Ellie, Isabel and the Mermaids ... an origin story

Hey girls

Since I joined CDH, I’ve said a few times in posts that:

a). my makeup skills are pretty diabolical and
b). I haven’t yet had a professional makeover.

A few budding Columbos have looked at my profile picture and concluded, perhaps understandably, that either I’m fibbing about the whole makeover thing, or else I’m being very modest about my skills with brushes and powders *spoiler: no, I really am pretty terrible*.

However, an Ellie never lies. So here is the story behind my profile pic.

It also goes some way towards explaining why I was smiling so much when the photo was taken.

The picture is from the ONLY time I’ve ever been fully made up by someone else, and it happened under pretty strange circumstances.

I work as a teacher in a secondary school. UK schools are currently embracing diversity: race, gender, religion, cultural traditions, you name it. It’s a very positive development. A few years ago, we had a very active LGBQT+ group in our sixth form. They decided to hold an event to promote awareness, and also to raise funds for the charity 'Mermaids'. Mermaids offers help and counselling to transgender, nonbinary and gender-diverse children and their parents; it was a cause well worth supporting.

The idea that the students came up with was to ask some of the male teachers if they would dress as women for a full school day, with female teachers dressing as men. Because I’m always up for helping with charity projects, I was one of the first people that they approached.

I went through the whole ’protesting’ thing but secretly my heart was racing.

There was one sixth form girl, Isabel, who had ambitions to go on to be a makeup artist. Eventually she did; she now works in the film industry. Because of her outside interests, she had access to lots of wigs (some that she’d collected and some from our Drama department) and of course a full range of makeup. Isabel was let loose on the male staff – from memory there were five of us.

And Isabel turned out to be very, very good at what she did.

I can remember every moment of her doing my makeup, how nervous I felt but also how wonderful it was.

Then the wig went on.

It couldn’t have suited me any better than it did.

I remember looking in the mirror and being shocked, in the most wonderful way, by my own reflection. I hadn’t bargained on seeing the person who was looking wide-eyed back at me, but I absolutely recognised her. I’d never properly seen myself as Ellie before; it cemented my mental image of who I am. It felt like tectonic plates had shifted. I’ve seen myself that way ever since.

Isabel took what is now my profile picture immediately after she’d finished working on me. I couldn’t stop smiling, as you can clearly see 🙂

The girls also raided the Drama department costume cupboard so they could dress us. The clothes weren’t necessarily what I would have picked, but I didn’t want to give myself away by actively choosing things. Then, fully dressed and made up, I went to teach my normal lessons. I got called ’Miss’ all day and was considered a very good sport. I kept thinking ‘If only they knew how incredible this is making me feel’ ...

I don’t count the experience as 'being dressed in public’ (so I wouldn’t yet claim to have been out in the real world en femme). It felt more like acting a part on stage. Still … WOW.

!sabel was on hand at the end of the day to undo her handiwork, and remove the makeup. The other male staff were keen to get rid of their own warpaint, but I had loved it a little too much. A fundamental part of me didn’t want the whole experience to end, but I obviously couldn’t tell Isabel that! Submerged in the pink fog, I caught myself gabbling some unconvincing nonsense about having to get home quickly so … um … thanks but I could … er …take it off at home … you know … it isn’t a problem. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I could tell that she had read me and knew EXACTLY where I was coming from. Girls of that age are absolutely packed with intuition. I remember her giving me an appraising look followed by a slightly quizzical little smile.

I’d had to leave that wonderful, wonderful wig at school, because it would have looked seriously strange if I’d driven off with it There wouldn’t have been any convincing way to explain that one! Unsurprisingly however, I just happened to have another one at home. What are the chances? It wasn’t as good as the one I’d been wearing during the day, but the moment I got home, after scurrying up the drive so the neighbours wouldn't see me in full make up, I took it out of the closet. My hands were trembling as I put it on and adjusted it.

I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a huge surge of emotion, accompanied by an actual physical jerk somewhere in my midriff. It was almost like someone had punched me in the gut. It felt like Ellie, who I was kind of suppressing at the time, was fighting to get out.

I went and laid flat on my bed and stared at the ceiling trying to make sense of it all.

I must have lain there for about an hour. Thankfully, since I live on my own, there was no possibility of being disturbed. My thoughts and feelings were all over the place. Eventually I got up and dressed as fully, as tastefully as I could ... almost out of respect for how I was suddenly feeling. I spent the rest of the evening in a kind of dream-like state, unable to really settle and filled with a mixture of elation and confusion. I couldn’t make sense of what was happening to me. All I knew was that I totally loved it.

Eventually of course I had to take the makeup off and switch back to boy mode. I felt quite tearful doing it.

Overnight I worried and worried about what Isabel might have said to her friends. I fully expected to arrive in school the next morning with the whole student body gossiping about me. However, I had seriously underestimated her. She didn’t tell a soul, but every time she passed me in the corridor after that she gave a sort of conspiratorial wink. It made me squirm inside every time she did it, but of course part of me also loved it.

I think I’m going to have flashbacks about that day for the rest of my life!

Hugs

Ellie x