crossdressing without transitioning

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?

She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.

Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.

Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning

Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.

My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.

What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.

Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?

Friends and Crossdressing

I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.

One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.

I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!

Codille Benton

P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.

The following two tabs change content below.

Codille Benton

I am a MTF Crossdresser for 30+ years. I came to CDH in April of 2015, Looking for Friends and Support just like everyone else, as I was looking to take my first big steps out the door. That seems so long ago thanks to the members of this site and their love. I am very active participant and I also the Manager of the site, which began as a blog by Vanessa Law. What I think Vanessa asking me to manage the sites means... I have been dressing for a while so I have a lot of things to offer others, I am organized and I REALLY like talking to people 🙂 If you haven’t read all my profile, I welcome you to please do so, it gives you a pretty good idea of who I am. Here is the link something that will tell you more about me. There have been more than a few personal updates to this as well in the responses. A Sequel article is in the works as well as a lot has changed in two years, but here is the beginning. If the link doesn’t work check under the in the stories section at the top of your profile page, mine is the one with the Phoenix image, so just about all about me can be found in those two places. Also I am an open book and will answer almost any question posted to me. I welcome to a whole new world, that you can be you, no judging just friendship, helpful tips and lots support. As for the site, the ladies are amazing and friendly. Almost no question will not be answered (Just keep it tasteful), by someone who has been there where you are in some way. I have met some incredible ladies that just want someone else that is a crossdresser to talk to and be a friend. You will feel at home immediately. If you want to jump right in write your profile and let people your journey, if you want to stick your toe into the water first, go to the forums link, and go to the new members page, just say hi and then browse all the great insight these wonderful women have already put there. Just so you know all of the post are from people like you and me, not some expert, but women that all are looking for answers or just someone else to talk to. We also have a for the pride of your part of the world. We are a growing community so if you don’t see a group link listed for your specific country, link up with the next closest. Trust me the site is growing fast enough we will be adding more groups as soon as there are enough people you won’t be by yourself. So follow this link and find ladies in your area: As for me, I also have been asked to give guidance, again that whole I have been dressing a while thing, but I too am looking for some HELP as I certainly don’t have all the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything CD. So I want to say HI!!!!!! Thanks so much for accepting my friendship request and I look forward to talking with you soon!!! Hugs, Codille Benton Managing Ambassador and Friend

Latest posts by Codille Benton (see all)

  1. Vanessa Law 2 years ago

    Codille, thank you for being part of our community!!

  2. skippy1965(Cynthia) 2 years ago

    Beautiful story Codille! I know there is a large spectrum and that we all fall in various points on that continuum. Not sure yet where I personally fall ads I continue to explore my inner soul and heart and mind to figure out how they all fit together. Thank you for being one of the Ambassadors on this site who has already helped me more than you can know.


  3. Khloe West 2 years ago

    SO similar a story as my own, but you just discovered yourself far sooner. Kudos to you!

    Must hit the hay after a long day, or I would banter on more.

    Most/many know that I dress and do drag, Wife of upcoming 33 years aids me. but I really had no clue about me up until just about 3 1/2 years ago…and yes, it’s because I was really shut down. In the years since the revelation? I can see that I was there since about 5-6 and just really shut down.

    I’m glad that I have n arena in the drag world, as it gives me a public space and voice where I can speak from and try to educate others that don’t get “us”.

  4. Khloe West 2 years ago

    Hmmm… just left lengthy reply, but seems missing. Perhaps the morning reboot shall bring it to life…

  5. Kendra Gerard 2 years ago

    Thank you Codille for posting this – I too am a crossdresser not interested in transitioning. I love my life as a man – husband to my wonderful wife, playing hockey with my son in a beer league, and hanging out with other men talking politics and sports. But, there is another side of me too – the side that feels like the legware and cosmetics are calling me when I walk past them in the drugstore, the part that just bought her first pair of heels in over 25 years, the part the loves being called Kendra.

    Now since it is very clear that I dont want to transition, I still wonder why I am this way. If I am not a woman in a man’s body, then why do I need to do this? In my 20’s the sociology text books called people like me sexual deviants. Now some websites say people like me do it for erotic thrill, or because the fabric feels nice. None of those explanations make sense to me.

    I have struggled with self loathing because my desire to crossdress, but I am moving well past that and know that I am not a deviant. Erotic thrill? When I young yes, but when you have a libido of a 23 year old male almost anything can be an erotic thrill. Now – wearing pantyhose to work and taking meetings for erotic thrill – that is ridiculous. And simply saying the material feels good is not enough of an explanation – it does feel good – but so do the leather seats in my car and I don’t have a desire to bring a leather car seat into the office.

    So maybe there is a duality of gender for some us and the feminine side is the minority – a vocal, insistent minority sometimes but a minority.

    I don’t know why and maybe never will – and I am not sure exactly where we fit in any classification system

    But I am glad i read Codille’s post

    • Kathy Jo Ireland 1 week ago

      Thanks Kendra for your post. I just joined today and was in a chat room for a short while it seemed to me that most were in transition. I thought that this site wasn’t for me as I have no intention to do so. I’ve been doing this on and off since I was a child . I buried it for a long time only to have it come back , I thought it was done there for about 10 yrs. Well its back and I’m letting I in. I like it I like how I feel about me when I identify as female.Allowing this to be more then a sexual thrill is what’s different now. The self awareness I feel as female is an amazing perspective that I’m not sure I could get without this. I’m being to think it is more then a fetishe ,maybe you body’s a tempt to balance itself who knows but alot are here probably many more would be if they were able to let it in . Its working for me now that I accept this and make it an asset. Thanks again Kathy jo.

    • Danni Lee 1 year ago

      I dress simply because I like the way women’s clothes and lingerie make me feel. I feel sexy when I’m dressed. I’m 100% strait and I have had the same feelings of self loathing, but today I came out to three friends and they were all very supportive and I hope others may be the same in the future.

      • Debra ann Savoy 3 days ago

        Life’s to short, I too love the way women’s clothes on me. I have tried to stop. But will never again.

    • Willow 2 years ago

      We have to remember that there is a difference between gender identity and gender expression. If I close my eyes I know I’m male. I’m happy being male. I wouldn’t know what female felt like, it’s not my body genetics or life experience. But, and it’s a huuuuge but, this man needs to express femininity. Don’t be fooled, just because it’s ‘express’ doesn’t mean you have any more control over it than your identity.

      This is why you have masculine and feminine gay guys, lesbians, and shockingly straight people. Some people are wired to be one gender, yet express another. Some trans MtF people transition to female, yet express their original masculinity. There’s every combination, and there are no rules.

      Girls do it all the time, they’re called tomboys. When men do it, we’re socially crushed. Where does it say that a man, a masculine man, can’t wear a skirt? Does it really make you less masculine? No. You just want to wear (express) something feminine, some sensitivity, be pretty, just a little. But when you are shamed, you feel that guilt.

    • Vanessa Law 2 years ago

      Thanks @kendra14 for sharing your truth! Sometimes it can be hard when we don’t fit in – even the transgender community seems to have a well defined path from crossdressing to transition – one that not everyone is on.

      I’m glad you’re here!

      • Kendra Gerard 2 years ago

        Thanks Vanessa – I appreciate you saying I am welcome – while my feminine being is a minority of my total being, it still demands recognition (sometimes quite assertively) and it is very nice to have a space where I can share thoughts I can’t share anywhere else

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 years ago


      I am sorry it took so long for me to respond to this. What you just explained about how you feel and who you are really was where I was for about the last 10-15 years. Yes, there was early on the erotic feel when I was younger but there was also more fear and more feeling of shame. As I got older, I got to the point where I just wanted to dress. I couldn’t really figure out why but I just did, the fear lessened as my wife became more insistent on the fact that it was just clothes even though society was SCREAMING “Sexual Deviant” like you mentioned.

