Marital Problems

Sounds like you've had the right to blow off a little steam Crystal. You've had a lot on your shoulders and you deserve a bit of happiness. Thanks for sharing, I hope you'll find at least some support from the girls on this site, they've helped me so much with their kind words and understanding.

Hi Crystal. I know you said in your intro thread that your wife refuses to go to therapy. But have you considered going for yourself? Having somebody who's neutral you can talk to and get help navigating through all your conflicting emotions could be helpful - if for no other reason than to help bring you some clarity.

I'll probably look into therapy of some sorts once the new year comes and my new benefits start up. Just started a new job on Halloween which thankfully has been going very well and the benefits are great. Thank you ladies for your kind words and suggestions.

Anytime Crystal, all part of one happy family one here 🙂

Small update. I have an appointment with a new therapist on January 4th... I'm excited. Found someone through a website who has some good ratings and deals with anxiety, marital problems and gender/sexuality issues, so I should be in good hands. My only concern is from the pic of her online, she is GORGEOUS... I hope that doesn't cause me to become too distracted. Lol.

I also plan on talking to my wife shortly after the holidays, probably after I see this therapist at least once, if I can wait that long. I should probably tell her that I plan on seeing a therapist at all. Thing's are looking up.

2016_relationship advice: Crystal original post: 

I have several main problems that I’m becoming increasingly stressed over. My wife and I met in 2012, but didn’t start getting serious together until nearly a year later. We got engaged 3 months later and then married 2 years after that.  There were some minor issues prior to our wedding, mostly emotional struggles, as my wife suffers from moderate depression that she has never received treatment for. She refuses to see a therapist as she thinks that any such person is going to judge her. She has terrible fears of being judged all the time. It caused occasional problems, but never anything too major until after our wedding.

After we got married and moved out of her grandmothers house, things started going slowly downhill. Her issues with depression worsened, and when she was at her worst, she would shut down and refuse to talk to me about what was on her mind. I would try to get her to open up and talk to me, but she would continue to insist that nothing was wrong and eventually start getting mad at me for not leaving the subject alone. Her anger would then cause me to get angry and we would go hours without speaking to each other.

A small part of me started regretting our marriage, and I started venting to one of my best friends. A girl who happens to be an ex of mine. My wife has met her, knows our history and was comfortable with our friendship being what it was. The problem was, that the more I spoke with my ex about my troubles, the stronger my feelings for her started to be. To be honest, part of me never truly stopped loving her, even though the breakup was initiated by me.

The next issue came because my wife ended up finding out about the conversation with the ex, and it started to cause even more trouble in our relationship. Thankfully she does not know about my feelings for my ex, but suspects that she has feelings for m. I in turn swore to her that my comments about being unhappy in our marriage were just venting and not the most accurate of statements. But she has been increasingly jealous ever since, not just of my ex, but of any female that I interact with.

I have started becoming increasingly depressed with these issues in my personal life, although I hide it well and she is now convinced that I am happy with our relationship. But as if all of this wasn’t enough, my urges to dress up have begun to reemerge and now, I’m trying to juggle all of these matters that are causing me to be unhappy with my marriage.  A few weeks ago, I decided to play hooky from work and blow off some steam, I needed some time to myself, some time to feel like I was fulfilled. I ended up visiting a gay theater a few towns away. I had only ever read about them online and was always curious. I had been with a couple of guys when I was much younger and enjoyed it, but never felt a strong desire to be in a relationship with a guy, I just liked hooking up, but I was never the type to just hook up with anybody, male or female. I’ve always valued the emotional intimacy above the physical. The theater was interesting, but I was too shy to even consider approaching anybody. One guy non-verbally was giving me signals, but I was terrified to make the first real move. I honestly believe that if he approached me, that I may have fooled around. I have been tempted to visit again in hopes of a better outcome, but a mixture of scheduling and nerves has kept me at home. I’ve read stories on erotic lit sites about crossdressers visiting these theaters, and there is a huge part of me that fantasizes about dressing up and going to the theater, but I don’t think I ever could, especially considering how non-passing I am.

Thanks for reading, I could probably keep going but I think this is enough drama for a single post.