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What do I do? Need Advice has Anyone Been Here?

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Posts: 64
Baroness Annual
Topic starter
(@rebecca-leeann)
Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

My wife is very religious we are Independent Fundamental Baptist, she found out about my dressing over ten years ago, I agreed to stop but we all know that was never going to happen. If any thing I am more likely now to go full time or at lest most of the time. I have had some talks with her about it she just shuts me down and starts to quote the bible and I stop listening. She says if you dress like a women you will lose all of your family and friends, I would almost rather start over. Our kids are adults now and she wants to mother me and I feel smothered. Any time I get a call, text or just looking at my phone, she says who you talking to, what you looking at, who was that, what are you doing. I want to dress more, It is something I can do my job has me traveling about 150-200 days a year but its had for me to pack for my outings because she looks thru my stuff all the time, she insist on taking me to the airport so I am unable to stop at the storage to get anything. 

I don't know what to do, I am wanting to leave her.

Has anyone else been in this situation ?

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43 Replies
17 Replies
(@clarissa2)
Joined: 4 years ago

Honorable Member     jutland, Denmark
Posts: 406

@rebecca-leeann My former GF was told almost up front that I was a CD and at that moment it was fine, but for reasons I don't know things changed and we ended up having a DADT relationship with me very rarely dressing and only when I was alone, slowly we stopped intimacy and I got in touch with a high school crush and then things developed. The new who btw is now my wife was told about my crossdressing.  We were in bed and I said I had something to tell her and that scared her because she thought I was going to end the relationship but she was relieved that it was nothing worse than crossdressing. So after that I ended the relationship with my DADT gf. Today Im happily married to my old school crush.

It worked for me, but the situation are obvious different when kids are involved and also how dependent you are with the religion, I have been an atheist all my life.

Leave if you can, don't waste the rest of your life, you won't believe how wonderful it is to be able to dress whenever you want and to discuss clothes and shoes with another woman, not to mention shopping together. Grin  

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3984

@rebecca-leeann While I empathize with your situation, there seems to be a breakdown in communication between you two. You want to talk, she has her fingers in her ears.

Is it possible for you both to get therapy of some sort? Just one of you doing it won't work, so both have to be there. I would recommend having her in the same room, too, at some point, so that she actually hears you.

As I've said this a few times, maybe point to all images of Jesus wearing a dress (robe). Same thing.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2147

@rebecca-leeann I have read much of what has been said.  You need a good therapist, a 3rd party can help you both find a compromise.  Somehow finding the time you need to find your feminine side and assurance your wife needs to be comfortable with you expressing yourself that way. As far as your religion goes you might need to find a different denomination. For me in my small Catholic church, I have pushed Cassie to much to fast.  I have been going as Cassie since September. So far NO negative push back.  

Cassie 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@rebecca-leeann Sorry for the bluntness but thankfully no

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Baroness Annual
(@lilacspringtime)
Joined: 2 years ago

Active Member     LaFollette, Tennessee, United States of America
Posts: 2

@rebecca-leeann Dear Rebecca-leeann, I am not only CD but a minister CD. There is, to my knowledge, only one passage related to crossdressing. It includes women should not wear men's clothing; what I suggest is that you ask her to throw away all of her pants. If you have to abide by half of that verse then surely she should abide by the other half. Also. Leviticus forbids eating shell fish, it forbids wearing clothes of two fabrics. Also it forbids eating blood and if she likes her steaks rare that is a NoNO. One Jewish author wrote a book about following all of the Levitical laws which meant that each time his wife menstruated he could not sit down in the same seat she had occupied. Ask your wife to arrange at church for there to be a special section for menstruating women. Also, there must be a committee in the church to make sure that the priest, read pastor, does not have crushed balls!!! Now since high heels were used first by King Louis the something in France that means that she is wearing men's clothing when she wears any heels. You might ask her if you dressed like Jesus, now called an alb, which has no trousers but is essentially a wrap around dress, if you are violating Leviticus. There are options for you in terms of Christian denominations. Look for an American Baptist church or any other mainline denomination. Also, make sure that she follows the cooking regulations in Leviticus and insist that she keep kosher meaning among other things that milk and milk products should not be cooked in the same skillet or pot. Hence a cheeseburger is a NONO.Also insist that she not drive on the sabbath because you are not to start a fire on the sabbath and what do you put the key into==the ignition, hence you are starting a fire. Also insist that no one turn the lights on the church since that too is starting a fire on the sabbath. This produces what is called cognitive dissonance for her belief in what you should do when taken seriously produces a great deal of hardship on her. It doesn't seem to me that mere talking will work. I hope this helps. It should at least give you moments of carefully guarded chuckling.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3984

