Thank you- the unsuccessful SO

Hi Nicky,
I don't see any recent activity on your wall so I guess I have to assume you left CDH. I'll write this hoping I'm wrong. For some reason this post you made just seemed to randomly show up on my phone screen while I was navigating through CDH. I reread your post and all responses thinking maybe this showed up for a reason......
Anyways, after rereading I started to think if you took cross dressing completely out of the equation, I think it becomes obvious that he just wasn't treating you right and you were fighting the good fight. I know that's an over simplification on some levels bit I feel it's apt.
As for the root cause.....
He spent years pretending to be someone he wasn't. As long as he was THAT person, your relationship worked for him. Once he was "out" or more specifically once his deeper repressed base personality was "out" the relationship wasn't going to fit anymore because the repressed personality didn't see the world the same way.
As someone who has only just realized that I have a deep repressed side I can tell you that his previous personality wasn't an act. It was learned. When a boy desires girly things he either learns to be more boyish or in some cases there is hell to pay. At least that's how it was for me. I think maybe for him too. Keeping desires to oneself because of fear of the reaction of those around you can be a survival tactic. Not necessarily a deception, or at least not a lightly entered into intentional deception. Not a justification for his bad behavior or his apparent inability to handle the fall out like an adult. Just an insight.
All in all I must say that there are many "ladies" in the world who wish they had someone like you on their side. You weren't unsuccessful. Not at all.
I wish you the best
-Hugs

Hi Nic

I have read a lot of the replies and your comments, you clearly are an exceptional person, it's a shame your partner is too concerned about himself to think of you and show you the respect you clearly deserve.  Finding a partner in this life is hard for most people, finding one when you are a crossdresser is very hard, even if at the time of meeting your potential partner you have not come to accept yourself. Most of the girls would be very grateful for a partner like you, one that is willing to listen and learn, your partner will only know what he has lost when you have long gone. Most people in this world deserve to be treated with respect, unfortunately your partner clearly has yet to learn that most fundamental part of human interaction. Your partner may have not shown you the respect you deserve, but I can say without a doubt you have earned the respect of a lot of us girls here. I wish you the very best for the future, find yourself a decent partner who loves you for the lovely person you clearly are, and have a fabulous life!!

Sorry to hear this, you seem to have done everything you can. But don’t give up on all of the “ males “ in the world. Someone else will win big with you!

I read this and saw myself! I feel pretty much in the same boat. He says one thing and does another. He and his wants/needs/desires are what is important. “I love you so much”.....as long as he is getting to do whatever he wants! My feelings don’t count. I need to do this for him or be more like that for him...what about the things he should be for me? Oh yea that right...it is all about him! 😭

I think a lot of guys who crossdress want to find that woman who would be accepting of that. Still, I think once a CD meets that girl, fears and emotions kick in. Inside, a man is told what he is doing is wrong, it's freakish and taboo, but still he loves it. He fells he should be doing this in private but now he is out. He panic and puts up a wall. That woman he was hoping to meet he is now pushing away. He is ashamed of what he is doing and doesn't feel like a man, but he loves impersonating a woman. It's a mixed up mess of emotions.

When I began dressing fully fem, I met several girls who enjoyed my look. They were intrigued by it. After a couple of years I met my wife. When I dressed for her she was surprised at how pretty and sexy I was. I ended up becoming her girlfriend and boyfriend. She used to encourage me to go out as Patty wit her. It happened for me and others I know. It's just getting through the fear, reservations and doing something wrong and freaky.

Maybe working the "let's be girlfriends too" angle might work. Good luck.

Rebekka,

I just read your response to this post and I think you hit a cord with me. Maybe that is exactly what is happening in my situation. Though he tells me how much he lives me and wants me, I don’t feel like that is the case. We have been through so much during our relationship/marriage and I seem to have to carry the load and be the strong one always and support him and get him through whatever he is going through. As I read your post, I though, when has he ever stood strong for me and when has he ever pulled me through whatever situation I was feeling or going through. Never. I have always had to pull myself through it and find my own solutions. Maybe I am just here until he decides to go full transition. Maybe I am just the rock he needs to get where he wants to go. He often pushes me to areas I am not comfortable in. Quite aware, he still pushes and pushes. Maybe he thinks he can push me to the point I walk out and then it will all be on me. Mean while he gets to try everything out around me for as long as he can because he knows how much I love him and will deal with a lot before I cave. 🤔

KellyLove ❣️