crossdressing without transitioning

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?

She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.

Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.

Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning

Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.

My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.

What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.

Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?

Friends and Crossdressing

I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.

One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.

I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!

Codille Benton

P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.

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Codille Benton

I am a MTF Crossdresser for 30+ years. I came to CDH in April of 2015, Looking for Friends and Support just like everyone else, as I was looking to take my first big steps out the door. That seems so long ago thanks to the members of this site and their love. I am very active participant and I also the Manager of the site, which began as a blog by Vanessa Law. What I think Vanessa asking me to manage the sites means... I have been dressing for a while so I have a lot of things to offer others, I am organized and I REALLY like talking to people 🙂 If you haven’t read all my profile, I welcome you to please do so, it gives you a pretty good idea of who I am. Here is the link something that will tell you more about me. There have been more than a few personal updates to this as well in the responses. A Sequel article is in the works as well as a lot has changed in two years, but here is the beginning. If the link doesn’t work check under the in the stories section at the top of your profile page, mine is the one with the Phoenix image, so just about all about me can be found in those two places. Also I am an open book and will answer almost any question posted to me. I welcome to a whole new world, that you can be you, no judging just friendship, helpful tips and lots support. As for the site, the ladies are amazing and friendly. Almost no question will not be answered (Just keep it tasteful), by someone who has been there where you are in some way. I have met some incredible ladies that just want someone else that is a crossdresser to talk to and be a friend. You will feel at home immediately. If you want to jump right in write your profile and let people your journey, if you want to stick your toe into the water first, go to the forums link, and go to the new members page, just say hi and then browse all the great insight these wonderful women have already put there. Just so you know all of the post are from people like you and me, not some expert, but women that all are looking for answers or just someone else to talk to. We also have a for the pride of your part of the world. We are a growing community so if you don’t see a group link listed for your specific country, link up with the next closest. Trust me the site is growing fast enough we will be adding more groups as soon as there are enough people you won’t be by yourself. So follow this link and find ladies in your area: As for me, I also have been asked to give guidance, again that whole I have been dressing a while thing, but I too am looking for some HELP as I certainly don’t have all the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything CD. So I want to say HI!!!!!! Thanks so much for accepting my friendship request and I look forward to talking with you soon!!! Hugs, Codille Benton Managing Ambassador and Friend
  1. Stephanie 8 months ago

    My life as a Crossdresser was started by my sisters dressing me up in their clothes starting at age 7. They thought I looked “cute” in their clothes. This went on until I was around 13 or 14. To this day, I thank them for all they taught me.

  2. Mila 8 months ago

    I know that feeling, too. (((HUGS)))

  3. Stef Smith 9 months ago

    I m with you
    I m a crossdresser but heterosexual
    Biologically male and present as male with a femme twist
    No make for me just a man who likes the styles options and clothes of what society says is for women
    I could just as easily wear a pair of femme bootcut tight jeans a matching bra and panties with a v neck T and a 3 inch pump and be cool
    As a man suit
    Just me
    Proud accepting of meb

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      Welcome to the club and I will say you are certainly not alone.


  4. Jen Jennings 9 months ago

    Think long and hard before confiding in people who do … not … understand. Consider the consequences of your noble intentions. IMO, some things are best to remain private. Once you step out, there is … no … return. Jen

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      Everyone has their own comfort level here. If you don’t feel you are ready to make that step, heck it took me until my 30th year of dressing to tell my own kids. I understand. There are still people that don’t and won’t know about Codille, that said I keep telling more and more people at the strangest times that I wasn’t planning but IT FELT RIGHT. So go with your on gut, you know what is best for you!



  5. Amee Trans 9 months ago

    Great story of your experience Codille. I can relate to many of your thoughts and I feel very much the same way about transitioning. I’m very happy to be where I’m at, in the middle of my masculinity and femininity. There are times I desire to be more feminine and for longer periods of time, but I also am aware I have a family that needs their father and a wife that needs her husband.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      Sounds like you want the magic 24 hour transformation wand like I do!!! 🙂 Wouldn’t mind trying it but I like things right where things are.


      • Amee Trans 8 months ago

        Exactly Codille! And does that 24-hour transformation come with a professional makeover too, haha?

        I’d love to go to a crossdressing service once too, and have all the set-up, clothes, makeup and poses done for me. Just once….


