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I have only been married since 2016 but I am no longer happy at all. I haven't been happy for almost 5 years. I know that I i am not innocent by any means but things have just fallen apart too much for me to see any resolution to it. I feel stuck in this situation and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to proceed as I know I can't don't alone. I have lost touch with all my friends. I have stopped talking to my brother and sister for many years now and I don't know what to do.
I just want to run away and start over.
Tiffany 😔 💔
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. It is a very complex situation as I’m sure you know. You will need to be honest with yourself about what is making you unhappy and after sorting yourself out, speaking with your SO.
What can I do for you, Tiffany.
Oh Tiffany. Someone has already said it - have you spoken to your partner and is it the dressing that is the issue or much more. It is clearly causing you angst and with no one else to talk to you need to reach out. There are helplines that can assist but have you called your doctor at all as this is affecting you badly. What about work, is that being affected so are they a company that can approached.
You know that you can rely on us to give you what support we can and maybe there are some girls more local to you that have more information on local help centres. Perhaps try to reconnect with friends, you never know.
The main thing is that you know where you are and perhaps, as daunting as it maybe decide where you want to go and try to focus on a plan but use whatever support you can find.
keep in contact with us.
And my wife has made me feel even more afraid of deciding. Which is another reason why I am afraid to leave her.
This smacks of domestic abuse, yes, women can abuse men in a relationship, and you might do well to contact a domestic abuse organisation. I have looked and there are quite a few in the States -- can't post a link here but you'll find them easily enough. They may well be able to advise you better than your doctor can.
My first question would be have you discussed these issues with her in counseling? You seem to articulate the problem well and if she is aware of this and is still such a problem, then I do think leaving the relationship is a wide step.
People separate and divorce all the time, and while it can be hard, there can be a better life afterward.
Start talking to some divorce attorney or financial advisers and start lining your ducks up in a row. Get yourself organized so you can leave on your terms if it comes to that. Join support groups, and start reconnecting with old friends and family. Start lining up your support group. Spend more time with your kids and be open and honest about how you feel and the issues you are having. You will need people to lean on.
While your counselor can't tell you to leave, they should be supporting your decision and helping you to deal with the emotional upset that comes with such a big life change.
I had a similar situation that ended after 19 years. Yes, I am a slow learner. When I started taking back my life and stop working like a dog to make her life happy. She decided that our relationship was a hell hole. Kind of funny now but getting in this situation just doesn't happen all at once. In my situation it came from me giving beyond what I should have and her taking way more than she should have. The manipulation is just another verbal tool to keep someone off guard, beaten down and vulnerable.
After it was over, I read several books on co-dependency and how to take charge of your life. This was a tremendous help to me, on getting well again. Abusers love to keep the abused from getting sure footed. Its very typical for the abused to even come to feel that they may even need being treated this way.
Make a plan to get yourself well, if she really wants you well, she will get behind it and help. If not, then you have the answer you needed.
Hi Tiffany, I wish I could offer some kind of solution or suggestions. I was married early on for 6 years, with a child after 4, and starting around the 4th or 5th year, she started complaining about my inadequacies. (but not in the bedroom). Mostly about 2 to 3 times a month she'd say, 'You've been better...lately.' Now consider hearing that for more than a year. She just wanted out.
We went to counseling but all she wanted out of that was for the counselor to fully support her feelings and fully reprimand me for anything I might have done or not done. I knew that's not how it was supposed to work. We were in a US state that at that time did not have no-fault divorce. One had to prove something, like mental cruelty. And my own lawyer (from a firm run by a close friend of my father) sand-bagged me. Yet I was left with 'temporary' custody of our 1 year old. I'm sure my now ex- thought I'd beg her on my knees to come back.
Nope, I moved to another state, raised him as best I could, eventually filed for full custody and won. Remarried during all that and it's been 45 years strong with two more kids. I never confided with my ex that I was cd/tg, best thing (after gaining custody and remarrying) I ever did. Told my now wife very early on, with her at times trying to incorporate it into our private moments. All I can suggest, is decide what you want, what you're willing to give up, and what it will take to move on. Getting out of a bad marriage should be a priority, so that you can move on to a better life. I wish you the best!
Thank you so much for all your support and suggestions. I have a Dr appointment this afternoon for other things but I will make sure to bring this up with her.
I havebso much more to say, so many more answers to your questions and more, however I am on my phone at the moments and I hate typing long messages on it. I will follow up later today.
Tiffany 💜
Hey Ladies
Just wanted to let you know that things haven't changed. I haven't gone to see a lawyer or anything yet but I am doing some of reading and research and separation and divorce.
It's so stressful.
I have to worry not only about my relationship but also maintaining my secret as to not give her any ammunition against me.
On a brighter note, I have had some AMAZING dreams lately about my cross dressing and what my future could look like. 😍 it's almost hard not to get excited about being single and living alone again.
🙂💭 I picture myself in a 2 bedroom home on the east coast of Canada nestled in the trees on a couple acres of land with a small river running through my property ....
Maybe I should start a new post about this dream and leave this to the aspect of my relationship. Look for this post soon.
Tiffany 💜