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After 40 years of wondering if I could pull it off, one morning I woke up and decided that life was too short to keep on wondering "if I could pull it off".
It was at that moment that I decided just to "go for it" - and in that spirit, I posted an ad on craigslist, offering to pay for the services of a stylist and makeup artist - "because I wanted to get in touch with my feminine side - quite literally". That's what I wrote in my ad.
And to my surprise, 40 women responded to my craigslist ad. That's right - FORTY women were interested in working with me.
And I interviewed every one of them.
We met for coffee in a public place. I wanted to assure all of my respondents that they would be safe in meeting me. Many of them really appreciated my being considerate of their well-being and comfort level.
I heard from professional stylists, working makeup artists, models - and believe it or not, even a porn star wanted to meet me. (With her wrinkled blouse and crumpled mini-skirt, it appeared as if she had just arrived from a photo shoot :). That wasn't what I had in mind, but it was fun meeting her just the same.
After weeks of interviews (some lasting a couple of hours) I finally met the woman who would act as a catalyst - and my future Feminization Coach. I thanked my lucky stars for being so lucky as to find a professional whom I could emulate.
She and I met once a week for about six hours per meeting, in my home. I made a commitment to myself that I would invest the time and effort in creating a fashionable wardrobe. And to that end, I began by completely emptying my closet - ALL OF IT - and that required about 15 large trash bags to transport all of my male garb (a lifetime's worth) to the nearest THRIFT STORE.
Wow, what a relief that was.
After four decades of living an alternative reality in my head, here I was - at last - ready to turn my dreams into a 24/7 lifestyle.
I thought the least I could do, considering that I was ready to embark on the Adventure of a Lifetime, was to get a professional closet installation company, and gut my entire (former) closet and rebuild it from scratch - with crown molding on the floors and the highest shelves, made with materials that gave my closet the look and feel of a SAKS Fifth Avenue store.
But, as it turned out, that was just the very beginning of what became a two-year shopping spree.
I went to Macy's first, but I was so self-conscious that I actually paid someone to accompany me to the women's department, upstairs. I was actually afraid that the women shoppers at Macy's would instantly detect my presence as an outsider and (I hate to admit this) but I was afraid that some of them would point at me from across the floor, causing me an unimaginable embarrassment.
But as it turned out, not a single person (all women, naturally) looked in my direction. Not a single one.
Maybe living in California, people are more open-minded here?
No, I don't think that explains what (didn't) happen.
In truth, I have learned from many years of experience, that for the most part, NOBODY CARES about other people who are shopping in a department store. And I will go even further and say that in my experience, the vast majority of people walking down the street are mainly thinking about themselves, and could care less about the other pedestrians.
The second time I went to Macy's, I went by myself. I was still a little apprehensive, but I got over that in less than 30 minutes once I entered the women's clothing department at our local store. Once I realized that I was practically invisible inside Macy's, that was the moment my entire Retail Experience changed for the better.
Once I "conquered" Macy's, I was ready to branch out. By myself.
I expanded my shopping spree to Nordstrom, Chico's, J.Jill, Anthropologie, and SAKS Off Fifth. I made the rounds about four, and sometimes five, days a week. I met and became friends with all of the sales associates at all of these stores. One day I surprised myself by walking into Victoria's Secret, where I was offered (amazingly) a fitting room. In my previous life, I wasn't allowed anywhere NEAR the fitting rooms at Victoria's Secret. Which goes to show you that it really helps to have the right attitude, especially when shopping for women's clothes.
Every week, when working with my personal Feminization Coach, I got "homework assignments". Mostly those consisted of shopping lists, and they also had a few challenging tasks to build up my confidence.
And did it grow.
Over time I learned many of the designer labels. And which designer makes clothes that are actually flattering to me. I learned about handbags too - a topic I was completely unfamiliar with previously. You would have smiled watching me study dozens of handbags at Ross - I learned a lot from "studying" at Ross Dress for Less. And I took what I learned, including hundreds of website articles, eBooks and audio lessons, and proudly walked into Nordstrom one day to purchase a Rebecca Minkoff shoulder bag. Wow. Instant glamour. That handbag has elevated my look as much, if not more, than any single garment I own.
I now have a very full walk-in closet with garments of many colors. As it turns out, purple really suits me (who knew). I have a collection of handbags, silk scarves, leggings, designer jeans, and an assortment of jewelry that instantly makes women jealous: "Where in the world did you buy that? I want one myself!"
For me, the overriding goal was to make a classy presentation to the world. Otherwise, it didn't make sense to me to come out publicly. I wanted to dress as well (if not better) than the fashionable women in town. It really does make a difference in how people treat me - especially the sales associates in the stores.
If I could offer some advice to anyone reading this, it would be this:
Emulate traditional heterosexual women - the well-dressed ones - and pay attention to the finest details. They will. And you'll be rewarded by being accepted as someone with good taste and the good sense to show yourself off in the nicest (and most fashionable) way possible. And no matter whether anyone is looking at you directly, your self-confidence will come across to everyone whose path you cross. Keep in mind that you are an ambassador to the world - and perhaps the first transgender person that many have met. I'm aware of this every day.
Hi Julia, welcome to CD Heaven, the friendliest CD/TG site on the web. That is a fantastic introduction and I loved reading it. I hope to catch up with you in the chat room soon.
Hugs.
Great attitude and insight from such a mature lady. Seems you have done everything right and with class
Hi Julia,
Love your introduction and welcome to cdh. I have been out recently my self for the first time and recently shopped by my self also for the first time. It was all a little nerve racking but I gained confidence by doing it I believe you are right I don't think people are paying attention as much as we think they are, and I have also found the sales associates helpful.
