Little help

I would have shared your dressing with your second wife to give hr the choice if that is what she wanted to be a part of.  You took that option away from her.    You need to have lots of open and honest communication with her so you both can be happy.

maybe you dress in private or haev a dadt relationship,  both which are no fun

Hi Bethany, this is par for the course for many of us. I actually came out to my wife as the stress of keeping my crossdressing secret was worse than 'coming out'. I dont think crossdressing is something that happens on a whim, I think I'm safe in saying that most of us started young, some younger than others....I loved dressing as a princess at 4 years.  That your wife is not supportive and that you understand that is a good start, My wife was really upset and gave me six months of hell, we then went into relationship therapy which helped in translating my and her needs into something we could both work with. The will to stay together and the love (although feeling latent at the time)  was the glue we needed.  Three years further and I received an afternoon at the beauty salon for Christmas and she talks to me about what Helene gets up to. We have set boundaries and rules, she is adamant that she doesn't want to meet me as Helene and that I dont keep my clothing and other accoutrements in our family home, that sounds harsh but I am lucky that I also have an apartment where I spend the time that I need to be me. We both realise that I have to be free to be me, I have suffered with depression on and off my whole life, depression due to looking over my shoulder, worrying about being caught out. Hiding my clothing and make-up stash, throwing it away out guilt(so called 'purging'). Just being a closetted CD is stress, we thing about dressing all the time when we cant dress, we lie and cheat just to get a chance to be alone so we can. I believe that this leads to stress and stress is the 'silent killer'. I have chosen to spend the rest of my days being me, what ever gender I present in at that time I am still me. So to make it simple, you will never stop in your head, even when you stop the actual action of dressing, as couple you need to set the boundaries where you can look after your needs and mental well-being without crossing her borders.  I wish both of you success in what ever choices you make and hope that both of you get to be 'you'

We generally only realise that we should be open when its too late. Frightened of losing our relationships clouds our decisions. being non judgmental is important in supporting someone when they ask for help

The key here is how you feel about yourself. If you feel cut off from an important part of yourself, then you owe it to yourself and your wife to have some very serious conversations. Neither of you is wrong in your feelings. The question really boils down to how you and she can reconcile these feelings and needs.

Hi you state "I’ve been crossdressing in one way or another for most of my life." For what reason? Is it a sexual reason to make sex more fun. Is it a preference over mens clothes, just more comfortable and nicer then mens? Or do you want to be a woman or somewhere in-between and crossdressing helps you do that? Your profile is lacking information on that! If you are unsure of the real reason then you need to speak with the pro's! Start with a therapist and go from there. If it is the first two reasons I listed then your wife should have no problem with it! But she maybe have to come to that conclusion in time or with some help! But you must be honest with first yourself and then with your wife! I say that to all people here who ask the same question. But one thing I can state I went to therapy and found out I was not what I thought I was! Because of that, my wife and I live a better life!

Good responses, especially Brenda’s. At this point it has to be worked on like any couples issue.