Hi Girls, I’m Bree.
I’ve been dressing for many years and through several relationships. In all my years I have not shared my fondness of my thrill for cross dressing with any of my SOs. I had remained in my closet until I discovered CDH.
Now that particular feat of concealment has not been totally without drama, however, I have been lucky enough to navigate my way through most of the slip ups. I met the mother of my children when I was only 17 years old. I spent many volatile years with her using my dressing as a relief from my perceived imprisonment. She found a receipt for lingerie. By this time some 18 years later we were in the middle of a divorce so she assumed it was for someone else. (Of course, it was for me.) … Disaster averted. Previously, she had found a night shirt. (Oh, honey….I bought that for you.). I realize that I was not being honest with her but I felt that exposing my deception would not improve the situation either. We separated and I was alone and left to my own devices.
Now, being on my own didn’t open the door as far as my crossdressing was concerned. I ran around a bit. Testing my limits. My dressing was held in check for a while as I explored my freedom. Being heterosexual might clash with some of my habits but, as we know, heterosexual works for many of us. Drinking and promiscuity replaced my need to dress. That lifestyle was actually short lived in the grand scheme of things. In 1996 I meet my current wife at a bar.
Meeting and eventually marrying my current wife most likely saved my life. We have been married now for over 20 years. I love my wife and I am comfortable in my male roll. She is the best thing that has happened to me by all accounts. She makes me talk to people even though she knows I struggle with that. She has stood by me and helped me as I choose a sober future. My wife heard about my “coping mechanism aka cross dressing” in a therapy session 10 years ago while I was battling addiction. It wasn’t a slip. Therapy was doing what it was designed to do. Find truth. (I don’t remember how that session ended but it did not end with my coming out of the closet.). My wife knows, as do I, that I am an introvert. I don’t know if this is a product of my environment or hereditary. I am not comfortable with crowds or gatherings and struggle in communicating with others. I can be unshaven in jeans and a work shirt and would not be comfortable, so, why would I put on hose with a nice dress to further solidify my feelings of not fitting in? Besides, being in stealth mode is comfortable for me at times. My wife and I didn’t speak much about the dressing at that point and the revelation faded in the following months.
As the years went on, I would mostly underdress. I also found myself going for drives where I could be dressed while out and about. I accumulated a few things that I just felt pretty in. I started to ponder. What does “I’m a crossdresser” mean? I identify as gender fluid, not because I believe that part of my physical being is wrong but, I know that most women are kind and empathetic. (Surely no real man could possess those traits). I hide my clothes in cramped little corners and get out when I am by myself. This system has been in place for years and might have stayed that way forever. But I found this website. The ladies on CDH have been so wonderful. I don’t feel judged and have actually put makeup on with my favorite blue dress and got out in the sunshine. Freeing and unnerving to say the least. I found the light switch. I don’t have to stay in this closet and I won’t. The fear was real and petrifying but gets cut in half each time I go out. I don’t understand the sociological reasons as to why I dress and don’t dwell on them. Our journeys take different paths. I just wanted to say “Thank you Ladies.” The girls in CDH have made all the difference to me. I see much more acceptance to my thrill of cross dressing in the future. I hope you will give me whatever feedback you can. I am by no means a professional writer but the act of writing about my experience will help me in itself.
—————————————————————————————
Are you currently still deep in the closet with absolutely no plans of coming out? And if so please feel free to tell me where you hide most of your feminine items so your wife or SO can’t find them.
Has your thrill of cross dressing ever cost you a marriage or separation from your wife or SO?
Do you ever plan on coming out of the closet with your wife or SO by sitting her down and finally having “The Talk” with her?
Girls, please take the time to answer one or more of the questions posed to you above. I would love to hear your answers to my questions or hear comments about any part of my article!
Thank you, take care, and be well Ladies. 🌈💋
More Articles by Bree Heath
Bree Heath
Latest posts by Bree Heath (see all)
- Cross Dressing Deep In A Closet. (Trying to find the light switch) - April 23, 2020
Bree, the similarities with my life are very much the same. I have been mostly focused on under garments for my whole life. I absolutely adore open bottom girdles, bullet bras, all in ones, stockings and pantyhose. That is where this all started, in the years since I have added high heels. I am in love with them. I can comfortably walk around the hose in 6 inch heels. I say this because I am on disability (luckily nothing too severe) and my wife work outside the home. So I do the cleaning, laundry and cooking. This is Robynanne’s time.… Read more »
Hey Robynanne
I have actually vacuumed en femme. Not in heels though. I feel great when dressed. I hope you are able to continue dressing. I think I would really miss it if I had to quit. Thanks for reading my article.
