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My wife came back to live with us a month ago for financial reasons (she can't find work), and I came out to her. She's accepted it pretty well, and we're getting along better. Talking to her last night, there may be hope for the marriage after all. She's agreed to go to counseling for the first time, and we're getting along better. I can't get mad at her...still love her so much. I still don't quite trust her though.
I didn't crossdress until she left, so it wasn't a cause for the separation, it had more to do with money and temperament (both of us). But I've told her that I'm not going to stop as I enjoy it, and that I feel it has helped me cope with grief and stress, and asked if she would leave if I started dressing more. She said no, as long as I'm dressing privately...but she wasn't sure if she could handle me going out in public, and I think that's fair, at least she's keeping an open mind, and I'm a long ways from going out. And so perhaps there is hope for the relationship, which could be a good thing. She might still get her own place, I don't know. But right now we're taking it day by day and doing things like a date night that we never did before.
I do plan on going to a therapist soon, I have some questions about my crossdressing and orientation that need some professional answers and have one picked out, just sorting out the finances. It's just really strange; I'm a completely different person now and not just what I'm wearing, also how am thinking. After the separation it only took a few months for my personality to change. I do like who I am now, but I'm a bit afraid of what might happen down the road as far as my mental health...depression comes and goes and I'm afraid that when it comes back it will hit me like a truck. And I've been getting the urge to transition. Maybe because I feel so much better when I dress, it's just something I want to hold onto, or maybe I am really changing my gender and just realizing it. I don't know, but living as a woman full time is a fantasy for now or at least a very long term goal. Probably not something my marriage could take, but IDK if that's really a priority anymore to be honest; I can't really keep living how others want me to, I've learned that much. Maybe therapy can help me sort out what I want and need.
Jamie....what a great story. I do hope you wife learns to accept you and everything works out for you both. Marriage is something that both people must realize that they will change as time goes on and it may not last. Your story is far from unique. All I can really say.....it happened to me. Fulfill your passion, think long and hard about sex change....once there you cannot go back. Do what you must do. What ever you decide, I will be here for you. My door is always open....do come in and set a spell!
Lady Veronica
Jamie I'm so happy to here things are slowly moving along. Even small steps means so much and by your feelings you still hold true love for her and to me that's so special. I'm hoping things keep working out and her acceptance will continue to show. I've been following your story from you getting together for lunching date to now and hope this keeps rolling. My best to both of you. 🌹
Update: We have made progress. I'm on a waiting list for an appointment for counseling with a therapist specializing in gender identity and relationship issues. She's not 100% sure she wants to stay, but is much closer. And after some trepidation, she has accepted my crossdressing, provided I do it privately. Our sons still live with us and that's not a conversation we're ready to have with them.
I even tried a dress on that I plan to wear for Halloween and she helped with that. It fit well and felt amazing. She gave me a camisole last night that didn't fit her well and it's my new favorite sleepwear. I've also pledged to try to be a better husband...we talked a lot in the last few evenings and there are things both of us can do better. So I'm fairly thrilled. Our mini-breakup may have turned out to be the best thing to have happened to us. I'm still concerned about the long term both with the marriage and my gender dysphoria (if that's what it is) and don't entirely trust her not to leave...it's causing me some anxiety that I'll lose her again, but for now things are better and I have a deep sense of relief.
