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My Feelings Today
Here I sit on the edge of tomorrow,
Wondering if I’ll ever get rid of my sorrow.
Despair!
Not really sure what to do or to say,
Things that seemed clear are now cloudy and gray.
Confusion!
Who am I really? I’m not sure that I know.
Am I portraying the person I should be or no?
Dysphoria!
I really want someone to love and not hurt me.
But when you get close I get scared and have to flee.
So lonely!
Why did they have to hurt me this way?
Feel so damaged inside the pain just won’t go away.
I am broken!
I’m so ugly, loathsome, and dirty inside,
That I don’t think I’ll ever get clean, so I hide.
Violated!
I don’t know if I can take this pain anymore!
Is the only way to relief through life’s final door?
Please help me!
When I think of the ones I love I don’t really want to go.
So much more for me to do, things I want them to know.
Not finished yet!
I really want to open up. Its said the truth will set us free.
But will they still love and accept when they see the real me?
I’m frightened!
Dear God in Heaven, I humbly pray!
Please help me to live ‘til this night turns to day!
Still hopeful!
Off to my rescue, His help He did send!
An angel of mercy in the form of a friend!
I am saved!
Praise God!
Wow Rachel! Powerful words. Thank you for telling me first that this was form a while back or I'd be jumping through the monitor to hug you and tell you everything will be OK. This really captured the sense of hopelessness many of us have felt at times as we come to grips with who we are and what we need to do. So glad and thankful that God sent someone to you that night and hope that someone out there who reads this will think twice before giving up their fight. GREAT POEM GIRL! Now let me go clean up my makeup running down my face from my tears!
Cynthia
Got tears going here, too, sweetie. Only I have waterproof mascara. Thanks for your kind words. If what I do can help save one life, it'll be worth it. Even if it is just mine.
An amazing poem Rachel. You have captured the feelings of many and also offered the solace and freedom they seek.
May I hone in on one line: " But will they still love and accept when they see the real me?" After some initial confusion and trying to understand my family members have come to realise that all these years they have been seeing the real me - it's just that now they know why I am like I am and they do still love me.
Once people realise that you are the same person they love and admire then it all goes so much better.
Thanks, Jane. I really appreciate your encouraging words.
Your poem has actually made me go back over many of my literary efforts and they bring back a lot of memories of darker days.
As you did on this occasion, I write what is in my mind and heart at the time. What I am really pleased to notice is that over the last year, but especially the last few months, that darkness has gone. I can again indulge in fanciful, frivolous composition because life is good and I'm happy with who I am and where I'm at.
That's what I wish for every other person here, no matter who they 'are' or where they wish to be.
Thank you again for reminding me that even for a CD a positive life is possible, just like it is for anyone else.
