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Looking for family and friends advice about my CD

13 Posts
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Posts: 12
Lady
Topic starter
(@iwishiwasfemale)
Eminent Member     Boston , Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Good afternoon all so recently I got permission from my work that I have started crossdressing in work for the past month.My question is what do say to people questions like why I CD and does my family know.The other question I get asked a lot am I transgender which I say no .If anyone has an answer that I can tell them outright why I CD.

I have given up on trying to explain to my sister why I CD and of course i keep telling her I do not around my family.I also have told my sister more than 50 times I am not transgender and i have no interest in transition.Then me and my sister were not on speaking terms for a few weeks because I have told her i have been seeing a therapist different ones for the past 40 plus years about my CD is one of the reasons.Then I have been seeing a second therapist for my CD and my sister is excited because she thinks by me seeing this therapist that deals with my CD it is going to cure my problems which it’s not.So up until like 6 months ago I have kept it a family secret for the past 44 years and let me tell you it was not easy since I was 13.I appreciate any advice you can give me about what to say to people why I CD..Take care and have a great rest of the week 

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12 Replies
3 Replies
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2158

@iwishiwasfemale 

Ah yes, the old "cure the crossdresser" ploy. What "cure" would be better than wearing nice clothes and enjoying how you look?

I agree with both Harriette and Madeline, ultimately it's your life and happiness that matter. Of course we should always consider others feelings but only inasmuch as doing so does not constrain your enjoyment of life.

As for therapy, we don't have that in Scotland, we barrel through life in unsuppressed rage 🙄. (And, obviously, with perverse humour)

It seems that you have made great progress at work, I salute your courage in that and hope that, by demonstrating the tolerance of others, those that matter to you can come to accept you as you are.

Regarding why we choose to crossdress, there are as many answers as there are crossdressers.

Allie  

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Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@alexina Agreed, for the most part but no therapists in Scotland? A quick search brings up plenty of results. However, a good dose of perverse humour does wonders for the soul & that is one thing we do better than anywhere else in the world. 😀

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2158

@sashabennett 

Aye, I took a bit of writer's licence wi' that 🙂

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Posts: 3996
Lady
(@harriette)
Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 2 years ago

You have seen one or more therapists for decades and they haven't prepared you for answering these questions? What have you been talking about? 🤔 

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Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Seriously, what Harriette said.

If friends or coworkers ask, tell them it is because you enjoy it and politely say 'excuse me, I have something I need to do.'

As for family, if you kept the secret for 41 years, great, you are more than half way to the finish line.

If someone is not going to be supportive, why would you tell them?

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2 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

Posted by: @2bmadeline

If someone is not going to be supportive, why would you tell them?

To be fair, Madeline, we can't always be sure of an individual's response until things are out in the open.

Assuming how someone will react could end up in a disaster, or it could be a wonderful experience, as was  recounted here on CDH a couple of days ago.

 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 95775)
Joined: 10 months ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 59

@2bmadeline This an appropriate response. Where do people get off asking these intimate questions? This summer for the first time I’m going to show my shaved legs in shorts in public. I wanted to for two years. And when people ask me why I do that I’m going to say “because I like it. “. I figure that’s a better response than F off.

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Posts: 1058
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

For what it's worth. When asked or if i see someone is troubled by my presentation.  I found that letting people believe that I am Trans is easier on them than telling I'm a CD. I am not totally sure why but it is. My guess is that perhaps the perception of Trans indicates a far deeper feeling and CD is more of an outer experience. I am what I am but this just makes it easier for them to accept. Once they accept, they seem to just go with it.   

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Posts: 59
Guest
(@Anonymous 95775)
Trusted Member
Joined: 10 months ago

Michelle,

You shouldn't have to explain to anyone who you are or why you do something. If they don't like it, that is on them. They need to examine their own feelings why something bothers them. Most often, they are projecting something onto you that they don't like about themselves. They are the ones who need therapy to see why they expect everything to fit into society's cookie cutter patterns and when something is a little outside that pattern it upsets them. Maybe they are set off because you are brave enough to be yourself and they need to live by everyone's expectations and they worry about what their neighbors will think and say about them if they were to be their true self. 

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Posts: 59
Guest
(@Anonymous 95775)
Trusted Member
Joined: 10 months ago

As mentioned already, you owe no one an explanation about your female self.

If you believe you must say something, try "Some men play golf, I play girl."

 

If the person is rather obnoxious and pushes you for more information which you would rather not reveal, then simply state,  "Conversation on this topic is concluded."

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Posts: 875
(@ladymakenzie)
Noble Member     Brighton, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

My situation is both similar and different.  I openly wear feminine clothes in both my profession and personal life, but I do not mask that I am a man doing so.  I cannot say that I am frequently asked why, but it has occassionally come up in conversation for various reasons.

I am usually honest, and explain that while my gender identity is masculine, my gender expression is much more fluid toward being feminine.  I also share that I find women's clothes generally more comfortable, and that I believer that I honestly being me when I wear the feminine attire.

I have also reached the conclusion that in my own way that I am transgender, though I have no desire or intention to transistion and live as a woman.  Reaching this conclusion was not straightfoward journey.  It involved much discussion and soul searching.  For me, admitting to myself and sharing with others that I am transgender is about understanding that I am a man whose identity and expression is not limited to the binary idea of masculinity or femininity, but rather an integration of both.  I do understand, however, each of us has our own journey which is both unique to itself and similar to those of others.

On the note of such conversations in the workplace, I recently shared with a client that I am transgender and prefer to wear women's attire.  This specific conversation arose out of general discussion about pronouns.  As part of that discussion, I shred that I have been misgendered as a woman by voice since I was a teenager, and explained that I let it stop bothering me while still a teenager.   For my, the prounouns and honorifics used to identify me do not bother me as long as the usage is done out of respect and honesty, and not out of spite.  This, in turn, lead to a deeper discussion how my clothing presentation further lead to confused the matter.  The client's response was genuinely supportive to the point of stating if a man or woman wants to wear a skirt, then so be it, it doesn't affect me.  She also later complimented my blouse when we later communicated via Teams.  The initial conversation had been via our cell phones.

MacKenzie Alexandra

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Posts: 821
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

I have never really been asked why I crossdress, this might be because I pre-empt the question by telling people before they get the chance. I tell people that it's just something I had done since my early teens. I enjoy it. It empowers me. It lifts me. It gives me confidence. Some turn to drink. Some turn to drugs. I turn into Cerys. 

Cerys

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