Dear Readers,
I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?
She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.
Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.
Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning
Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.
My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.
What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.
Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?
Friends and Crossdressing
I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.
One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.
I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!
Hugs,
Codille Benton
P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.
Thank you Codille for writing such a great article. It sums up pretty much the same way I feel. Love my female side but no plans to ever take it any further. Hard to explain the feeling at the end of a dressing day. Sad to take everything off but also some relief to get back to not really fussing about how I look in male mode. I’ve been lucky I guess not ever having any conflicted feelings about who I wanted to be. When I feel like being female I am but most of the time I’m male. It’s… Read more »
WEll written Samantha!! and you are indeed fortunate to know what you want! I hope you get everything you desire in life! 🙂
Good to meet you Samantha. You said it spot on… “Sad to remove all those pretty things but relieved to care less howI look as male.." I really sometimes wish to have a wish to transform into male to Female and back at will… That would be so amazing… I would go out and enjoy as woman and “BAM.." Next moment I am back as man… To carry on my usual life.
One more thing… You look Beautiful… Girl.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been doing this CD. . It’s really hard to remove all the things which took time to put it on. I have found a gf & knows about my CD. We go shopping for my /her requirements which makes it easy for me to select the best. .
Thank you Codille and Samantha for putting my feelings in words that I couldn’t relate.
I am so happy to have your friendships
Regards, Leonara
Could not relate more with any other CDs I read about..!!! Sounds like my own story… Cross dressing without transitioning is what could be most suitable to sum up what I am. Wife knows, kids are in teens and they wonder why there are shoes stocked up everywhere that mom has never worn… Why dad is so good at Halloween makeup and why mom asks his help for her makeup… How dad knows where the accessories and all make up kept… And why there are so many lingerie in the washer while mom wears them very occasionally…!!!! Lol… Too many… Read more »
Codille,
So nice to meet you and read a little about your CD life. I am also a long time CD. My wife does not know as I do everything I can to keep my femme side hidden. I’m sure if she found out she would ask me to get psychiatric help, which I agree I probably need anyway. I enjoy my femme time immensely but will probably never transition, not that I don’t think about it a lot. Take care.
KerryMichelle
great article…im quite sure i’ll always be a male,as i enjoy the benefits of maleness too much!..lol i also have facial hair that im not willing to give up..yes i enjoy wearing my lingerie and forms, my wife is supportive also. but i know she would not be happy if i wanted to carry this further;public full dress. im happy doing what i do,just wishing the real world was more understanding. i am lucky that i can wear forms and lingerie almost every week day!
Ladies, For the record, I have stated the before and now have medical backing, crossdressing is not a disease and can not be cured. It is part of you that you may deny coming to out but it is part of you. What medical backing??? Well I have some issues that I have had to work through in my life like most of you. I have seen my share of shrinks. BUT 2 weeks ago I went to another Psychologist to do a self check and spilled my life out to them for 45 minutes, everything including crossdressing. In the… Read more »
Hi everyone,
My name is Katie, and I’ve been through just about everything a cross dresser could go.
Right now I’m at an age where I need to come out completely 24-7.
I need to find groups in my area that I can go to, and start socializing with people just like me.
I’m lonely, and that’s nobody’s fault but mine because I haven’t been to a group since the early 90’s in Orlando Fl.
Well written Codile enjoyed reading. It would be nice if more people understood that we are not sick and disgusting. I enjoy cross dressing and will not go to the next step but often think how great it would be to bo be totally femminne.
Thank you to all you girls I have know other place to express my feelings.
Great write Codille..I like Samantha G live to dress when I can and will do it all weekend most weeks..honestly I would never pull it off in public because of my height. No one knows about it except my ex wife(lol) and my dear friends here. When Monday rolls around it is a bummer to go back to guy mode, but a girl has to work! I also would lover to take a " Turn me in to Charlize Theron for a week" pill!
Hi Codille,
Nice post! Glad to hear a viewpoint similar to mine, yet so much more insightful.
I just wrote a post a few days ago about being just a guy who wears womens fashions:
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/just-a-guy-wearing-womens-fashions/
It’s nice that you have a group of supportive friends and a supportive wife. I’m realizing more lately how necessary support is.
Lea
you look gorgeous