      I will share, and this is very hard but again may help someone else, that my family on my mothers side has pretty severe depression running through it. It as far back as I can assess, started with my grandfather and has run at least four generations. Some of the family has very little but we have also lost one of my cousins daughters to suicide do to extreme depression. What does this have to do with anything, well since 16 I have been on various cocktails of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Somewhere in the last year and a half to two years, almost, 30 years, we got the mix right and I saw and thought and processed clearly for the first time, since pre-puberty or maybe ever.

      And then ME and Codille clicked. I am whole and crossdressing is just part of who I am and what I do. I have both strong male and female aspects to my life, roles and emotions ( I am the sap that cries, yes sometimes even at movies). But, like I said in the article. I am male, heterosexual and feel no need or desire to transition. I don’t think sexual orientation predisposes you to either crossdressing or wanting to transition. I think every human being is different though we may share a lot of the same thoughts and feelings it is an individual choice. Codille is still a part of me and she is becoming more so, but it is because I am no longer willing to hide who I am inside because society says I should. It took a long internal fight to get where I am now and ANYONE that wants to share or QUESTION or comment please do. Like I tell most of you when I finally get a chance to say hi! I am an open book mostly.

      Peace to all of you, and thank you Kendra!


      • Kathy Jo Ireland 1 week ago

        I also was treated for anxiety mild depersion about three yrs ago . It worked and I have noticed a fog lift from me that has been going on for 10 15 yrs maybe always . After getting better is when the desire to dress came back, like it was allowed in again. I know this helps me. The other day I picked up some lipstick and nice girly sunglasses put it on a took a drive. Something so simple had me smiling all day long. It was crazy. Beats prozac.

      • Leonara 1 year ago

        Hi Codille,
        Better late than never , I had the opportunity to read this article . Thank you so much in putting My CD in perspective. I am so glad that I am part of this special group of ladies.
        Although my wife is confused about my alter ego, together we picked out panties, stockings, and camisoles for me and recently we shared manicures together. Yes our relationship has reached a new dimension. Your article really made me comfortable to know how I feel and give my wife a new “friend”.
        Thank you again for your insight .

  6. Christine 2 years ago

    Hey Codille its Christine, I to have a similar story. At a young age going thru my mother’s cloths I found her girdles & stockings, well I’m going to try them on. Wooo it felt really good, the girdle was very tight & when I put on the stockings on I exploded. From then on I was hooked. Fast forward with my first wife I would buy her panties & bras I would want to wear, sometimes it worked & sometimes not she wouldn’t wear them. When she was at work I’d. Work midnight I would find something that fit me & put it on . I d look pretty good. Now on my second wife I love the male side of me but when Christine comes out I really get turned on. I now have some different wigs & I’m buying my own sexy cloths & my own panties & bras. Oh ya let’s not forget shoes, nice pumps. When I put everything on man I can t believe it, Christine looks really hot & sexy woooow. My second wife does not know about Christine sometimes I wish I could tell her but for now I can’t deal with the rejection if there would be. I don’t know. What am I looking for well I don’t know. For Christine I would love to go public & let go, drinks, dancing maybe an encounter with a man. Just have fun. The fantisey of going all the way, shaving my legs & chest all the way, right now I just groom real close. My wife ask me why my legs r cut so close I just tell her the older I get the more I hate hair. What a answer. Maybe I should come clean. Well for now I’m glad I found the site & could express my feelings to you all wonderfull ladies. Opinions are welcomed from ally wonderfull ladies, love u all. Christine

  7. darlene 2 years ago

    This is so similar to my story that it scares me. I started crossdressing at about 10 years old, by the time I was 13, I would sneak some bras a girdles from my mother and wear them. At16, I was very adept at finding bras that fit me best. For some10 years, I seldom dressed and for years afterward I only did so in private. My ex wife caught me one day and then that relationship was over, yippy! Fifteen years later, I got into crossdressing again, I had some bras drying on a clothes rack when my present wife came home. To my surprise, she accepted me for crossdressing, What a mind blower that was. Since then, I have been buying bras and nightgown until I learned how to run a sewing machine. Some of the stuff that is produced gets pretty bizarre, but is accepted. About 6 years back, I began developing breasts and am currently happy with myself.

    • susan jones 2 years ago

      Great story, Is like me ,but no accepting wife. Only secret.

  8. Linda H 2 years ago

    I have been enjoying both sides of my persona for 40 years. All with the encouragement and support of my wife. I haven’t thought about if I am two parts that have merged, I am just me and delight in my being capable of sharing with my wife.
    There are pros and cons to informing children. Without knowing yours, I will stay out of that arena. I will say that they probably don’t care, but again, not my call.
    Enjoy life to the fullest and I am glad you are!

  9. Bianca Bloom 2 years ago

    Just a terrific story. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were writing my tale. It is just so wonderful to know there are others just like me, experiencing the same things and living the same lives. Big hugs to you, Codille.

  10. Caren 2 years ago

    Codille, thank you so very much for your story.You are an inspiration to us all.I am new to this site and really don’t know how to express myself very well. Thank you so much for your friendship ,Caren

  11. Pippi Long 2 years ago

    Codille, thank you for your insight.I too am happy with my two selves ! I feel that it is so helpful to combine your two halves into one person . I struggled for years over who i was then after my divorce and living on my own i let Pippi take over my feeling for a while . It helped me figure out how i wanted to live my life . I dont crossdress all the time but i do allow myself my femm time to keep my balance .

  12. angela 2 years ago

    my name is Angela and I have been crossdressing now for 50 years ,I have always felt like I should have been a female I just recently started stepping out going into stores in women clothes and I feel good doing it a little scared and concerned about being called freak.

  13. stacey s 2 years ago

    Codille, Very nice story told and impressive ! I have been dressing on and off for many years since was 13. Have been married twice and divorced twice not because of my cross dressing though. For the last Seven years I have been dressing mostly evenings
    I have been out a few times mostly evenings also. I, do wear undergarment during my male mode during the day. I, find that only a few will accept my cross dressing so I only tell a few. Since I am a older CD and due to medical reasons I could not transition. Being in therapy for other reason plus my gender ??? I, have accepted my Cross Dressing and enjoy it! I, also enjoy company with other Sisters . My Biggest problem I have is my Body Size LOL that is I accept that I m overweight to some . I find
    many in the same position. I, also enjoy the company of Men. This article and letter Impresses me also keep the good work up looking forward to more notes.
    Thank You also for your Letter as it will encourage many of Us.

  14. Katesmom 2 years ago

    Hi–is there a place where a parent could go to get advice to help a teenager who came out as transgender just months ago? She is pushing strongly to begin hormone treatments but I just don’t know what to make of it.

    I have been reading posts throughout this forum and it’s so heartening. I would do anything to smooth out the rough spots for my Kate, but I also suspect that there’s only so much a mom can do or even should do. . .

    Would any of you dear ladies have advice for me?

    Most sincerely,
    Kate’s Mom . aka Carrie

    • Denise 2 years ago

      Hiya Carrie, I pushed a wrong button it seems while replying to this, so this is my second attempt.
      Firstly, I have not raised a trans child, yet I know of several who have and are. I’m a transwoman myself, who at the tender age of 50 made my full transition, six years ago. A child who is trans is of course completely different than an adult who is trans….yet in many aspects the same. Much the same as a non-trans child and non-trans adult are different yet the same. There are just so many questions to ask you, if you’d like to reach me for an in-depth talk, let me know via a private message and I’ll share my contact info with you.
      Secondly, I’m a huge advocate for following proper medical treatment, of which HRT is a part. So is proper counseling/therapy and a good support system. Following the “Standards of Care” is vital in my opinion.
      I don’t know how much research you have done, but here’s a few links that I hope you may find helpful:

      We here at CDH don’t allow members who are under the age of 18. We feel bad about that, as we would love to be able to help ~anyone~ that we could. But, unfortunately, society being as litigious as it is these days, we stay away from all things dealing with minors.
      If you’re the parent of the child this post is about-GOOD ON YOU for trying to be supportive and finding out as much as you can! So many others don’t and it’s a shame.
      Drop me a line if you’d like my direct contact info, I’d be most happy to help you in any way that I can.

