Yes!!!

I came out for the first time to one of my friends yesterday. I'm absolutely overwhelmed with emotion, I haven't had dry eyes since then, and I'm welling up just writing this post.

'G' came up from Cornwall, on his way up north. A bit of a trip, so a great excuse for him to stop over to break the journey. I took him to my 'local' for a couple of drinks, and met up with a couple who are best friends. I live in a small but touristy sort of place, so it's not uncommon that some find their way to the pub. This time there was a guy there that could have been me. An oldish ex hippy, ponytail, but also hairclips in place and wearing a 'interesting' top that was multicoloured but quite muted pastel colours. And he had a smile and look on his face that I see everyday - in my mirror. I got a brief glint of recognition from him, and would have loved to sit and have the crack, but I just got the feeling that I'd be pushing a bit , and left him be. I just knew there was a cross dresser lurking there ...

Was that what got me thinking? I know it's been bubbling under for a while now. So I took G home and made us a curry, and decided. 'This is it, I'm going to come out, at least to G' . But every time I thought 'do it now!', I still backed off. So 'Question Time' was starting on the the TV and I found myself saying 'I've got something really serious to talk about. Let's watch this program, and then we'll talk. But don't let me back out.'

I don't remember much of the program. I didn't have a prepared script, and kept thinking how do I say this? The program ended, and he looked over expectantly  - 'well? ' . I started humming and harring, quickly welled up, and finally , blam, I said "3 little words. I'm a transvestite' . And for sure, he was surprised and curious but it didn't faze him one little damn bit!

The dam had burst and he let me whitter on and on. I pulled up my cdh photo on the laptop and it stayed there for the rest of the evening. At some stage he gave me a great big hug, which seemed to last forever.

Was he supportive ? You bet! 'You can't stop with just me, you know. I can't believe your two stepdaughters will at all be bothered", he said. And 'look you know your best friends (the ones who live in the village) aren't going to be a problem'. Yep, I'm I'm going to have to work on that.

He and I enjoy going horse racing - our objective is to visit every racecourse in Britain over time.  So bless him, he even offered to escort me to Ladies Day at Ascot racecourse, if I ever get the nerve to dress up for it. What a lovely incentive! Is that a good friend or what?!

Oh, and something else I realised. Don't treat others as if they can't possibly know anything about the subject. He's in his late 60s. I didn't use the word 'transvestite' intentionally, but given his age, perhaps I was thinking that was a safer word than trans or cross dresser which he might not quite grasp. Silly, silly Emma. He's been around the block. At some point he told me an embarassing tale of his own where he'd 'blanked' a woman sat next to him at some conference or other. He did in fact know her, but didn't recognise her, because previously he'd only met her as a male persona.

G has hit the road now. He's stopping over on his way back, on Saturday. I wont be there but he's got a key. And he knows my  third bedroom is full of Emma. I've told him he can ferret about to his hearts content, lol. Now that's a welcome change from having to 'tidy up' 😉

That's it. I'm done. I should have edited this down, so thanks for getting to the end.

Hugs to all you lovely, lovely ladies on cdh. I wouldn't have this tale to tell without you all !

Emma xxx

UPDATE

It's the early evening the day after the reveal. I went down to my friends in the village. They're more than friends. They married nearly 40 years ago in the same place I love / live in now. I was 'best man'. We've lived in each others pockets and been there for each other a lot. 

I took a bottle of wine and it was much much easier this time. Why it took decades, I just don't know. Their reaction was pretty much "So ?". I wasn't quite as emotional as last night and fielded some questions. It was a case of 'we don't care and we love you anyway'. But actually in a lovely way, I think they do care. They worry for me. I can see a few 'yes, but what if ...' questions coming. And that fine.

Tomorrow by pure chance, I'm catching up with my daughters and their families at a petting zoo. 3 hours away, I'll be staying over at one of them at their place. I'm really really hoping I can catch the moment and share with them. Fingers crossed !

And here's  bit more love to you all xxx