The Urge to Crossdress

I have noticed that it seems like the older I get, the urge to dress is always present. I have purged several times in my life. Tried to make Rochelle go away, but I guess I cannot get rid of part of who I am. As far as what started it, I have no answer. I started when I was 12 or 13, wearingmy sister's clothing.

My sister is much younger and smaller then me so I didn't really have her clothes as an option. I almost exclusively borrowed stuff from my mom's wardrobe. Mostly shoes at first, but then I gradually needed to put on more women's clothes to achieve the same effect. That is the main reason I asked because I constantly would like to do more with my crossdressing so it made me wonder if the urge is getting worse. That and I'm not really certain what triggered my first urge to put on women's shoes maybe I just thought they looked cool and wanted to try them on the rest is history lol.

For me, the urge has always been there.

As I get older, I have been feeling more pressure to just come out to the world around me, yet also more fear of how that will change my life. A balance for now has been getting more confidence when I go out dressed as a feminine guy, visiting the same restaurants and stores that I usually go to in full guy mode.

I don't know if this makes much sense, but the urges I have now are to go out in public, not only that, but in closer proximity to people.  So far when I've been out, it's either been at a time when almost noone is expected (y'know, around my neighborhood at 3 in the morning or something like that), or more-or-less far away from other people.  About the closest I've come to someone else is when I was walking on a sidewalk and others were driving by; or when I was driving, someone next to me at a stoplight or similar.  I live alone so it's not like dressing at home is particularly important/meaningful, it just feels nice to be in a skirt or dress and some tights (oh, do I love tights).  For some not too explicable reason, I want to be out where people can see me, and what's keeping them from seeing "all of me" is a dress or maybe a skirt, instead of the usual pants and shirt...just like a lot of women.  It's not like that's necessary or anything, I've been dressing in my apartment or house for decades without spending a whole lot of time out in public.  I wish I could explain why now, and not nearly as much previously.

I have been through many "dress and purge " cycles. Just recently I decided to never purge again!  (Let's see how long that lasts 😃). I think maybe as we grow older we just get tired of hiding this part of ourselves. Also we care less and less of what others think. Maybe  a little of both.

Jillian

The urge may come and go with time but never goes away. I am en femme more now than ever before and enjoy being a woman . No need to try to explain it but just enjoy girls. You were born this way .

I've just recently started buying clothes for myself. I've only purged my stuff once and I realized it was just too expensive to keep buying and purging after that.

My first thought about this subject is, I have to say, is how much I love CDH. I have looked at other sites, such as tumblr and various others, but CDH has actually given me more to think about, especially concerning who, and why I am. I remember when I was much younger, I used to spend a lot of time looking through the Sears catalogs, mostly the women's section, mainly shoes and lingerie. Maybe mostly because it kind of turned me on. But I also began to look at the pictures and started thinking how beautiful the various articles of clothing looked. Then as time went on, I found that not only did they look great, but they felt amazing. I caught myself trying on panty hose, shoes, and bras. Then in my early teenage years, I ended up getting a summer job as a janitor at my school. Sometimes I would be in the girls locker room, and find cheerleaders outfits. I would find a way to smuggle them out, take them home, and put them on. I looked in the mirror and I was in heaven. With it being summer time, and school being out, I was pretty sure that no one would notice, before I had the opportunity to put them back. As time went on, I started saving money to purchase small, cheap items, like panties, nylons, and training bras. I would hide them in my closet, and try them on, after every one else was sleeping. I continued to do this throughout my life. I also remember all the times I went to sleep, wishing I would somehow wake up, and magically be a girl. I fought with myself for many years, about why am I doing this, and what is wrong with me. The older I get, and the more I find girls like me, I realized that I'm not the only one, and that there is nothing wrong about who I am. In addition to that, I have also somewhat recently, found that I have a child that shares the same thoughts and passion for pretty clothing as I do. She has even expressed the desire to fully transition. My father also seemed to have a slight encounter with our way of thinking. I'm not sure if it could be genetic, or not. But I am beginning to truly embrace the real me. Hugs and kisses Rochelle.

This urge seems to never go away

I'm not sure that the urge increases as you get older. Maybe it seems to increase because as I've gotten older I've learned not to fight it and accept it, so with the acceptance comes the increased desire. I don't know where the desire comes from but it's been there since I was about 12. It is part of who we are, just need to find a way to fit into our lives.

Jennifer,

I have found 2 things are occuring as I grow older.

1. the urge to dress has not necessarily gotten stronger, but things I used to do are being replaced by being dressed. I used to coach soccer, baseball, race cars etc... Now those things are got leaving me more times to dress.

2. I have found a tronger desire to completely pass, luckily for me I am very effeminate. Passing for me has come quite easy. I spend more time out as a woman than I do as a man.

Cookie  😉

It comes and goes for me.

I had a lot of time wanting to dress in my mid to late teens. Then it went away and re-emerged at the end of my 30s. I've talked to people that have speculated it follows a testosterone production cycle. That at least correlates for a few people http://www.healthline.com/health/low-testosterone/testosterone-levels-by-age . That suggests it will generally get stronger as I get older.

There are also some shorter term cycles at play. http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14076/6-surprising-factors-that-cause-low-testosterone-in-men.html . As I get more stressed, I want to spend time as Joanne. When I do, that relaxes me and I naturally return to wanting to be John - that fits with the stress impact on testosterone production shown on that page. This is one of the reasons I don't want to go full time - I think that if Joanne gets associated with the stress then I wont have that relief available.

I so agree sweetie, I have dressed off and on for many years, I love myself when dressed, like myself when not, we are who we are!

Definetely increased for me!I've been off and on for years but  been more active as I've gotten older. Partly because I feel like and I feel like my good looks won't last much longer. My legs still look good and I can still turn some heads , so the urge is strong. I couldn't help myself at lunch today,  I dressed up and drove on the freeway flirting with truck drivers. So much fun , felt so good.