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Hello, I have been away a while as I have tried in vain to pretend I am not a crossdresser, I am not gender queer, I am not.... well, fill in the blank. But, I am here, struggling once again to sort myself out and find understanding folks to help. At 64 you would think I'd have this sorted. But, I don't.
I am desperately lonely even though I am married. I want to be held, and no one is there. I want to dress, but feel so silly when I look in a mirror. I want understanding and compassion. And don't forget the fashion tips! But seriously, I hate those things on line that focus on humiliation or pain or punishment or guilt. Must those things accompany a desire to explore who we are or who we might be or become?
As I write this, I feel I am cheating on my wife. But, I've tried to talk to her about this. She almost literally covers her ears. She doesn't want to hear. I've been told flat out, "I want to be married to a man." It's been almost 20 years, you would think she would see who I am. What difference does it make what clothes I wear? But, obviously it is important to her. As, I guess it is to me. Why is it that every day that goes by my desire, my compulsion, grows stronger?
2016_introductions new members: Tasha original post:
Hello, I have been away a while as I have tried in vain to pretend I am not a crossdresser, I am not gender queer, I am not…. well, fill in the blank. But, I am here, struggling once again to sort myself out and find understanding folks to help. At 64 you would think I’d have this sorted. But, I don’t.
I am desperately lonely even though I am married. I want to be held, and no one is there. I want to dress, but feel so silly when I look in a mirror. I want understanding and compassion. And don’t forget the fashion tips! But seriously, I hate those things on line that focus on humiliation or pain or punishment or guilt. Must those things accompany a desire to explore who we are or who we might be or become?
As I write this, I feel I am cheating on my wife. But, I’ve tried to talk to her about this. She almost literally covers her ears. She doesn’t want to hear. I’ve been told flat out, “I want to be married to a man.” It’s been almost 20 years, you would think she would see who I am. What difference does it make what clothes I wear? But, obviously it is important to her. As, I guess it is to me. Why is it that every day that goes by my desire, my compulsion, grows stronger?
