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Senior Living Communities

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Posts: 935
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Topic starter
(@Anonymous 47410)
Prominent Member
Joined: 6 years ago

I have been considering relocating to a senior living community, one of those places where you have your own independent living unit, but you are part of a larger senior community. 

Is anyone on CDH presently living in one?

In case you are not familiar, you pay a monthly fee/rent, and they provide a couple of meals a day, all utilities are paid for, no more maintenance concerns, access to all sorts of activities and facilities to keep you occupied, transportation to shopping and medical appointments, etc.  

I have toured several of these facilities in my area, and they vary greatly in what they have to offer and what they cost. 

I have asked all of them if there are any cross dressers living at their facilities.  So far, the replies have been  in the negative.  I have then informed the sales representatives that I am a cross dresser, showed them several photos of me cross dressed and informed them further I would be cross dressing in public, if I became a resident at their facility.  All of them have continued to solicit me for my business, so it would appear that cross dressing is not an issue. 

Has anyone had any experience in this area?

At present, I have not made any final decision to move.  In speaking with some people, the transition from a private home to one of these communities was a decision they later regretted.  Toward that end, I have now learned that a few select communities are now offering a "trial stay" of one or two weeks to see if senior living and community life is a good fit for you. 

 

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17 Replies
8 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5221

@catgurl 

Hey Peggy Sue

I think this is an incredibly valuable contribution to the CDH Forums. I honestly haven't seen anything like this discussed anywhere, ever.

What a fantastic topic for a Forum thread 🙂

I really hope that you get masses of responses.

I for one will follow them with great interest.

Hugs

Ellie x

 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4016

@catgurl My only connection with this type of facility was through my Great-aunt Mary, a wonderful, strong career woman. The building was a converted hotel / apartment building. She lived there with Uncle Mac (his name wasn't Mac 🤔), too, who had more serious health issues near his end.

The cost, even then, was tremendous and they lived there into their 90s. I don't remember what they did with meals (do you have needs / priorities?), but I am sure that she was well looked after. I am sure someone probably helped them with medications, too.

These are all critical things that we need to be prepared for. If this sort of facility didn't exist and they had to remain in their two-story home, life would be much more inconvenient for them.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@catgurl 

Peggy, if you do go for a trial for a couple of weeks please share your experiences, I would so like to know how that would go. I hope it works well for you. 

Cassie 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 47410)
Joined: 6 years ago

Prominent Member
Posts: 935

@loneleycd 

No plans at this time to do the trial stay but will keep you informed. 

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Lady
(@rhondalee)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Winston-Salem, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 631

@catgurl I posted in this group some time ago that I have been considering starting a senior living community on property I own on Lake James, NC. I contacted a group in Ohio that has homes that welcome crossdressers. I'm trying to get them interested in my property, which I would donate if they would operate. I'd love to have a facility that enables CDs to dress at ease, and have amenities for them, such as hair styling, nails, and make-up application centers, not uncommon in such facilities

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@catgurl Peggy, I in recent past have brought up this issue primarily because there are no retirement locations in North America operating specifically for the LGBT2+ community except two that I know of. A couple of years ago I put out some feelers to see who would be willing to jump in with me as investors and we would build a number of complexes just for us, staffed by us, and run by us. Everyone affiliated to the complex would be a member of the LGBT community. The complexes were to be designed to accommodate retirement living, assisted living, nursing homes and respite. I spent a lot of time developing a design with a park for outdoor use, chapel for prayer, bowling alley, swimming pool, daily activities, etc.  The idea was to build a complex that would be specifically designed for us from our retirement years to our final days without having to sacrifice our gender identities or expression.

Sadly, interest in the project by investors was not enough to move forward at the time. Today, maybe it’s time to revisit the idea. I’m in.

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Lady
(@memyself)
Joined: 8 months ago

Eminent Member     Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 22

Hi Peggy. I would encourage you to ask yourself about the motivation to live there. Any apartment complex would give you maintenance free lifestyle. It's none of my business of course and I guess there are other reasons you thought about living in a such community. 

I would be concerned some of those residents could become way too much into your own life out of pure boredom and it's always easier to focus on others that fix own challenges as you already know I'd assume.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 47410)
Joined: 6 years ago

Prominent Member
Posts: 935

@memyself

Thank you for you input "MeMyself."  I see you have recently joined CDH and not selected a fem name as yet.  Nevertheless, welcome to CDH!  and welcome to the forums.

Any comments on my posting on senior living facilities are welcome, and the "nosey neighbor" factor is definitely a consideration, particularly when it comes to people with time on their hands. 

OTOH, community can be a great supportive factor, especially for us "empty nesters." 

Overall,  many negatives & positives to consider. 

 

 

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Posts: 2036
Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

I can respond to this topic...sort of.... My beloved and I live an independent living retirement village. Which may or may not what is being discussed here

It's virtually the same as living in our own house, cos we do everything for ourselves except maintenance on our villa and its surrounds. (Tho "the Boss" is inclined to hack at a few shrubs etc.)

