Guilty feelings?

God yes Holly! I used to struggle tremendously with this. After "release" occurred I couldn't get out of the feminine clothe quickly enough and felt the shame and guilt that I wasn't "normal" like everyone else and that I was somehow letting down my wife and kids and my parents too. And it would be a while(days/weeks) before the urge/desire to dress returned to the forefront and overcame that guilt and shame(as eventually it always did).

Maybe it's because I'm older now or maybe because my parent have passed and I'm divorced and my kids are grown, but I find that now I don't feel the guilt or shame when I Dress anymore. I still fear the reactions of others so I'm still not out in public dressed or "proclaiming" myself to the world, but I think after the last 4 years of counseling and self-examination, I have come to accept that Cynthia is a vital part of who I am(and maybe the most important part 🙂 ) and that she is worthy of acceptance and praise. I still don't know if I will remain at the stage I am now(crossdressing in private,underdressing everyday but remaining male to the outside world) or whether I'll become even more open in my femininity and let Cynthia venture out into the world or even eventually transition partially or fully. but I know that there is no shame in being who I feel I was meant to be and if I ever do find someone to spend the rest of my life with that Cynthia will have to be at least a part of that relationship.

Be proud of who you are girlfriend and know that you are NOT alone as you will always have supportive friends here!

Cynthia

Thanks Cynthia…glad it's not just me because sometimes those feelings are pretty strong and hard to deal with.

Not sure how spiritual you are but I believe that I am how God made me and that it cant be wrong to let the world see the true soul that has been hiding inside my outer male shell for the first five decades of my life. Cynthia is far more outgoing and willing to share herself and her feelings than my male self ever has. I have "spoken" more about myself and my struggle with my gender issues in the last two weeks since I joined this site than I had in the last fifty years and I am a better woman because of it(even though I'm still not showing my inner girl to ALL the world yet).

You CAN make it past and through those feelings of guilt and shame and accept yourself for the wonderful woman who lives within you! GO girlfriend!

Cynthia

Isn't it crazy! I went from NEVER talking about this to ANYONE for close to 30 years to having 1 talk with my wife which went ok, but she's not on board with any of this, to now having this massive social network to gossip with and truly not be afraid to talk about and explore this side of me that I've kept repressed for SO long. I love having my girlfriends to chat with now 🙂 It's helped me to start working through some of this. Like they say, the first step in anything is actually admitting it to yourself openly that you have had these thoughts / desires / etc. At that point you can finally start to sort through them and figure out why and what it all means…or at least try to anyways 🙂 I'm far from having any answers, but I finally don't feel like such an outcast anymore.

Acceptance is the key. Love yourself for who you are. I think this site has been a huge leap for many of us. Yes there is guilt and shame, but once you've accepted it and love yourself for it you'll still go through the emotional ups and downs but you'll be much happier working through it, because you'll more reliant on her to make it through the though times.

Words of wisdom from some wild and wonderful women!When will the alliteration wane? Who "wknows? Ok the last one was just silly 🙂 ! Sorry I'm just so giddy that everything's back up!
Cynthia

Cynthia you're a goof! I love it!

