Hey there! Call me Shay!

Having spent the majority of my adult life trying to "be myself" within the narrow definition of the "normal" majority I am finally asking myself questions I had opportunity but not the courage to explore 20 years ago. I accept I am gender non-conforming, this much has always been obvious, but not blatant. My behavior was written off as "odd" for a male, not "female" or "feminine". I'm not certain of anything but the fact that I am not quite male, nor am I quite female. I do not have the good fortune of knowing definitively that I was born the wrong gender, nor of being aware of it at a very early age. I was, if anything, agender as a child; and that, coupled with some childhood trauma, served to create a very lost and confused adult. My teen years saw a modicum of experimentation, but small-town, conservative, middle-of-nowhere West Texas saw to it that anything "different" was ridiculed and reviled; and ultimately I just wanted to be normal... with no way to become so. Needless to say self-hatred, and a lack of self-worth and self-value was the result.
I just want to love myself... I'll settle for liking myself for once. And you know, everyone I've shown my "en femme" pics to commented on how happy and full of joy and life I was. I just wish my SO could be on board...