Dear Readers,
I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?
She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.
Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.
Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning
Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.
My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.
What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.
Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?
Friends and Crossdressing
I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.
One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.
I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!
Hugs,
Codille Benton
P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.
Thank you for that wonderful post. I have been cd for many years in secret and have no desire to fully transition. Being here has allowed me to better integrate my two sides and not feel guilty or dirty for being Karley.
Karley,
Welcome to CDH and no you are not alone. I have just gone out for the first time for a full make-over with two friends and found a wigs that screamed me. The three of us were out for 7-8 hours and only had one little snotty attitude. EVERYONE else was awesome. More and more I realize that people are the problem, groups of people are because they think they have to be. Be yourself. You don’t have to transition, this female side just is a part of you. Embrace it!!!!
Hugs,
Codillle
Thank You again. Planning on posting my picture but have not decided on the outfit. One is a pleated skirt with white blouse, another is cut off jeans with white blouse knotted on the bottom or army green girly hiking shorts with a camisole. Have been working on poses too.
Hi Codille……long time no hear…..everything OK with you and yours?? Winter is soon to hit here…2 snows already!! I am looking for a fur bikini outfit for playing in snow. Let me know your ok.
Lady Veronica
Lady V,
Chaos Reigns here, I will drop you a line but instead of the sword I got my son, he tried to take Bambi out with his car instead! Needs to learn to use the right tool for the job!
CB
Hi Codille……..don’t worry about your son and Bambi. Here in Algoma Region more Bambies and Bullwinkles are killed by pick-ups than hunters!! True Fact!
Hello Codille, I am very new here but very old out there. Haha I’m about you’re age. I find it strange that we grew up in an era with Wham! Boy George, pictures of David Bowie and Mick Jagger in bed together and Rob Hellford walking out of the closet that we are still afraid to express ourselves the way we want. I did 25 years ago whenever we went out to the local bar or night club (so my close friends know) but then like everything you did as a young adult gets put away next to the Hustler,… Read more »
Terrisa,
Read Down on some of my responses, Some great things have happened since I wrote this. I actually need to do an update!
Best of luck and welcome, WE ARE THE WORLD, LOL!!!!
Codille
LOL!! So true. Impatience with reading sometimes does get the better of me. Always think things might have been different for me if I a site like this existed back in the old 286 dial-up modem days with the old Orange Monochrome, I digress, sorry 😉 I will read further and thanks for being awesome Princess Codille! Hugs – Terrisa
I hope i can learn to be happy one day
Thanks for sharing, and your right be who you are on the inside, your mind says one thing but your HEART says what is the truth about you. I Have been a cross dresser for many years at first I would just wear panties then later I tried a bra I fell in love with cross dressing after a while I had the opportunity to dress up entirely as a woman and I was hooked forevermore and I realized that I am a woman I felt so good and it felt so natural that I went out in public and… Read more »
Thank you for the kind words Felishia!
Codille
I hope one day I can be happy being me and not ashamed
Gracie Ann,
That is why you are here. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of, crossdressing is just another part of who you are but only you can make yourself happy! Talk to anyone on the site, we are all here for the same reason…. Friendship and Support.
Hugs,
Codille
I hope so and I want to I’m just trying to figure out where to start. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it very much
As I said in another post, I live in Ottawa, but I dress in other cities so that I can relax. My rationale is that in Montreal, Kingston or even Toronto people may see a man in a great dress and heels, but probably would never know just which man that was. My ongoing worry is that Harietta would be discovered and roasted on social media here in Ottawa where I am self employed teaching teenagers for the most part. So in other cities I make it a mini vacation and celebrate her. And part of venturing out as Harietta… Read more »
That is such a brilliant idea. I have often thought of being sophy while I am on holiday, My next will be the one to blaze that trail in Europe, as you have I Canada, well done my dear xxx
Sophy b
Harietta, That is how I started out dress, out on the road. then closed and closer to home. I still do dress when out on trips, but not only then now. As for Social Media, when I took this position two and a half years ago I made a choice. Even before I was out to my kids, that If the world was to know who Codille was then so be it. So when I talk to companies, sometimes I use my real name sometimes Codille, it depends on who the potential business partner is. But I have gotten to… Read more »
Hi Codille. I also prefer not to go over to transition. I am very happy as. Man drrssing like a woman. I have had one bi exsperience and that is where I decided to let Stafanie just be a lesbian and she is happy with that decision. I have never been out of my house as Stafanie. Would probably only make my name ass if I do. Feels just right to keep Stafanie to myself. My wife and kids don’t know that Stafanie exists. Thet know I dress as a woman but thats about it. Thanks fir your article.
There is no reason to be ashamed. You can start out by wearing a Kilt. All men wore shirts up until the German industrial revolution took place. The men’s skirts kept getting caught in the machines at work so they (Germans) had to figure out how to stop the loose skirt from getting caught in the machinery. The Germans invented pants trousers. This is the only reason men wear pants. You already have built into you to wear a skirt, not pants. I wear a kilt and I wear a skirt. I love to wear a skirt and dress like… Read more »
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