At an outdoor music event where I was in guy mode, flying solo, I noticed a couple consisting of a young man and lady walk on to the lawn and pause. The guy stops, puts his hands on his hips and looks around to assess the situation. The woman stops, watches the guy for a second, then starts looking where he’s looking, and scanning the area. He seems intent. She seems curious about what she should be looking for. The male and female dynamic seems apparent, or perhaps I’m projecting on to them my own stereotypes.

As I watched them, my mind went back two weeks prior when I was visiting in Asheville, NC. I took several opportunities to dress, sometimes as an all up girl or sometimes androgynous or genderless. One of the total en femme evenings was a dinner out with a friend who is an ex-girlfriend from 5 years ago. She is a dear friend now, and she is one of the dozen or two people who know Lorie exists. This was her first face to face time meeting Lorie.

It was exciting to be out in public, and my friend seemed comfortable with the situation of me being Lorie. In a later conversation she shared that it felt just like any dinner with her other girlfriends, just chatting away, and not like she was with a guy. This was nice to hear!

Stepping Out Secrets

But while we were having dinner, I felt a certain discomfort, or internal contradiction, perhaps. I couldn’t place it. It seemed quite silly, because I was delighted to be out in public, despite any (perceived) curious glances from other diners.

It was when I saw that couple at the music event that I got a glimpse of why I was a little awkward at the dinner. I wondered if perhaps the discomfort was because I was not accustomed to the female role in a relationship, whether as a friend or a significant other. I felt a bit disoriented by the change in my role (again – my perceived role). I was more familiar with the guy role of assessing, evaluating, and working the logistics.

There were several questions running through my head such as: How does a woman behave and relate in this situation? What is this feeling I’m experiencing of relating on a more emotional level, and less pragmatic? Can I see how I want to reach out for the old and safe anchor of male practicality? What do I do with that, especially in a potentially anxious environment that can trigger a desire for the safer, familiar ground of maleness?

Then I began to wonder about the dating scene. I’m attracted to women still – always have been. So that means I’ll be going out with women and flirting as a woman. What will that be like? Can I find my voice in that situation? Can I stand inside my feminine self without resorting to the male persona? How much do I tend to control conversations or relationships in guy mode? Time to take an honest look.

This journey sometimes feels a whole lot differently than it “thinks”. It can feel both like a home-coming and stepping onto foreign soil at the same time!

I am grateful for this awareness and the opportunity to integrate it all so that I can be made whole.

What integration are you aware of that feels disorienting, conflicting, or confusing?

When dressed totally en femme, do you find yourself attracted to females, males, or possibly both? And how that may be different when you are dressed in all guy clothing?

Thanks for taking time to read my article and I’m looking forward to hearing your responses.

Love ya, Lorie

 

 

 

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Lorie Peace

Since I was 8 I’ve found myself occasionally dressing in girls clothes and loving it. Then I would feel ashamed. About a year ago I decided to embrace it fully, at least in private. Started buying clothes at thrift stores, retail stores, shoes, wig, makeup. I’ve found that I enjoy different points along the spectrum male female, and just seeing what feels right at different times. Sometimes I feel like I’m not “legit” because I’m not full trans, or gay, or bi. Just enjoy genderfluid, or ambi-gender when it happens. It took me months to sign up for cdh, but here I am! I find it fascinating to watch myself through this journey because I've been a life coach for 8 years and I see some of the possibilities for healing as a coach, yet I am dealing with the insecurities and uncertainties and shame that anyone else here might deal with. I'm also grateful that I have this experience to draw on when working with my clients, whatever their gender might be.

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Lisa
Lady

Hi Lorie, Your journey is so similar to mine. Though i havent meet any friends i attended a lunch event with other cds and women. Your bio is so similar to mine, I used to dress when i was young later i felt ashamed and stopped. A little over a year I started building my closet I do lot of shopping from thrift shops but i also try on dresses in stores before buying. I have always been attracted to women but when i dress up and go to any cd events most assume i am into men so i… Read more »

Dianne
Duchess

Very good article Lorrie. I started at young age experimenting wearing femmine clothing and love it . I purged in late teens because of mixed feelings of who and what my gender was.
I started back dressing in early 30’s but have been in closet.
I now realized that I love dressing for my own gratification and not so much sexual gratification.
Although I do prefer males

melissa la quinta
Duchess
Active Member

Very thoughtful article, Lorie. I have only had the opportunity to be out fully dressed and made up (I call it the “full Melissa”) and interacting with other CD girls on a precious few occasions. I’ve also met CD girlfriends in my male persona. I’ve come to realize that I need a lot more practice in social situations as Melissa before I can begin to be 100% comfortable in my female role. So you might say your article has given me a nice push to make the effort to get out as Melissa much, much more than I have. Then… Read more »

*skippy1965(Cynthia)
Ambassador
Active Member

Interesting take. For me I’ve never been truly comfortable in the male role in relationships. I’ve always been a more emotional, sensitive person and not one given to dominating a conversation or making the decisions about everything. I’ve been paralyzingly shy much of my life though Cyn is helping to make me more outgoing and willing to talk to folks-even one’s I’ve just met. Still attracted to women -though wouldn’t absolutely rule out anyone if they are the right person for me. Anyway, interesting article , Lorie!
Cyn

STEPHEN JONES
Lady
Member

Enjoyed the perspective you had on the whole scenario, great sense of awareness and the feeling for safe ground. I had never considered the female-female complication
very informative, thank you for bringing this to my awareness

Emma Black
Lady
Member

Nice article and thought provoking.Everyone is different and you have to make sure you enjoy what you are doing, When I am dressed en femme I am attracted to male but not in guy clothing.Females can attract me in either clothing but not sexually. Probably I aspire to be like them.
Emma

Deanna Lund
Ambassador
Member

I am more interested in the gestures and body language. The original Mercury 7 astronauts were coached on body language. They were the face of NASA and at the time the US was in a race with the Soviets. One of the key things was that astronauts MUST place their hands on hips with palms facing down, not against thighs.

Why do women cover their moths when surprised or shocked?

Why do women fan themselves with their hands when emotional?

Are women’s mannerisms learned or innate?

Are women becoming less expressive?

janedon
Lady
Member

As time has went on & I dress more I’m finding I’m less & less Interested (Sexually) in women—I still admire women but–It’s because I want to be more like them–I have from a young age admired women & been able to related to girls/women easier than men-

Hannah Feldman
Lady

Some very interesting thoughts in that article and it made me wonder about my own reactions. I am most definitely a straight male. But I have noticed that when I dress carefully en femme, carefully enough that I can relax in public, I’ve seen guys checking my legs and I get a genuine thrill about perhaps being seen as a potential date for some guy. My feelings about my own sexuality apparently do change when I am en femme.

Aoife
Lady
Member

Very interesting points. It makes me think both of how I could improve and how in some ways I am disappointing as a man to women. Definitely two conflicting opposites it will be hard to manage. I think you are in a very good spot though where you can just be natural. All that you are witnessing sounds like a lot of baggage that you no longer have to live with. Whatever is natural is going to be reasonable, even if there is room for improvement. You will be able to completely escape a lot of gender expectations and I… Read more »

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