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Hi,
I am a nearly 30 year old crossdresser and have been married for about 2 years now.
Shortly after our marriage I came out to her, I know that I should've told her before. I hadn't dressed up in 5 years at that point.
But she took it really well and was supportive, she had a hunch that I have a strong feminine side.
At the time we still lived with my parents, so we decided that I shouldn't start dressing up again until we had our own place.
We moved in to our own house, and with her permission I wear her cloths from time to time when she isn't around.
I want to take the next step, that's me dressed up in front of her, but want to do this planned and not just suddenly show up all dressed up.
How do I bring this up to have a chat with her about it?
Thanks in advance for your advice.
Regards,
Annabeth
Hi Annabeth,
"How do I bring this up to have a chat with her about it"?
Very carefully and with lots of discussion leading up to the chat. You can get a very good sense of how she might respond based on earlier talks. Basically, be patient.
As you said, you most certainly do not want to "show up all dressed up". Do not ever forget, she married a man. Asking her to also accept a transgender/crossdresser into you house is a big ask.
Good luck young lady.
Robyn
I would like to echo Micki Finn's comments about baby steps.
When I came out to my wife she was immediately very supportive. I told her that I had no idea about how to size myself for dresses, etc. and would need her help. On everything! She had me try on some of her dresses and we are close to the same size in most things.
When I want to buy a new dress, skirt, top etc., I always ask her opinion. This keeps her engaged which in turn, I believe, keeps her supportive.
I then asked for her help on make-up as this was a strange world. We went shopping and I let her be the authority on foundation, eye shadow...the works. She was very patient and guided me step by step.
As I've said many times here, when I go in to full Karla mode, once I've finished dressing, I go to the living room and ask for her critique. She keeps it honest and I adjustments as necessary.
You've taken a big step in being honest about your dressing.
Good luck!
Annabeth,
Bless your wife for being supportive and open minded.
Easy does it.
Rather than mention things that the girls have already covered, I can think of only one possible other item. If there are any support meetings/groups in your area for CDs, it could be helpful for both of you to attend, particularly when the meetings include both the CD and the spouse of the CD.
More wisdom from Peggy Sue💐. I've long admired -in my 15 months with CDH -your very pretty pictures, captions, comments, replies. You thoroughly enjoy being Peggy Sue (I sure see why) , freely going where you like to. I hope for you and yours a safe and satisfying Spring🌹
Annabeth, you are already ahead of the game as she knows about your cross dressing, is supportive and allows you to wear her clothes. All big pluses! Now to start the conversation about how she feels about you being dressed up in front of you. I presume you do not wear lingerie to bed or she sees you under dress (if you do) ?
Take it slow and be curious and ask lots of questions about how she feels about it.
.AnnaBeth -
It is wonderful that your wife is supportive and let's you wear her clothes. When I first came out to my wife she was not very happy. With that being said she did give me some of her clothes that she no longer wore. She also helped me shop online for a couple bras and dresses. Over time she became more accepting and supportive. We've gone for mani-pedi's together and I've gotten color on my toes, we've shopped online and in person together (I'm in drab and don't try things on), she took me to get my ears pierced and last year it got to the point where I was able to dress in front of her. I usually wait for her to bring up my dressing and when she does I am honest with her, which is very important.
The best thing I can add to what you've already been told is to be patient and let her take the lead and then be honest with her. It may take time but remember slow and steady wins in the end.
XOXO
Suzanne
AnnaBeth; from my viewpoint, there really isn't going to be an easy way here. If she seems to be happy with you wearing pretty clothes, then you're at least half of the way there, but actually seeing you in a mini skirt is a very different thing than just knowing that you like that. All I can say is (to use a 1970's phrase) "Suck it and see!" I reckon she'll be fine - after all, she already knows the deep, dark secret, n'est pas? I just hope that everything goes well after that - surely, it would be a strange matter if she objected to seeing what she already knew? All I can suggest is you propose a quiet, romantic evening in front of the fire with a bottle of Prosecco and a delivery Chinese: when they ring the doorbell, let her answer it and sort out the plates and cutlery - you head upstairs, quickly get dressed and come down carrying a couple of glasses and the wine. She'll either freak out or - MUCH more likely - accept the situation and propose a toast to AnnaBeth! Please let all your sisters here know how it goes: Good Luck!!! Holly XXX
Might I suggest that you tell her that you want to dress with her around, and if she would help you find clothes. Maybe visit charity shops. This will keep the cost down and you'll see all sorts of styles. Many shops have a style... Younger people, older people. trendy people....Charity shops have all styles, and at very cheap prices.