    • skippy1965(Cynthia) 2 years ago

      Carrie-try contacting Denise -she has a lot of god information-as a matte of fact I’ll pass on your user info to her. She is very nice and can help answer your questions! I am happy to talk with you about my own journey(PM me anytime!) but she is better for the medical questions!


  15. Author
    Codille Benton 2 years ago

    Article Update:

    I want to clarify something that I don’t quite think I put enough emphasis on in the original article. Do we all dream of being able to magically change into a beautiful woman and look stunning in you favorite outfit of choice at one time or another, I think so, but that doesn’t mean you or I want to be a woman full time. I am a straight heterosexual man and have no desire to transition at all and never have.

    It was the topic of the article but I didn’t really spell it out very well. What I did spell out I think was the fact that just because you crossdress doesn’t mean you are destined to transition to a woman. That may be your path, but it doesn’t have to be if that is not your choice or desire. Also, sexual orientation has nothing to do with crossdressing. Crossdressers come in all forms and both genders – straight, gay, bi and all other combinations there of. But like I said, just because you are CD does not mean you have to transition if you are not called to inside to do so.

    So, in other updates. Since New Year Eve 2016 my wife and my best friends (Husband and Wife) and also my eldest the question mark all know about Codille. My circle is growing and so is my confidence in who I am as a person. I want to thank this community, the crazy ladies that live in the corner and in particular three ladies here in helping me grow and feel more confident in myself. Claudia, Cynthia, and Vanessa you each have made a huge impact in my life in the last year. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Here is to a great 2016!!

    Hugs and Love,

    Codille Benton
    Friend and Ambassador

  16. Joanna R. 2 years ago

    I think we all dream of having an out of body experience once in our transitioning lives. And I use the term ” Transitioning ” loosely to describe any and all of us who at one time imagined ourselves as actually being female. We dress to become that spirit, we feed that flame that is in our souls. We want to feel the silk and satin and it stirs up feelings that others simply cannot comprehend. These feelings make us unique.

    Like you, I am a cross dresser and could never imagine myself making the choice of becoming 100% female, but for a day, a simple 24 hours, I would kill to feel what it would be like to actually not have a stuffed bra. To actually have DD breast. To have long flowing hair and painted lips and nails. Ahhh, it would feel so good for just a day.

    Thank you Codille for sharing your experiences and thoughts.

    Best Wishes,
    Joanna R.

  17. megan 2 years ago

    Thanks Codille for your article, it certainly puts alot in perspective. As a closeted panty wearer, I was always curious as to weather or not I had a “label”. Nice to know I don’t need one, and can just enjoy the journey.

  18. brianna lynn 2 years ago

    Hi girls, I have been a MTF crossdresser for 51 years. I have been married for 48 years and my wife and I have 3 wonderful children, 9 grandchildren. I began crossdressing 3 years before I met my wife. In that 3 years I often wondered where this wonderful world of crossdressing and being Brianna would take me. I thought about what direction did I want to go. Was I happy just being a MTF crossdresser or did I want to go for total transition. I dated a few other women before I met my wife and some I told about my crossdressing and some I did not. It just depended on whether I felt I could trust them or not. I am happy to say I only had one bad experience and the rest were positive. By the time I met my wife I had decided that Brianna was here to stay and would remain a very important part of my life. So before I proposed to my wife I told her about my crossdressing and Brianna. She of course had a lot of questions but she finally accepted my crossdressing and understood how important being Brianna was to me. She has supported me in every way possible and helped me to make Brianna in to the woman she is today. I still crossdress and spend most of my time in fem. I would say probably 90% of the time. I fully dress or underdress some of every day. I am completely comfortable going out in public underdressed or completely dressed. I was out yesterday to the grocery store dressed in panties, nylons, a half slip, skirt, blouse and 1 inch high heels. No wig and makeup and it was plain to see that I was a male wearing female clothing. I am lucky that we have friends and all our neighbors in the housing area we live in or very accepting of who I am. We go to parties and dinners at our neighbors homes and friends home or go out with them to dinner and other things and they are all comfortable with me fully dressed or underdressed and I am fully accepted and they all address me as Brianna when we or together. I have been truly blessed in that way. So to answer the question it is very simple. I am fully and completely happy being a MTF crossdresser and have no intentions of ever considering transition. I think god everyday for my wife and all the other people in my life and for the opportunity to have Brianna in my life. I am and always will be a MTF crossdresser. Hugs to all.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 years ago

      I think we are Kindred Spirits, Brianna!!!!!

      • brianna lynn 2 years ago

        Thank you Codille. I believe you are right. Our stories are very similar in many ways.


  19. Rossalynne Dubois 2 years ago

    You are truly blessed to have an understanding wife. I too have a wife, who understands my need to be my true self. I’ve shown her my childhood pictures, of me wearing dresses. This helped her to understand my life long need to cross-dress, and my dream of one day becoming the girl that I should of been at birth. Rossalynne

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 years ago

      Having an accepting partner I think is an amazing gift!!!

  20. Lucinda Hawkns 2 years ago

    yes you are truly blessed to have a wife that understands you and be on your side when in need of a friend to talk to like two females. i have been cross dressing for about 30 years on and off, but since the loss of my parents and the internet, plus my fem side wants to come out more then ever. i have finally learned to adopt to my fem side and me. daughter knows of my cross dressing but that’s all, she does not know i dress up almost every day. wife wont see me or help me with make up, but tells me when its all clear and kids are gone that i can do what i want to do. gee do i, could not wait to dress up and feel stress free and depressed free, PLUS be me and free. love hearing other girls about how they started. almost the same way. my journey started with a pair of nylons at school play. i was hooked loved the feeling of them, needed to try on more like a dress, skirt, bra, panties and pad. golly gee i was so amazed on how i looked and feel. i have a body figure like a female and a brain of a female, trapped in a mans body. so i found a new way to dress. its dressing up in all female clothing, lacy panties, pad, nylons, body figure bra with boob inserts, dress, then put on ugly male cloths over the female cloths. then you can feel feminine and with out any one knowing you are a cross dresser. i love it but would love to just wear female cloths with out the male cloths hiding it. society has to learn to except the transgender, cross dressing world of people.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 years ago


      That statement can’t be more true. CD individuals seems to be the last in line for acceptance from society as a whole. Interracial couples, then gay and lesbian couples, now transgender transitioned individuals have all fought extremely hard battles and society has either accepted or began to accept these differences.

      Then there is the MTF crossdresser, and I point that group out in particular for a reason. Changing clothing styles in the womans business sector has made male looking clothing an acceptable norm. You can go down any street in any city with even the smallest business district and see women wear suits, usually cut slightly different but a very traditional male article of clothing. Go down that same street and tell me how many men do you see in dresses or skirts (NO KILTS DON’T COUNT, LOL)? Society just hasn’t gotten there. Do I think we will see that happen in my lifetime (Say the next 30 years) yes. The breakthrough of the transitioned person in the last two years and Gay marriage being passed universally in the US have been massive changes. In a male dominant society (and unfortunately that IS still where we are) a guy in a dress doesn’t compute. In Greek and Roman times it did, it was called a Toga both men and women wore them but modern society got prudish and went backward. We as a society are continuing to become more and more enlighten and changing things for equality and acceptance. My teenage kids have friends that are all over the sexual orientation spectrum and my youngest has two friends in middle school that are transitioning or going through therapy to transition, Middle schoolers. We have come a long way in the 30 years since I was that age. Hopefully the next 30 will continue that trend.



