BEING the wife of a crossdresser.

Allie

You've been much stronger than many! And thank you for your efforts. Welcome and I hope you find someuseful and positive answers from coming here. You need to have some leel of comfort in this too in order to make things work out in the long term. It sounds like there needs to be more discussions. You've shown that you're not running or kicking him out, so he can get a sense of safety and trust. Its his turn to convince you that that trust is warranted by explaining openly and honestly what he feels. It can't be all one-sided to either of you, compromise and mutual respect works in most relationships.

I wish you both much luck, it can be good, I live it with my gf.

Msg me if you wish

Olivia

allie, sweetie, don't worry, your concern is normal and understandable but I think you are losing perspective in some aspects, of which I am going to give you my perspective and with which I hope not to say something inappropriate in your current situation of confusion
The first thing is to clarify to you that being a crossdresser is not synonymous with being gay, there are many straight men who are crossdressers and love their wives and they like women, your fear comes from a prejudice that is not based on reality, just read some of Post  here and you will  see that many are heterosexual and at the same time have that desire to dress in women's clothing.
the second is that according to the facts your husband is clearly heterosexual, that is why your intimate sex life improved, because your husband is now free to be himself and share his wishes with you, if it were not so, your love life would not have changed at all , even if you had found out his cross-dressing, the truth for any straight man,  is  not easy to admit that he is crossdresser because people immediately judge him as gay, as you are doing, with this I do not want to offend anyone of course, but the fact of being crossdresser does not should automatically identify us as gay, being gay is a sexual orientation like being  heterosexual but it  does not affect the desire and impulses to be crossdresser
Thirdly, darling, life and God has given you a great gift for both of you to enjoy, the gift of truth so that he can be himself and be a better husband with you and you finally know what moves and excites your partner, in other words you know him better and your relationship and your bond as a couple improve, my recommendation is that keep your mind open to try to understand,  talk to him many times but do not prejudge him because in the end he is the one who has had to bear this great weight in his life, that you do not know what it feels like, loneliness, misunderstanding with yourself, pressure within you to please society, against our own wishes, I wish you  the best of luck and in what we can collaborate we are here to help , hugs felicity

Hi Allie,
Thanks for your story. I recently found out about my husband too. I am hoping he will come out the way your husband has. My husband did NOT want to go shopping when I suggested it. And got angry when I asked him to wear his panties for me.

My husband and I have always had a very active and open sexual relationship (until recently). Private message me if you ever want to talk.

Sometimes our truth can be so scary that yes we can lie with a straight face looking directly into your eyes. For many here this secret has been with us since child hood. So it's learned behavior. The good news was how he came home early so worried you had his bags packed. That's a sign of his desire to be with you. The question is can you trust him. Well that depends on what you don't want him to do. Take some time go slow discover who this new person is. Communicate and listen. If he's willing find a therapist who specializes in gender and have some sessions to get the ball rolling. Remember feelings are not facts. Trust until you have facts that something is wrong. I wish you both the same happiness my wife and i have found. My dressing has brought us closer than ever.

Good luck

Dana 💋❤️

Hi Allie,

I have only recently come out to my wife.  I was terrified. I have been with her for 32 years and been in love with her for 43, since i saw her for the first time.  I have only ever been with her.  I have been crossdressing since I was young.  she had no idea.  After the conversation with her, i was excited.  I stopped being completely secretive about my femme things. I came out of the bedroom is a skirt, blouse and high heals.  My clip on earings were on the desk in the office.  she was shocked.  I have always been an alpha male in her eyes, and the sight and realization i wear womens clothes was to much to fast.  She thought i was transitioning right in front of her.  I am not, I do not want to become a woman, I want to have the ability to expeirence the beautiful clothes that women get to wear.  Match bra and panties, High heels, short skirts, soft jeans, and shirts.  I needed to learn from my wife what she is willing to see and take part in.  The boundaries are different depending on the situation.  Currently our adult child is home with us, so no dressing at all.  I am trying my best, but the call of the red lace panties in the drawer is hard to ignore some mornings.

My advice is simple be open and honest with your husband with were your comfort level is and he should respect it.

