Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
I went on vacation with an x-girlfriend. And it got complicated.
We dated a few years ago, lasting a dozen months or so. Then I decided I didn’t feel comfortable in a long distance relationship, I was losing the fire, and I didn’t see a solution. She lived 6 hours away.
We stayed in touch and became good friends. I love the city where she lived, and visited a couple times a year, house-sitting for other people. We had lunch, went for a hike, but she was usually in a relationship when I came to twon. Me? Not so much.
When I began exploring my gender identity and cding around 3 years ago, I told her about it. It took a while for her to get an understanding of it, but she said she accepted it as part of who I am. She was grateful that I was willing to share that with her, and that she got to see what it’s like for trans or cds. I would send photos of my outfits when I dressed for support group outings, and she would always give me an honest praise or meh. She said they were so nice that I should start a trans fashion magazine. She hasn’t seen Scarlett’s photos, I’m guessing.
Last year I decided to do a bucket list vacation with riding the train out to California and seeing Yosemite National Park. I thought of her as a great travelling companion, and really easy-going, so I invited her along. We just returned this week.
We had a great time! Hiking every day in the mountains was indescribable, and the train ride, though exhausting, was specatacular. We got along, honoring each other’s needs and wants, finding compromise, and laughing a lot.
Since she knew about Lorie, I would change into a skirt when we got back to the Airbnb, and I felt wonderful being more feminine for a couple hours.
Sleeping in the same bed, we began to spoon after a couple nights. I was in my girl pajamas. Each morning was an early rise to get to the park, until the last day when we could sleep in. We ended up getting a little intimate that morning, but stopped short when we had to pack and check out.
When we were driving to the airport, I said, “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but I’m curious: was it different being intimate with me when you knew about my feminine nature?” She replied, “I didn’t think about that, it was a non-factor. It didn’t affect me one way or the other.”
When I had revealed Lorie to her over the past three years, I was really curious to see if a woman that was a relatively good match to me would find me repulsive as a genderfluid person. She didn’t. And even in intimate moments, it wasn’t a factor for her.
Why do I mention this? Not because I want (I haven’t sorted this part out yet) to become involved with her, but just knowing that fact that there are women that share my values who would be fine with having Lorie in their life. That feels so good! It gives me so much hope and confidence. I am excited to know that a positive, open, honest relationship with a woman is possible. There a few women in my circle who I plan on having coffee with, and see what happens.
I brought up the feeling that I was less judgmental with my traveling companion, and she said she noticed it and gave me full credit for it. I realize that my acceptance of myself has made me less judgmental of myself, and therefore others, and I think that opens a lot of doors and windows when it comes to relationship. If I can be less judgmental with others, they will feel more comfortable with me.
An ironic story: When I made it through TSA at the first airport, I dropped my drivers license somewhere. When I got to Denver, I realized it, and found that I was nobody. I lost my old identity for a week. Hilarious.
So what about the x? I don’t know. I’m guessing it was just a thing, a quick “friends with benefits.” But that’s what’s complicated. I hate having that kind of relationship hanging over me when I go out with others. Do I want to explore firing up the old relationship? And would I be willing to adopt a new relationship paradigm? The fact is, it will take some communication. That’s what we say here all the time, don’t we?? Communication is key. Sigh.
Does any of this resonate with you? Have you become less judgmental with accepting your feminine side? Are you afraid of losing your identity?
<p style="text-align: left;">Lovely story Lorie , I feel softer having accepted my femme side ( it's still growing ) , I'm hoping that translates through my outlook on everything .</p>
This is my identity , I don't feel like I'm losing/ have lost anything ....in fact what was me wasn't completely me , so I feel nothing is lost only a gain via understanding myself ☺ Tiff
Great post Lorie, and it sounds like it was a fantastic vacation. The mental baggage of this journey is heavy sometimes isn't it?
Am I afraid of losing my personality? Hell no, I think I've finally found it!
Am I less judgemental of others? Absolutely!
Much of this story resonates with me as I am in a relationship now that has been like no other, due in large part to a completely different mindset on my part.
True loving partners are out there, and we all deserve them, however complicated.
The things that are most worth having, are worth working for. For many, the calm and happiness being true to ourselves as a CD/TG has shown this to be real.
Olivia, thanks for saying that. I feel like my best relationship ever is on the horizon because of my authenticity, and knowing that someone is fine with all of me. I can't wait!
Great story Lorie, who knows this might be the begins of something amazing, keep writing
Tiff, that's beautiful, thanks for sharing and showing me.
Hugs, Lorie
Identity is just a baggage. To be losing something like that is a privilege, it's a kind of psychedelic experience and you're lucky to be experiencing it this way! I hope this all works out for you, it may be what you've been waiting for for so long!
Hearts and rainbows,
Aoife
- Hi Lorie , always enjoy your posts & your words xx