After coming out to wife 5 months ago

Many years ago, I came out to my wife (girlfriend then) on the basis of my liking lingerie. We had a few sessions of using lingerie but it was not her thing and I said no more.

So in the following years I began to see an escort who encouraged me to dress up with her, and this satisfied my crossdressing fetish/sexual needs. I felt very guilty but did not want to re-open my crossdressing desire with my wife.

Some years afterwards, my daughter discovered some photos of me dressed en femme on an USB stick that she wanted to use for her home work.

Shocked, she told my wife who freaked out and told me to get out of the house that day.  She made me promise to see a psychologist; which I did but with no effect.

For a year I lived apart from my family-continuing to see a crossdressing friendly escort.

We were reconciled, but mainly because she became ill with cancer and I looked after her in the final months of her life.

It was a difficult time.

Hi Anna.
My situation is a little different than yours, but, my wife has needed to hear "I Love YOU" several times a day, and be hugged and held, for a few minutes at least a few times a day, our whole long life together, she has always had issues of not being loveable since childhood, (whole lot of reasons there). So I have always had to make sure I show her just how much I do love her.
Do you grab her and hug her as you walk past? Pat her bum occasionally? are you sexually active? And above all, just out of the blue say I love you?
just my input, but usually actions speak louder, and reach deeper than words.
and, maybe seak a good counselor, for you both?

I have no idea why we wives think this way. That was one of my biggest concerns when I found out about his feminine side. I’ve read all over this site & other books to become familiar with what cross dressing is & what it isn’t. I’d recommend Joining here to any significant other!
it did take 5-6 months of  “research” before I felt I could let down my protective guard & just enjoy all the different facets of my husband.
Good luck!

It seems to be quite a common instinctive reaction in us wives unfortunately - we can no better explain why as to you can explain why you dress, it's just how it is.  If your wife found your forms and bras accidentally and had no inkling beforehand then her mind will have spiralled (naturally so).

What can you do to convince her otherwise?  Truthfully?  Just love her and re-assure her and keep talking to her and asking her what she's feeling and thinking as well as explaining as well.  Offer to do research together, look at books you can share and learn together so you can both find some peace, wherever that may end up.

There is no overnight magic fix, it will take time, as Honey has said ,and see if she will join here as well so she can see that "being gay" is not the natural default for those who dress.

"Are you turning gay in your old age?" This, from my wife when I mentioned a desire to wear women's clothes - and after 50-plus years of love and marriage.  GGs seem to believe that the only possible reason for doing so is to attract men; I don't know why.  A few weeks after I told her, we had The Talk.  I assured her that I was straight, she was my one and only, and I still loved her as much as ever; but Dressing something I just had to do.  By offering to let her set the limits, she felt comfortable enough tolerate my Dressing, and in time, she has become accepting to the extent that we have gone out together for lunch and even a Girls' Day Out for shopping.  I'm still her guy when she needs one, but she is comfortable with Bettylou much of the time, now.  It was probably a big help that she had previously come across the concept of getting in touch with one's feminine side; don't know from where or when, but I'm forever grateful for the concept.

Bettylou

Anna, Even before I had come out to my wife, the subject of my interest/curiosity for the opposite sex had been openly and thoroughly discussed.
When I did come out, and even still on occasion, she’s more concerned that I am not planning on transitioning (in the strictest sense of the term) than whether I find Brad Pitt insanely beautiful 🤩

We’ve spent many hours together learning and seeking understanding this entire thing and I’ve had to do everything in my power to reassure her of my love and commitment and respect of the boundaries.

The reasons behind the need to express ourselves in this manner may not matter in the end, but how we show up in our relationships on a day to day basis definitely matter.

my wife and i nearly divorced when i came out to her 10 yrs ago.

a family emergency put a separation and eventual divorce on the back burner.

since then she has become tolerant and comes to support events with me.

however our sex life ended the day i told her.

i wish you good luck.

Thats so cool, Betty Lou. My wife actually watched a show on it, about a month before I told her about myself, so it made things so much smoother,and sweeter. She knew exactly what I was talking about
Regine

Update I had talk her more about it. She told me she don’t want to know anything about it, she can’t think of me that way.  She needs her man so I respect that and won’t talk to her about my girly side.   At this moment we are doing good.  Thanks to everyone for your support.  Anna

What’s important is that the two of you are good. I hope y’all are able to find some kind of compromise that allows you to be girly when possible. I’ve read about a lot of SOs that let it happen as long as they don’t have to see it themselves. Take care and good luck.

She dose give me time to be Anna so I can’t complain. I’m truly good with that I really have no desire to be a female full time.  I do enjoy my male side and a little female side.

Good luck Anna, I hope it works out for you, at least you have time on your side. Do the best you can to educate her, the two points she must learn about are; CDing does not mean you're gay, and, your desire to CD will only increase over time. The first will help her not to be afraid of losing you to it, the second will basically tell her 'This is who I really am, I need you to accept it'

But what about the fact that the wife is also not gay!! Over & over I read on here to reassure the SO that the CD is not gay but constantly you overlook the fact that the SO is also not gay!
I know my husband is not gay but I’m not gay either! I am attracted to my masculine male husband, I’m not attracted to a man with breast forms, hip pads & wearing a dress!

Dont feed the trolls.