crossdressing without transitioning

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?

She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.

Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.

Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning

Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.

My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.

What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.

Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?

Friends and Crossdressing

I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.

One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.

I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!

Hugs,
Codille Benton

P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.

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Codille Benton

I am a MTF Crossdresser for 30+ years. I came to CDH in April of 2015, Looking for Friends and Support just like everyone else, as I was looking to take my first big steps out the door. That seems so long ago thanks to the members of this site and their love. I am very active participant and I also the Manager of the site, which began as a blog by Vanessa Law. What I think Vanessa asking me to manage the sites means... I have been dressing for a while so I have a lot of things to offer others, I am organized and I REALLY like talking to people 🙂 If you haven’t read all my profile, I welcome you to please do so, it gives you a pretty good idea of who I am. Here is the link something that will tell you more about me. https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/crossdresser-without-transitioning/ There have been more than a few personal updates to this as well in the responses. A Sequel article is in the works as well as a lot has changed in two years, but here is the beginning. If the link doesn’t work check under the in the stories section at the top of your profile page, mine is the one with the Phoenix image, so just about all about me can be found in those two places. Also I am an open book and will answer almost any question posted to me. I welcome to a whole new world, that you can be you, no judging just friendship, helpful tips and lots support. As for the site, the ladies are amazing and friendly. Almost no question will not be answered (Just keep it tasteful), by someone who has been there where you are in some way. I have met some incredible ladies that just want someone else that is a crossdresser to talk to and be a friend. You will feel at home immediately. If you want to jump right in write your profile and let people your journey, if you want to stick your toe into the water first, go to the forums link, and go to the new members page, just say hi and then browse all the great insight these wonderful women have already put there. Just so you know all of the post are from people like you and me, not some expert, but women that all are looking for answers or just someone else to talk to. We also have a for the pride of your part of the world. We are a growing community so if you don’t see a group link listed for your specific country, link up with the next closest. Trust me the site is growing fast enough we will be adding more groups as soon as there are enough people you won’t be by yourself. So follow this link and find ladies in your area: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/ As for me, I also have been asked to give guidance, again that whole I have been dressing a while thing, but I too am looking for some HELP as I certainly don’t have all the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything CD. So I want to say HI!!!!!! Thanks so much for accepting my friendship request and I look forward to talking with you soon!!! Hugs, Codille Benton Managing Ambassador and Friend
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Vanessa Law
Founder
Member

Codille, thank you for being part of our community!!

*skippy1965(Cynthia)
Ambassador
Active Member

Beautiful story Codille! I know there is a large spectrum and that we all fall in various points on that continuum. Not sure yet where I personally fall ads I continue to explore my inner soul and heart and mind to figure out how they all fit together. Thank you for being one of the Ambassadors on this site who has already helped me more than you can know.

Cynthia

Khloe West
Duchess
Member

SO similar a story as my own, but you just discovered yourself far sooner. Kudos to you! Must hit the hay after a long day, or I would banter on more. Most/many know that I dress and do drag, Wife of upcoming 33 years aids me. but I really had no clue about me up until just about 3 1/2 years ago…and yes, it’s because I was really shut down. In the years since the revelation? I can see that I was there since about 5-6 and just really shut down. I’m glad that I have n arena in the… Read more »

Khloe West
Duchess
Member

Hmmm… just left lengthy reply, but seems missing. Perhaps the morning reboot shall bring it to life…

Kendra
Duchess

Thank you Codille for posting this – I too am a crossdresser not interested in transitioning. I love my life as a man – husband to my wonderful wife, playing hockey with my son in a beer league, and hanging out with other men talking politics and sports. But, there is another side of me too – the side that feels like the legware and cosmetics are calling me when I walk past them in the drugstore, the part that just bought her first pair of heels in over 25 years, the part the loves being called Kendra. Now since… Read more »

Vanessa Law
Founder
Member

Thanks Kendra for sharing your truth! Sometimes it can be hard when we don’t fit in – even the transgender community seems to have a well defined path from crossdressing to transition – one that not everyone is on.