  21. Samantha G..... 2 years ago

    Thank you Codille for writing such a great article.
    It sums up pretty much the same way I feel.
    Love my female side but no plans to ever take it
    any further. Hard to explain the feeling at the end
    of a dressing day. Sad to take everything off but
    also some relief to get back to not really fussing
    about how I look in male mode.

    I’ve been lucky I guess not ever having any conflicted
    feelings about who I wanted to be. When I feel like being
    female I am but most of the time I’m male. It’s just easier.
    I had many years of very little to almost no dressing in
    my 30’s & early 40’s. But I always had a box of pretty things
    in the closet and it made me feel good just knowing it was there.

    The past few years have seen a large increase in my female wardrobe
    and I have taken my look much further than I ever thought
    I could. I’m very happy about that but I also know I could never
    live life as a woman 24/7. I have had that fantasy of a magic genie
    granting me a wish to live life as a woman for a week or maybe a
    month to see what it was really like but I was born a male and I will
    always be one. However a few times a month I get to be Samantha
    and it makes me happy to transform into a woman for the day.
    Wishing you all peace in whatever form you take in this world.

    • Leonara 1 year ago

      Thank you Codille and Samantha for putting my feelings in words that I couldn’t relate.
      I am so happy to have your friendships
      Regards, Leonara

    • avantika 2 years ago

      It’s been awhile since I’ve been doing this CD. . It’s really hard to remove all the things which took time to put it on. I have found a gf & knows about my CD. We go shopping for my /her requirements which makes it easy for me to select the best. .

    • Monika Sweet 2 years ago

      One more thing… You look Beautiful… Girl.

    • Monika Sweet 2 years ago

      Good to meet you Samantha. You said it spot on… “Sad to remove all those pretty things but relieved to care less howI look as male..” I really sometimes wish to have a wish to transform into male to Female and back at will… That would be so amazing… I would go out and enjoy as woman and “BAM..” Next moment I am back as man… To carry on my usual life.

    • skippy1965(Cynthia) 2 years ago

      WEll written Samantha!! and you are indeed fortunate to know what you want! I hope you get everything you desire in life! 🙂

  22. Monika Sweet 2 years ago

    Could not relate more with any other CDs I read about..!!! Sounds like my own story… Cross dressing without transitioning is what could be most suitable to sum up what I am. Wife knows, kids are in teens and they wonder why there are shoes stocked up everywhere that mom has never worn… Why dad is so good at Halloween makeup and why mom asks his help for her makeup… How dad knows where the accessories and all make up kept… And why there are so many lingerie in the washer while mom wears them very occasionally…!!!! Lol… Too many teen questions…

    Most of my female friends knows about my CDing while no male friend has any idea about it. Our pact is… Family and friends shall not know about it and I will not go out public dressed as woman…!!!

    Good to meet you Codille.

  23. KerryMichelle 2 years ago

    So nice to meet you and read a little about your CD life. I am also a long time CD. My wife does not know as I do everything I can to keep my femme side hidden. I’m sure if she found out she would ask me to get psychiatric help, which I agree I probably need anyway. I enjoy my femme time immensely but will probably never transition, not that I don’t think about it a lot. Take care.

  24. marty scharrschmidt 2 years ago

    great article…im quite sure i’ll always be a male,as i enjoy the benefits of maleness too much! i also have facial hair that im not willing to give up..yes i enjoy wearing my lingerie and forms, my wife is supportive also. but i know she would not be happy if i wanted to carry this further;public full dress. im happy doing what i do,just wishing the real world was more understanding. i am lucky that i can wear forms and lingerie almost every week day!

  25. Author
    Codille Benton 2 years ago


    For the record, I have stated the before and now have medical backing, crossdressing is not a disease and can not be cured. It is part of you that you may deny coming to out but it is part of you.

    What medical backing??? Well I have some issues that I have had to work through in my life like most of you. I have seen my share of shrinks. BUT 2 weeks ago I went to another Psychologist to do a self check and spilled my life out to them for 45 minutes, everything including crossdressing. In the end she asked me if I thought I needed to be there, I said no not really. She agreed and said with all you have gone through you are extremely well centered and completely NORMAL. There it is ladies, a professional Psychologist said I Codille, a crossdresser was completely normal.

    Rejoice!!! So Are you!!!!


  26. Katiekat 2 years ago

    Hi everyone,
    My name is Katie, and I’ve been through just about everything a cross dresser could go.
    Right now I’m at an age where I need to come out completely 24-7.
    I need to find groups in my area that I can go to, and start socializing with people just like me.
    I’m lonely, and that’s nobody’s fault but mine because I haven’t been to a group since the early 90’s in Orlando Fl.

  27. Dianne Baldwin 2 years ago

    Well written Codile enjoyed reading. It would be nice if more people understood that we are not sick and disgusting. I enjoy cross dressing and will not go to the next step but often think how great it would be to bo be totally femminne.
    Thank you to all you girls I have know other place to express my feelings.

  28. Jesse Nicole(Smokey) 2 years ago

    Great write Codille..I like Samantha G live to dress when I can and will do it all weekend most weeks..honestly I would never pull it off in public because of my height. No one knows about it except my ex wife(lol) and my dear friends here. When Monday rolls around it is a bummer to go back to guy mode, but a girl has to work! I also would lover to take a ” Turn me in to Charlize Theron for a week” pill!

  29. Lea 2 years ago

    Hi Codille,

    Nice post! Glad to hear a viewpoint similar to mine, yet so much more insightful.

    I just wrote a post a few days ago about being just a guy who wears womens fashions:

    It’s nice that you have a group of supportive friends and a supportive wife. I’m realizing more lately how necessary support is.


  30. Bas 2 years ago

    you look gorgeous

  31. Breeann Jacobs 2 years ago

    Thanks codille for ur post it brings alot of relief to me to know I can come to terms with just crossdressing and not transition now to find courage to tell those I love thanks again hun

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 years ago


      I am glad that my story helped even a little. When I wrote it I never thought anyone would be interested and I have now seen how wrong I was. Be yourself and be true to yourself, whoever that is.



  32. Dava 2 years ago

    Codille, I feel that we have a great deal in common. I also accepted my feminine self about a year ago and told my wife of 38 years who had been accepting of my dressing. I also dont envision going beyond dressing and have told only my wife. I have 3 adult and married kids and dont plan on telling them at this point as I dont see a compelling reason to do so. Would love to hear your reasons for wanting to. I may change my mind at some point.

  33. Dava 2 years ago

    P. S. So envious of your look. I’m not nearly as convincing…

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 years ago


      38 Years is amazing…thank your wife for the gift of her love!!! Also, that is a drawling, not me. Not yet. But I am really working on it.



  34. debbie 1 year ago

    Ty you for sharing that Codille. I have been a cd since I was a teen and enjoy both genders but enjoy being debbie more so. Even so I dont feel the need to transition at this point and my cd friends have made all the difference in the world here

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago


      Sorry it took a bit for me to respond, I understand the flipping between the two genders and feeling comfortable. My wife and I Joke that I am 60% Male/40% Female and on the flip side she is 60% female/40%male. The perfect mismatch for each other. Yes, for me it is not just CD but LGBT friends that have made a huge difference. Happy to have you here with us!!!


