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Reflections on a year of change
So many changes in my life from whence my age turned fifty-
Some caused me apprehension, but most also tried to lift me.
The pace of change was faster than it ever was before
As things that I’d kept hidden deep inside came to the fore.
The girl who’s been within my soul was longing to arise-
To cast aside the shell she’d worn and stop telling the lies.
The promises she’d made to stay behind the shuttered door
Could no longer be enforced because she needed something more
Than the furtive fleeting moments that had satisfied her need
To express the feelings from her heart which now began to bleed.
The years suppressing everything had led her to this place
Where she had to stop denying what she had refused to face.
She’d never been and likely never would be truly male
For the woman deep inside no longer wants to be in jail.
Her decades long imprisonment is nearing its conclusion
And the male façade she’d worn would be revealed as an illusion.
The final struggle to emerge may take a few more years
And no doubt will be accompanied by more than a few tears.
But the fight has made her stronger and more likely to survive
The vicissitudes of life and finally begin to thrive.
Until that final victory, she’ll pick her battles well
Eroding from within the outer male-appearing shell.
And one day when the time is right, she’ll finally burst upon the scene
And the world will see the woman she had truly always been.
So as she’s one year older now, she ponders o’er her fate
Glad to realize that is never quite too late
To show her true self to the world regardless of the cost-
For failing to become herself would be the greatest loss.
Thanks to all my friends here at CDH. As I spend my last day at age fifty, I’m still trying to find my way but I think at least I am moving in the right direction. For those of you on a similar journey of self-examination, know that you too are not alone. I feel so blessed to be able to talk to each and every one of you (both new friends and old) and know that no matter what else happens in life, I will always be thankful for the time I spend with y’all. I hope that I can be half the positive influence in others’ lives that all of you are in mine! And may the tears of joy that I cry help the garden of flowers that you all are bloom and shine in the world as an example of what true love can do.
All my love to my sisters here,
Cyn
Lovely Cynthia. I can see myself in there somewhat.
2016_personal stories: skippy1965(Cynthia) original post:
Reflections on a year of change
So many changes in my life from whence my age turned fifty-
Some caused me apprehension, but most also tried to lift me.
The pace of change was faster than it ever was before
As things that I’d kept hidden deep inside came to the fore.
The girl who’s been within my soul was longing to arise-
To cast aside the shell she’d worn and stop telling the lies.
The promises she’d made to stay behind the shuttered door
Could no longer be enforced because she needed something more
Than the furtive fleeting moments that had satisfied her need
To express the feelings from her heart which now began to bleed.
The years suppressing everything had led her to this place
Where she had to stop denying what she had refused to face.
She’d never been and likely never would be truly male
For the woman deep inside no longer wants to be in jail.
Her decades long imprisonment is nearing its conclusion
And the male façade she’d worn would be revealed as an illusion.
The final struggle to emerge may take a few more years
And no doubt will be accompanied by more than a few tears.
But the fight has made her stronger and more likely to survive
The vicissitudes of life and finally begin to thrive.
Until that final victory, she’ll pick her battles well
Eroding from within the outer male-appearing shell.
And one day when the time is right, she’ll finally burst upon the scene
And the world will see the woman she had truly always been.
So as she’s one year older now, she ponders o’er her fate
Glad to realize that is never quite too late
To show her true self to the world regardless of the cost-
For failing to become herself would be the greatest loss.
Thanks to all my friends here at CDH. As I spend my last day at age fifty, I’m still trying to find my way but I think at least I am moving in the right direction. For those of you on a similar journey of self-examination, know that you too are not alone. I feel so blessed to be able to talk to each and every one of you (both new friends and old) and know that no matter what else happens in life, I will always be thankful for the time I spend with y’all. I hope that I can be half the positive influence in others’ lives that all of you are in mine! And may the tears of joy that I cry help the garden of flowers that you all are bloom and shine in the world as an example of what true love can do.
All my love to my sisters here,
Cyn
