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I have never been as open and public about my dressing. And I think I probably will never be.
When I was younger, single, lacking serious position or responsibility, I did dress. It meant so much to me then. But I, partially in misguided shame, partially in acquiescence to society's expectations, and partially through my heart being fixed on a woman who just never could accept, understand or really tolerate my dressing.
At the time there wasn't all we have today on the internet. There weren't Olympians and actresses and people in the community showing the world the beautiful spectrum of gender and sexuality. And I was scared.
So I agreed to not dress. And although I certainly haven't been able to live up to the letter of that commitment i have only fleetingly, sporadically and only partially returned to this part of me.
I mostly visit Ginger, this part of myself I have known as long as I can remember, only in my mind, in my imagination and in the presence I have created for her online.
What does that make me? Can I still be a crossdresser if I haven't even had my own panties or hose for years? (Not to mention no wigs, bras, heels or makeup)
Can one live any sort of fulfilling, satisfying life as a crossdresser who only dresses in her mind? Am I betraying myself by keeping my commitment or betraying my commitment by even considering starting all once again the sneaky, drama, emotion and fear of discovery?
I could go on and on with the questions etc. but I know that most all of us know the quandary. And I was just thinking, hoping that, with the true generosity of the ladies I've gratefully discovered here, putting it out there and hearing from others would be of help to me.
I hear you, gurl, I am in the same boat. Except before marriage, we used to your together, when I was dressed. And it all changed, she no longer accepts, but a balance has been reached, I bath and shave weekly, include my brows, and spend the money for a mani, pedi on occasion. We may have to deprive without some things, but maybe we can get away with some small things to.
Jerrica
Ginger,
I had long periods during my marriage and while in college when I couldn't dress due to other people's constant proximity . But I dont think that made me less of a crossdresser! It is a state of mind-not whether you're allowed to openly express those feelings that makes you who you are!