@lilacspringtime Have you seen cognitive dissonance actually work regarding crossdressing, though, Minister? How often?

Someone who is, um, too far gone, makes up things in their own minds to justify what they do and think. Breaking through that kind of barrier is tough and takes time. Sparks are few and far between, in my experience.

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Baroness Annual
(@lilacspringtime)
Joined: 2 years ago

Active Member     LaFollette, Tennessee, United States of America
Posts: 2

@harriette Yes I have seen cognitive dissonance work. A husband was a smoker and his wife was constantly nagging him to quit. He refused. Then his Vet told him that his dog was developing lung problems because of the exposure to smoke. His attitude of valuing his dog was in conflict with his behavior of smoking; the resultant cognitive dissonance resulted in his changing his behavior by quitting smoking. I don't see many other options. I don't think the primitive baptists would qualify as a cult since no one is forbidden to leave the church property, the funds involved are more likely in the hands of several people rather than one, and as charismatic as the minister involved can be he is always vulnerable to criticism and removal. 

What is involved is called the ability to tolerate ambiguity. The wife involved has a struggle coping with the ambiguity that someone she cares about (or at least once did) is both a man and at times a woman. Those with low tolerance believe that every thing in the world has only one single use, every relationship should follow only one script (the one her family created by their actions). This is not unique to religious people but can be found in doctors (only one way to cure this condition) military leaders, the people who don't survive being stranded. In fact the only personality trait that is consistent in those who survive is a sense of humor which is a habit of embracing ambiguity in creating humor. 

I am not so confident that it will work that I'd bet the farm on it but I don't see any other way; my suggestion is more like a long shot. 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3984

@lilacspringtime Thanks, Lilac. A cult is a good analogue here and my reference to Dr Steven Hassan, below, reflects that because the methods of getting someone to see a new light works the same for both cults and religions. Use whatever tools work.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3984

Posted by: @lilacspringtime

Now since high heels were used first by King Louis the something in France that means that she is wearing men's clothing when she wears any heels. 

Correction: The first heels are thought to have been used in Egypt, circa 3500 BC, both for practical reasons and as fashion. Male theatrical actors used heels in Ancient Greece, too. Persians and other cavalry used heels to hold their feet in stirrups since at least the 10th century well before King Louis XIV got interested in them.

 

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Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@harriette Now these are the kind of conversations I like...... Especially biblical references and much older. I have studied many religions, another of my interests unfortunately many don't have a clue as to what and why they believe in one thing or another, my brother was a man of the cloth and I truly miss talking to him he was a youth minister and did a lot of traveling around the US helping form groups for young christian men (unfortunately not very open minded to our way of life) but I think that was programming not not through knowledge but indoctronation

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3984

@rebecca-leeann Rebecca, look for books by Dr. Steven Hassan, an expert on cults and brainwashing. He has many suggestions for dealing with people who have a fixed mindset about various topics.

He used to be a Moonie and got out, so he knows what he is talking about when it comes to mind control.