      • Alice Allen 8 months ago

        Jane’s closet used to do that complete trans clothes breast forms part of the package undies pantyhose type Janet closet in browser In Detroit mi

  6. Sage Rose Rose 9 months ago

    wow how lucky to have such a diverse group of welcoming and accepting friends:) and blessings on having an understanding wife…I don’t know where I would be if mine weren’t understanding as well:)

    <3 Sage <3

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      More and more diverse every day…. LOL. And a HUGE blessing that your wife is supportive, it is one of the biggest difference makers there is.


      • Sage Rose Rose 8 months ago

        Codille, you are SO right. If I didn’t think there was a chance she would be okay with my crossdressing, I don’t think I would have come out for a LONG time. I totally agree with ya about a supportive wife

  7. Melinda 10 months ago

    I start crossdressing when i was 20 years old and stop but now im doing it again i fill happier when im dress as a female i guess it is to open up but i finally told my cousin and she accepts me wish im happy but new on this website and im glad i enjoy the website so happy thank you everyone

  8. Johnnie 10 months ago

    I started with crossdressing and I loved it. But I couldn’t shake off my feminine feelings no matter how hard that tried to repressed my thoughts. Obviously there something more going on inside my mind than a desire to cross dress. I felt comfortable being in my male body but on the other hand I wanted to be female. I felt that my female feelings is part of me. I realized that my crossdressing is me presenting my female side and not a fantasy about being feminine. I went into therapy. My therapist was my guide for my journey to self realization. I learned that I was actually transgender specifically transfluid or bi-gender. My transition involved learning to balance my gender identities. Even though I share both gender identities, I do prefer presenting myself as being female. I am not planning on doing medical transition using HRT or surgery. I am strictly transitioning socially. I am learning how to be a true female and eventually living full time as a transwoman while accepting being biologically a male. Since having accepting my feminine self I have become more happy, less confused, and definitely more grounded.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 10 months ago


      It sounds like you have found a happy place to be in your life. I am glad you went through the journey of self discovery and came out the other side a much happier and balanced person. It’s an amazing feeling if you can get there, not many of us can.



      • Johnnie 10 months ago

        Codile, thank you so much. This journey is for a life time. At this point in my journey is accepting myself for who I am. Finding acceptance is a huge challenge and at times it felt impossible. I would move forward towards acceptance and then fall back in total denial. My confusion has been overwhelming. I wished that I was simply a crossdresser without all the gender baggage.But I have to deal with the cards that I’m given and go forward and live an authentic life or live a repressed life and suffer the agony of denial. BTW CDH has been an awesome source of support.

  9. Rachel 10 months ago

    Good thoughts. I have blended my boy mode with my girl mode. It is true when I dress as a lady I want to be called Rachel however it is always me. I dress 16 hours a day: the only place I do not look like a women is at work.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      We have a few members here who you may have already come across in the same situation. Let me know if you want some contacts.


  10. Julie Slowinski 11 months ago

    Hi Codille,
    Thank you for the article and the follow up comments. You express my feelings exactly. In my 30 plus years of dressing I have very often fantasized about transitioning and enjoying all of the benefits of being a woman. However, what you put so eloquently is that in the end, that is just what it is – a fantasy. And, there should be no shame in having a fantasy. In reality, how is it different than a civil war re-enacter (talk about freaks) or those romance novels our wives read. It’s not something that I expect will happen (and given the rest of my life, it’s not something I would want to happen), but it sure is fun to think about and sometimes (okay many times) pretend it did happen.

    I find that the healthiest way to think about crossdressing, is that it is just a hobby. Consider an extreme hiker, who spends countless hours develop the best technique, purchasing equipment, assembling the right team and finally going out on the adventure. How is that person different than us? The only difference is social acceptance. No one tells the extreme hiker that they must choose between hiking and their marriage.

    While much of this was in the back of my head, your description helped bring it to the front. I cannot tell you how much of a comfort that is to my conscious mind, which is always filled with self doubt and feelings of guilt. I also greatly appreciate you sharing your Psychologist experience. I am so heartened by the fact that we are certified as normal. It’s something I’ve long believed, but it’s so reassuring to hear others say the same.

    Now in my late 40’s, I am getting to be extremely comfortable with who I am, and that there is no need to think seriously about transitioning. I think the point you are trying to get across is that we in the CD community have the best of both worlds – a rewarding family and professional life, but with a healthy dose of fantasy.

