Hi Girls, I’m Bree.
I’ve been dressing for many years and through several relationships. In all my years I have not shared my fondness of my thrill for cross dressing with any of my SOs. I had remained in my closet until I discovered CDH.
Now that particular feat of concealment has not been totally without drama, however, I have been lucky enough to navigate my way through most of the slip ups. I met the mother of my children when I was only 17 years old. I spent many volatile years with her using my dressing as a relief from my perceived imprisonment. She found a receipt for lingerie. By this time some 18 years later we were in the middle of a divorce so she assumed it was for someone else. (Of course, it was for me.) … Disaster averted. Previously, she had found a night shirt. (Oh, honey….I bought that for you.). I realize that I was not being honest with her but I felt that exposing my deception would not improve the situation either. We separated and I was alone and left to my own devices.
Now, being on my own didn’t open the door as far as my crossdressing was concerned. I ran around a bit. Testing my limits. My dressing was held in check for a while as I explored my freedom. Being heterosexual might clash with some of my habits but, as we know, heterosexual works for many of us. Drinking and promiscuity replaced my need to dress. That lifestyle was actually short lived in the grand scheme of things. In 1996 I meet my current wife at a bar.
Meeting and eventually marrying my current wife most likely saved my life. We have been married now for over 20 years. I love my wife and I am comfortable in my male roll. She is the best thing that has happened to me by all accounts. She makes me talk to people even though she knows I struggle with that. She has stood by me and helped me as I choose a sober future. My wife heard about my “coping mechanism aka cross dressing” in a therapy session 10 years ago while I was battling addiction. It wasn’t a slip. Therapy was doing what it was designed to do. Find truth. (I don’t remember how that session ended but it did not end with my coming out of the closet.). My wife knows, as do I, that I am an introvert. I don’t know if this is a product of my environment or hereditary. I am not comfortable with crowds or gatherings and struggle in communicating with others. I can be unshaven in jeans and a work shirt and would not be comfortable, so, why would I put on hose with a nice dress to further solidify my feelings of not fitting in? Besides, being in stealth mode is comfortable for me at times. My wife and I didn’t speak much about the dressing at that point and the revelation faded in the following months.
As the years went on, I would mostly underdress. I also found myself going for drives where I could be dressed while out and about. I accumulated a few things that I just felt pretty in. I started to ponder. What does “I’m a crossdresser” mean? I identify as gender fluid, not because I believe that part of my physical being is wrong but, I know that most women are kind and empathetic. (Surely no real man could possess those traits). I hide my clothes in cramped little corners and get out when I am by myself. This system has been in place for years and might have stayed that way forever. But I found this website. The ladies on CDH have been so wonderful. I don’t feel judged and have actually put makeup on with my favorite blue dress and got out in the sunshine. Freeing and unnerving to say the least. I found the light switch. I don’t have to stay in this closet and I won’t. The fear was real and petrifying but gets cut in half each time I go out. I don’t understand the sociological reasons as to why I dress and don’t dwell on them. Our journeys take different paths. I just wanted to say “Thank you Ladies.” The girls in CDH have made all the difference to me. I see much more acceptance to my thrill of cross dressing in the future. I hope you will give me whatever feedback you can. I am by no means a professional writer but the act of writing about my experience will help me in itself.
Are you currently still deep in the closet with absolutely no plans of coming out? And if so please feel free to tell me where you hide most of your feminine items so your wife or SO can’t find them.
Has your thrill of cross dressing ever cost you a marriage or separation from your wife or SO?
Do you ever plan on coming out of the closet with your wife or SO by sitting her down and finally having “The Talk” with her?
Girls, please take the time to answer one or more of the questions posed to you above. I would love to hear your answers to my questions or hear comments about any part of my article!
Thank you, take care, and be well Ladies. 🌈💋
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- Cross Dressing Deep In A Closet. (Trying to find the light switch) - April 23, 2020