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Duchess
(@mkat3874)
Joined: 4 months ago

Reputable Member     Northeast GA , Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 155

@rebecca-leeann 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  I was oddly in an opposite situation.  I spent many years battling myself because of religion.  I believed that crossdressing and my Christian faith could never coexist so I spent years dressing, repenting, praying, and purging, only to dress again and repeat the cycle. Oddly my wife accepted me fully from the beginning and was patient with me. When I finally started to reach out and meet others like me who were devout Christians and crossdressers I began to see things differently.  I know this may not work for her but if she could somehow come to understand that the two are not mutually exclusive it might start to change her mind.  

All the best to you. 

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Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@rebecca-leeann now that is a real issue, some possible attachment issues there maybe I don't give advice when I see those kind of signs it dosen't sound like it would take much to destabilize that condition

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 593

@rebecca-leeann It’s time to sit her down and layout the options you feel you can live with, both with her in the relationship and out. Know the results of your intentions beforehand and decide if you are willing to live with them. If the time has come for you to move on with your life without her and anyone else who become part of the collateral damage, so be it. If some sort of compromise can be reached, explore that as well. The bottom line is constant no matter what. You need to be happy. If compromise can achieve that, great. Understand, there is not much love in a one sided relationship, so unless she can lose the control issue, the trust issue, and accept you for who you are, what can the future for you and your life be?

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(@shayna)
Joined: 1 year ago

Trusted Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 22

@rebecca-leeann I am in a very similar situation as you, except for being able to dress when I am out of town. I have been going to therapy and realize that I cannot surpress this side of me. It is making me depressed and therapy is helping me realize this. 

I come from a very religious background as well. So I have felt guilty in that regard, but slowly realizing that this is who I am and there is nothing wrong with me. I just happen to like feminine things and looking like a woman. 

I am here for you if you would like to chat. You or anyone in this situation are welcome to message me. I am open to having friends who can understand my situation as well.

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3831

@rebecca-leeann 

I was in a similar situation many years ago with my ex-wife.  She learned of my gender issues one day and reacted very badly.  Absolutely zero tolerance and zero trust.  The next three years were pure hell.  Then we divorced.  The mental and emotional damage from that toxic relationship took years to undo.

This will sound harsh, but I think it applies in your situation.  You can choose to follow your own path and be happy, or you can choose to let your wife define your path and be miserable. 

There is little chance of compromise with someone like your wife.  I'm sorry you are going through this.

Liz xx

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Baroness Annual
(@rebecca-leeann)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 64

@lizk that is where it's heading sooner than later

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Posts: 32
Lady
(@gaussianblur)
Trusted Member     Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I have written and deleted so many responses to this. I hate giving advice when I am not sure I would have the courage to follow it, even though I am convinced it is the right thing.

You deserve to be loved and respected. As long as you are not causing harm to others, you deserve to live your life in concert with the promptings that come from your true self.

It sounds like doing so threatens a lot of your personal relationships though, which is the hard part, isn't it? I guess it comes down to what compromises are you willing to live with, and what you are willing to give up in order to live your life the way you want to.

At the very least I would say you deserve your privacy. Maybe that would be a good place to put a boundary on her behavior since she seems quite willing to place so many boundaries for you?

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Baroness Annual
(@rebecca-leeann)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 64

@gaussianblur 

Nadia you are correct, that's where I am at.

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Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@gaussianblur I could not have said it better...

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Posts: 3393
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

I am with Nadia as this is a very difficult situation and no answer is really the right answer for you.

Did her behaviour change after you told her about your dressing ten years ago as this would be relevant. It can show she has lost trust and needs to know what you are up to as if she hasn't discussed it whatever is her mind is possibly the cause. I am sure that you would know what those thoughts are and her fear of you dressing more or even transitioning scares her and the wider impact if her congregation found out, hence the threats of you losing your family perhaps.

The lack of communication is not good for this situation. I wonder if there are any of your children that you could confide in as a way in?