Bree
My Dearest Bree,
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I am so ready for the current stay at home to be over so I can get back to “my routine". At this point in life I know I CAN’T quit. I have realized that this is a part of me as much as an arm or leg. If only I had this wisdom decades ago. Oh well, such is life. I would love if you would accept my friend request. I look forward to chatting with you again soon.
Love and Best Wishes,
Robynanne
Dearest Bree,
I can tell you that I am missing my Robynanne time SO MUCH! For me, high heels are my weakness. They are the feminine item that I just am crazy about. I absolutely love 6 inch stilettos. I have size 13 (mens) size feet which makes finding high heels difficult. The great side effect however is I am able to walk in them rather easily.
I enjoyed your article so much. I hope that you write more. You are very good at it.
look forward to chatting again soon.
Love and Best Wishes,
Robynanne
Well expressed and you are a good writer. I hide my desires and dressing til s/o found magazines. Too 3-4 years trying to regain her trust.
I have been going out xdressed occasionally per month and have talked to college classes about being a married transgender. Best of success .
Thanks Milesa. I hope your relationship survives. I am sure it can be hard for our SOs to understand.
Huggs
Bree
“Are you currently still deep in the closet with absolutely no plans of coming out? And if so please feel free to tell me where you hide most of your feminine items so your wife or SO can’t find them." No plans on ever coming out! My clothes are in a locked trunk hidden in the midst of an overflowing basement! “Has your thrill of cross dressing ever cost you a marriage or separation from your wife or SO?" No, still on Wife #1 (of 48 years). “Do you ever plan on coming out of the closet with your wife… Read more »
Hey Joan. Congrats on 48 years. That’s hard to do without complications. My clothes are in the basement also. If it ever gets cleaned…..i will have to be careful.
Huggs
Bree
I find it hard to understand when many divorced crossdressers remarry and don’t tell their new wife. Im not judging, everyone is different. I am married 48 years and told my wife after 10 years after she found something. I tried to stop dressing with almost disastrous results. At that point I realized that this part of me was never going away. BALANCE became the keyword in my life. If I had divorced, which thankfully didn’t happen, I would have never remarried without telling my future wife. My wife wants nothing to do with my femme side, which I have… Read more »
I hear ya Terri. “The Talk" is on my list for this year. I don’t think I would yet be considering that if it wasnt for CDH. I just gotta stop playin chicken $**t and get it done. Thanks for reading my article.
Huggs
Bree
I went to my first CD party in 79. I met people just like me. That night changed my life. This site helps a lot of us who thought they were alone.
Hi, Cross-dressing has never cost me a relationship, but only because my wife lacked the confidence to be a single mother when she caught me dressed in her clothes. (BTW that’s not a good way to come out to your wife.) That and the fact that she was raised Catholic and the word, “divorce" was not in her vocabulary. It wasn’t until after our second child was born that things got rocky enough in the marriage to make her even utter the word in threat to try to get me to change my behavior; more than just cross-dressing. I told… Read more »
Wow Patricia. Thanks for sharing. I can understand now that I was immature then. It is hard to say it out loud. I am happy your relationship survived. Thak you for reading my article.
Bree
E forever in that dark closet. My wife has found some things Thank you for sharing you life story with us. I too am a crossdresser who will live forever in that dark closet. My wife has found some things in the past and we have discussed how much this has hurt her. To no avail, I always concede and purge my collection. Now I hide my things in a locked trunk in our garage. I only dress when I am alone. I don’t plan on coming out anymore. Last summer we talked about my desire and it didn’t go… Read more »
Hey Marlie
I am sorry your wife and yourself can’t come to an understanding. I seem to hear as many troublingly stories as I do success stories. I think someone had a survey in the forums about voming out to SOs. I am hoping my wife will be able to talk with me when I bring my dressing up again.
Take care
Bree
Hi Bree, Very nice article! The answers to your questions may not be that helpful from me. I actually told my wife three months into dating. We have been married 33 years and together 37, so it never cost me a marriage. I got lucky not knowing what I was doing and blurted it out early on. I only hid my “stuff" when my kids were growing up, but now they are out on their own and I have my own closet now. All of that said, I am technically still in the closet as I have not gone out… Read more »
Hi Lisa.
Thank you. And thanks for reading my article. I think you probably ended up doing the best thing by opening up to your future wife. Women seem to understand and accept such things way better than men. In time I expect my kids will learn about Bree but I first need to have “The Talk" with my wife.
Take care
Bree
Bree,
Thanks for sharing. Well done. I’m still in the secret mode, but your story and all the support here is edging me more towards breaking free.
JaiymeLynne
Hi JaiymeLynn
Thanks for reading my article. You should try and get out more. Sometimes I think being single would make life easier but I have not spent much time on my own. I have generally always had an significant other or was spending my time looking for one. 60 is the new 50….we both have plenty of life and happiness to look forward to. I hope JaiymeLynn finds hers.
Huggs
Bree