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Hey everybody! So I've been with my fiance for a few years now and she's aware of me being curious into crossdressing. I've been pretty shy on the matter as I'm terrified of alienating her. She recently revealed to me though that she likes "manly men" so although she loves me still she doesn't like the crossdressing side of me.
So I have some fake breasts and underwear and would like to grow my "arsenal" per se but I'm scared of alienating her more. I can do it secretly on Fridays when she visits her family but my absence tends to be noticed at their house. I'm not sure if I should hold back and avoid it, give it a shot and order some clothes to try out on Fridays while she's gone, or some other option....
I guess overall what're y'all's thoughts on this?
Rebecca, listen carefully...the time you HAVE to work this out with her is BEFORE marriage. This "situation" is not likely to go away and repressing/hiding it/ deceving her about it will eventually poison the relationship. Work it out with her if at all possible. Read up about it. Who knows? Maybe you could someday turn her into an ally. Best of luck!
Thanks Jennifer. I'll re approach her and see about the best method that works for her. We've always been proud of our communication in our relationship and I'd like to maintain that trust!
My advise would be to go slow, be patient, be very, very honest and both of you have to be willing to compromise.
I'd echo that it's really important to keep communicating.
The thing I notice most in myself and other ladies here - if you want to cross dress, that feeling never goes away.
A compromise made before you know where you want to go, before you've fully explored your femme side could come back to bite you later.
You may start to feel stifled by the rules you may down now.
It's a journey, and it's best made together, or she'll have a lot of catching up to do, and it will feel like a shock.
So be careful with rules, and be prepared to renegotiate - try to explore step by step at intervals.
Baby steps.
Unless you've already fully explored your femme side, you won't know how much she requires of you!
Love Laura
The girls are right. This will not go away. I would lay my cards on the table. As for her liking manly men. You can be both. I capartmentalize my life. When I'm a girl I'm a girl when I'm I guy im a guy. My wife needs me to be a man after all that's who she is attracted to not Sabrina. Good luck
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What she said
its a long time to bottle the genie.
Time for some open and honest discussions
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Great advice
One further bit of advice...when I first came out to my wife, because of guilt/shame/a desire to ease her pain, I agreed to limitations that I knew full-well would not work long-term. I believe one of the other ladies touched on this already. Not that limitations are bad, they're likely going to be part of the game here. But honest negotiations also includes HONESTY about what will and won't work. Go slow. You can't push her beyond what she's OK with but you can't lock yourself into something that wont work for you either. It can be tough and it should be understood by both of you as an ongoing discussion. It's worth it though.
I agree with all that has been said, you need to have open and honest communication with her as to your wants, needs and desires. She is no different in her wanting a manly man. it is also about balance, find your happy medium so you are4 both happy.
It will NOT go away. Best to figure out before you marry
Come clean.. it will be hard for you both but please tell the truth. I also love manly men. But I also love my fiancé who IS a manly man. But sometimes is a beautiful woman. Read my posts to get some insight into how she might feel if she were to find out without you telling her.
Communicate with her. From experience I can say that my wife knows, doesn’t support it and it’s one of those dirty little secrets. Don’t live your marriage like that because it makes it that much more difficult. She will harbor resentment and have trust issues with you. Be open and honest with her to your needs and listen to her needs. If you can’t find a common ground it may be the best to reassess your commitments to each other. The urge to dress will never go away no matter what you try to do to convince yourself.
If you reveal your true self, you MIGHT lose her; but if you keep your secret, you most likely WILL lose her some day, after possible years of torment. Tell her. If she does leave you, she wasn't the right person for you, love notwithstanding.
you need to be honest about how you fell to be true to your self and your partner, if you don't it will only get harder as time goes on, that is speaking for myself
If I knew then what I know now about myself I would have told my wife then fiance in a heartbeat. Yes it would have been hard and risky but it would pale in comparison to the years of suppression and pain we indured. Have the courage for you and for her. Being femme is a miracle and it doesn't go away. It grows like a beautiful flower. I only wish I had realized at a much younger age what you seem to know already. I wish you luck.
PS my wife also likes masculinity I am able to be that for her when she needs it. The best part is she commicated to me when that is. Mostly in the bedroom and when we are in public around friends. Any other time we are girl friends.