Regards,
Amanda Patrick
Hello Julia welcome with us
Catherine
Hi Julia and welcome! That was an absolutely fantastic and wonderfully written intro! So glad you've joined this sorority of amazing gals, and I look forward to getting to know ya! Glad you're here!
<3 Lauren
2016_introductions new members: Julia original post:
After 40 years of wondering if I could pull it off, one morning I woke up and decided that life was too short to keep on wondering “if I could pull it off”.
It was at that moment that I decided just to “go for it” – and in that spirit, I posted an ad on craigslist, offering to pay for the services of a stylist and makeup artist – “because I wanted to get in touch with my feminine side – quite literally”. That’s what I wrote in my ad.
And to my surprise, 40 women responded to my craigslist ad. That’s right – FORTY women were interested in working with me.
And I interviewed every one of them.
We met for coffee in a public place. I wanted to assure all of my respondents that they would be safe in meeting me. Many of them really appreciated my being considerate of their well-being and comfort level.
I heard from professional stylists, working makeup artists, models – and believe it or not, even a porn star wanted to meet me. (With her wrinkled blouse and crumpled mini-skirt, it appeared as if she had just arrived from a photo shoot :). That wasn’t what I had in mind, but it was fun meeting her just the same.
After weeks of interviews (some lasting a couple of hours) I finally met the woman who would act as a catalyst – and my future Feminization Coach. I thanked my lucky stars for being so lucky as to find a professional whom I could emulate.
She and I met once a week for about six hours per meeting, in my home. I made a commitment to myself that I would invest the time and effort in creating a fashionable wardrobe. And to that end, I began by completely emptying my closet – ALL OF IT – and that required about 15 large trash bags to transport all of my male garb (a lifetime’s worth) to the nearest THRIFT STORE.
Wow, what a relief that was.
After four decades of living an alternative reality in my head, here I was – at last – ready to turn my dreams into a 24/7 lifestyle.
I thought the least I could do, considering that I was ready to embark on the Adventure of a Lifetime, was to get a professional closet installation company, and gut my entire (former) closet and rebuild it from scratch – with crown molding on the floors and the highest shelves, made with materials that gave my closet the look and feel of a SAKS Fifth Avenue store.
But, as it turned out, that was just the very beginning of what became a two-year shopping spree.
I went to Macy’s first, but I was so self-conscious that I actually paid someone to accompany me to the women’s department, upstairs. I was actually afraid that the women shoppers at Macy’s would instantly detect my presence as an outsider and (I hate to admit this) but I was afraid that some of them would point at me from across the floor, causing me an unimaginable embarrassment.
But as it turned out, not a single person (all women, naturally) looked in my direction. Not a single one.
Maybe living in California, people are more open-minded here?
No, I don’t think that explains what (didn’t) happen.
In truth, I have learned from many years of experience, that for the most part, NOBODY CARES about other people who are shopping in a department store. And I will go even further and say that in my experience, the vast majority of people walking down the street are mainly thinking about themselves, and could care less about the other pedestrians.
The second time I went to Macy’s, I went by myself. I was still a little apprehensive, but I got over that in less than 30 minutes once I entered the women’s clothing department at our local store. Once I realized that I was practically invisible inside Macy’s, that was the moment my entire Retail Experience changed for the better.
Once I “conquered” Macy’s, I was ready to branch out. By myself.
I expanded my shopping spree to Nordstrom, Chico’s, J.Jill, Anthropologie, and SAKS Off Fifth. I made the rounds about four, and sometimes five, days a week. I met and became friends with all of the sales associates at all of these stores. One day I surprised myself by walking into Victoria’s Secret, where I was offered (amazingly) a fitting room. In my previous life, I wasn’t allowed anywhere NEAR the fitting rooms at Victoria’s Secret. Which goes to show you that it really helps to have the right attitude, especially when shopping for women’s clothes.
Every week, when working with my personal Feminization Coach, I got “homework assignments”. Mostly those consisted of shopping lists, and they also had a few challenging tasks to build up my confidence.
And did it grow.
Over time I learned many of the designer labels. And which designer makes clothes that are actually flattering to me. I learned about handbags too – a topic I was completely unfamiliar with previously. You would have smiled watching me study dozens of handbags at Ross – I learned a lot from “studying” at Ross Dress for Less. And I took what I learned, including hundreds of website articles, eBooks and audio lessons, and proudly walked into Nordstrom one day to purchase a Rebecca Minkoff shoulder bag. Wow. Instant glamour. That handbag has elevated my look as much, if not more, than any single garment I own.
I now have a very full walk-in closet with garments of many colors. As it turns out, purple really suits me (who knew). I have a collection of handbags, silk scarves, leggings, designer jeans, and an assortment of jewelry that instantly makes women jealous: “Where in the world did you buy that? I want one myself!”
For me, the overriding goal was to make a classy presentation to the world. Otherwise, it didn’t make sense to me to come out publicly. I wanted to dress as well (if not better) than the fashionable women in town. It really does make a difference in how people treat me – especially the sales associates in the stores.
If I could offer some advice to anyone reading this, it would be this:
Emulate traditional heterosexual women – the well-dressed ones – and pay attention to the finest details. They will. And you’ll be rewarded by being accepted as someone with good taste and the good sense to show yourself off in the nicest (and most fashionable) way possible. And no matter whether anyone is looking at you directly, your self-confidence will come across to everyone whose path you cross. Keep in mind that you are an ambassador to the world – and perhaps the first transgender person that many have met. I’m aware of this every day.
