An open letter to an anonymous person:
August 5th, 2019
Dear man sitting in the booth in front of me,
Your furtive glances of recognition in my direction no longer embarrass me, they empower me to be an authentic person and remain true to myself. Your not-so-secretly whispered words and quiet laughter in your wife’s ear letting her know that you spotted a crossdresser no longer elicit feelings of shame or guilt in me, they remind me that I am a person wonderfully and beautifully made and my uniqueness is worthy of celebration. Just because I sometimes desire to express myself by wearing an elegant black cocktail dress and heels instead of a dress shirt, slacks, and a tie, it does not mean I am weird or deviant, it means that I have learned to recognize my worth and that I don’t need acceptance from outside of my own spirit to feel complete. My hope for you is that you recognize that your behavior and responses to seeing me are all about you and have nothing to do with me. I hope that deep down in your gut you were secretly feeling a little uncomfortable at your response to my presence because I believe that it is through our own personal discomfort that we tend to grow and learn the best. I thank you from the core of my being for recognizing my individuality and sharing it with those around you because we all deserve to be recognized from time to time for being real. You may never understand me and my desire to do what I do and that’s okay (Hell, sometimes I don’t understand it and have to laugh at the absurdity of my life at times.) and I may never have the opportunity to understand and appreciate your unique qualities too. I hope that if our paths ever cross again that instead of not-so-secretly whispered words and not-so-sly glances in my direction, you take the time to give me a nod of your head, or a silently worded “Thank you.” in recognition of the fact that we live in a world where human beings are meant to live in community, that we should honor each other’s value, and our differences and unique qualities should be celebrated and lifted up. I thank you from the core of my being for helping me to grow and be a better person.
*This letter was written in response to a recent experience I had during a girl’s night out. The two cisgender women I was with were wonderful. One woman was a potential dating/love interest that I was meeting for the first time and had previous experience with crossdressers, the other was her friend that was meeting a crossdresser (me) for the first time in her life. She was curious and asked great questions so she could understand more about the lifestyle. By and large, most of the people I meet (mostly women) are very respectful and accepting of what we do. If you any of have yet to experience going out in public in your feminine persona, I encourage you to find those who will support you, kick your heels up and have a great time. It will do wonders for your soul. I wish you all comfort and peace of mind on your journey to be who you are.
By the way, have any of you girls experienced an awkward scene like the one described above with the man and his wife? If so, feel free to share your story in a response to mine.
Do you find, while you are out in public in full up girl mode, that certain types or groups of people are more accepting of us cross dressers than other people? If so, tell us which groups you find to be the most encouraging and accepting of those of us who love the thrill of cross dressing!
Warmest Regards,
Kendra Woods
-480x270.jpg)
.JPG)
-480x270.jpg)
Nicely written article, Kendra! Yes, we dress for us, and not for the benefit of others, at least that is the attitude I have taken on. As for the incident you experienced, I have only very rarely run into such people, and when I do, I will use the kill ’em with kindness approach. I smile at them and very often say hello, and quite often crack a joke about my cross dressing. It tends to disarm them, very quickly. These days, it is normally only my voice that gives me away. If I have to speak, I speak in… Read more »
Thank you for comments Peggy. My experience has been much like yours as far as who I interact with and the responses I receive.
K
I absolutely love this article. thank you so much for sharing. You truly give inspiration for us girls just trying to go out and be us. thank you, thank you.
Danielle
Danielle,
I am glad the article helps, that is why I wrote it. After this one experience I realized that these types of scenarios no longer have the affect on me that they once did. And who knows what this gentlemen was really thinking…it could have been anything. Once I had time to think about it later, I was pleasantly surprised at how far I have come in my journey and that I was able to reframe it into something positive. You be you always, one step at a time.