      • Angela 1 year ago

        I feel I’m 80% female and 20% male!
        I would love to transition fully but am also in love with my wife so will stay 80/20. Sigh.
        Hugs and kisses, Angela

  35. Terrim 1 year ago

    Thanks Cordille for telling your story. I wish it had been written in 1971, when I got married. I am so much like you.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago


      I was a little young then but I am glad you are here with us now!



  36. Amanda Patrick 1 year ago

    Hi Codille,

    This is something I am working on now finding the balance between my male and female self. all these feelings have come back so strong the last year after years of dormancy. But now I know they refuse to be denied. so I have been embracing them the last year. my spouse knows and is supportive but prefers not to see me dressed which I respect. I feel lucky just being now I am going slowly and quietly to find the balance but quite sure transitioning is not in my future.


    Amanda Patrick

  37. Jaimelynn 1 year ago

    Hi Codille,

    Have been reading all articles from oldest to newest. Very well written and glad to know we have an ambassador that gives us fair and balanced at CDH!

    Seems like a lot of comments start as ‘no plans to transition at this time’…and end up with …’and now I have to transition and leave behind my loving SO etc…’ which is okay if you can’t live otherwise.

    I am happily married 35 plus years…my wife knows but does not want to see it…we respect each other and give each other the space we need.

    I am very happy to cross dress alone as it satisfies me…I do not need acceptance and recognition from others to be satisfied but I will admit CDH has helped me accept myself.

    My wife and I have no intentions of telling anyone as it will serve no purpose such as the need to be in public and pass as a woman might eventually need that, or comraderie with like minded ladies…my benefit for being a hermit and a loner at heart I guess.

    I have limits but enjoy dark morning runs full female attire, dressing alone at home for music studies and practice and work, but for the most part have excelled in underdressing for waist training at home…and can enjoy long hours and even sleep thru the night waist training in stealth, and not offend others that do not see or know, and none the wiser.

    I will never have the desire to dress in public or transition…no doubt in my mind now or later…and at 63 that ensures no family issues will disrupt our marriage or growing to a ripe old age together. Our marital vows will end with you ‘do you take this man…and that is my part of the bargain for me that will not change…till death.
    do us part.

    In the interim I look forward to learning much at CDH and what is wrong with learning and growing to be a female impersonator of the role model I choose for myself and my own personal enjoyment.

    So far my waist training, diet, and exercise…all a direct result of CDH, and folks like yourself saying it is normal…learn how to accept yourself and for the first time starting since Feb 2016. I just took a metabolic syndrome test and have pulled my self out of three areas…and am no longer in a pre diabetic warning zone. I have so many blessings from this crossdressing in private that for me it would only be putting all the positive gains in jeopardy to spend my time worrying about being in public, to put my wife, my marriage, my job, my friends, my future in jeopardy.

    I have counted the cost…if my soul should be lost…though you gain the whole world for your own…even now it may be that the line you have crossed…have you counted…have you counted the cost.? Paraphrased…but I am counting my blessings…and my cup is half full…not half empty. I have no need to cross the line…just crossdress…and enjoy my own male-female bond.

    Thanks for letting me know CDH can encourage a crossdresser to just be a crossdresser without pressure to push further, and be perfectly satisfied and fulfilled as such.


  38. Kim Cummings 1 year ago

    When I is 6 Ft 6 In. It is a little difficult to pass as a woman. With high heels I am even taller. I have been cross dressing for a long time and I find it relaxing and I become myself. Any others that are tall too?

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 year ago

      Sorry, 5′ 11″ here so 6′ 2″ in my normal heels. Biggest problem I have had is location of where waist lines hit.

  39. JaniceTRider 1 year ago

    Hi Misses Benton. Pleasure reading your comments. I find them
    encouraging as do a lot of people here. There are so many types
    of sub categories within the main expression CD/TV/TS
    We can be any of that and more without necessarily feeling that
    it’s a must. Rather..It’s available to us.

    Dressing up is not against the law. Actors have done it and enjoyed it for thousands of years. The world at large is beginning to understand it. To explore various sides of our natural selves
    even in bdsm mode without actually harming anyone or anything.

    The only sad thing I can see is that some people brought up in
    or seduced into a life / philosophy of hatred. Those same people
    have a tendency to eat their own tales (or) change dramatically
    for the better later in life when they finally realize that some
    people have told terrible lies to them. I mean it. Terrible lies.
    You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be here.

    How I categorize myself. I am in hiding but am also happy.
    I consider myself a transvestite who is into other transvestites
    and not into male gays as such.
    I don’t hold anything against them either.
    I like being able to go back and forth between my different sides
    at least in private and hopefully someday at a TV meeting.

    Recommendations ….
    (1) Believe in yourself and reach out to others at least online
    and there is a good chance you will be able to go further over time
    and within your own sense of comfort.

    (2) Don’t let anybody put down your life style. Ignore them.
    Stay within your comfort zone as needed but understand
    you could still put up one heck of a fight if you had to.
    Well of course you could silly heads. (though u may not need to)

    (3) Side Step hateful people and if ever they come after you
    know there is a whole community here that’s on your side.
    The law is at least supposed to be on your side too and a place like
    this may be able to reach out to the law as an organized group.
    (Talking with officers who are known to be unbiased)

    This web site has a free entry level and does not pull rotten
    tricks on those who become curious. It’s a genuine online
    community. I myself am still at the entry level of membership
    and considering whether or not I might like to go higher.
    No pressure there. Just something that is available to me.

    I have spoken enough for a while lol
    Let us welcome the next person who’s man enough to
    show that powerful fem side. : ) Beautiful article Codille

    Tipping me hat….JTR

    • Author
      Codille Benton 12 months ago


      If people would try those three recommendations the world would be a much better place! Nicely Put!!!

  40. Sarah Daniels 1 year ago

    What a great article.

    I only recently accepted my inner self. For years the feminine side of me was just a fetish and I tried to keep it that way, because to admit anymore than that was too much for even me. I read everything I could about x dressing and joined forums only to come away even more confused than before.

    They say that sometimes you have to be broken down completely before you accept change and rebuild yourself. Well 6 months ago just after our 25th Wedding anniversary My wife told me she wanted some space because she wasnt sure about if she wanted this marriage anymore. I was devastated.

    She told me that for years she felt we were just muddling along and that she didnt find me attractive in any way but saw me as just a little more than a good friend. When she moved out I was broken. My whole life was upside down and my rock was gone. I was just tumbling along with the flow and getting no where. I sought counselling for us and initially I thought things were okay. I was diagnosed with PTSD and got help with that. The PTSD had basically closed me down emotionally so I cant blame her for feeling abandoned. I dressed quite a bit during this time and invested money in skin care products. My SO even remarked that I was looking younger and I lost a lot of weight. I really started to feel like We could sort this out.

    After 9 weeks of counselling and separation she dropped a bombshell. She had been having an affair with her boss for 6 mths and wanted to be with him. She didnt love me and loved him, and wanted to be with him. She admitted to lying to me for years about affairs with others. I wanted to die. I got home and just fell apart. Being the male me was too much. His life sucked and I needed to escape. It was then I found my Femme clothes calling to me and I became Sarah. For days I was this other person, Sarah and during that time I found because I was disconnected from Him I could see what was going on. I found that this gave me a clarity that I didnt have before. I kept at the counselling and dressing too (told my counsellor and she agreed that for now it was okay to escape as long as I came back. For a few weeks it got quite scary, as I really did dive into being Sarah. My personality changed, my desires shifted and I started to look at my sexuality and who I was. I really started to break me down into bits and sorted out the junk. It was scary for me in the middle sometimes because I wondered if it would be me or Sarah that would emerge from the ashes of the old me, and I’ll be honest She scared me a lot.

