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When looking in the mirror I gazed deep into my eyes,
Trying to discern the person hidden deep inside.
So many times I wondered if I’d ever truly know
The happiness that others felt when thinking of their beau.
I’d always been so very shy, reluctant to relate
To anyone-my head and heart would have a great debate.
My head would argue “who could ever love someone like you?”
My heart replied, “It’s what’s inside that can provide a clue.
A quirky sense of humor that can surely bring a smile;
A heart that yearns to share itself perhaps even beguile!”
The head replies” but what about the oddities and quirks?
You’ve got so many-you will likely only find the jerks!”
“Not so!”, my heart retorts, “For surely there must be
A Kind and loving person who past all those flaws will see
The lovely lass inside the wrinkled shell in whom she lives
And knows how eagerly she wishes that she just could give
The love that has been building up for lo these many years-
That up to now she’s held on to along with many tears.
So long it’s been since she has shared her feelings with another
Til recently she thinks she may have found that certain other.
The person she imagined that their fates could be entwined.
Could she have been so fortunate her soul mate now to find?
But then the tears returned for though this person was so tender
She feared because she didn’t know how they would deal with gender.
So many folks get all caught up in silly names and labels
To overcome the biases, they sometimes are unable
To deal with how society may shun them if they know
That one who’s now a lady once a different shell did show.
So slowly, oh so slowly, she waits patiently to see
And hopes her dreams will one day come to be reality.
And in the meanwhile she enjoys the time that they can spend
And knows whatever happens she has found a lifelong friend.
If it evolves to something more, delighted she will be
That God has given her another chance her happiness to see.
So follow what your heart says and ignore the heads’ cruel doubt.
And let the woman who’s inside a chance to see what life’s about.
You cannot hide your nature or the essence of your soul
Will disappear and leave instead a deep and gaping hole.
But if you’re true to who you are, you’ll find that you are blessed
For God made you and I believe he surely knows what’s best!
I don’t know where my life is leading me but I’m seeking His guidance in helping me to discover the Plan for my life and to accept it in whatever form He wants no matter what the obstacles.
Cyn
Cynthia you have beautifully captured the conundrum many of us face when trying to come to terms with the distinctively different aspects of who we are - our perceived gender and our attraction to others.
Because we are transgender we tend not to see gender or sexuality as binary concepts. From a gender point of view we find ourselves somewhere along a spectrum between binary male and binary female. When it comes to sexuality we sometimes also find ourselves within the binary concepts. I don't mean the 'simple' approach of being heterosexual, gay or the middle ground of bisexual. I mean something like being attracted to a feminine form and all things feminine, whilst knowing full well that the very person of our affections is male-bodied. Such an attraction doesn't quite fit gay yet it also doesn't fit hetero.
In the end, I think we are attracted to far more than just a physical component. We are attracted by who the person is more than anything else. The rest are just the trappings of the vessel that carries us around.
I hope the person you've written about finds that companionship and acceptance Cynthia, and thanks you for giving voice to her feelings.
To Cyn my little blossom, trying to figure out what path, I will not ever judge you, just give advice if asked.
FF,
PCB
Codille,
For one who says she doesn't like poetry, you are pretty damn good at it! Thanks for the lovely words and for being my FF!
Cyn,
Thank you so much for putting into words, that which many of us couldn't. Wonderfully written!
Cookie! 🙂
2016_poets corner: skippy1965(Cynthia) original post:
When looking in the mirror I gazed deep into my eyes,
Trying to discern the person hidden deep inside.
So many times I wondered if I’d ever truly know
The happiness that others felt when thinking of their beau.
I’d always been so very shy, reluctant to relate
To anyone-my head and heart would have a great debate.
My head would argue “who could ever love someone like you?”
My heart replied, “It’s what’s inside that can provide a clue.
A quirky sense of humor that can surely bring a smile;
A heart that yearns to share itself perhaps even beguile!”
The head replies” but what about the oddities and quirks?
You’ve got so many-you will likely only find the jerks!”
“Not so!”, my heart retorts, “For surely there must be
A Kind and loving person who past all those flaws will see
The lovely lass inside the wrinkled shell in whom she lives
And knows how eagerly she wishes that she just could give
The love that has been building up for lo these many years-
That up to now she’s held on to along with many tears.
So long it’s been since she has shared her feelings with another
Til recently she thinks she may have found that certain other.
The person she imagined that their fates could be entwined.
Could she have been so fortunate her soul mate now to find?
But then the tears returned for though this person was so tender
She feared because she didn’t know how they would deal with gender.
So many folks get all caught up in silly names and labels
To overcome the biases, they sometimes are unable
To deal with how society may shun them if they know
That one who’s now a lady once a different shell did show.
So slowly, oh so slowly, she waits patiently to see
And hopes her dreams will one day come to be reality.
And in the meanwhile she enjoys the time that they can spend
And knows whatever happens she has found a lifelong friend.
If it evolves to something more, delighted she will be
That God has given her another chance her happiness to see.
So follow what your heart says and ignore the heads’ cruel doubt.
And let the woman who’s inside a chance to see what life’s about.
You cannot hide your nature or the essence of your soul
Will disappear and leave instead a deep and gaping hole.
But if you’re true to who you are, you’ll find that you are blessed
For God made you and I believe he surely knows what’s best!
I don’t know where my life is leading me but I’m seeking His guidance in helping me to discover the Plan for my life and to accept it in whatever form He wants no matter what the obstacles.
Cyn