With your wife helping you with the choice of clothing, she won't be so "shocked" about seeing you in it as she chose it.
Cerys
Ask her for a make over. Give her full reign.
For all my two cents worth, do not show up fully dressed. I did that and it took years to get over, very big mistake. I would also say buy your own clothes and not show up in hers, she may let you wear them when you're not together but might be ok in front of her. I do like the idea of bringing up the help with makeup, might be a great way to break the ice. Anyway you do it, do it slowly, you've got a whole future in front of you, no sense in ruining it now. But please do tell us how it turns out.
Sherri
Don't over think it, simply ask her if she would like to see you dressed. If she says yes, then you can plan it out what best works for both of tou. She might want you to go.dress right then and there, or tou could plan an evening together and prepare a nice home cooked meal and open a nice bottle of wine. Nothing is cuter and says femme quite like lipstick on a wine glass.
Since I started crossdressing at 13 til I met my wife at almost 40 I had a few serious relationships that were leading to marriage and they all failed cuz I kept my cross dressing a secret. And I was ridiculed and made to feel ashamed and worst of all, had so much lingerie and outfits thrown away!!! I’m so proud to see so many true men explore and be the lady that’s part of them and not have to lie or be secretive or ashamed. It’s clubs and communities like this who make me feel normal and unashamed of who I am. And when I finally met my wife I fell in love with her instantly and knew I had to be honest with her right away. I feared losing her but I ashbest and told her I like wearing women’s lingerie and outfits! She smiled and told me that she never met a guy like me but was intrigued and told me to tell her all about it. I assured her I wasn’t gay but I liked wearing lingerie and women’s clothing cuz I felt more in touch with my feminine side and want to share that with a female partner. She understood and asked me to dress up for her and she said I looked cute and to dress her up too. We were the same size and I liked that her panties were XL and fit me too. I showed her my entire lingerie collection and she was amazed at how much I had and wanted to try it all on with me. She said she wanted to pick out what she wanted me to wear. She noticed I had lots of satin bra and matching satin panties and I said I only wore satin Victorias Secret. And she said I had her bra size 36C and they fit her perfectly. And she loved that I had garters and stockings and and asked me to show her how to put them on. She attached the garters to the stockings and loved it. Ten I put her in leather miniskirts and blouses and heels. They were a bit big but she liked them. She told me to but her some shoes in her size. I ordered her more shoes and outfits
Hi,
I just wanted to check in and give a quick update, as promised.
My wife and I had a talk last week, it went better then expected.
I had brought up the topic before, but her insecurities about crossdressing were just too strong.
I had written some kind of letter with openly what I thought, expressing my gratitude towards her, what I’d like to happen in the future, etc. Because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to express myself verbally, it would have been harder to find the right words.
She read it and started crying a bit. But we had a nice open dialogue. She was more interesting to discuss it and wanted to know why I like crossdressing so much, other than for the cute cloths and nice textiles. Unfortunately I couldn’t explain it myself, I honestly said that it just clicked and gave me peace of mind whenever I’m stressed for example. Sometime in my youth it just happened. She was okay with that but wanted to further understand the why.
So I suggested that she visits this website and eventually made her own account.
She was open to it and will look at this website on her own time/pace.
In the meantime, she’s still okay with me fully dressing when she’s away. She’s still scared to see me in full feminine clothing. I understood why and said that if she changes her mind we could always start with a picture or however she wants it. But she said that it would be okay with me wearing feminine cloths while she’s around, but only cloths so no wig and also no dresses or skirts. But she’s okay with feminine blouses, pants and PJ’s. Depending at how it goes she’d also be okay with teaching me how to apply make up. It’s a big development in my opininion and we’ll see how it goes from there.
Her pants don’t fit me, so it’ll have to wait
Thanks again for your encouragement, I wouldn’t have gotten this far without your support.
PS: any tips on styles with pants? I must admit that I never wore female pants before
Or perhaps tips on looking femine without a wig? I have short hair, so it's really manly. Even wearing a dress without wig looks strange to me.
Perhaps an additional conversation is needed. Something along the lines of - I really appreciate you allowing me access to your clothes, but it feels a bit of a violation despite your permission. Could we possibly shop together for a couple of outfits for me?
It would allow her a chance to be involved and have input if she chooses. Additionally, if she does help you would know that the items have her approval/acceptance so you wouldn't be offending her sensitivities by choosing items only you liked.
Good luck!