An open letter to an anonymous person:
August 5th, 2019
Dear man sitting in the booth in front of me,
Your furtive glances of recognition in my direction no longer embarrass me, they empower me to be an authentic person and remain true to myself. Your not-so-secretly whispered words and quiet laughter in your wife’s ear letting her know that you spotted a crossdresser no longer elicit feelings of shame or guilt in me, they remind me that I am a person wonderfully and beautifully made and my uniqueness is worthy of celebration. Just because I sometimes desire to express myself by wearing an elegant black cocktail dress and heels instead of a dress shirt, slacks, and a tie, it does not mean I am weird or deviant, it means that I have learned to recognize my worth and that I don’t need acceptance from outside of my own spirit to feel complete. My hope for you is that you recognize that your behavior and responses to seeing me are all about you and have nothing to do with me. I hope that deep down in your gut you were secretly feeling a little uncomfortable at your response to my presence because I believe that it is through our own personal discomfort that we tend to grow and learn the best. I thank you from the core of my being for recognizing my individuality and sharing it with those around you because we all deserve to be recognized from time to time for being real. You may never understand me and my desire to do what I do and that’s okay (Hell, sometimes I don’t understand it and have to laugh at the absurdity of my life at times.) and I may never have the opportunity to understand and appreciate your unique qualities too. I hope that if our paths ever cross again that instead of not-so-secretly whispered words and not-so-sly glances in my direction, you take the time to give me a nod of your head, or a silently worded “Thank you.” in recognition of the fact that we live in a world where human beings are meant to live in community, that we should honor each other’s value, and our differences and unique qualities should be celebrated and lifted up. I thank you from the core of my being for helping me to grow and be a better person.
*This letter was written in response to a recent experience I had during a girl’s night out. The two cisgender women I was with were wonderful. One woman was a potential dating/love interest that I was meeting for the first time and had previous experience with crossdressers, the other was her friend that was meeting a crossdresser (me) for the first time in her life. She was curious and asked great questions so she could understand more about the lifestyle. By and large, most of the people I meet (mostly women) are very respectful and accepting of what we do. If you any of have yet to experience going out in public in your feminine persona, I encourage you to find those who will support you, kick your heels up and have a great time. It will do wonders for your soul. I wish you all comfort and peace of mind on your journey to be who you are.
By the way, have any of you girls experienced an awkward scene like the one described above with the man and his wife? If so, feel free to share your story in a response to mine.
Do you find, while you are out in public in full up girl mode, that certain types or groups of people are more accepting of us cross dressers than other people? If so, tell us which groups you find to be the most encouraging and accepting of those of us who love the thrill of cross dressing!
Warmest Regards,
Kendra Woods
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Very good article! So while not an exact response to your question, your article made me think of two incidents where I may have been the guy doing the staring. And I sometimes wonder how the CD may have (wrongly) perceived my looks. I recently started dressing again after a long break. What reignited the pink mist was a recent experience I had a few months ago. I was sitting in a hotel lobby, using my phone, as a guy dressed in a suit. I am alone in the lobby area and suddenly, through the door, comes this amazing/gorgeous/sexy/beautiful girl.… Read more »
Jenny,
Thanks for the response, and who knows what was really going on in his head. Writing the article for me was more about what was going in in my head and how it is completely different than where I was even just a year ago.
K
Yes indeed and it was an excellent article! Really enjoyed it and also…makes me think about where I am going too
xxx
Jenny
An excellent article…and a jewel of a response from Jenny!
I love thought provoking items like these that help us to expand our universe.
Being recognized while out has not the effect on me it once had, not so long ago.
Thank you Olivia, I enjoyed writing it and it came directly from my heart.
K
Thank you. So much to keep in mind for the days I may finally make it out in the world en femme. I doubt I could ever look so good, so I prepare for the worst, but it helps to remind me that this truth we allow ourselves to have is a thing of beauty and that envy is the most likely cause for any man’s discomfort. After all, how many of us didn’t come to our own conclusions about ourselves that way? Even as a man who has accepted his need to dress the joy I feel when I… Read more »
Thanks for the thoughtful response Aoife. It is definitely a journey for all of us and one that is frequently done alone. The last 2+ years of my personal journey have been so healing because I have found people that support me and I hope and pray that you find people like that for yourself. Trust me two years ago I would never have dreamed I’d be where I am now and writing an article on a public forum sharing my experience. Be gentle with yourself.
K
Kendra, good and thoughtful article that describes common scenarios when out dressed. I especially like the inner confidence and resilience you express after gaining experience being out and about. That is a great message and one I need to bear in mind as my own CD “adventures" continue to unfold.
And, yes, I agree that GGs make great company when dressed!
Cheers,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle. What a difference it has made in my life since I started going out with GGs either as friends or dates. I have met some wonderful women.
K
Great story, Kendra, and exactly the attitude we all should have. We are each of infinite worth as is every human being. And the courage to be who we are makes us strong beyond measure and is what will eventually change the world’s attitude towards all on the TG spectrum. If we don’t believe in and accept ourselves, we can’t expect others to do so either.
Cyn
Thank you for your kind words Cyn.
K
Wonderful article so well written and thought provoking. Yes I believe we all have been the recipient of the uncomfortable stares as well as the few but much appreciated compliment. Being six feet two inches tall and when wearing heels I suppose I can’t go unnoticed. As most I don’t want approval just acceptance and of course I simply love being out and dressed.
Thank you Grace, well I am 6’5″ or so when wearing heels so I don’t typically blend in and that’s okay. When I am out and about while dressed I kind of enter “the zone" so I am really not paying a lot of attention to what is going on around me, especially if I am out on a date. I am usually focused on who I am with. I think for the most part, most people don’t really pay attention. This gentleman just happened to be in my field of view several times, when I kept seeing him looking… Read more »
Thank you, Kendra for a wonderful article. Alas, I have not gone out in public but the desire is there. Too many things hold me back at the moment, one of which is reaching that level of self acceptance. I embarrass easily so that the looks and murmurings of others around in regard to me makes me uncomfortable,. But your words of accepting oneself and hoping that another can learn the same lesson give much thought.
Michelle
Thank you Michelle, one step at a time.
K
thanks. its that own it and be happy with yourself thought that lets me go out. I know I get read, sometimes, sometimes not. I really recal one guy in a bar who kept looking at me, talking to his wife. usually you can read a positive or negative vibe but I got a mixed reading, like maybe he was being nagative about me to his wife will still wanting to get with me. I was tempted to walk over and say hello to his table but decided not to, wanted to keep the piece. Most of the time the… Read more »
Thanks for the response. It’s hard to know what someone is thinking for sure..by and large I get favorable responses from people in general, especially younger generations. I have great conversations and appreciate people’s curiousity. I feel like part of my mission in life now is to educate people on what we do.
K
Well written Kendra. I agree with your suggestion for others to get out in public. I have been out several times and it builds confidence to go out again. Fortunately I have been well accepted when out with my “cis" friend as well as out with the Lesbian married couple that live nearby. Doesn’t it feel good when some one says “Hello Ladies"? Yes you are right that the other people have to grow and become better people themselves. Take care and enjoy life!!
Michelle
Thank you Michelle…yes its fun when you get referred to as one of the ladies.