Dear Readers,
I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?
She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.
Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.
Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning
Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.
My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.
What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.
Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?
Friends and Crossdressing
I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.
One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.
I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!
Hugs,
Codille Benton
P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.
Thanks codille for ur post it brings alot of relief to me to know I can come to terms with just crossdressing and not transition now to find courage to tell those I love thanks again hun
Breeann,
I am glad that my story helped even a little. When I wrote it I never thought anyone would be interested and I have now seen how wrong I was. Be yourself and be true to yourself, whoever that is.
Hugs,
Codille
Codille, I feel that we have a great deal in common. I also accepted my feminine self about a year ago and told my wife of 38 years who had been accepting of my dressing. I also dont envision going beyond dressing and have told only my wife. I have 3 adult and married kids and dont plan on telling them at this point as I dont see a compelling reason to do so. Would love to hear your reasons for wanting to. I may change my mind at some point.
P. S. So envious of your look. I’m not nearly as convincing…
Dava,
38 Years is amazing…thank your wife for the gift of her love!!! Also, that is a drawling, not me. Not yet. But I am really working on it.
Hugs,
Codille
Ty you for sharing that Codille. I have been a cd since I was a teen and enjoy both genders but enjoy being debbie more so. Even so I dont feel the need to transition at this point and my cd friends have made all the difference in the world here
Debbie,
Sorry it took a bit for me to respond, I understand the flipping between the two genders and feeling comfortable. My wife and I Joke that I am 60% Male/40% Female and on the flip side she is 60% female/40%male. The perfect mismatch for each other. Yes, for me it is not just CD but LGBT friends that have made a huge difference. Happy to have you here with us!!!
Codille
Funny!
I feel I’m 80% female and 20% male!
I would love to transition fully but am also in love with my wife so will stay 80/20. Sigh.
Hugs and kisses, Angela
Thanks Cordille for telling your story. I wish it had been written in 1971, when I got married. I am so much like you.
Terrim,
I was a little young then but I am glad you are here with us now!
Hugs,
Codille
Hi Codille,
This is something I am working on now finding the balance between my male and female self. all these feelings have come back so strong the last year after years of dormancy. But now I know they refuse to be denied. so I have been embracing them the last year. my spouse knows and is supportive but prefers not to see me dressed which I respect. I feel lucky just being accepted.so now I am going slowly and quietly to find the balance but quite sure transitioning is not in my future.
Regards
Amanda Patrick
Hi Codille, Have been reading all articles from oldest to newest. Very well written and glad to know we have an ambassador that gives us fair and balanced at CDH! Seems like a lot of comments start as ‘no plans to transition at this time’…and end up with …’and now I have to transition and leave behind my loving SO etc…’ which is okay if you can’t live otherwise. I am happily married 35 plus years…my wife knows but does not want to see it…we respect each other and give each other the space we need. I am very happy… Read more »
When I is 6 Ft 6 In. It is a little difficult to pass as a woman. With high heels I am even taller. I have been cross dressing for a long time and I find it relaxing and I become myself. Any others that are tall too?
Sorry, 5′ 11″ here so 6′ 2″ in my normal heels. Biggest problem I have had is location of where waist lines hit.
Hi Misses Benton. Pleasure reading your comments. I find them encouraging as do a lot of people here. There are so many types of sub categories within the main expression CD/TV/TS We can be any of that and more without necessarily feeling that it’s a must. Rather..It’s available to us. Dressing up is not against the law. Actors have done it and enjoyed it for thousands of years. The world at large is beginning to understand it. To explore various sides of our natural selves even in bdsm mode without actually harming anyone or anything. The only sad thing I… Read more »
Janice,
If people would try those three recommendations the world would be a much better place! Nicely Put!!!
What a great article. I only recently accepted my inner self. For years the feminine side of me was just a fetish and I tried to keep it that way, because to admit anymore than that was too much for even me. I read everything I could about x dressing and joined forums only to come away even more confused than before. They say that sometimes you have to be broken down completely before you accept change and rebuild yourself. Well 6 months ago just after our 25th Wedding anniversary My wife told me she wanted some space because she… Read more »
Sarah,
First, A huge congratulation on surviving all you have and coming out the other side being you. Your series of events obviously in some weird way had to occur for you to finally be happy. Like me you found your inner self, as you put it, a dude in a dress and you are ok with that! Welcome to the club!!