Paula

Hi Allie I just read your post. My heart goes out to you. I could feel your freight in your words. It is scary when you first find out about your husbands desire to express him self in the female gender. You are right it is not normal according everything we have been told when we were young. I hope i can shed a little understanding for you. I can only tell you about me not your husband. This is what i believe. We all assume that our brain matches our born sex when we are first born. If you are born with a penis you are celebrated, dressed and treated accordingly. I do not believe i was i ever dressed in pretty clothes and told how pretty i was over and over when i was young i do not remember that. I do remember wanting those things when i got a little older. I identify with the female gender. I wanted to look and be like the people who i identify with but i was told that it was not right because i was a boy and boys do not dress in girls clothes and those who do are some type of sissy boy not a real boy not a girl but something that was not good. So we begin our life believing that how we felt was wrong. We do not trust how we feel. We just do what we are told and keep our feelings a secret. why i identify with the female gender i really do not know and there are so many theories out there and so many of us are still trying to figure it out. It really gets confusing for most of us when we come to understand that if you like dressing and acting like girls you must like boys. Sexual desires and gender identity are two separate things. I adore woman every aspect of them. I desire them as most here do the same. The problem i have had my entire life is i wanted my identity to be confirmed by the outside world. I wanted to hear those words you are so pretty it would just send me into heaven. The best way to hear those words is to dress pretty and cute as you know. No one is going to tell you that you are pretty if you are dressed and act like a boy. Just because you choose to wear boys clothes does not mean you are attracted to girls. So the sexual attraction please keep separate. There are so many things we will never understand about becoming a woman We just do not have the body to confirm that and none of us had to experience of growing up a girl because we were told that it was not right to even think that way so the secret goes deeper. We feel shame and guilt whenever we feel that way. We all have to express how we feel some times. So some of us just express it in private when we are alone and others have just said screw it i am tired of hiding my feelings. It is when some of want to understand WHY? we have those feelings we begin exploring who we are as a person. We start by asking questions on the internet trying to find out if there are others like us that have the same feelings So here we are there are so many people that have those feelings that there brain did not match there body. We have found out that there are 3 generations of people from all over the world mostly all married to woman who know an a lot that do not know .Some of us are attracted to men that is who they are sexually attracted to not just because they dress like woman because they just find men attractive. I think you understand that also. Take the time to understand that takes communication from your husband he is still the man you married he just identifies with who you identify with the female gender. If you can come to understand it better. It will either bring you closer or tear you apart that is up to you. He did nothing wrong. He can not change who he is. You can help him be a better person as he can help you. The way it works in my marriage of 38 years is simple My wife is in charge of the money spent on all clothing. We can be like teenage girls spending on what looks and feels good at the time. You do understand that part. I tell her where i am going and who i an going to be with when going out. If i am going out to private club for CDs. She has visited club and met many members and there wives. Some wives prefer not to see it at all others find it cute and funny. Acceptance with both people is the base of a great marriage. Give it a try and see what happens. There is something very special about your husband that attracted you. You and he deserve happiness in this short life. Hope this helps.                                                                     Luv Stephanie

Allie,

As stated before the “lie” is something I had to live with for a long time. That learned behavior is what made me feel shame and guilt with previous relationships. This is not who I am and ultimately ruined those relationships. Because I am heterosexual and love women my next relationship I decided to be open and true to who I am and that is ...
I am a Crossdresser! Not only do I like to dress in woman’s clothes, I like to express my femininity! It helps me escape the pressures of an image society places on me because I was born with the male anatomy. Well I happen to like pretty colorful things and connected to nature in a way to appreciate it and not kill it! So now I choose how I want to live my life ,and that’s getting dolled up !
Now my fiancée actually adores who I am and encourages me to do what makes me happy! She loves when I dress ! And who doesn’t look sexy in lingerie! My openness creates a beautiful bond and I love her so much and I never have to lie again! I’ve said this before “ congratulations this could be the best thing that ever happened to you”! Giggles!

Peace& love and heels 👠

Sapphire

Heard a movie quote yesterday, "Relax, life is a mess." Just goes to show that curve-balls come at random.

Love is genderless. Dressing and acting female is not always a sexual thing, often it is just fashion, sometimes fantasy.

My advice to you is to go with it. "Make" him feminine and he will always be yours.

First, I want to say that your story is what every straight CD dreams of.

Second, I am married to a wonderful woman who is very straight, very straight-laced, and very much of the mindset that men are men and women are women and that's the end of the story. I love her dearly, and I'd be miserable without her, but I don't dare tell her. I'm completely purged (in case you're unaware, that means that I threw away all my feminine things, before we got married) but I miss it a lot, both as a sexual fetish and as a means of relaxation.

What I'm getting at there is that I would not cheat on my wife, but telling her is just out of the question. Occasionally she'll find some trace of that part of my life and I just laugh it off because telling her is too much of a risk.

I hope that gives you some insight into some of the things that may be going through your husband's head.