K
Hi Kendra and thankyou for your article , I’ve been cross-dressing for many years and until about maybe six years ago I didn’t even have a name for this . Now thanks to these modern comunicatin methods , I don’t only have a diffinition for it all , I have also finally made contact with a decent local support group who are giving me much encouragement from which confidence will grow . But, getting back to the core of your article , cross-dressing is all about ultimately getting out and about , as you are , as your self but… Read more »
Naomi, Thank you for the response. You bring up a good topic, I am careful and selective about the places I choose to go in my feminine persona. I do my best to avoid putting myself in a compromising position at all times. Sadly, in this day and age, you never know how someone is going to behave at any given moment. It does not hurt that I am a big man, 6′ tall and solidly built but I don’t rely on that to keep me safe. I am aware of my surroundings anytime I go out regardless of how… Read more »
Hi Kendra. And we do dress for ourselves. Everyone dresses for themselves; except the little ones that can’t, or the elderly that are too frail. It seems to me, that we were not issued a ‘set of clothes’ when we were born, or an instruction book along with our delivery into the world, that spelled out how we were to dress. So I guess all the men in togas in antiquity were crossdressers, or transwomen? I think not. It was the style. Just as clothing styles have changed over the centuries, I can, and will, dress as how ‘I’ feel… Read more »
Thanks Michelle.
Hi Kendra , a fabulous article , really enjoyed it & feel do much stronger for it, I’ll always have ringing in my mind xx Tiff
Thank you Tiff, I’m glad it resonated with you.
K
Hugely xx
Great article Kendra! About 3 years ago I went through a similar epiphany. Now I am able to go out without any concern whatsoever on how I will be perceived (I’m not stupid though – not going to any biker bars ;-). I have found out that by “owning" April, by being happy and content with who I am, I make a lot of friends; mostly women, but some men too. I think they are disarmed by how at ease I am with who I am. Call me sir or madam – it doesn’t bother me. I know I don’t… Read more »
Thank you April, I totally understand your comment about “I think they are disarmed by how at ease I am with who I am." I thinking showing people that you are comfortable in your own skin makes a lot of difference.
Cheers,
K
One evening out with my crossdresser guys and gals (a dozen of us) at a restaurant, it was 20 minutes before I realized that I was sitting facing a gentleman that I knew from Toastmasters who was eating dinner with his wife. Once I noticed him, I tried not to look very often, but since he was at the next table over it’s hard not to see how often he is looking at me. I mean really looking but trying not to stare. It didn’t seem he was sharing it with his wife, because she wasn’t looking or laughing. Ironically,… Read more »
Good for you Lorie, typically I feel more confidence and courage when I am with other people, probably because I am focusing on them and whatever social event we are sharing together, When I am out and about on my own I tend to pay more attention to how people are reacting to me (if they are at all). I have not been in that situation yet, where I have seen someone I know, let alone more than one 😉 Honestly I will admit that I am more nervous about an event I have coming up on the Saturday after… Read more »
Lorie,
Your experience is also my fear… I admire how you reconciled in your mind “I am not responsible for what you think of me"
Thank you for your inspiration and many ladies here, I’m sure would agree with me.
Well done…..be well Leonara
Kendra,
Thank you for your inciteful well written article which has given me inspiration for Leonara to meet the world for the first time…fortunately I have made friends (on Long Island) from CDH who have offered encouragement and support.
Be well,
Leonara
Leonara, you’re welcome. I am happy that it inspired you.
K
As a septuagenarian, I’ve been out and about as me for several decades. In the 70s, I ran into some of what you describe. The only real incident I can clearly recall was at a mall and involved employees at a shop, coming out into the mall and looking at me, pointing and talking, out of hearing range. It made me a bit uncomfortable, but I didn’t let it panic me. It was soon forgotten as I went on with what I was doing. More recently, an older gentleman (older than me, I’d have been late 60s at the time)… Read more »
Patricia,
Thank you for the response. By and large most of the responses I get from people are favorable. For me writing the article was to share how my view of myself as Kendra has changed for the better, I dress and express that side of me for me and for no one else. I love this part of my life,
K