Ultimately it is for you to know the consequences of your dressing ambitions and have highlighted a few choices yourself. I can only give my thoughts as whatever you decide it is your decision the path you take. You know you have the support of the forum to help in any way we can. 

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Posts: 260
(@geniv_cd)
Reputable Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

@rebecca-leeann It would seem that your wife has been crippled psychologically by religion. I don’t mean to sound critical or nasty here, I say this because my departed wife was like that as well. After I told her, we maintained a cordial relationship but never were really intimate. Had I pushed my feminine desires, it would have ended the marriage and with children involved. Because I had not told my wife about me until ten years and some children into our marriage I felt it unfair of me to continue, so Genivieve went into the deep closet. In my opinion, that lack of intimacy produced a marked increase in my desire to present as Genivieve. I too hid my desires and had precious few opportunities to dress for many years. I do not believe that people so significantly crippled by the man-made rules of religion are able to change their thinking. That said, leaving your wife is a serious issue please be very careful not to make that kind of decision without much thought and contemplation. We stayed together until her passing. After that Genivieve was freed to develop. In retrospect I am glad that I chose to stay with my wife. Good luck to you as you work this dilemma out.

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Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@geniv_cd I can sympathize my wife or former wife, she stayed for 30 years, and we were functional Its hard to be really happy hiding, and I think back many times it just a little thing here and a little thing there but over the years I think the love we had eroded It was part my fault, I never believed there was anything wrong with me, I didn't and still don't care what people think, its their ability to take things or opportunity's away because they think something is wrong that is my only point of fear. an employer, a partner, We have less to fear from family and friends that truly love us or we fear hurting them because we already know how they feel, it doesn't take too many comments to wake up to that one. My parents are really the only ones I  worry about hurting now. They are firm Baptist and there is no room for anything out of the ordinary, gay, bi, ect. all sins in the eyes of God Its an archaic and foolish view but they are old, my brother passed from covid and I can hold my passion in check for a few more years I do love them and I think the did a fine job teaching me as a child (I was special - they really didn't know what to do with me, they indulged me I loved anything science they bought me chemistry sets, physics labs optics labs, anatomy sets (transparent man style-if you don't know what those are pm me) They are really wonderful people. But I wish people would understand such simple things, or understand the magnitude of an idea. Cloths are nothing but cloth any implication or style, or meaning is implied by the observer or societal concept. who I want to be with or how I wish to express myself has no bearing or emergent contamination that is going to grab hold or in any way cause anyone else to spontaneously change their desires or feeling about anyone (unless you follow the lemmings - back to intrinsic emissions from an inanimate object - I think I worded that right may be little sleepy) My desires are mine alone and they will not rub off on anyone else (sometimes I think people are afraid to consider anything that is not commonplace, its like because I dress like a woman and I wear things I like, that even the thought of picturing themselves wearing things like that is going to break them? They fear they might like it?) something is wrong with this but I don't thing it is wrong on my end, I'm not worried about catching christian or being around religious people is going to change me in any way that I don't want to be changed. I don't even understand that concept is the human mind that easy to break? Are most people teetering on the edge of cross-dressing, or altered sexual behavier. I am petty sure there are a few people here that have at least read a little bit about the state of the mind, I am always open to learn something new...I really talk to much lol

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Posts: 1029
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I agree with everything already written above, however I feel there is one other thing to consider, and that is that your choice does also affect her. If someone does find out and (rudely) opts to make it public, then she has a decision to make - do I stand with my husband, or do I stand with my beliefs (and my social peers)?

I can see that being a very uncomfortable position to be in. I would expect that she is micro-managing you because she is trying to avoid that situation coming to pass.

You may argue that you are doing all of your dressing out of town and that no one in your social circle could know - and that's possible. However, the question becomes: will it end there? I would say "only you know", but that may not even be accurate. You may feel differently in a month or a year.

So her issues are not only that she may disapprove of the behavior, and that she fears the social consequences, but that at some future point things may be (from her vantage point) worse.

