Hello from Jill 🙂

Thank you for such a frank introductory post Jill.

I am glad that 'somehow, you're still alive'.

I'm sure you'll find support and understanding here.

If she is interested, your mother is also welcome to join us - we have a group specifically for wives and significant others and it certainly sounds like she is significant in yours.

Welcome.

Hello, Jill.

So happy for you to join us, and that you were able to confess with your mother. It might be hard the first time, but I know over time it'll get even better and you'll share an unbreakable bond.

Sincerely,

Alexis

Back when I was 4, I had a fascination with women's legs in nylons. I liked to get close to their legs and touch them. My parents were not pleased with this. My mother told me if I liked nylons I could have some of my own. She gave me stockings and pantyhose to play with.

Mom seemed to be very understanding as your mom seems to be as well.

Hello Jill, And Welcome CDH Your story was appreciated and loved it . I, Hope Jill has found peace of mind and heart. Good luck in the future. There is plenty of advice and and most of all friends and family here.
Hugs,
Stacey s

Hi Jill welcome with us
Catherine

Hi Jill, and welcome to CDH. I must echo Jane and say I'm glad you're "somehow" still around.

2016_introductions new members: Jill Gould original post: 

Hello everyone, my femme name is Jill. My crossdressing story only began a month ago, I tried it because I silently and negatively judged a crossdresser for no reason on reflex; I know that if I become what I judge I shall judge not what I am and therefore shall judge not!  Anyway, I got four sweet days of freedom to raid my mum’s closet and escalated from nervously trying on a pair of panties to full femme dress with hose, panties, bras with tissue boobs and flowery dresses.  On the fourth day I waited until 3am when I knew it would be deadly silent and took a walk with the dog in full dress.  Honestly I’ve fell while ropelessly (free) climbing at 70ft in the air and only just managed to grab hold of a hand-hold before accelerating too fast to do so, and going out full-on femme gave me a bigger adrenaline rush!  Anyway, I loved it so much that a few days later I knew I was going to either repress it and feel stressed and angry all the time or come out to my mother and possibly be rejected (though I felt confident she’d be good about it).  Every time I tried to broach the subject my words would stick in my throat, so I broached it by wearing a dress and saying hello.  She laughed at first thinking I was doing it for a joke (because it’s the sort of thing I’d do), and at the time I mistook that for acceptance.

The following day it was real and she knew it, so I got the angry “why” talk.  I just mumbled “dunno” and got changed on the edge of tears and feeling utterly crushed and betrayed. I sat staring into the abyss and repressed memories floated up to the surface, like the day a former boss of mine had “shown me” (ridiculed me in front of the whole company) how a man aught to stand because I was stood like a girl (I never knew I did until it was pointed out).  There are many more that I won’t go into, but I felt in that moment as if I’d broken the seal and unleashed the former self I’d buried and locked away so deeply that I’d forgotten she ever existed.  The male persona I had invented long ago did not die with this reawakening, rather he became one of two souls that lives in me, and he took me sweetly by the hand and told me not to give up.  To cut a long story short, I’m now wearing a dress my mum picked out (see profile pic) and prosthetic boobs, and I dress femme as my default and fully express myself with body language and modulating my voice, and soon my high heels will arrive, my first pair!

My mum was understandably unsure what it all meant, and I think she was afraid of losing the son she has fallen in love with, and probably she is afraid of being embarrassed in public.  I reassured her that it was a strictly private thing and that I enjoyed it and that it was helping me stay away from drugs and alcohol, I bought her two lovely dresses that she would never have “wasted” money on for herself, I made her feel special again because she’d given up (which I learned by reading her closet, the way it was organized, what I’d seen her wear and what I hadn’t, the smell (clothes left for a long time smell neglected haha).  All of this helped the process of me coming out, and finding not only acceptance but also support.  But I think in the end what really changed things was bearing my soul, and here’s what I said:

“Mum, that son you are afraid to lose has been a drugged out emotional wreck for the past ten years, has nearly died of overdoses, has poisoned himself on more than one occasion and God only knows how this body still lives.  That son, that man, is not the soul that God sent to you, that son is the scarred and damaged child that the world has made for you; you may think my mind is broken when you look at me now, but why didn’t you think it before when my legs ballooned, when I collapsed with a split-open head and a concussion.  Why didn’t you think I was broken then?”

I chose the femme name “Jill” after the video game character, “Jill Valentine”, because of an iconic phrase she used in Resident Evil 3:  “Somehow… I’m still alive!”.