We have a very comfy community centre for social gatherings and just come and go through there as we please.

Other more upmarket versions have swimming pools, gyms, restaurants etc, but we neither wanted or could afford such "niceties"

As for full time aged care, (I'm MUCH closer to 80 than 70) that just plain terrifies me. The lifestyle I lead, both with Caty and "male me", I  would be like a caged animal in just "my room"

If and when my time comes, just make it quick, burn me up and go feed me into the fishing spot, where the fish use to feed me. (For "locals", a little cove just inside Cape Wollamai on Phillip Island)

Not sure how my relatives will dress me in the "box", but one of my ballgowns with my very best lingerie on underneath would be nice.. Cant see that happening....

 

Caty.

 

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2 Replies
Guest
(@Anonymous 47410)
Joined: 6 years ago

Prominent Member
Posts: 935

@ryanpaul 

Many of the retirement communities we have looked at offer what they call "The Cottage Option," in addition to independent living unit apartments.  The cottages are in reality small homes on the community grounds completely detached from all other buildings.  They include a garage for the resident's automobile.  The lease/rental cost for these units is considerably higher than for the independent living apartments. 

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Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Joined: 7 years ago

Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Posts: 2036

@catgurl  Hi "PS". Yes we have a double garage for our cars as well as the rest of the "amenties of the place' as previously discussed

 

Caty.

 

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Posts: 604
(@heels234)
Prominent Member     Mesa, Arizona, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I am in the same position you are....sort of.I live in a retirement community{55 and over} and everybody has their own house.At my age{Marty is 76,but Michelle admits to 55},the neighbors have seen Michelle many times with no problems at all.Love being a girl,even a part time girl like Michelle.

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Posts: 631
Lady
(@rhondalee)
Prominent Member     Winston-Salem, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

My parents scouted for homes all over the East coast many years ago. They decided to settle in the Orlando area. I helped my father compare all of the different homes and options. My mother was getting demented so we knew we'd better move them before they would not be permitted. The one we found provided a well-staffed and competent health care center and the rent would be the same as the independent living unit, so if there were medical problems one could easily move from one unit to another without concern about cost. At first I was put off by the small rooms, but came to realize that residents of such facilities get out of their apartment more and mingle, participate in group activities, etc., so stay active and involved... a good situation. Top on my priority list was to look at how the home is rated. I got one of the top ones in Florida and it paid off with fantastic, competent staff and plenty to keep my parents busy. It was on a lake and had a great dining hall for those able to walk to it. Those who could not were in the health care center, which had its own dining hall. There was an auditorium with regular events... church, bingo, etc. The deal was that you buy your own independent unit and get 75% back when you leave, whether by death or moving. If the occupants wind up in the health care center permanently the apartment is re-sold to a new resident, by the home. When my father died my sisters wanted to move Mom to NC, but I was reluctant to do so, as she was getting such great care and had found a home. Old folks, especially with dementia, don't handle moves well. I was accused of not caring for my Mom for awhile, by not moving her (as I was scouting facilities). Eventually we all concluded it was best to let her stay put, even though 700 miles drive for us. A quality place with good staff and high rating is well worth the investment. Both of my parents died there... never went to a hospital as we got hospice care for one, and my Mom got all the treatment she needed from the home. We did not need to buy insurance to provide pricey hospital benefits, and they did not have to move to a hospital, so it worked out great! I made the mistake of building a home on a lake and have spent all my time doing it, with much stress. By the time we move in we will be unable to manage it.

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I have had no direct experience, but had had a few friends make the move and have loved it. They feel it has a great sense of community, which is something become less common in general societies. As for dressing in such a community, that most likely will depend on the local community. Older people are still of a generation that this was frowned upon and many may still have such an attitude. If you live in an open minded area this will less likely be an issue. I wod not be worried making such a move here in southern California, but would be more concerned in, say Florida where the is a big push to live in the past happening.

If you find a place you like and are considering, then maybe you can visit it en femme during one of rheir social gatherings and get a feel for their acceptance.

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Posts: 4016
Lady
(@harriette)
Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 2 years ago

As with any move to a smaller home, consider downsizing early.

One way or another, "your stuff" will have to go. Sell some, gift some, discard some, keep as little as you can stand. And remember, your kids don't want your stuff (they have their own stuff).

You either control doing this yourself or you don't. If you don't, then someone else will. 🤔

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Posts: 370
Lady
(@sf)
Prominent Member     SoCal, California, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Peggy Sue...  My mom in law moved into an "Assisted Living" facility one year ago.  After some adjustment she likes the place.  Her facility does allow the "trial run" option for residents considering relocating.  

Good luck on your search.  Staci...

And, there are no crossdressers living at her facility, but it would be nice if there were.  

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Posts: 605
Lady
(@jillleanne)
Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 2 years ago

@heels234 None you are aware of.

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