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Coming out at work

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I was so happy and nervous yesterday. The girl who sits at the desk next to me seen my nails and asked me, "who does your nails".  Telling her she asked if I was I was going to put color on them. I told her I was thinking about wearing color at work but wasn't sure about it. Told her I have put color on them.  Suddenly, she asked about me transitioning. Instead of me feeling ashamed I felt free to express I was and how I wore clothes under my male clothes and that I had my toes painted. We did this in the open, so there was a nervousness that filled me inside wondering how many people heard what we were talking about. I spoke more to the girl on Skype about some of my struggles and about makeup and such. It was so nice to have girl talk at work.

Makes me wonder how much more I should try and at what pace not to cause trouble.

🤗😘

Jessica

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Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Hi Jessica.

I am no expert on transitioning, not in my path in life, but I think that it may be a good idea that, now that the cat is out of the bag, you schedule an appointment to talk to HR or if it is a smaller company with your manager or supervisor. If they hear things from others, you can’t perform any damage control. If you are the one letting them know, you can provide them with information, and even let them know about anti-discriminatory policies in the state where you live and also what the company policies are. (Hopefully the law and the company policies are lgbt inclusive).

Good luck!

Gaby

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Thanks Gaby, I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. At this point not sure how many of the others heard what we were talking about. So I'm trying not to jump too fast either. I'm still trying to work on the balance with my wife. So balance at work is kind of running on those lines.  For example, the girl at work said I should get my nails done with french tips. I told my wife she said I don't think so. The whole thing makes me want to try more but don't want to hurt my career either.  I live in Missouri and to my knowledge there isn't much support here in work places.

 

🤗😘

Jessica

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

 

Jessica, I certainly understand.

I’d suggest you to get as informed as possible on the law and your rights. You may have already found this site but just in case...

http://www.motransrights.org/

I hope that will help.

Good luck!

Gaby

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Gaby no I haven't found that site. I will check it out thank you.

🤗😘

Jessica

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Jessica, I certainly understand.

I’d suggest you to get as informed as possible on the law and your rights. You may have already found this site but just in case…

http://www.motransrights.org/

I hope that will help.

Good luck!

Gaby

Gaby, I appreciate you giving me this site. I checked it out and and see I have help if I need it. Also, this helped me figure a way to check the company I work for which is fortune 500 company. I found in 2016 the investors voted over 50% the company change verbage so their policy protects gender expression and change. Now I just have to figure out how to make changes not to create problems. Since seeing the hardness it is on wife I'm sure it would be harder for most at my work specially since I'm in the transportation field.

Thank you again,

🤗😘

Jessica

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

You are very welcome Jessica.

But first thing first. I hope you will be able to work things out with your wife.

Gaby

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I hope so Gaby. It is tough on me. I want to be me more but have to try and hold back for her since she says too fast. Between her and work I feel like I'm still fighting to be me.

At least I found my work did change verbage so they do not discriminate sexual orientation or gender expression.  I did notice dress code is still only women and men. So not sure where I fit in on their policy working trying to become more woman and still a male. This is rough on the mind. Kind of feel the same way with my wife.

 

🤗😘

Jessica

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Bobbi,

Where I work is over 15000 employees.

Thank you,

 

🤗😘

Jessica

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Posts: 149
(@skyler1090)
Estimable Member     Chicago, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Closest I came to coming out at work was in a way that came off as a joke to my sexist boss. I was totally serious but he doesn’t need to know that lol.

 

Boss: I’m going to put you in charge of customer service. Ahh... that means you’ll need a dress and lipstick though.

Me: Sorry, don’t have a dress. I’ve got a cute pants suit and some jeans outfits though. Will that work?

Him: Uhhhhhh.. wow. Wasn’t expecting you to fire back so quick.

Game. Set. Match. Lol

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Posts: 52
Lady
(@donna_rose)
Trusted Member     Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

It can also help your position if the company sells products or services to state or federal governments.  I had to invoke ADA just to spend my lunchtime napping in an existing bunk room; it really improved my functioning despite my Narcolepsy (now seen as a neuro-immunological hormone problem, ironically).

You might also check if the Job Accommodation Network  (AskJAN.org) suggests any reasonable accommodation for diagnosed gender dysphoria, if that’s on target.

Good luck!

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Donna, I did take Gaby's advise. I called my HR department they told me the company suppoors me 100%. Their advise was to talk with on or both of my managers so they can help me on my changes.

This is a little scary as it was calling HR. My wife thinks it is too soon to do this  so have to make this decision.

Every time I think about doing this I get nervous wondering the outcome even with HR telling me I have their support.

Any thoughts?

 

🤗😘

Jessica

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Posts: 124
Lady
Topic starter
(@confused11)
Estimable Member     HARRISONVILLE, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

That reminds me when I told guys at work I thought about dressing up like Maryland monro.

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Posts: 52
Lady
(@donna_rose)
Trusted Member     Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Jessica,

Classifying anything that complicates a spousal relationship or manager’s job as “bad news,” I can only dredge up the axiom that “Bad news does NOT improve with age.”  Now that you’ve spoken to HR, your manager(s?) need to hear it from you, even if you slow the timetable due to your wife’s reservations.  And then you need to work hard and watch closely.  If you can find a copy of “Office Warfare” by Marilyn M. Kennedy, that can help you develop indicators to watch for situational awareness.  HR can be surprised by knuckledraggers downchain; don’t you be.  “No surprises all around” is great approach, I think.  Any mitigation you can think of for said news should be ready to offer, if the other party is receptive.

 

I’m sorry if I forgot any of the early parts / considerations of this thread, coming up with this answer.

 

I hope that that made sense.  Hugs,

 

Donna

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Posts: 149
(@skyler1090)
Estimable Member     Chicago, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

See, I plan to finish out my commitment with this company since they’re paying for me to get my masters degree. After I finish the commitment, I’m out of here. I’d love to join s more progressive work force. These engineers are so cut and dry conservative and I really can’t do much more than an androgynous wardrobe here. I’m starting to grow my hair back out a little so I can keep s longer feminine undercut that can be styled as a male hairstyle if need be. Other than that, makeup would be a deal breaker, jeans that fit me right would push my manager over the top, and any kind of femininity would lower my respect level tenfold. Kind of at the mercy of them right now but I’ll take a free degree lol

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