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Questioning myself

16 Posts
10 Users
63 Reactions
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Posts: 31
Lady
Topic starter
(@nicky35)
Trusted Member     BECKLEY, West Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I have been crossdressing fully for a few years now  I am not out but a few people know. I have been questioning myself on being transgender. I don't have many people to talk to about it. I really am trying to understand these feelings. 

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15 Replies
6 Replies
Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@nicky35 Nicky, I hope you can find a good therapist. Maybe you can find a good friend who is sympathetic to your feelings and can help you sort things out. 

I think, for right now I am just a crossdresser. I would like to present fully feminine some days and male others. BUT I am perfectly comfortable presenting feminine full time and that works for me. 

Cassie 

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Lady
(@nicky35)
Joined: 4 years ago

Trusted Member     BECKLEY, West Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 31

@loneleycd thank you for the reply

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4016

@nicky35 Can you find the answer to your questions on your own? If it is important enough to ask here, then it might be comforting to follow up and clearly reassure  yourself. 

Melodee suggested checking out TGH and that may be enough. If not, then maybe the right sort of therapist will help. 

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 175

@nicky35 its hard to know what the desire to cross dress may mean.   it may simply be an obsession…something that gives one a positive surge of endorphins.  That’s ok.  Some people get excited about model trains too.   or it may be a reflection of some gender variance.  Just remember it’s not either or, all or none.   

Final observation:   There may not be a definitive answer or a perfect lable.   The best you can hope for is to find something that works for you.

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Lady
(@alisonout1123)
Joined: 3 months ago

Trusted Member     Somerville, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 41

@nicky35 I feel your pain, Nicky.  I just returned to (privately) crossdressing after many years without (since my early 20's at least). But the desire is stronger now than I remember.  There isn't a single person in my orbit who would not be shocked to learn of my secret.  And I'm not even brave enough to come out to a single one of them. 

I struggle, too, on where these desires come from and what they mean.  Personally, when I reflect on who I really am, the answer always comes out "Alison".  I've taken some of the online quizzes.  One asks something like "if you could take a pill tonight and wake up completely feminine in body and spirit, without the possibility of returning to your former self, would you take it?"  I always answer "yes" without much thought.  I'm kind of tired of thinking about it and I have taken some small risks - perhaps subconsciously so I can be "accidentally" outed, and have that heavy burden removed once and for all 

I guess this wasn't a great pick-me-up, but at least I hope it tells you that there are those who you can speak with who could relate.

Remain precious!

Alison

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Lady
(@nicky35)
Joined: 4 years ago

Trusted Member     BECKLEY, West Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 31

@alisonout1123 thank you

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Posts: 43
(@vs4ever)
Estimable Member     Indianapolis , Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 12 months ago

Hi Nicky!!! Welcome to CDH!! What you’re experiencing is something many if not most of us have experienced at one time or another. I hope that you find that the community here is a welcoming, loving and supportive group!!

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2 Replies
Lady
(@nicky35)
Joined: 4 years ago

Trusted Member     BECKLEY, West Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 31

@vs4ever thank you

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(@vs4ever)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     Indianapolis , Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 43

@nicky35 You’re welcome, the pleasure is all mine! I love this place and the ladies here!!

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Posts: 827
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Some time back, I lived as Cerys for about 5 weeks. It became normal. I have always considered myself a man in a dress. I had no doubts about my sexuality. For weeks into this period, I noticed how comfortable I was. Everything I would do as male me, I did as Cerys. Doctors appointments, visits to the tyre bay, shopping trips... Everything fine as Cerys without a worry. Is was so comfortable that I started to wonder if it was trans. Being Cerys just felt right.  

One morning, I got up, went into the shower. Came out, shaved, and went into the bedroom. I dressed in male mode. I don't know why. It just felt like the thing to do. I started in male mode due a couple of weeks, and then Cerys came out again. I've had a couple of long periods as Cerys since. 3 months with only 4 days in make mode (events dictated such). I'm practically living as Cerys these days, but I do dip into male mode usually one day a week (saves me having to shave). 

Only you will know if you are trans in I'm happy being a man. I'm happy being a man in a dress. I have no desire to be female. I try to present as realistically as possible, but I'm a man. If I talk to anyone and I feel it is right, I will tell them that what they see us only temporary. I don't hide the fact that I am a crossdresser. I know I'm a man. 

You will know. You might be like me, just very comfortable presenting as female. So comfortable it feels right. This doesn't mean that you are female. Only you will know. 

Cerys

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@rebeccaoh)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Oxford, Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 77

@dazzler Cerys I think I am similar to how you are but haven’t organized my life that flexibly yet. That’s why I think it can be difficult for me to put words to what I am sometimes without being generically a cross dresser. I’ve told my wife and therapist before that I know I am a man and am happy as I am, definitely not trans. However, even in a dress, heels, and makeup I am still the same me. I try to pass as much as possible, pickup  more feminine mannerisms and what not. All of that is just a visual change. At the end of the day, I feel no different from a personality point of view. I will only add the caveat that I feel more free to show my more fun and free side when dressed.

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Posts: 31
Lady
Topic starter
(@nicky35)
Trusted Member     BECKLEY, West Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Thank you for the reply 

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Posts: 1078
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@nicky35 Hi Nicky, the fact that you're questioning shows you're on the right path. If you don't have anyone local to chat with, then perhaps a spin through our sister site TGH might be of use?

Ask lots of questions. Digest the answers and match them up with what you know and how you feel and see what comes out of that process.

- M

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1 Reply
Lady
(@nicky35)
Joined: 4 years ago

Trusted Member     BECKLEY, West Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 31

@melodeescarlet thank you for the information I will

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Posts: 812
 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Noble Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Maybe rather than adding a "label" to what and who you are, Just embrace what you like to do...get dressed up. Dress when you fell like it.  Its one thing to enjoy dressing up...totally different thing to fully transition into a woman.   But either way it your choice and option.

I love dressing up, I wish there was an "easy button" I could push to be a woman for a day or week to "fully" experience it,  but I o not have a desire to transition..  If I did I would be a lesbian.

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