Coming out to my family

Hello Audrey. The decision to come out to family is always a difficult one to make and how to do so is even harder. Often we find ourselves at a point in our lives when we feel our own wellbeing is at stake and creates a need to do so. What we are then faced with is how we believe those family members will react.

Before you come out to them there are some things that you should keep in mind that might help ease the process. The greatest change that happens when we come out doesn't happen to us, it happens to those we tell. That change is one of knowledge. After we've told someone the only thing that has changed is their level of knowledge about us. We are no different and that is the first thing we need to explain. "I am still the same person I was yesterday." Sometimes people are shocked because we have until that time, given no indicators or hints about who we are inside but it is important to point out that we have always been this person.

Many fathers (and some mothers too) have a deep-seated idea of masculinity and by coming out as a cross dresser we can challenge that. Here I think it is important to try to explain that what we like to wear and the feelings we like to embrace do not need to be in conflict with those ideals. Unless you intend to transition fully, something that even if so would still be some way off, you can exist quite well enjoying all aspects of who you are. You can still be the masculine person people see you as without needing to surrender the feminine side.

How you actually tell your family is a personal decision; whether you tell them as a group or individually can depend on how you believe they might react. Only you can decide that but sometimes it can help to tell one family member who you think might be more understanding and accepting.

I wish you well. Remember that CDH can help with support for those family members you tell as well. Together we have a lot of experience with the whole coming out thing. As we, as individuals, have no desire to feel alone in being who we are your family members have no need to feel alone in the knowledge you will impart to them. Many others will have felt as they will once they are told. We are here to help and support you all.

Audrey, after exploring the forums a bit more I see that you've already come out to your wife and that she has accepted you for who you are so you already have your first ally.

Coming out to the rest of your family from here is no longer something you'll do alone and that will make it easier. Best wishes.

My sisters and I are close and they said would love me for who I am.Plans are to come out tomorrow or Friday maybe tonight.

I came out tonight to them,good and bad.My mom and 3 younger sisters took it well,they were stunned a little bit and do want to meet Audrey.My dad,he walked off and I let him cool off.He is having a hard time with it and I see it in his face.We talked a little bit and I am going to give him time on it.

Congratulations Audrey!

We know all to well the courage it takes to come out to family and friends.  These are my thoughts about your Dad; give him the needed space and time.  Your Mom and Sisters will eventually help him "overcome" the "loss" that he perhaps feels.

Just remember how long it took you to accept yourself, you can't expect him to just jump up and accept things right away.  Give him time hun.......the hardest part is done and for the most part acceptance all the way around.  Like Jane mentioned earlier, you're not alone any longer.  Your Spouse, Mom, Sisters and now all of us too!

🙂

I told my dad I am giving him time,he said it was loss of a son.Good thing is he does want to work things out.Luckily my mom works with a great family therapist that deals with this situation.

2015_relationship advice: Audrey original post: 

I need to come out to my family being a crossdresser and this started 4 months ago.My mom is seeing there is something on my mind and I told her nothing last time.I know my parents and 3 younger sisters very well and have a great relationship with them.They don’t know this yet.My mom is pretty much open minded and my sisters are the same way.My dad,I see a problem with him and I know it will be hard on him when I come out.He is the dad that believes in sons should be raised in a masculine way.I think he will not accept this right away and don’t want to lose him.How should I do this?This is my first time doing this.