Hi. I'm Amanda

Hi, everybody. Thanks for letting me join this great site.   The first time I remember cross dressing was preschool age. I found my older sisters closet. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out good, because I got caught, and got into a world of trouble.

I don't remember dressing again until puberty. Even though I seemed to like hanging out with my sister more than my brothers. At puberty I found a corset of my moms, and her heels fit me perfectly.

I had a lot of guilt, and conflict. I guess that would be the "story of my life" for the next forty years. I was a hippie when I was young; so I had real long hair, but didn't dress much. I am a christian; and served in the church most of my life; pastoring two churches, as well as prison ministry, Sunday school teacher ,bla, bla, etc, etc. I was so afraid of being outed.

I tried every thing I could think of to "fix" myself. Asking for prayer, counseling , even went  and had "the demons cast out". I always came back.

I had several relationships, as well as a few marriages. I never felt satisfied because I am sexually, and emotionally, a woman. So I could hardly have an orgasm. (Which, by the way, made me popular with the women. They always had an orgasm. I could go for ever)

I went into every marriage; as well as several relationships, thinking I could change. Not only could I not change; I couldn't keep my secret. So, if you are a woman, and you married a preacher; you were not by any means expecting a cross dresser. So I have had a rough time with it. I don't blame them. I should have been honest with them  up front. Going into a relationship with secrets is not good, no matter what the secret is.

After I turned sixty; and went through yet another nasty divorce, I started thinking "I have been fighting this for 60 years ; maybe I am fighting myself." So I decided to stop fighting. It was the greatest decision I ever made. My life is so much more peaceful. I have found the woman of my dreams. She is totally "in" with Amanda. I dress every night for bed, and most days if I am at home.

Once I accepted myself (Amanda), I was able to explore my true sexuality. I found out that I am a woman in bed, but I still like women, so I guess you might consider me to be a lesbian.I also know now that I have a lot of male in me, and don't want to change that. I cross dress at home, and a few times a year we go to some event where I can safely dress up, like Halloween, fetish ball, mardi gras and such. I don't try to pass. I'm just happy being "Two"

I am so glad that I found this site. I am looking forward to meeting each of you and getting to hear you unique stories.

Bye for now, and thanks for reading

Amanda Rose'