I would always advise an honest, open discussion about these topics before making any decisions, but...things run their course. It may be that what you needed from your marriage is no longer needed and now it brings only problems. Life has no guarantees. I wish you the best of luck! 🙂

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Baroness Annual
(@rebecca-leeann)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 64

@melodeescarlet 

Thanks Melodee all of your point's are spot on, I have a lot of thinking to do an I guess I need to look at it from both sides.

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Posts: 64
Baroness Annual
Topic starter
(@rebecca-leeann)
Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Thank you for all of your advice. I have wanted to go to a Transgenered conference for over 20 years, I would sign up and make some kind of excuse not to go, some of the excuses were ligit, my biggest excuse was I would have to shave more hair that normal in order to attend, but in the last few years I have slowly removed more as a normal. I will be going to Keystone this year and I hope to get a lot of information on our hobby or my new normal. I hope to see some of you ladies there, we can talk more then.

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Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

You have already stated your options and there probable results. There are no magic words to change the situation where everyone is going to be happy. Comes down to which you can live with. Basically, will you be happier as Rebecca Leeann Allen, or husband , father, friend? Choose carefully; someone is not going to be happy.

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Baroness Annual
(@rebecca-leeann)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 64

@2bmadeline 

Madeline you are correct, I don't know what I was expecting you all to say, I have a lot more question than answers to find out for my self. This is so hard !! why do we do this to ourselves????

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Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

We want what we want. If we can't have it, we want it even more. If we get what we want, there is a chance we may not want what we wanted.

The thrill is in the anticipation. Our suffering comes from desire.

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Baroness Annual
(@rebecca-leeann)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 64

@2bmadeline 

You are right We want what we want and when we get it we may not want it

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Posts: 125
Duchess
(@traci429)
Reputable Member     Brighton area, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Rebecca, it’s a tough spot to be put in. I recently told my wife this year and we are working through it. I have started to see a counselor and so has she. We have been talking and she has been asking questions. Last night she asked me if I would want to wear a kilt. Would it replace a dress? I said no, a dress is a different feeling. She also told me she does not want to live with Tracy. She married a man and wants to live with him. I have a lot to think about also. I am also very near my retirement and will be moving to Tennessee in a couple of years. A lot of changes planned. A lot of decisions to be made. Take time and be honest with each other. -Traci

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Baroness Annual
(@rebecca-leeann)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 64

@traci429, what kind of counselor? She wants me to go talk to the pastor, but that's not going to happen. I am open to it, but I'm not sure who to talk to or how to find that person.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3984

@rebecca-leeann I am glad that you came back, to follow up on your quest for help.

As I mentioned in my original reply, finding a relevant therapist would help guide you in dealing with your wife. My guess is that communication is a big problem, especially with your wife.

Check with a local community LGBTQ organization for referrals to someone experienced with crossdressers. Without a breakthrough in communication, your wife's resistance is going to be a major problem. Getting her into non-biased counselling would be ideal.

While she may check your bags before you leave, you could acquire new items during your trip, then donate them to the LGBTQ before your return trip. Just a thought.

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Posts: 73
Duchess
(@liza4you)
Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

Why do so many people say go to consoling? Is it indecision or affirmation I don't know why I would seek out consoling, drug addiction ok, gambling -ok, uncontrollable sexual issues - ok . There is nothing wrong with the way we feel, I hear CD's telling others "should go to consoling" Why? If your SO has a problem with the way you dress I'm sorry but I'm not the one with the problem, I don't go to a dr or psyc because my partner smacks their lips when they eat, or snores when they sleep, (ok last one may not be a great analogy but you get the idea) I don't need someone to tell me how I feel is ok or not ok, if that's what I need, I go hang out with friends who care and I don't have to pay them to listen to my problems and issues. I don't disagree the one with the issue may need to see someone but I am not sure it would be good for me to be there with them, I understand how analysis works and some of the techniques I have issue with and I haven't really met a good psychologist, anyone can memorize data from a book and regurgitate it back in one recognizable form or another but it takes work and dedication to use that information in a constructive way and these days I just don't see that. I don't think there is anyone that could convince me without application of other methods that what I am doing is worng or even effects anyone else in a negative way unless they already have a problem. Maybe I am too vain or something my wife said I was a Narcissist, I don't think many people really know what a narcissist even is and the term is applied rather loosely but that's just me.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3984