    Somewhere in all the mess she created she also provided me with a calm space to process who I was and the relationship I had with my wife. After a few months after her admitting the affair and continued counselling I asked my wife to come home. Her relationship fell apart as soon as sunlight hit it. He ran home to his wife and family and she was abandoned, but not by me strangely enough. During all the upheaval and nonsense I was always still watching out for her. Her family were my eyes and ears and I kept them going and supported her from afar. After a month we were talking for what felt like the first time in forever and we were both listening. She said she never realised how much I meant to her until she pushed me away and then I was gone. Later her family told her that I was always there watching out for her and she told me she felt that stability from me during that time and realised I was always her rock.

    When she agreed to come home and start over I panicked a bit. LOL I had shaved legs and I had new feminine wardrobe etc. I wasnt going to hide it so I told her up front about it. I told her that I wasnt going to be different around her but I wasnt going to repress my inner self either. And she accepted that. The same questions about am I gay or do I want to be a woman came up and now I could honestly answer them for the first time. Nope and nope. I had a lot of time to think about it (sleepless nights and long lonely walks give you lots of time to think). I may be curious about a gay life but no more than about any other thing I dont know about fully.

    Im a dude in a dress. Im not trying to be more than that. Although I shop like a demon and love feminine things it hasnt changed that I love my wife. If she hadnt come back I think I wouldve carried on down the Sarah path a little more and lived in private as her but I would still have been a male and sought out female company. Dont get me wrong, I love talking to all of you gurls about clothing and makeup etc, because to me thats part of being Sarah. I love the feel of the fabrics, the smell of the cosmetics and the change that I can make to my features. I love my shoes and the swish of a skirt or the feeling of newly shaved legs as you pull on some stockings.

    I am Sarah and She is me. And for now Im the boss again. LOL

    • Author
      Codille Benton 12 months ago


      First, A huge congratulation on surviving all you have and coming out the other side being you. Your series of events obviously in some weird way had to occur for you to finally be happy. Like me you found your inner self, as you put it, a dude in a dress and you are ok with that! Welcome to the club!!

  41. Stefanie 1 year ago

    That’s it! That’s what some of us are US
    heterosexual males that like the clothes the style the sexy ness
    We re just us
    And we re ok

    • Author
      Codille Benton 12 months ago

      Yes it is Stefanie, just one part of the giant Crossdressing bowl, but we all do it with style…… or at least try too!


  42. Margie 12 months ago

    That was so well written and says much about the person you are Codille. We share things like long term family, wife who knows and accepts and understanding our own person. I’ve thought and thought but I’m not sure transitioning, at my age, early 70’s, would be the right thing. I prefer femme but … oh well! I’m still content.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 12 months ago

      Thanks Margie and yes it looks like we do have quite a bit in common.

  43. Elissa 11 months ago

    I just want to thank you for sharing your story. It is very insightful to me and I know it will help and encourage other to be who they are on the inside! I too still have issues with how and who to tell when it comes to friends and family. I for one am afraid of loosing long term relationships due to this. I am beginning to believe that if people haven’t been able to figure out I am different then maybe they never really paid attention to who I am. Then again maybe they did but choose to ignore it. I am almost to the point where I am about to say that if you cannot except me, all of me, for who I am then maybe we shouldn’t be friends anyway. I haven’t quite gotten there but am close.

    Hugs and best wishes on your continuing journey!

    • Author
      Codille Benton 11 months ago


      It took me a long long time to have this change. If you go to my profile, you will see since I wrote this a year and a half a go things have massively changed with my relationships in my life. With family, children and friends. Crossdresser Heaven has helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. And like you I look at people and go if you didn’t nice I was different you weren’t paying attention. My wife calls me the wife of the couple, as I micromanage everything and have all the emotions and have passed those to my kids. On the Flip side I am the strong presence of the two of us, but neither of us are what you would call shy. She is the nurturer, and I am the hammer. but when the day is done you look at the 2 of us and I see myself 60% male/ 40% Female and she is 60% Female / 40% male when it comes to “typical” characteristics. I can list a ton of examples.

      At some point you hopefully will get to the point that you will go, these people are the ones that need and should now I am CD. These I don’t want them ever to know and the rest I don’t care one way or another and then start figuring out how to balance and make that all work. Not Easy. I have 2 people left I NEED to tell and I am scared to death. After that, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Good luck on your journey and drop me a line. I would love to talk!!!


  44. Steph 11 months ago

    A great and very helpful story Codille. Thank you.

  45. Tissy 10 months ago

    You’re a star Codille…

    I too have a very special wife and 2 kids. My youngest was recently told by my wife that Daddy loves to dress as a woman and wear make up. My daughter’s reaction was amazing…”Well, Daddy is still Daddy and I can now help him do his make up, plus he is old and he should do what makes him happy, as you can’t make yourself happy when you’re dead”!! I was blown away, she’s 8 and a half…Our oldest is nearly 19 and she’s known for some time, even though I’ve never dressed up in front of her, she’s seen my clothes, lol…

    She also said that she will help me with my make up etc!! The only difference is that my wife wants me to be more of a woman and she’s said that she wants me to act and LOOK more like a woman..She said and I agreed wholeheartedly that I will start HRT…I was so worried that my wife was doing this just for me, she swears she isn’t at all!

    So, when I get back from working away in June I will have a whole new life at home..We’ve been busy buying new clothes and my wife is picking loads out for me too…Including some new bras for what she hopes will be right for my new breasts! I told her that it is unlikely that I will develop anything to speak of as I am in my mid 40’s!
    I said that I will likely only get A-B cup at the very most…She said she is happy with that, and so am I…It’s more about feeling more feminine, but I worry about the mood swings…then again I cry at the drop of a hat and always have done..Lol.

    If anyone has any hints or tip regarding what’s to be expected, I’ve obviously done a lot of research on the subject and neither of us has taken this decision lightly…It’s a very exciting step though for both of us and our relationship.

    Love and hugs to all


    • Melinda 6 months ago

      I start crossdressing when i was 20 years old and stop but now im doing it again i fill happier when im dress as a female i guess it is to open up but i finally told my cousin and she accepts me wish im happy but new on this website and im glad i enjoy the website so happy thank you everyone

    • Author
      Codille Benton 10 months ago

      Thanks for the great response and good luck with the next step on your Journey!!!!


      • Tissy 10 months ago

        Thanks sweetie..

  46. Michelle 10 months ago

    My wife has known about my crossdressing since before we married. She does not encourage me or participate in any way. I keep my body and legs smooth shaven; and would love for my wife to encourage; even better; order me to wear sheer nylons on a regular basis for her inspection, seeing as I keep my legs so feminine. Thus; I would enjoy a dominant side to her nature. She could even tease me about my crossdressing; calling me her feminine ” bitch husband”. Also; I’ve always had fantasies and thoughts of my wife having an intimate relationship with another man. I’ve had these feelings since before we were married, but could never tell her, as I never thought she could be open-minded or accepting enough to include them in our marriage. Maybe too little; too late.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      This is quite different than my experiences so I am not going to be of much help here. The good news is there are 10000 other members on the site and I am sure there are some that are in a similar situation to you. Best of luck, and check out the forums first. You may find some kindred spirits there!!!



  47. Regina Shaw 10 months ago

    I have been dressing in womens clothes since I can’t even remember. I was about 9 years old when I first wore my moms slip and have been wearing womens clothes in hiding ever since. I am now 55 years old and just can’t do it any more. I am just not happy and have made my first ever order of womens clothing for myself. My wife has let me dress up in her lingerie before to role play with each other and even sent me off with some when I went out of town to work so I could wear it to bed at night. Just the other night she gave me a dress to wear,I was like oh YES. I have some beautiful long brown hair I have been trying in some new styles but I am so new to doing it all and am so scared that she will see my order before I get it. I don’t know what to do? I am so happy as a woman now that I know that’s what I am and want to be even if it takes a while to blend into it. I am so excited but scared at the same time and happier than I have ever been before. She will know soon enough since I have started the process of changing my hormones to estrogen. I hope I am doing right? Love you girls. I just joined and the love in here is just great. But I love my wife of 24 years so much.I would never ever leave her.I am a lesbian all the way for her. What do I do?

