Do you ever doubt your self

Hi Cynthia, i have doubted myself many times, the media 99% of the time seem to reguard us as freaks , perverts and i think AM I?. Do i really feel feminine or not,I've seen a few dressers out and about andI've seen them laughed at,do i want to go through that? Occasionaly when dressing for Zoe the thought goes through my mind I SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS but then the desire,the passion to be me the real feminine me takes over. I know now who and what i am Zoe, if you come through your doubts and stay with the feminine you, then that's you. Hope this makes sense. Love Zoe xxx:-)

Hello!!
I really never doubt myself.
But sometimes i wish i have more nerve to get out as Lima.
It is the fear of exclusion? The shame?
I dont know...
I know i love beeing Lima and i feel really good.
I dont feel the need of telling the world. Sometimes i have the need of beeing seen as a sexy woman. That is all.
I dont doubt myself but i know someone will allways doubt me.
Kisses

Hi ,

self doubt . for myself it started at age 10, though I knew who I was / am I still doubted my self in what I could do in how I looked, in learning and being around other people , latter I had doubts I would be able to have a partner or close friends ,

reasons being abuse with in family did not learn at school have major dislexca spelling is an issue writing and explaining myself on paper in writing my thoughts and reading,
to read in front of others is how much or how many lines can I read with out my mind closing down and losing the plot . two lines is my lot and then I close down ,many words I don't understand and don't spell, at school I was just dumb, though woodwork I was put in 3 class.s higher than I was in and could do the older boys work plus my own so the teacher knew I was good at that subject,

and sport baseball no one wonted me as the pitcher I was to fast and to hard , only one boy was my offsider, so I never got to play ,basic school was a right off ,
High school 2 years in our class I was 2nd from top , when I left , woodwork was my thing so I went into the trades and enjoyed my life as a builder over 46 years ,
did i still doubt myself , Oh yes, as a person . as a female because of how I was born so those details did impact on my life greatly,

Im glad I never had a father as what I knew it would have been hell for me and had I said at work I,m a female with all the guys around that to would have been hell , any way I got through was married for 35 years did lots of lovely jobs and some lets just say not so nice ones yet over all im happy .

So today , Im a very strong woman self relient confident self worth and selfesteem are not taken for granted my Mom instilled those in me in a way I saw from her in how she was brutily abused by the man who was meant to be there for us , and I did not excape that ether , and that was before and during my birth , and after ,so yes I still doubt myself, yeap some of us do have a story to tell and being able to work through it just takes a life time some times ,
Mom and I had to get away and had we stayed we would have been murdered and not just Mom myself as well .

...noeleena...

Good Lord woman! I feel like my life has been sunshine and unicorns by comparison. You and your mother are both amazing women to have made it through all that. It gives me hope that maybe I can make it too. Thanks!
Cynthia

First of all Cynthia that was beautifully put.I don't think one of us has never been there.I was standing at the butcher shop one day and this CD came in I know her now,Shiella and she's full time,so of course everybody's checking her out,even the butchers came from out back and they were giggling and stuff and when she left people commented and the lady behind the counter which kind shocked because they're Italian and very catholic said who cares he just likes pretty things,and I replied if thats the worse thing you do in life your doing alright.Most of the people agreed and said yeah you could do lots worse than that.So chin up Cynthia,put a smile on that pretty face and enjoy being you no matter what,and try not to listen to the fear and hate mongers in the media especially, because most of those morons can't spell TRANSGENDERED.LOL Heather

Thanks Heather and all the others who replied so far! I'm feeling better about myself this evening. Knowing that all the love and support is waiting for me here on the site and that I'm not alone helps me make it through the darker shadows of life. Even though it's evening here on the east coast, the horizon is looking brighter as I look forward to the next steps on my journey of exploration! Love you all!

Cynthia

I think the only time I ever doubt myself is when I think about the future when it comes to being Transgender and if this is all just a pipe dream and that I will never be exactly what I want to be. I do find myself going online and just looking at pictures of naked females that I am not attracted sexually to at all in anyway but I am attracted to what they have and what I don't have and the pain of knowing that I will never have that hurts so badly.

I am gay and I am attracted to men and I am very passive these days and know that even if I did transition and what not that I would still be in that role and perhaps more girly feelings and attitude. I look at myself and think there is no way that this body will ever look feminine in any sort of way, broad shoulders and just a masculine type body. I doubt that my body will ever become feminine and I hate feeling that way, it sucks sometimes.

First off allow me to say Thank you for the lovely poem. I too have an issue with self doubt, I am new to this community and even though I have been dressing on and off for years I have rediscovered my true feelings. I love the way that being en femme brings me peace but I work in a male dominated industry and the degree of machismo displayed is unreal.As a trucker I know that I will face ridicule and snide remarks when I dress as Caren and I wonder if there is something to their comments.  I am unsure that I am truly a cross dresser but I feel at peace with myself when I express myself as a woman.

Thank you Caren! I'm glad someone enjoyed the poem and it always helps to know that others share the feelings/thoughts you have and that you are not alone!

Cynthia

When I started dressing I had no doubts about being a girl.  What I worried about was meeting people who would treat me poorly or wish to do harm.  That is why my early outings were mostly solitary night walks.

When I married, I did not doubt me so much as their ability to accept me.  Mostly they could not so I had to hide that side.

The last time I had doubts was back in 2005/6 when I had to step out in public as this girl when people would see me for the first time.   It took 45 minutes to get out the apartment door.   After that it got easier.

Funny aside here: one day I was going up the stairs to the walkway heading to my apartment.   # hispanic men were walking by and one of them was openly admiring me.  That was a rush.   Then one of his friends said "es un hombre" to which I smiled and said "si es verdad."  They hadn't expected me to know or speak spanish.  I loved the encounter though.  Just shows how confidence works for you out and about.

I think we all go through that at some points in our lives.  Not sure I know what triggered mine, but I can honestly say that right now I am quite content and comfortable with who I am. I have come to accept that I am part woman / part man.  I don't know if I would be happy as a full time woman or transgender.  At times I think I would but other times I am happy that I can have the best of both genders and that I can express each side.   So for me the few times I really struggled with doubt and u certainty are many ,many times outweighed by the joy that cross dressing gives me and the belief that I am who I was meant to neither took me until I was about 40 to truly understand that and fully embrace my life as Heather.  We are who we are - embrace it Cynthia.  You should not doubt it,  both personas are beautiful in their own right.

Although i I prefer my girly side more often than not.

i believe TS TG and Cd rights are about 10 years behind  the gay rights movement and advances so have faith we will be more widely accepted in short order.  There will always be haters but their numbers are shrinking and ours are growing.

Heather

Hi Cynthia, Wow that hit me right in the heart ! what a beautiful poem . I think we all question our selves about who we are on the inside .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            tears in my eyes ; Pippi

Thanks for the kind words Pippi! It is good to know that others have their doubts from time to time and that others also might be helped by something I wrote!

Cynthia

Yes, when I get the rare opportunity to let my femside out, I often look in the mirror and doubt that I will ever have the courage to follow through with my desire to live life as I should be able to. However since last night when i Joined Crossdresser Heaven, I realise that the thing I am most scared of is failure, and that to live this life to the ultimate, natural, end. Is a failure in itself, and tho I am scared to death, I am not a person to accept failure and give up without giving everythng a damn good go.