often cleaned by women as well as men. If it was considered intrusion, then transgender people, i.e. those who commonly present as women, would have nowhere to go either and then you get into a whole different debate.

Years ago, I was standing at a urinal in a Belgian railway station and while I was relieving myself, a mop appeared around my feet, pushed by a female Belgian lavatory cleaner: I didn't care, she didn't care, it's just what happens.

Whenever [while dressed] I've used the ladies toilets, I have generally done the necessary, then come out of the trap, washed my hands and used the dryer.

I think the secrets to using the female toilets are:

To pass, or at least enough to give rise to confusion (that's me).

Be brief and to the point.

Don't stare at people.

Don't look as if you shouldn't be there.

This last one is very important; if you look suspicious, you will be seen with suspicion. Bluff it out, it's unlikely anyone will say anything about you seeming to be male, but if they do, just say "How dare you!" in your best feminine voice and storm out as if gravely offended, muttering about talking to a lawyer (then run like hell).

Never, ever, go into a ladies toilets where there are schoolgirls in a group, or several women with children, unless you pass utterly as a woman; use the disabled toilets instead.

These are the suggestions I use, YMMV.

Becca

If out en femme I always use the womens restrooms. Women are more tolerant than men and its a lot more safer for sure.

Born XY use the Men's Born XX use Women's, its not just about use.

Simple - if the only choice is man or women lavatories then if you have a penis you go to the mens. Of course if there are more suitable choices then use them.

I have to respectfully disagree with Erika and Randi here.  When we are in a stall, nobody is going to know whether or not we have a penis.  We're not going to be whipping it out in front of the mirror as we reapply our lipstick.

And if we generalize the "born XY, use the men's" argument, why not "born XY, wear male clothes" or "born XY, use male names and pronouns in CDH".  It's contrary to the whole crossdressing ethos.

I was at a casino with my best friend a couple of months ago, en femme with her for the first time.  I tried to avoid the washroom and hold it until I got home, but my bladder finally issued an ultimatum after eight hours and an extra large tea, with an hour's return trip coming up.  I followed her into the women's washroom, which she remarked upon with surprise as we went in.  "It's what you do," I replied, thinking it was obvious, well before I read this thread.  I'd just been addressed as "ma'am" by the waiter in the restaurant.  Ma'am wasn't about to walk into the men's room with 4-inch bright red stilettos on.  I went into a women's washroom for the first time in my life, peed sitting down in a stall, washed my hands, briefly checked my appearance and got out.  It all went as smooth as my shaved legs.  I dread to think what might have happened if I'd gone the "born XY, use the men's" route.

If en-femme, I plan an outing so I won't have to use a public convenience, therefore avoiding the problem.

Interesting question with a side of the situation that I have not considered. I have always made sure that I did whatever business I needed to before leaving home. That doesn’t always work out as my adventures out dressed have increased in length. When I do fin it necessary to use a restroom, As has been stated in many replies, I try to find family restrooms or some other facility that is single use. I have used multi stalled ladies rooms on occasion and have not had any negative responses. I do pass well enough to be called ma’am many times by sales clerks or other patrons. I would definitely feel very uncomfortable and even unsafe using a mens room while dressed en femme. Just my two cents worth on a very controversial topic.

I believe there is zero chance of a trans woman or CDer, ( one of us) doing anything bad to another woman while using a women’s restroom. The fear of many is the predator falsely presenting as a female in order to prey on a woman, a few incidents of this nature have already occurred, thus the trouble. For me personally from the time I first began to go out in public, I used the ladies room. I act like I belong there and go about my business in as ladylike a fashion as possible. I have not experienced any trouble even when I do a touch up at the mirror before leaving. 

Not trying to start a disagreement here Liz. The incident I referred to was in a Virginia High School and the same perpetrator was responsible for both molestations. My point about the fear of many is I think real but and I tend to agree with you here rarely comes to pass. That said it is not unwise for us to be always careful. I repeat, there is zero danger from one of us doing anything to anyone else while using the women’s restroom. 

i dont see what the big deal is. they all are the same on the inside. i go in do my business and leave. i usually use the mens room dressed because i stand when i go. i had a guy say i was in the wrong restroom when i was walking in. i said i dont think so. and i used the lady's room in guy mode when the mens room was locked. when you got to go sometimes you cant wait. i dont see what the big deal is. its not like a show and tell place.