I never felt guilty ever , because I was asexual or into computers and video games rather than sex and what gender I was . I was always rather effeminate but never cross dressed or thought about it , or even about sex . I enjoyed life and had lots of geek friends , but never cared that some people mixed my gender up when they meet me . My wife Shelley when she meet me recognized something child like in me , and I had never had sex before ! When she made love to me , she told me that I was very gentle and made love like a girl , that when she looked at me she saw a girl ! After we we married , which surprise all her fiends and mine , because she was very wealthy and and a Doctor . I was just a computer tech at the local university . Badminton and ballet as a guy was all the sports I had played . She was a track star in college and was a black belt in Karate who also played golf and tennis . I am learning tennis now . It was amazing the chemistry we had , I never cared about her wealth or status but her vivid beautiful mind . We had meet a lunch or the college campus , when I was playing frisbee at lunch , she was with a really handsome guy who I hit in the head with the frisbee by mistake . He got really mad at me , and I was about to cry when she got mad at him for overdoing it . We talked and hit it off . Soon we stated going out together as friends and her more sophiscated friends started to treat me as one of the group . After we were married , she slowly started buying we unisex clothes , or women's version of men's pants and shirts or tops and jackets . I was a slow process of gradually letting her put natural makeup on me . Once she gave me a couple of silk keyhole back neck enclosure tops and side zip ladies pants , and some of my friends started asking me if I was being trans . I was really naive about wearing clothes about about being typed or labeled as cross dresser or TRANS . Later when I got home after dinner , I strated crying and she ask me why . She of course ask me why , and I told him what people were saying and I felt she did not love me and wanted a man as I felt she was treating me or trying to somehow convince me I was a girl. We made increbilble love , and Shelley ask me if I felt she loved me . I started crying and letting her knew I loved her and she loved me . I simply said , Shelley , do you want me to look and dress like a girl tell me the truth , I love you but have to know , that's when she called me Karyn instead or Karl for the first time . She had always called me Baby Cakes as my nick name . She said Baby Cakes , when I first meet you , I saw you as Karyn . I feel in love with you immediately when I saw how kind , gentle, and polite you were . When you told me how you were raised by your Grandmother and her two daughters without a mother or father , I knew why you were so girly and nice compared to guys . Men like me because I am beautiful and weathy , you like me myself as a friend and could care less about my cars or other material things . Yes , she said , I saw you as a girl and I want you to dress up and bring out who I really felt your were . That's why I wanted you to grow your hair long after our wedding , because you look so sweet and like my girlfriend in long hair . It makes me happy , but you have to be comfortable in your own body and mind . I said , well it is obvious you are the dominate one in our life , as you never let me drive ,. I laughed when she said , Baby Cakes you never even had a car , and you are a terrible driver . Well , I really prefer you to drive , and if you want me to become more effeminate like your girlfriend , I will try but only if you help me because this is new for me and I am starting to really love wearing makeup and jewelry and such . But I feel like these changes are also changing how I am being perceived by everyone . My Aunt Faye , told me recently that my mannerism were becoming effeminate and ask me what was going on . Know I know , your love was changing me , and for my better Angel I felt .

I must ecko the words and thoughts of yourself Holly and Cynthia. I feel very guilty dressing as Zoe,and it has almost cost me my marriage but its me. Asi have said before its how God made me, my real guilt is that i never had the guts to tell my wife before we married fearing i would lose her. As you girls have said being able to talk to others who understand is a great release from some guilt. God bless you girls, we are what we are. XX ZOE 🙂

I'll share more details of my marriage time and the effects on it of my crossdressing being concealed and revealed in a later post. But you are right that this site has been a Godsend for many of us. Thank you Vanessa for bringing us together!
Cynthia

Amen! It's way too hard to struggle with all of this on your own for so long as we all know. I thank God every day that my wife didn't leave once she found out.

We all have a journey and a story to tell of acceptance and denial. We can strengthen ourselves through sharing with others.
I have felt guilt/shame when I dress. But that guilt passed once I came to the realization that I am who I am and God make me in this image. I can accept myself as I am today...going from slacks to a skirt or vice versa in a blink of an eye.

Claudia

what a awesome chat. I was full of shame about dressing when i was younger. When i learned to love myself and accept that God gave me all of my feelings i let go of the burning shame.Love letting my inner woman out. Never was good at be manly lol

xoxo

It's funny…I am very comfortable with my man's man, athletic, mr fix it, beer, sports watching, really enjoy checking out women role while on the flip side I am really good at playing the affectionate, playful, sexy, compassionate female role. I relish both sides of my personality, but it's only the one that doesn't conform that makes me feel guilt and remorse. I think part of it is that my wife has told me she doesn't like that part and doesn't want to hear about it. Then when I do let my inner girl out to play, afterwards I almost feel as if I've cheated on my wife in some way. It's weird.