I have often had the feminization dream - but it was/is very important to me that all participants are female.

It's an entirely heterosexual dream for me, but probably 50/50 sexual.

In my earliest dreams, I had a good female friend of my own age, who would want me to be dressed like her, and insist that I wore one of her dresses, and panties.

Then, we would simply play childish games as girls together.

The sexual part crept in during my teens, naturally.

The big trigger that made me realise that I am, in fact, a cross dresser, and there's nothing I can do about it, was during a games lessons, aged 13.

I was never sporty - in fact, I hated PE, as everyone seemed so much better at it than me - and few boys want to be seen as the worst at anything.

The physical reason was that I had grown to 6 feet by the age of 12, and my muscles couldn't keep up - it's normal for tall, slender guys, but no-one tells you that, so you feel like a weedy freak. Everyone takes every opportunity to tell you that, so the perception of yourself as useless grows.

Anyway, the trigger was during a football  (soccer!) lesson.

I just was not getting the offside rule, and my team mates were fed up with with me, the opposing team were fed up with me, and so was the games master.

He asked if I would like to see the girls games teacher, wear frilly knickers and a short skirt and go and play hockey with the girls.

What could I say?

I wanted that more than anything, of course I did - but I could no more admit it in front of the other boys than I could deny this deep desire.

The silence must surely have given me away, but, to my surprise, I never got the teasing I deserved, which could have steered my life onto a new and dangerous, possibly deadly path in the late 1970s.

Instead, I became so anxious about the next games lesson, that I deliberately left my kit at home the following week, then panicked as I realised that I would get in trouble and wear dirty kit from the lost property - wear other boys dirty clothes?

Ugh!!!

I'd rather have died.

On fact, it was so bad, I did try to force, by hurling myself from my bicycle to the pavement head first, at speed.

I came round from a coma 2 days later in hospital, and the first thing I said was "Oh no, I shouldn't be here!".

I tried to starve myself by not eating anything in hospital and could hardly walk when I left, at 6' 2" and 6 stones.

Somehow I got through my teens, so the story ends well - but I don't believe that society should put such needless anxiety and pressure to conform on minor points like clothing, or quirky, harmless character traits.

I still cross dress, obviously, and it's still my fantasy to be "forced" to wear female clothes, such as the rare occasions when my wife asks me to dress female for costume parties with her female friends. That is so lovely - to feel like the way I'm dressed has been out of my control - that some lady has wanted me to dress that way, it's hard to express the deep and lasting joy it brings!

Love Laura

Hi Allie I am a little late to this post so it may not be of any help.

My name is Patty andI am happily married and my wife knows .

My crossdressing is more sexually driven but n0t all sexual.

I am not attracted to men in the least bit I love my wife very much and she is the only one for me sexually.

My dressing isn't all sexual I love so much just shopping and trying cloths on or shoes.

Allie you will probably find there are bounderies or parts of crossdressing that you just can't deal with.

My wife does not want Patty in the bedroom,That is one of her boundaries.

You will need to determine what if any that you have and communicate that with your husband.

It sounds like your husband loves you and you love him so please talk about all of these things with your husband and I think you two can make it work.

Don't get me wrong sweety my crossdressing has put me on the edge of divorce a couple times however we both love it other and feel our marriage is worth the effort to make it work.

Hang in there I know you two can make it work.

Patty

Thank you Stephanie for crafting an excellent, thoughtful and helpful reply.

Hi

I came out to my SO last night, and although she doesnt want to see, she is not repulsed. She has always known about me wearing panties ( I didnt feel the need ). But since moving to my own place I have gone full on with lingerie, dresses, skirts, high heels and even breastforms. I am 100% heterosexual, but I feel really good dressed up.Think from your point of view, yes lying is wrong, I told my SO straight away. Keep hold of he has now told you, is not an easy subject to throw in a conversation.Keep conversing with him about it. Enjoy it if you can, you now have a girlfriend as well now.

Hi Allie.

I have been with my fiance for seven years now and jusy last year she discovered a hidden stash of makeup with my clothes. Naturally at first she thought I was being unfaithful but when I told her I've been experimenting with crossdressing she was very much relieved but also nervous. She felt that I might someday want a sex change. Currently right now I don't think that, I just like dressing up. It puts me in a peaceful place I've been looking for for months. Just because he likes being a woman doesn't make him a bad person or wantinga sex change. People do things to put themselves in their peaceful place, some better than others. Be thankful it's not drugs he's hooked on.I find this as a beautiful way to express that feminine side men have but can't express.