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago


      Everyone’s Journey is different. You will find the right path for you. Have faith in what your heart is telling you. Make smart decisions. And know there are A LOT of girls here that are here for the same reason and are ready to help and be helped!



  48. Carla Jones 8 months ago

    What a wonderful story. Thank you for telling it. I was always happy crossdressing but things have changed a little. My doctor has me on a medication that reduces my testosterone to shrink a part that is causing some issues. One of the side effects is possible breast growth and that side effect is working on me. I love the effect so much that I do not need forms anymore. So my story is changing with me.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago

      Thank you! I am glad Carla you have crossed my path on your way down your Journey! Best of luck and let me know if you need anything!


  49. Beginner Moor 8 months ago

    Wonderful story – I’m just starting out and have bought some wonderful clothes which look great with some very high red heels but I’m struggling with makeup – any advice

    • Lisbeth Lacy 8 months ago

      Practice . practice.. patience patience. There are lots of YouTube videos tutorials that are extremely helpful. And remember when doing makeup applying less is better. A lot of new transgirls start off applying way to much and up looking like they are wearing a mask.
      If you are striving to be passable and go out in the public, feminizing your voice is essential. You can perfectly apply makeup, the perfect wig or natural hair, the perfect body shape, but when you open your mouth to speak and your masculine voice comes out, no matter how passable you are, you will be seen as a loser dressed as a woman. So be sure to learn how to speak as a real woman and the mannerisms as you learn about makeup. To authentically present yourself as a woman if requires more than makeup, and wearing a dress.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 8 months ago

      Welcome and check out the Forums area. There are more make up tips in there the you can imagine!!



  50. Shannyn Ford 7 months ago

    Very uplifting story Codille. I just joined at 42, and am much on my own jury. My wife doesn’t get it, however. I hope to learn from this site to bring Shannyn to the fore and fully enjoy ALL of me!

    • Author
      Codille Benton 4 months ago


      Let me know if there is anything I can help you on you journey.


  51. Julie Slowinski 6 months ago

    Hi Codille,
    Thank you for the article and the follow up comments. You express my feelings exactly. In my 30 plus years of dressing I have very often fantasized about transitioning and enjoying all of the benefits of being a woman. However, what you put so eloquently is that in the end, that is just what it is – a fantasy. And, there should be no shame in having a fantasy. In reality, how is it different than a civil war re-enacter (talk about freaks) or those romance novels our wives read. It’s not something that I expect will happen (and given the rest of my life, it’s not something I would want to happen), but it sure is fun to think about and sometimes (okay many times) pretend it did happen.

    I find that the healthiest way to think about crossdressing, is that it is just a hobby. Consider an extreme hiker, who spends countless hours develop the best technique, purchasing equipment, assembling the right team and finally going out on the adventure. How is that person different than us? The only difference is social acceptance. No one tells the extreme hiker that they must choose between hiking and their marriage.

    While much of this was in the back of my head, your description helped bring it to the front. I cannot tell you how much of a comfort that is to my conscious mind, which is always filled with self doubt and feelings of guilt. I also greatly appreciate you sharing your Psychologist experience. I am so heartened by the fact that we are certified as normal. It’s something I’ve long believed, but it’s so reassuring to hear others say the same.

    Now in my late 40’s, I am getting to be extremely comfortable with who I am, and that there is no need to think seriously about transitioning. I think the point you are trying to get across is that we in the CD community have the best of both worlds – a rewarding family and professional life, but with a healthy dose of fantasy.

    I should add, that I believe that those who do decide to transition are by far the bravest people in the world. While we might fantasize about waking up every morning as a women, that is an infinite distance from actually pulling the trigger and facing all of the extra baggage and life changes that accompany such a decision.

    Great job and keep up the good work …


    • Author
      Codille Benton 6 months ago


      I love how you just turned crossed dressing into an extreme sport. 1000 Yard heels? LOL. Yes, it was amazing to here the very strange words of normal from a Psychiatrist but hey then I got an MRI and that confirmed it. My family and friends think I paid the Doc and Tech off. 🙂 I too am in my mid to late 40’s now and have gotten comfortable. I obviously will never transition but one of my best friends in the CD world I went through the whole process with her. I am a him, she was always a she just in a him body and got tho make that correction. And yes, brave is a mild understatement.

      I can’t wait to talk more!


  52. Rachel Rose 6 months ago

    Good thoughts. I have blended my boy mode with my girl mode. It is true when I dress as a lady I want to be called Rachel however it is always me. I dress 16 hours a day: the only place I do not look like a women is at work.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 4 months ago


      We have a few members here who you may have already come across in the same situation. Let me know if you want some contacts.


  53. Lisbeth Lacy 6 months ago

    I started with crossdressing and I loved it. But I couldn’t shake off my feminine feelings no matter how hard that tried to repressed my thoughts. Obviously there something more going on inside my mind than a desire to cross dress. I felt comfortable being in my male body but on the other hand I wanted to be female. I felt that my female feelings is part of me. I realized that my crossdressing is me presenting my female side and not a fantasy about being feminine. I went into therapy. My therapist was my guide for my journey to self realization. I learned that I was actually transgender specifically transfluid or bi-gender. My transition involved learning to balance my gender identities. Even though I share both gender identities, I do prefer presenting myself as being female. I am not planning on doing medical transition using HRT or surgery. I am strictly transitioning socially. I am learning how to be a true female and eventually living full time as a transwoman while accepting being biologically a male. Since having accepting my feminine self I have become more happy, less confused, and definitely more grounded.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 6 months ago


      It sounds like you have found a happy place to be in your life. I am glad you went through the journey of self discovery and came out the other side a much happier and balanced person. It’s an amazing feeling if you can get there, not many of us can.



      • Lisbeth Lacy 6 months ago

        Codile, thank you so much. This journey is for a life time. At this point in my journey is accepting myself for who I am. Finding acceptance is a huge challenge and at times it felt impossible. I would move forward towards acceptance and then fall back in total denial. My confusion has been overwhelming. I wished that I was simply a crossdresser without all the gender baggage.But I have to deal with the cards that I’m given and go forward and live an authentic life or live a repressed life and suffer the agony of denial. BTW CDH has been an awesome source of support.

  54. Melinda 6 months ago

    I start crossdressing when i was 20 years old and stop but now im doing it again i fill happier when im dress as a female i guess it is to open up but i finally told my cousin and she accepts me wish im happy but new on this website and im glad i enjoy the website so happy thank you everyone

  55. Sage Rose Rose 5 months ago

    wow how lucky to have such a diverse group of welcoming and accepting friends:) and blessings on having an understanding wife…I don’t know where I would be if mine weren’t understanding as well:)

    <3 Sage <3

    • Author
      Codille Benton 4 months ago


      More and more diverse every day…. LOL. And a HUGE blessing that your wife is supportive, it is one of the biggest difference makers there is.


      • Sage Rose Rose 4 months ago

        Codille, you are SO right. If I didn’t think there was a chance she would be okay with my crossdressing, I don’t think I would have come out for a LONG time. I totally agree with ya about a supportive wife

  56. Amee Trans 5 months ago

    Great story of your experience Codille. I can relate to many of your thoughts and I feel very much the same way about transitioning. I’m very happy to be where I’m at, in the middle of my masculinity and femininity. There are times I desire to be more feminine and for longer periods of time, but I also am aware I have a family that needs their father and a wife that needs her husband.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 4 months ago


      Sounds like you want the magic 24 hour transformation wand like I do!!! 🙂 Wouldn’t mind trying it but I like things right where things are.


