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Hi ladies, I'm Debbie, and I finally took the leap to join a CD community. You see the thing is, I'm still not entirely sure how I identify, and the last few months have been hard for me.
Sorry for the long post, but I needed to get this off my chest.
I am a gay man in a long term relationship, and some time ago I got chatting to a CD on another chat site. At first I have to admit I had had no prior experience with CD or trans, however after chatting to her over a number of days (I'll be honest it was mostly sexual at first), I started to imagine how it would feel to dress as she did, and to feel how she felt. I felt more exhilarated and excited than I had felt in a long time, and began to explore more about whether this was a fetish or something else. I started to chat to guys who were turned on by CD's and began to identify more as femme for them, eventually buying some underwear online. I then began to realise I was doing this for theirs, and my sexual gratification and became repulsed with myself, cancelled my account and threw the underwear away. I thought that would be the end of a very short potential fetish, however months later I am becoming increasingly fascinated with girly clothes again, and have since bought pretty panties, tights and suspenders. I am looking more at dresses when I am out shoppping, and how I would look in them. This is no longer about sexual gratification, but a desire to look pretty and femme, and sometimes I wonder how it would feel to have breasts of my own to fill out these pretty dresses. I feel so happy when I am in ladies underwear and yearn to be able to wear this more often. I've not told my partner how I feel, as I know him well enough to know he wouldn't accept it.
So...I finally took a chance to join a community where I can hopefully be myself and talk to like minded ladies who may have similair experiences.
Debbie x
Hi Debbie. Welcome to CDH. Hopefully over time, we can help you explore some questions and maybe even assist in finding you some answers. Hope to see you around.
Thank you Rose, I hope so too, but so nice to be amongst likeminded ladies 🙂
Oh Debbie I certainly understand what you are feeling hon. I too am a gay cd and know that the gay community is not very accepting as people think it is. You are not alone and there is nothing weird or freaky as to what we do by dressing and expressing a different side of us. We all have questioned this behavior over time only to realize it is natural and harmless. I have learned to accept this part of me and enjoy it very much now with no regrets. Feel free to express yourself here and dont be afraid to explore this side of you. Hugs
Thank you so much for your kind words Debbie 🙂 it's took a long time to admit to myself that this is who I want to be, and with all you lovely ladies' help I hope to achieve it. I wouldn't say I'm the most girly of guys, but sometimes I just can't wait to be alone and dress in pretty clothes and be myself. Hopefully one day I can work up the courage to express myself fully and share with you all.
Debbie I understand. I am embarking through a similar journey, and just recently realized that I am TG. We are who we are, and there is nothing wrong with that. To the contrary, realizing who we are and fully being the person we are meant to be is a beautiful thing. The environment here is wonderful, and supportive, with lots of girls like us who are loving, accepting and supportive. Welcome home!
Tami
It's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone Tami, and you're right, we are who we are and it feels wonderful! 🙂 so happy for you to be on your journey, I hope mine is as happy as yours.
it certainly seems like a great community, and thank you for accepting me as one of the girls.
debbie x
Hi Debbie. Welcome and I hope you enjoy your newfound life as one of us. Be who you want to be and explore this new life to the fullest. Hugs, Michelle
Thanks Michelle, being one of the girls makes me feel so wonderful 🙂
It seems like the desire to dress sometimes comes out of nowhere and trying to figure out why and where you fit in and who you are can be confusing. It can be a lot of fun too.
Yeah it does Patty, downright scary but lots of fun. I hope I don't lose this feeling again
I dressed in college a lot. it was a lot of fun. After college I donated or discarded mot of my clothes and didn't dress for a long time. Life went in other directions. Career, marriage, kids, mortgage, the usual things kept me occupied. Then a few years back a few incidents got me interested in trying it again.
I found a stash of old clothes I really liked and kept. I put them on. They really shrunk a lot in storage...lol. Anyway, I squeezed into a dress, put on some pantyhose and the heels. Then went to show my wife. She said if you are going to start going girly again, we need to get you some more clothes.
I was surprised at how I was able to walk so comfortably in the heels. It's like I hadn't worn them in maybe a couple of weeks.
I began dressing again and have been able to get out occasionally. It's been fun and I love it. How long will the desire last? I have no idea. There seems to be many who are really into it, then lose interest and even purge.
Don't purge if you ever lose the desire. it will come back.
Yeah I think a lot would have shrunk in the wash with me lol. To be honest, the desire has been within me for too long now I don't think I ever want to lose it. I lay awake the other night thinking how much I wanted to be fully dressed, in heels (which I've never worn), and to go for a manicure! Never ever thought that way before but it got me quite excited about being pampered as a woman. One day I may be able to do it, but one step at a time. I need an outfit at least first lol.
not sure about the desire to want breasts though, it doesn't scare me and that's what scares me...if you know what I mean?
Debbie welcome to CDH. It is interesting to hear you say that your partner wouldn't accept your crossdressing. The irony is that his inability to accept would pretty much be based on the same reasons that many wives or girlfriends express - he isn't attracted to women and isn't interested in you looking like one. That makes you even more like many of us.
Our path to self-discovery is often not an easy one and feelings will frequently be hurt along the way. I wish you all the best and I hope you can find a way to maintain your relationship.
Whatever happens, you will always be welcome here.
Thanks Jane, that means a lot to me right now, and I never thought of it that way. I'm glad to be amongst sisters who understand and accept me for who I am and want to be x
