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A few weeks ago I penned a story about facing and overcoming our fears and the freedom that follows. ‘Imprisoned’ was about a fictional character but it’s easy to see that it was a story about me. It was ‘based on fact’. The imagined walls and locked door were the same as those I faced in real life. The hidden files and photos lurked within my computer. My first tentative steps outside held the same terror and uncertainty. The ‘coffee shop’ was an amalgam of events over a couple of months. In essence, it was my story with changes made for ‘literary licence’.
After posting the story I sought one further opinion, that of a (cis)woman of amazing strength and an ability to “tell it like it is” if asked to. There was, however, another reason I sought her opinion. She too harbours a secret known to only a few people. I am privileged to be one of them.
This then is her opinion of ‘Imprisoned’. In it I see messages for all of us facing fears and hidden secrets. There is also something about me that I couldn’t see but which she saw from a greater distance. Perhaps I am not as confident and ‘out there’ as I seem.
"Firstly, what strikes me most is how relatable your story is. It’s about one particular type of secret, but I could easily relate the same feelings of shame and fear of the judgement of others to my own particular secret. I think anyone with a secret feels just as described – that feeling of wanting to fit in with everyone else but being so ashamed they can’t imagine it being that easy.
It’s a brave story and from the comments it seems to radiate a message of hope. It is hard to read the despair that comes with the consideration of forfeiting life, but it’s also unsurprising. I think, again, it’s an unfortunately common thought for people struggling with something that they feel makes them ‘different’ to everyone else. It’s amazing how united we could be if we shared our secrets, because the truth is more people have them than have none. This story will really speak to those experiencing the same exact situation, but I think it would actually be an eye-opener for the wider community. It doesn’t even really matter whether our secrets would be considered shameful by others – it only matters how we ourselves feel about it. Your story gives hope that people can conquer their shame and feel comfortable again in their own skin. It’s about taking that leap of faith in the goodness of others, but also developing enough faith in yourself that rejection won’t send you running in the other direction.
That being said, I feel like there’s still a piece of you hiding. This story is very poetic, very wordy, and vague. You’ve gone out of your way to use language to tell a story, but it’s about ‘her’ when I think it would carry more power if it were about ‘I’ or ‘we’. No doubt that it’s beautifully told but there’s a screen that distances you from your protagonist. Clearly intentional, but I wonder about the reason behind the intent. It feels almost like you’re distancing yourself from the people you’re trying to help with your words.
It seems quite apparent to me that this story is yours; that you are the protagonist, and this is your journey towards acceptance. I think you should own that. You already have that support, and you’re inspiring hope. I want to read a final paragraph where the ‘she’ becomes ‘I’; that final door from the story to here and now. I can’t imagine what a struggle it’s been to come as far as you have, and I really admire your strength, and your desire to help others going through what you’ve been through. But I think there are still a few things for you to come to terms with and while I’m certain the hardest part is over there are probably still going to be things that are hard to face. I imagine that for those of us who feel we carry secrets, there will still be days when they get the better of us. We will question our progress and if we weren’t perhaps better off hiding out in our blacked out houses. Or we’ll feel that we are ‘fixed’, when there’s still more self-learning to go. It’s not a bad thing to still have parts of ourselves we want to work on. That’s something I’m slowly beginning to learn myself. It’s something we can take our time with, and I think it’s important to enjoy the process. My point is, commit to you. Don’t be afraid to be raw and blunt. You don’t need fancy sentences and descriptive language to tell a powerful story. You just need heart.
So I really liked your piece, and I think it’s a powerful story, but where you’ve shared it is a platform where you’ve chosen to be yourself. Next time you write something, write without stopping to consider the best phrasing. Be raw. Tell YOUR story, not someone else’s from your point of view. It will probably take a little more courage, but you’ve already proven you have that.
As your friend I want you to be yourself wholeheartedly. I see your journey as inspiration for my own. It’s a hard thing, to love oneself as unconditionally as we love others but I have faith that we will find a way. We just have to keep at it.”
Let's keep at it.
wow JAne. That is a great comment from your friend!. You know me -I end to use language as you do but I have written some pieces as well where Codille used the exact words to describe it to me when she read it-raw and and full of emotion! I think one of them was my counseling post. Anyway I agree her comments give us all food for thought to admit fully to ourselves and others who we truly are! Thanks for sharing this reply with us!
Cyn
I started this journey to find out what my feminine half is like. I have a long time to go and much to learn. Jane your story was very good . I could put myself into it in many ways. We all walk out that door when we are ready. Everybody's circumstances are different and they must make that decision on their own. Can only use own circumstance, but am going for transformation in Sept. and it will be a major turning point in my journey-I am excited and also somewhat scared as to what will take place when I see Lana Mae in that mirror and what takes place afterwards! As I said each journey is different due to the circumstances surrounding it! Best wishes. Hugs Lana Mae