      • Alice Allen 4 months ago

        Jane’s closet used to do that complete trans clothes breast forms part of the package undies pantyhose type Janet closet in browser In Detroit mi

      • Amee Trans 4 months ago

        Exactly Codille! And does that 24-hour transformation come with a professional makeover too, haha?

        I’d love to go to a crossdressing service once too, and have all the set-up, clothes, makeup and poses done for me. Just once….


  57. Jen Jennings 5 months ago

    Think long and hard before confiding in people who do … not … understand. Consider the consequences of your noble intentions. IMO, some things are best to remain private. Once you step out, there is … no … return. Jen

    • Author
      Codille Benton 4 months ago


      Everyone has their own comfort level here. If you don’t feel you are ready to make that step, heck it took me until my 30th year of dressing to tell my own kids. I understand. There are still people that don’t and won’t know about Codille, that said I keep telling more and more people at the strangest times that I wasn’t planning but IT FELT RIGHT. So go with your on gut, you know what is best for you!



  58. Stef Smith 4 months ago

    I m with you
    I m a crossdresser but heterosexual
    Biologically male and present as male with a femme twist
    No make for me just a man who likes the styles options and clothes of what society says is for women
    I could just as easily wear a pair of femme bootcut tight jeans a matching bra and panties with a v neck T and a 3 inch pump and be cool
    As a man suit
    Just me
    Proud accepting of meb

    • Author
      Codille Benton 4 months ago


      Welcome to the club and I will say you are certainly not alone.


  59. Mila 4 months ago

    I know that feeling, too. (((HUGS)))

  60. Stephanie 3 months ago

    My life as a Crossdresser was started by my sisters dressing me up in their clothes starting at age 7. They thought I looked “cute” in their clothes. This went on until I was around 13 or 14. To this day, I thank them for all they taught me.

  61. karley delaware 3 months ago

    Thank you for that wonderful post. I have been cd for many years in secret and have no desire to fully transition. Being here has allowed me to better integrate my two sides and not feel guilty or dirty for being Karley.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 months ago


      Welcome to CDH and no you are not alone. I have just gone out for the first time for a full make-over with two friends and found a wigs that screamed me. The three of us were out for 7-8 hours and only had one little snotty attitude. EVERYONE else was awesome. More and more I realize that people are the problem, groups of people are because they think they have to be. Be yourself. You don’t have to transition, this female side just is a part of you. Embrace it!!!!



      • karley delaware 2 months ago

        Thank You again. Planning on posting my picture but have not decided on the outfit. One is a pleated skirt with white blouse, another is cut off jeans with white blouse knotted on the bottom or army green girly hiking shorts with a camisole. Have been working on poses too.

  62. Hi Codille……long time no hear…..everything OK with you and yours?? Winter is soon to hit here…2 snows already!! I am looking for a fur bikini outfit for playing in snow. Let me know your ok.

    Lady Veronica

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 months ago

      Lady V,

      Chaos Reigns here, I will drop you a line but instead of the sword I got my son, he tried to take Bambi out with his car instead! Needs to learn to use the right tool for the job!


      • Hi Codille……..don’t worry about your son and Bambi. Here in Algoma Region more Bambies and Bullwinkles are killed by pick-ups than hunters!! True Fact!

  63. Terrisa Washbourne 3 months ago

    Hello Codille, I am very new here but very old out there. Haha I’m about you’re age. I find it strange that we grew up in an era with Wham! Boy George, pictures of David Bowie and Mick Jagger in bed together and Rob Hellford walking out of the closet that we are still afraid to express ourselves the way we want. I did 25 years ago whenever we went out to the local bar or night club (so my close friends know) but then like everything you did as a young adult gets put away next to the Hustler, and the Mad magazines cause you had children. I too am faced with the same dilemma of children and parents and in-laws that don’t really know. We have to stop second guessing ourselves, stop trying to force the issue(?). Hi I am Terrisa and I like to drink beer and wear a garter and a dress while I do it. I ain’t hurtin’ no one. I wish you all the best on your endeavour – just remember friends will like you because you are an awesome person and that’s what they will remember.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 2 months ago


      Read Down on some of my responses, Some great things have happened since I wrote this. I actually need to do an update!

      Best of luck and welcome, WE ARE THE WORLD, LOL!!!!


      • Terrisa Washbourne 2 months ago

        LOL!! So true. Impatience with reading sometimes does get the better of me. Always think things might have been different for me if I a site like this existed back in the old 286 dial-up modem days with the old Orange Monochrome, I digress, sorry 😉 I will read further and thanks for being awesome Princess Codille! Hugs – Terrisa

  64. Gracie Ann 2 months ago

    I hope i can learn to be happy one day

  65. Felishia Lopez 2 months ago

    Thanks for sharing, and your right be who you are on the inside, your mind says one thing but your HEART says what is the truth about you. I Have been a cross dresser for many years at first I would just wear panties then later I tried a bra I fell in love with cross dressing after a while I had the opportunity to dress up entirely as a woman and I was hooked forevermore and I realized that I am a woman I felt so good and it felt so natural that I went out in public and it was as if no one even noticed me another time I had a date and when I am with men who want me I naturally become all woman, deep down I know that I am a woman

  66. Gracie Ann 2 months ago

    I hope one day I can be happy being me and not ashamed

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 month ago

      Gracie Ann,

      That is why you are here. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of, crossdressing is just another part of who you are but only you can make yourself happy! Talk to anyone on the site, we are all here for the same reason…. Friendship and Support.



      • Gracie Ann 1 month ago

        I hope so and I want to I’m just trying to figure out where to start. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it very much

  67. Harietta 2 months ago

    As I said in another post, I live in Ottawa, but I dress in other cities so that I can relax. My rationale is that in Montreal, Kingston or even Toronto people may see a man in a great dress and heels, but probably would never know just which man that was.
    My ongoing worry is that Harietta would be discovered and roasted on social media here in Ottawa where I am self employed teaching teenagers for the most part.
    So in other cities I make it a mini vacation and celebrate her.
    And part of venturing out as Harietta is a little risque still, a little like playing hookie from school or work and that adds some excitement.
    My real point is that being relaxed en femme is really a big key to passing. And if you are able, going out somewhere where no one knows your manself allows that.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 1 month ago


      That is how I started out dress, out on the road. then closed and closer to home. I still do dress when out on trips, but not only then now.

      As for Social Media, when I took this position two and a half years ago I made a choice. Even before I was out to my kids, that If the world was to know who Codille was then so be it. So when I talk to companies, sometimes I use my real name sometimes Codille, it depends on who the potential business partner is. But I have gotten to the point where the people I love know, the rests opinions really don’t matter.


    • SophyB Phillips 2 months ago

      That is such a brilliant idea. I have often thought of being sophy while I am on holiday, My next will be the one to blaze that trail in Europe, as you have I Canada, well done my dear xxx

      Sophy b

  68. Stefanie Oosthuizen 1 month ago

    Hi Codille. I also prefer not to go over to transition. I am very happy as. Man drrssing like a woman. I have had one bi exsperience and that is where I decided to let Stafanie just be a lesbian and she is happy with that decision. I have never been out of my house as Stafanie. Would probably only make my name ass if I do. Feels just right to keep Stafanie to myself. My wife and kids don’t know that Stafanie exists. Thet know I dress as a woman but thats about it. Thanks fir your article.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


People Who viewed ThisX

People Who Like Thisx


Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account