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The Site Was Down Today
I tried to sign on to the site today but all I saw was a 521 error that it was down. I know this happens from time to time with any website but it really hit me today. I started thinking about why it upsets me so much when I can’t get onto CDH. I know some people may see this anxiety as a sign of weakness-an inability to deal with real life. They point out that we don’t even know whether those online are really who they say they are.
And I must acknowledge that this is a true statement…but I also know that for every person who is NOT being genuine (and I know we have seen some of those on our site as will any online community) there is another person who like me has found a home here that accepts me for all of who I am. I have spent the first five decades of my life hiding who I really am, and it is in this community that I have been able to let the girl within me express herself for the first time. Years of repressing her have left scars that are only slowly beginning to heal-some of those scars have come from the words of others but many of them were self-inflicted. Hating myself for being different and having these feelings but then hating myself even more for not accepting that those same feelings are what has made me the person I am today and that the person I am IS worthy of being loved.
The ladies on this site have been my guardian angels. Their words of support and love-of which I feel so unworthy-have made the difference between survival and a life of loneliness and despair. They have provided me with a reason for going on in life. The joy I get in sharing in their successes and the heartbreak I feel in sharing in their setbacks are equally important in giving me a sense of purpose. By being there for them, I feel like I make at least a little difference in the world-and isn’t that all I can really ask for in life? The knowledge that someone else is happy and successful (or at the least a little less sad) because of something I did? I realize it may only be in my imagination, but it does help me to get through each day.
Well the site is back up now, and so I’ll close-but thanks to the down time, I was reminded of how precious the gift of the site has been and will continue to be. I will not take for granted the friends and confidants I have found her and I will thank God every day for leading me here. I love each and every one of you that has let me be even a small part of our lives and know that you are each a huge part of mine.
Luv,
Cyn
Great use of down time, I always enjoy reading your articles :heart:
As always spoken from the genuine heart; Thank you Cyn!
How quickly and often, often it is that we get so deep in our own trees that we forget to step back in gratitude and remember the forest, Its easy to become complacent and take for granted the support and safety each visitor has the opportunity to experience here on CDH.
Yesterday, I prepared and served a wonderful supper for two neighbours who are fully accepting and supportive of my choice of expression.
With hair and make up done, cute knee high leather boots (which my neighbour was envious of) n leggings with a powder blue tank top the meal was created and served in gratitude.
I wish one day to prepare a meal for all my sisters just to say Thank You for being exactly who you are!
Namaste' n big big huggles for each of you from my heart and for you Cyn for reminding us of just how precious our little community really is to each of us!
I Am Grateful 🙂
Dutchess Charee' 😉
It takes me a while to warm up socially but thanks to you and the girls I'm slowly warming up. It's feeling more like home and I enjoy the conversation even if I'm not saying anything. It's a joy to feel welcome and comforting to feel at home. Thank you!
Yes Cyn I too feel a little sad and frustrated when I can't access CDH. Like you and many many others I feel the girls are so kind, helpful and supportive and a lot of fun. Being on this site and talking in the chat room fills me with confidence and I know I can speak openly about my feelings and my hopes and fears. Outside the site I feel I can express myself better and with more confidence to be who I really am. I'm not full time yet but I don't hide myself away like I used to do. This site has been so good for me. Thanks to you and the girls my former secret is coming out and I feel so much more comfortable with that part of my life. Thank you. Xxx