    I should add, that I believe that those who do decide to transition are by far the bravest people in the world. While we might fantasize about waking up every morning as a women, that is an infinite distance from actually pulling the trigger and facing all of the extra baggage and life changes that accompany such a decision.

    Great job and keep up the good work …


    • Author
      Codille Benton 10 months ago


      I love how you just turned crossed dressing into an extreme sport. 1000 Yard heels? LOL. Yes, it was amazing to here the very strange words of normal from a Psychiatrist but hey then I got an MRI and that confirmed it. My family and friends think I paid the Doc and Tech off. 🙂 I too am in my mid to late 40’s now and have gotten comfortable. I obviously will never transition but one of my best friends in the CD world I went through the whole process with her. I am a him, she was always a she just in a him body and got tho make that correction. And yes, brave is a mild understatement.

      I can’t wait to talk more!


  11. Shannyn Ford 11 months ago

    Very uplifting story Codille. I just joined at 42, and am much on my own jury. My wife doesn’t get it, however. I hope to learn from this site to bring Shannyn to the fore and fully enjoy ALL of me!

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      Let me know if there is anything I can help you on you journey.


  12. Brandi 1 year ago

    Wonderful story – I’m just starting out and have bought some wonderful clothes which look great with some very high red heels but I’m struggling with makeup – any advice

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago

      Welcome and check out the Forums area. There are more make up tips in there the you can imagine!!



    • Johnnie 12 months ago

      Practice . practice.. patience patience. There are lots of YouTube videos tutorials that are extremely helpful. And remember when doing makeup applying less is better. A lot of new transgirls start off applying way to much and up looking like they are wearing a mask.
      If you are striving to be passable and go out in the public, feminizing your voice is essential. You can perfectly apply makeup, the perfect wig or natural hair, the perfect body shape, but when you open your mouth to speak and your masculine voice comes out, no matter how passable you are, you will be seen as a loser dressed as a woman. So be sure to learn how to speak as a real woman and the mannerisms as you learn about makeup. To authentically present yourself as a woman if requires more than makeup, and wearing a dress.

  13. Carla Jones 1 year ago

    What a wonderful story. Thank you for telling it. I was always happy crossdressing but things have changed a little. My doctor has me on a medication that reduces my testosterone to shrink a part that is causing some issues. One of the side effects is possible breast growth and that side effect is working on me. I love the effect so much that I do not need forms anymore. So my story is changing with me.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago

      Thank you! I am glad Carla you have crossed my path on your way down your Journey! Best of luck and let me know if you need anything!


  14. Regina Shaw 1 year ago

    I have been dressing in womens clothes since I can’t even remember. I was about 9 years old when I first wore my moms slip and have been wearing womens clothes in hiding ever since. I am now 55 years old and just can’t do it any more. I am just not happy and have made my first ever order of womens clothing for myself. My wife has let me dress up in her lingerie before to role play with each other and even sent me off with some when I went out of town to work so I could wear it to bed at night. Just the other night she gave me a dress to wear,I was like oh YES. I have some beautiful long brown hair I have been trying in some new styles but I am so new to doing it all and am so scared that she will see my order before I get it. I don’t know what to do? I am so happy as a woman now that I know that’s what I am and want to be even if it takes a while to blend into it. I am so excited but scared at the same time and happier than I have ever been before. She will know soon enough since I have started the process of changing my hormones to estrogen. I hope I am doing right? Love you girls. I just joined and the love in here is just great. But I love my wife of 24 years so much.I would never ever leave her.I am a lesbian all the way for her. What do I do?

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago


      Everyone’s Journey is different. You will find the right path for you. Have faith in what your heart is telling you. Make smart decisions. And know there are A LOT of girls here that are here for the same reason and are ready to help and be helped!



  15. Michelle 1 year ago

    My wife has known about my crossdressing since before we married. She does not encourage me or participate in any way. I keep my body and legs smooth shaven; and would love for my wife to encourage; even better; order me to wear sheer nylons on a regular basis for her inspection, seeing as I keep my legs so feminine. Thus; I would enjoy a dominant side to her nature. She could even tease me about my crossdressing; calling me her feminine ” bitch husband”. Also; I’ve always had fantasies and thoughts of my wife having an intimate relationship with another man. I’ve had these feelings since before we were married, but could never tell her, as I never thought she could be open-minded or accepting enough to include them in our marriage. Maybe too little; too late.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago


      This is quite different than my experiences so I am not going to be of much help here. The good news is there are 10000 other members on the site and I am sure there are some that are in a similar situation to you. Best of luck, and check out the forums first. You may find some kindred spirits there!!!