Posted by: @liza4you

Why do so many people say go to consoling? 

If a CD has a non-responsive or uncooperative spouse, the CD may not be equipped to successfully resolve difference between them. We don't all have the same confidence, knowledge or communication skills to successfully manage what for some could be a tense or complicated relationship.

Professionals trained and experienced in dealing with our kind of relationships may be able to more efficiently break down stubborn opinions and communication barriers.

All of our relationships with our spouses are unique, so a good, experienced therapist could be a valuable ally. I wouldn't put my trust in, say, a priest regarding crossdressing.

 

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Posts: 277
Lady
(@prettytoes)
Honorable Member     alfred, Maine, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

most marriages stay together for kids' sake. kids are gone. She's getting older and not feeling as sexy as she once did. try to find a good-looking woman over 50. they are few and far between. you are a male and we seem to get better with age. the male and female bodies are somewhat the same except for a few things. now you dress like a woman and your body hasn't gone through childbirth, hot flashes and sagging boobs. she probable feels that she's not the pretty one anymore. everyone will be looking at you instead. i say life is in stages. it might be time for the next stage of your life to begin. it's your journey and you deserve to be happy. don't stay just to make her happy, because it probably won't happen, and you both will be unhappy. my wife left me, and I hope she's happier now. I didn't want to fight with her, so I let her go. sometimes you make the wrong choice, but life goes on.

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Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@prettytoes life goes on,, but I really do miss my dog.

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Posts: 1058
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

It is so hard to separate the logical argument from the emotional one.

Many of the positions taken above, want to argue the logic behind the SO position. When I think for most SO's its an emotional issue that they are defending. In there heart they fear embarrassment, marriage failure, being older and single. The fear is mostly over their own well being, not you.

Trying to strike a balance between them keeping their happy place and you getting to keep yours. I suppose it comes down to how deeply the love is. Do they care about you enough to give up some of their happy place, so that you can have yours. 

 

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Posts: 73
Duchess
(@liza4you)
Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

Three times I have tried to respond and 3 times I wrote 3 pages of the life of a cd and his wife I just don't know how to not going into a lifelong story. and I don't think anyone wants to hear that. So I will say I finally realized that is who she is, I lover her but i'm not going after her and I no longer miss her. I hope she finds what she is looking for but its not me I don't think and I am ok with that but now I have to get Liza into the world myself and I am frozen here trying to thaw out, I don't know anyone and I don't know where to go. At least with wife I don't think anyone would know and I would feel much happier but I am working on it.

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Posts: 277
Lady
(@prettytoes)
Honorable Member     alfred, Maine, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

get out there and find new friends. when married you lose your friends and usually her friends become yours to. we give up alot for a woman to make them happy. along the way we lose alot of what use to make us happy. when i was with my wife she was my best friend, but i wasn't hers. when we broke up she said we could still be friends. that didn't happen. since we broke up we haven't said 12 words to each other. i see her once in a while and think is she really happier and gee she looks old. was married for 25 years. that won't happen again. going on 10 years alone and liking my cd life. got new friends and do what i please. sometimes wish there was someone to do things with but i do fine by myself.

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Posts: 64
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(@rebecca-leeann)
Trusted Member     Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

@robertaf @prettytoes @liza4you 

You all made good points and y'all are spot on, Roberta I do look forward to when we are able to meet for coffee, it will be a breath of fresh air

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