When, how, and what caused your female side to take over daily life?
If Master Yoda (Star Wars) met me, he would say about me, "Strong is the Feminine Force, in this one".
I think a lot of us have followed similar phases on this journey...noticing femininity, curious about about it, trying and experimenting, suppressing it, yielding to allow it back in, struggling to find a daily balance, accepting, embracing, becoming. I know, too psychological sounding.
Pre-Covid pandemic (2018-2019), I was at struggling to find a balance or a path where my guy and gurl side could exist. Staying at home (2020-2021), working from home, with family around constantly, finding gurl time was hard.
Post-Covid pandemic (2021+), my gurl side has unleashed herself, taking more risks with toe nail polish daily, venturing out dressed frequently, letting the neighbors catch glimpses of feminine footwear in the front yard, being fully dressed in daylight in the backyard, running errands at local stores wearing feminine footwear with toe nail polish showing.
My Feminine Force is no longer the Dark Side. She's leading the Rebels, she's changing my Galaxy. She's not showing any signs of going back. And I'm loving it! I'm starting to find and see the real me.
And just because I'm almost 50, I'm sure this is not just a mid-life crisis, this is more permanent, it's becoming daily.
What caused your feminine side to start winning the daily battle? When in time or life did that seem to happen? If your feminine side hasn't taken over daily, do you thunk it will, when, what would need to happen?
2 events. First was my first makeover when I met Lorraine face to face for the first time and realized she looked more like a girl than a guy in a dress. But, the second event totally changed my thought process. In august, I ordered a dress and when I put it on, it was as though I was in fact Lorraine. Never wanted to take it off , and didn’t for 10 hours. So strange a piece of cloth could have this effect. Now I am in girl mode mentally 75% of the time. Can’t explain what happened. I love it, my wife doesn’t.
It was when I realized I didn't need to justify anything and just realize that I enjoy being en femme, to whatever degree. Just the pleasure I got was explanation enough. That realization allowed me to just enjoy the journey. It was fun trying and doing new things without having to wonder if it was right or not.
That has led me to a place in my life where I am just very happy with myself and have put many issues behind me. Being en femme has allowed me to bring out some inner me that has always been here, but never fully acknowledged.
" No! Try not.Do or do not, there is no try"
I was also in the dark side and the 'try' was to hide who I was and maybe have an occasional dabble in being the real self when it came to a point that ' Resistance was futile'. To try and be me was not really working so it became a 'DO' rather than a do not. From there I never looked back and moved into the light for all to see.
I’ve come to the realization that who I am isn’t dependent upon other’s opinions. I’ve become comfortable with who I am and the enfemme in me makes for a relaxed calmer me. I enjoy the feeling of being myself.
My feminine side took over like this:
I was wearing a nice dress and some lipstick as I put on a wig for the first time. Looking in a full length mirror, I saw a woman, a woman I liked very much.
A few days later, I went out in public en femme for the first time and was soon very comfortable with presenting as a woman.
A number of months later, she took over my life to the point where I started living virtually full time as a woman a little over a year ago.
Great topic Lea. For me it was when I was in a very dark place. Dealing with the normal day to day pressures of work and bringing up a family while hiding my feminine side from the rest of the world. What was making it worse was I was putting on a facade to everyone including my partner that everything was just fine till one day in front of my partner I had a huge melt down and was in tears uncontrollably for what seemed like hours. My wife then convinced me to see a psychologist. It took till the third session before I got the courage to tell her I am a crossdresser. Her response was so positive and after a while working with her I came to the realisation I AM DOING NOTHING WRONG CROSSDRESSING!. It was like the floodgates had opened. No more guilt and purges, throwing out clothes, wigs and makeup that looked great on me. I then took the step of telling my partner which went so well it actually brought us closer. That opened the floodgates even more as my biggest fear was losing our relationship. That was all about 10 years ago. Ever since a few days most weeks I am out and about as Olivia.
Well as most I did love my crossdressing from the beginning but I’d say my break through would have been shortly after I came out to my wife. She had always known of my pantyhose fetish for a lack of better words but nothing more. Which was around 7 going on 8 years ago. Since then I’ve embraced it after I didn’t have to hide it anymore. Went from a few things hidden away , one pair of heels to a closet full of clothes and tons of heels, wigs, makeup , jewelry and a nice perfume collection. Broke the seal on going out in public, daily underdressing and started being more of my femme side than ever before.
I have been crossdressing my entire life when I was 58 I developed a heart issue. I spent some time in the hospital and that gave me a lot of time to reflect on my life. I was so tired of putting up a front for everyone and hiding who I truly am.
I have never come out to my friends or family but I believe they know my life has changed for the better. I never go a day without wearing my bra and panties. I always dreamed of getting my ears pierced and I made that dream come true. I sure wished I could go back in time and make all of these changes years ago. I sold my big manly pickup truck and we drive a Midsized SUV it was hard to let my manly truck go. I just needed to embrace my self as feminine; it certainly was a wonderful choice. I have a lot of support from my wife she has been so wonderful to me.
I am approaching 70 I want to make sure my remaining days are not wasted trying to please society. It feels so great to be myself.
It hasn't yet, but I have found myself wanting it to. I daydream about dressing like I want every day, sleeping in a nightgown even night, doing everything wearing pretty clothes.
I think the biggest indicator it has taken over is when I get my ears pierced. Simultaneously perhaps will be a full mani-pedi. I want nice fingernails and nicely trimmed and painted toenails. The nails are easier to do than piercing the ears because the ears are not as easy to go back on after the fact.