  16. Wendy Tissy 1 year ago

    You’re a star Codille…

    I too have a very special wife and 2 kids. My youngest was recently told by my wife that Daddy loves to dress as a woman and wear make up. My daughter’s reaction was amazing…”Well, Daddy is still Daddy and I can now help him do his make up, plus he is old and he should do what makes him happy, as you can’t make yourself happy when you’re dead”!! I was blown away, she’s 8 and a half…Our oldest is nearly 19 and she’s known for some time, even though I’ve never dressed up in front of her, she’s seen my clothes, lol…

    She also said that she will help me with my make up etc!! The only difference is that my wife wants me to be more of a woman and she’s said that she wants me to act and LOOK more like a woman..She said and I agreed wholeheartedly that I will start HRT…I was so worried that my wife was doing this just for me, she swears she isn’t at all!

    So, when I get back from working away in June I will have a whole new life at home..We’ve been busy buying new clothes and my wife is picking loads out for me too…Including some new bras for what she hopes will be right for my new breasts! I told her that it is unlikely that I will develop anything to speak of as I am in my mid 40’s!
    I said that I will likely only get A-B cup at the very most…She said she is happy with that, and so am I…It’s more about feeling more feminine, but I worry about the mood swings…then again I cry at the drop of a hat and always have done..Lol.

    If anyone has any hints or tip regarding what’s to be expected, I’ve obviously done a lot of research on the subject and neither of us has taken this decision lightly…It’s a very exciting step though for both of us and our relationship.

    Love and hugs to all


    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago

      Thanks for the great response and good luck with the next step on your Journey!!!!


    • Melinda 10 months ago

      I start crossdressing when i was 20 years old and stop but now im doing it again i fill happier when im dress as a female i guess it is to open up but i finally told my cousin and she accepts me wish im happy but new on this website and im glad i enjoy the website so happy thank you everyone

  17. Steph 1 year ago

    A great and very helpful story Codille. Thank you.

  18. Elissa 1 year ago

    I just want to thank you for sharing your story. It is very insightful to me and I know it will help and encourage other to be who they are on the inside! I too still have issues with how and who to tell when it comes to friends and family. I for one am afraid of loosing long term relationships due to this. I am beginning to believe that if people haven’t been able to figure out I am different then maybe they never really paid attention to who I am. Then again maybe they did but choose to ignore it. I am almost to the point where I am about to say that if you cannot except me, all of me, for who I am then maybe we shouldn’t be friends anyway. I haven’t quite gotten there but am close.

    Hugs and best wishes on your continuing journey!

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago


      It took me a long long time to have this change. If you go to my profile, you will see since I wrote this a year and a half a go things have massively changed with my relationships in my life. With family, children and friends. Crossdresser Heaven has helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. And like you I look at people and go if you didn’t nice I was different you weren’t paying attention. My wife calls me the wife of the couple, as I micromanage everything and have all the emotions and have passed those to my kids. On the Flip side I am the strong presence of the two of us, but neither of us are what you would call shy. She is the nurturer, and I am the hammer. but when the day is done you look at the 2 of us and I see myself 60% male/ 40% Female and she is 60% Female / 40% male when it comes to “typical” characteristics. I can list a ton of examples.

      At some point you hopefully will get to the point that you will go, these people are the ones that need and should now I am CD. These I don’t want them ever to know and the rest I don’t care one way or another and then start figuring out how to balance and make that all work. Not Easy. I have 2 people left I NEED to tell and I am scared to death. After that, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Good luck on your journey and drop me a line. I would love to talk!!!


  19. Margie 1 year ago

    That was so well written and says much about the person you are Codille. We share things like long term family, wife who knows and accepts and understanding our own person. I’ve thought and thought but I’m not sure transitioning, at my age, early 70’s, would be the right thing. I prefer femme but … oh well! I’m still content.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago

      Thanks Margie and yes it looks like we do have quite a bit in common.

  20. Stefanie 1 year ago

    That’s it! That’s what some of us are US
    heterosexual males that like the clothes the style the sexy ness
    We re just us
    And we re ok

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago

      Yes it is Stefanie, just one part of the giant Crossdressing bowl, but we all do it with style…… or at least try too!


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