I’m glad you’re here!

Kendra
Duchess

Thanks Vanessa – I appreciate you saying I am welcome – while my feminine being is a minority of my total being, it still demands recognition (sometimes quite assertively) and it is very nice to have a space where I can share thoughts I can’t share anywhere else

Willow
Guest
Willow

We have to remember that there is a difference between gender identity and gender expression. If I close my eyes I know I’m male. I’m happy being male. I wouldn’t know what female felt like, it’s not my body genetics or life experience. But, and it’s a huuuuge but, this man needs to express femininity. Don’t be fooled, just because it’s ‘express’ doesn’t mean you have any more control over it than your identity. This is why you have masculine and feminine gay guys, lesbians, and shockingly straight people. Some people are wired to be one gender, yet express another.… Read more »

Danni Lee
Lady

I dress simply because I like the way women’s clothes and lingerie make me feel. I feel sexy when I’m dressed. I’m 100% strait and I have had the same feelings of self loathing, but today I came out to three friends and they were all very supportive and I hope others may be the same in the future.

Debra ann Savoy
Guest
Debra ann Savoy

Life’s to short, I too love the way women’s clothes on me. I have tried to stop. But will never again.

Kathy Jo Ireland
Lady

Thanks Kendra for your post. I just joined today and was in a chat room for a short while it seemed to me that most were in transition. I thought that this site wasn’t for me as I have no intention to do so. I’ve been doing this on and off since I was a child . I buried it for a long time only to have it come back , I thought it was done there for about 10 yrs. Well its back and I’m letting I in. I like it I like how I feel about me when… Read more »

Stef Smith
Duchess
Member

I can relate
I explored if i wanted to transition and i dont
That said i live dressing up
Initially it was sexy erotuc and it stillnis but now ibdo it to relax to feel good
To feel sexy
I like the male female mix
I like the way i look
Its hard to stop i no longer try
I accept me for me and embrace it
I dont do make up
I like the shoes nail polish toe rings
Femme sweaters and tunics and shirts
Well maybe light make up but to to transition
And of course the pretty undergarments
Theres a spectrum of us lets celebrate all of us
Stef

Christine
Lady

Hey Codille its Christine, I to have a similar story. At a young age going thru my mother’s cloths I found her girdles & stockings, well I’m going to try them on. Wooo it felt really good, the girdle was very tight & when I put on the stockings on I exploded. From then on I was hooked. Fast forward with my first wife I would buy her panties & bras I would want to wear, sometimes it worked & sometimes not she wouldn’t wear them. When she was at work I’d. Work midnight I would find something that fit… Read more »

darlene
Lady

This is so similar to my story that it scares me. I started crossdressing at about 10 years old, by the time I was 13, I would sneak some bras a girdles from my mother and wear them. At16, I was very adept at finding bras that fit me best. For some10 years, I seldom dressed and for years afterward I only did so in private. My ex wife caught me one day and then that relationship was over, yippy! Fifteen years later, I got into crossdressing again, I had some bras drying on a clothes rack when my present… Read more »

susan jones
Guest
susan jones

Great story, Is like me ,but no accepting wife. Only secret.

Linda H
Guest
Linda H

I have been enjoying both sides of my persona for 40 years. All with the encouragement and support of my wife. I haven’t thought about if I am two parts that have merged, I am just me and delight in my being capable of sharing with my wife.
There are pros and cons to informing children. Without knowing yours, I will stay out of that arena. I will say that they probably don’t care, but again, not my call.
Enjoy life to the fullest and I am glad you are!

Bianca Bloom
Lady

Just a terrific story. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were writing my tale. It is just so wonderful to know there are others just like me, experiencing the same things and living the same lives. Big hugs to you, Codille.

Caren
Guest
Caren

Codille, thank you so very much for your story.You are an inspiration to us all.I am new to this site and really don’t know how to express myself very well. Thank you so much for your friendship ,Caren

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