Notifications
Clear all

Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.

Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.

Dressing in Secret

16 Posts
11 Users
0 Reactions
290 Views
Posts: 11
Lady
Topic starter
(@astronamous)
Active Member     Corpus Christi, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hey everybody!  So I've been with my fiance for a few years now and she's aware of me being curious into crossdressing.  I've been pretty shy on the matter as I'm terrified of alienating her.  She recently revealed to me though that she likes "manly men" so although she loves me still she doesn't like the crossdressing side of me.

So I have some fake breasts and underwear and would like to grow my "arsenal" per se but I'm scared of alienating her more.  I can do it secretly on Fridays when she visits her family but my absence tends to be noticed at their house.  I'm not sure if I should hold back and avoid it, give it a shot and order some clothes to try out on Fridays while she's gone, or some other option....

I guess overall what're y'all's thoughts on this?

Reply
15 Replies
Posts: 218
(@jennifermcc)
Estimable Member     Mantua Township, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Rebecca, listen carefully...the time you HAVE to work this out with her is BEFORE marriage. This "situation" is not likely to go away and repressing/hiding it/ deceving her about it will eventually poison the relationship. Work it out with her if at all possible.  Read up about it. Who knows? Maybe you could someday turn her into an ally.  Best of luck!

Reply
Posts: 11
Lady
Topic starter
(@astronamous)
Active Member     Corpus Christi, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thanks Jennifer.  I'll re approach her and see about the best method that works for her.  We've always been proud of our communication in our relationship and I'd like to maintain that trust!

Reply
Posts: 218
(@jennifermcc)
Estimable Member     Mantua Township, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

My advise would be to go slow, be patient, be very, very honest and both of you have to be willing to compromise.

Reply
Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

I'd echo that it's really important to keep communicating.

The thing I notice most in myself and other ladies here - if you want to cross dress, that feeling never goes away.

A compromise made before you know where you want to go, before you've fully explored your femme side could come back to bite you later.

You may start to feel stifled by the rules you may down now.

It's a journey, and it's best made together, or she'll have a lot of catching up to do, and it will feel like a shock.

So be careful with rules, and be prepared to renegotiate - try to explore step by step at intervals.

Baby steps.

Unless you've already fully explored your femme side, you won't know how much she requires of you!

Love Laura

Reply
Posts: 196
 Dana
Lady
(@sabrinacan)
Reputable Member     Long Beach, California, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

The girls are right. This will not go away. I would lay my cards on the table. As for her liking manly men. You can be both. I capartmentalize my life. When I'm a girl I'm a girl when I'm I guy im a guy. My wife needs me to be a man after all that's who she is attracted to not Sabrina. Good luck

Reply
Posts: 117
(@sometimeslacey)
Estimable Member     Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

[postquote quote=225412][/postquote]
What she said

its a long time to bottle the genie.

Time for some open and honest discussions

Reply
Posts: 117
(@sometimeslacey)
Estimable Member     Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

[postquote quote=225819][/postquote]
Great advice

Reply
Posts: 218
(@jennifermcc)
Estimable Member     Mantua Township, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

One further bit of advice...when I first came out to my wife, because of guilt/shame/a desire to ease her pain, I agreed to limitations that I knew full-well would not work long-term. I believe one of the other ladies touched on this already. Not that limitations are bad, they're likely going to be part of the game here. But honest negotiations also includes HONESTY about what will and won't work. Go slow. You can't push her beyond what she's OK with but you can't lock yourself into something that wont work for you either. It can be tough and it should be understood by both of you as an ongoing discussion. It's worth it though.

Reply
Posts: 812
 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Noble Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

I agree with all that has been said, you need to have open and honest communication with her as to your wants, needs and desires. She is no different in her wanting a manly man.  it is also about balance, find your happy medium so you are4 both happy.

 

It will NOT go away.  Best to figure out before you marry

Reply
Posts: 102
Significant Other
(@chloereilly)
Estimable Member     Ireland
Joined: 5 years ago

Come clean.. it will be hard for you both but please tell the truth. I also love manly men. But I also love my fiancé who IS a manly man. But sometimes is a beautiful woman. Read my posts to get some insight into how she might feel if she were to find out without you telling her.

Reply
Posts: 94
Lady
(@vickicdntx)
Estimable Member     Texas, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Communicate with her. From experience I can say that my wife knows, doesn’t support it and it’s one of those dirty little secrets. Don’t live your marriage like that because it makes it that much more difficult. She will harbor resentment and have trust issues with you. Be open and honest with her to your needs and listen to her needs. If you can’t find a common ground it may be the best to reassess your commitments to each other. The urge to dress will never go away no matter what you try to do to convince yourself.

Reply
Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

If you reveal your true self, you MIGHT lose her; but if you keep your secret, you most likely WILL lose her some day, after possible years of torment. Tell her. If she does leave you, she wasn't the right person for you, love notwithstanding.

Reply
Posts: 736
(@paula1)
Prominent Member     Newport, Victoria, Australia
Joined: 9 years ago

you need to be honest about how you fell to be true to your self and your partner, if you don't it will only get harder as time goes on, that is speaking for myself

Reply
Posts: 196
 Dana
Lady
(@sabrinacan)
Reputable Member     Long Beach, California, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

If I knew then what I know now about myself I would have told my wife then fiance in a heartbeat. Yes it would have been hard and risky but it would pale in comparison to the years of suppression and pain we indured. Have the courage for you and for her. Being femme is a miracle and it doesn't go away. It grows like a beautiful flower. I only wish I had realized at a much younger age what you seem to know already. I wish you luck.

 

PS my wife also likes masculinity I am able to be that for her when she needs it. The best part is she commicated to me when that is. Mostly in the bedroom and when we are in public around friends. Any other time we are girl friends.

Reply
Page 1 / 2

©[current-year] Crossdresser Heaven | Privacy Terms of Use | Link to usContact Vanessa | Advertise with Crossdresser Heaven

 
[kleo_social_icons]
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!