I don’t remember the day I first found a name to describe the desire I had to wear woman’s clothes. Yet even before I knew what it was called, I realized there was something forbidden about it. My subconscious kept telling me
Crossdressing is wrong
At not more than four or five years old I umpired the struggle within me between my desire to wear woman’s clothes and the feeling inside that kept telling me, ‘this is wrong’. Somehow I knew that I needed to hide what I was doing from others.
Over the years my understanding of who I was grew. I learnt that I was not alone, and discovered the difference between transgender and transsexual.
I also learnt that
Crossdressing is not just a curse
many aspects of my personality were influenced by my desire to express the feminine inside of me. My wife tells me that she was attracted to me, in part because I’m a gentle, caring person. These traits I think come from the same place in me that longs for the feminine.
Yet to share this fact wasn’t why I decided to write the article. Many books on cross dressing, such as those by Peggy Rudd or Helen Boyd mention that crossdressers inherit some of the positive aspects of the feminine persona. Such as being more gentle.
Growing up I was a very absolute person. I had been taught in Sunday school that there was right and wrong, good and evil. One of the reasons I struggled so much with crossdressing early on, was because I felt it was morally wrong. You see, I had a fairly narrow definition of what was “acceptable” in a human being. If they didn’t meet the standard I’d set for them, then I judged them “unworthy” in some way. You don’t go to church? ‘unworthy’. You don’t show care for other people in the exact same way as I do? ‘unworthy’.
Coming to terms with my crossdressing made me realize that I, too, was unworthy. So my mind had given me a choice – either continue to judge other people harshly and reflect that same wrath onto myself, or learn to accept their differences. In my more recent vocabulary: Namaste.
Crossdressing has made me realize that we are all “flawed” in some way. Yet it is those very flaws which form the foundation for our beauty. Someone will always think we are too fat, too conservative, too old, too skinny, too liberal, too tall, too short, too loud, too quiet. What they are really saying is: “You are different from me. I haven’t yet accepted my differences, so I cannot accept yours.”
Wishing you a blessed week. Celebrate your differences!
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P.S. Celebrating your difference doesn’t mean you have to stand out. Learn how to cross dress and pass as a woman.
More Articles by Vanessa Law
- 7 Essential Tips to Crossdressing
- A Few Changes in Our Family
- I Want to Live Like That
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence
Vanessa Law
Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)
- 7 Essential Tips to Crossdressing - January 4, 2024
- A Few Changes in Our Family - April 15, 2021
- I Want to Live Like That - August 29, 2020
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness - March 22, 2020
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence - April 6, 2019
after 15 years of being a closet crossdresser i finally came out to my mom as a crossdresser and asked for her acceptence and help as to how to dress femme at home and have her support and under stand that i am not gay and it only helps me to relax aftter a stressfull day.
I am so happy for you I wish my mother was still alive i believe she would be accepting. I hope it all goes well for you .hugs Julianne
I crossdress every day with pantry and pantyhose and shapewear it makes me feel so good to be able to be the woman I want to be.I shop for new women’s clothing at stores and online I am proud of myself to be able to wear women’s clothing and makeup and feel good.
I have loved reading these stories of anguish and pain…..BUT there is no need to be in any unhappy state!! Be yourself Be YOU let yourself be the true person you are…..I have been crossdressing for years now and only recently went to a church service for all sorts of people …I found it uplifting and joyful. I was accepted for who I was not what I was wearing….I am happy to crossdress almost all the time now and feel so happy..So my message to anybody is BE You ,Take courage…………Stephanie…………………
I find it disturbing that in this day and age, that it is more socially acceptable to be gay than to be a straight man who likes to dress in woman’s clothes. I do not want to be a woman, however I enjoy lots of aspects, activities and styles that are associated with being a woman. Why is that such a threat to the white bread members of today’s society? Yes there are those, who accept you, but at a general rule too many folks still have a very negative reaction, sometimes even violent. I appreciate the corners of the… Read more »
All mine started as was wearing panties then it went to bra’s then cami’s and then clothes and make up and going from straight to bisexual now wanting to get hormones to become mtf i want to become more feminine and transgender