Another indicator is that I wear perfume all the time. Not much, but enough to smell good to anyone who gets near me. I have always loved that clean smell that girls have after they have bathed and washed their hair. Hours later, the aroma follows them wherever they walk! maybe it is a scented body lotion or maybe it is the conditioner (which probably has a fruity sounding name like fructise, or botanicals, or something like that.) I always remember a girl in high school who wore white shoulders and it floated behind her as she walked in front of me. I had to follow.
Once my wife made it clear to me that she was an enthusiastic supporter, Nikki just elbowed her way out of the closet and into daily life. Sometimes scary, sometimes joyful, always an enormous relief. It wasn't just a weight lifted, it was a kind of chronic pain leaving the body. True happiness seemed not only possible, but available!
For me I just happened last year. I've been noticing and having feelings!
After initial and anxiety and then the high that follows in the pleasure and feeling pretty, the desire for more of that leads to feeding upon itself until it just takes on and in the morning the first thing the feet Hit the Floor out of bed and look in the closet and think what will I wear today? But it's all feminine attire! No Doubt absolutely! Can't wait to look at the skirts or dresses and the accessories in the area and then the makeup and the lipstick and it becomes an everyday and I am loving it!
As some of you may recall, from earlier posts, I had open heart surgery two and a half years ago. It was while spending a week in a hospital bed, alone with my thoughts, because Covid was in full swing and there were no visitors, that the woman inside spoke to me! She has always been present in those thoughts but took full advantage of the situation to remind me that she thought it was time to make her appearance.
My first experience with feminine clothing goes back to when I was a very young child, and the desire to be a girl was always there from the beginning. I never thought I was a crossdresser, as I always felt dresses were my clothing, what I was supposed to wear. I finally realized I was transgender and I needed to transition. I came out to the world with my announcement and it was done, Lauren had been set free to live her life. My first day at work, as a woman named Lauren, was on March 31st of 2022, which was International Transgender Day of Visibility. My being transgender came as no surprise or shock to my co-workers, as many of them had already figured me out. I have been encouraged, affirmed and accepted as a woman where I work at the security desk of a government building. I have been told that I am viewed by the women I work with, as "one of the girls." I don't own a single stitch of male clothing and live as a woman 24/7 which is so beyond wonderful that there aren't proper words to proclaim the joy I feel every day!
Ms. Lauren M
I'm more like the drinking bird toy. I've had several tipping points. It is hard to say what exactly caused me to tip over and take that drink.
My (now) ex used to come to bed in the middle of the night, which ended up waking me up. Then she'd turn on the TV with some real life story of death or murder, wanting to cuddle (but never intimate). If I fell asleep I'd usually end up snoring and she'd wake me up. (I had sleep apnea at the time but didn't know it.) I reached a point one night where I had enough. I picked up my stuff and (at least for sleep purposes) moved into the spare bedroom. Being isolated, I was able to wear a skirt to bed all the time.
Around the same time, I had started seeing a lot of videos of crossdressers just being themselves out in public places. The world didn't end around them. I have to say I was a little jealous.
Later, when we were going for counciling, I agreed to stop crossdressing (even though I told her the desire would always be there). I needed some big changes from her too, but rather than ask her to "jump into the pool," I asked her to "dip her toe in the water." I asked for something that was trivial from her. When she wouldn't even take that baby step, I knew two things. One, the marriage was basically over. She didn't seem to want to work on her end; she seemed to just want change on my side. Two, if she wasn't going to keep up even a trivial part of her bargain, there was no reason I should keep up my end.
I started to look at transformation places nearby. I eventually found one near my home and one which I could attend without leaving an electronic toll record. At the time I had been collecting and wrapping coins. She kept asking when I was going to do something with the coin rolls. And it turned out to be enough to pay for the transformation place, so there was no impact to the budget.
I had a single "perfect storm" day available. My ex worked nights, so slept during the day. My kids (ages 15-20) were all away, one at college (marching band practice), one leaving for college that day (a three day journey), and one in high school sleepaway marching band practice, returning the next day. Fortunately the woman was available that day, and I booked my first makeover and a trip out to eat. I wanted to have at least one experience in my life. It was expensive, and because of family obligations, it was something I didn't expect to do again. But that day certainly changed the course of my life.
Within a few months, I started attending parties thrown by this woman. Mostly in her home, but occasional excursions too. By this point I had told my ex. I would change at the location, but since my youngest was asleep when I returned, I came home en femme (it was agreed with my ex). A few months later, my youngest found my stuff, and I told her, which then allowed me the freedom to leave home dressed as well.
One year my ex went and took the kids to her sister in Chicago, while I stayed home. I spent a day in New York City, culminating in a show on Broadway.
After a time, my ex started working out of town for weeks at a time. With Casa Valentina running on Broadway (this is a show based on Casa Sussana), I attended it en femme. Even though she ended up coming back home early, I wasn't going to let it spoil my plans.
My oldest had finished college and was coming back home. Because I was already changing at home and heading out to the parties, I told him about me. When I would be walking around at home and saw him, I quickly turned around. But he told me to stop, and not worry about what I was wearing. This gave me feedom to dress at home.
My ex eventually moved out permanently. At work they were giving points (which could be later turned into cash) to people who would walk a certain number of steps per day. I realized I wasn't getting enough steps on the weekend, and started walking on the weekends through my neighborhood. It only took about two weeks before I decided if I was going to get paid to walk, I was going to do it en femme. Later, when COVID hit and everything went into lockdown, I would walk almost every day through my neighborhood (except for rainy or snowy days).
By now, I have the freedom to dress at home whenever I want. I'm often just wearing a skirt (with or without a non-androgynous top) or dress, with or without makeup, wig, or breast forms. I can go out en femme whenever I want. I can even wear a more fetish outfit. My kids who still live with me don't care. That toy bird has tipped over now, and can take a drink whenever it sees fit.