I am a genetic female in a relationship with a crossdresser, and I came to Crossdresser Heaven to try to understand him better and learn how to be the best partner I can be. I learned quickly that for a crossdresser, finding a supportive partner is a challenge, to put it lightly. Many relationships are either full of secrets or end as a result of a partner coming out as a crossdresser. Forums, chat room and articles on this site have been incredibly helpful to me as a partner, and I wanted to add my voice to the conversation for others like me, who come here trying to sort out how they feel.
I won’t go into too much detail about how my partner and I met. It’s a crazy story, and the details can be found in my profile. My partner’s ex-wife knew about his desire to dress and was not supportive. When we got together, he wanted to be upfront about his desire to dress and told me very early on. I don’t think that he even really knew to what extent these feelings were a part of him because he’d never really had the chance to explore his femme side. This definitely came as a surprise to me, but I’m pretty open-minded. I took some time to ask questions, do some research and examine my feelings. My first thought was, is he gay? Does he even want to be with me? The answers were a definitive no and yes. Then I wondered if he would want to transition someday, and what that would mean for us. I’m straight, so how could I be in a relationship with a woman? He assured me he was not interested in transitioning and that he liked both sides of his personality. I mean, he is a drag racing, muscle car building, military man who curses like a sailor – he didn’t want to give any of that up.
I made the decision that this wasn’t a deal breaker for me, and I just wanted him to be happy. I bought him makeup and pretty dresses, and he bought a wig and breast forms. This is when the “pink fog” set in, which I think is hard on all partners, even ones who are initially supportive. For a while, it seemed like all we ever talked about was dressing, and I was still just trying to wrap my head around it. To say I was jealous of his femme side sounds absurd, but I was giving my affection to him and her, and I felt a little neglected. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel the first time I saw him fully dressed. I couldn’t imagine my masculine guy in a dress and makeup. On a weekend visit at his house, we got him all dolled up, and WOW! It was so much fun! I have to say, he as a she looked absolutely beautiful. And while I’m not generally attracted to women, I found that really didn’t matter, because I looked into her eyes, and still saw the same person, my soulmate.
I can’t think of a time that I’d ever seen my partner as happy as that first night that he got to really feel like a she, and so I started to wonder if perhaps he really is trans, and just wasn’t ready to accept that yet. Would he tell me in a year or five or ten that he wants to transition? This was the hardest part of the entire experience for me, and at the heart of why I wanted to share our story. He said he will never want to transition, and I will take that at face value, but I know in my heart that if he did, I’d still be there for him, or rather, her. My partner is my soul mate, I know this to my core. Coming to this conclusion brought me so much peace about the whole situation. I realized that I had been harboring this lingering fear that he really wanted to be a woman, and then we couldn’t be together. I had lost him once and didn’t want to lose him ever again. By deciding that I would accept my love as a man or a woman, I was able to truly open my heart to this experience. Sometimes love is enough to overcome any obstacle, and sometimes it just isn’t. As a partner, this is your journey too, and you must be honest with yourself and your partner about the kind of future you are willing to live with to stay together.
Trisha, What a beautiful love story! Both of you are blessed beyond measure to find a soulmate whom you can love in the way marriage is meant to be (whether or not you are or become legally married). It takes special people to look beyond the outer trappings of their partner to see the inner soul through the windows of their eyes. You are correct that many women don’t have that ability to deal with a CD or even TG. My ex was unable to tolerate much less accept my feminine side; I had always THOUGHT that dressing was enough… Read more »
Trisha Anne: You are an amazing woman! I loved your article and I have enjoyed talking with you via the chat board. Im sure there are times where you feel overwhelmed or bombarded with questions, but please understand we are blessed to have someone as compassionate and accepting as you. Your article, coupled with our discussions, help to reaffirm and remind me that being a Crossdresser is not simply “my problem.” As many women will attest and, rightfully so, “it’s not what they expected or signed up for.” As my wife said to me “what If the situation were reversed?”… Read more »
I don’t often feel overwhelmed here. I don’t think I could have been more overwhelmed than when my love came out to me about CD. Once I accepted that, everything is has been just more for me to learn. But thank you for your kind words. I do think it is important for CD in a relationship to understand that they aren’t the only ones who are struggling. I’m glad my article relayed that like I hoped it would. I’m so glad to have found such a wonderful community! Thank you for your offer, and if I ever feel like… Read more »
Trisha Anne,
How often does your husband CD around you or in general? Does he sleep in women’s clothing like nighties and such? If so, does that bother you?
Trisha, you are clearly a special person in this crazy world. I think you may have just given a huge amount of hope to both SO’s and the CD’s on this site. Honesty is the best policy if it is possible. In my case it never was until many, many years later in my life, but it really doesn’t matter anymore. It has become the most important thing for me now, to be happy in mysellf and my life. But I am one of those in transition, living on my own and building a new life. But also the most… Read more »
Hi Trisha Anne,
WOW!!! You have such a beautiful relationship, compassion and
understanding, you are a lady in a million.
I would like to write more but I’m left feeling very chocked up and tearful, yours is a very powerful story and thank you so much.
Love.
Joanna Jane xx
Hi Trisha Anne,
Thank you for your post. Your partner is very lucky to have such a accepting woman.
Yours Terri
Hi Trisha Anne, Thank you for sharing such an intimate aspect of yourself and your life. You are a very special person and I wish you and your partner a lifetime of love and joy. You have inspired me too share part of my story with you and the Crossdresser Heaven Community. I have received the greatest gift possible, I meet my soulmate more 40 years ago. I didn’t know it right away, I have continued to learn that loving and being loved by your soulmate has no limit to becoming deeper and more meaningful every year. As you pointed… Read more »
Superb story, sweetheart. you both deserve the very best life can give you.
Wendy and family. xxx
LOVEd this story! I have been married twice (both deceased) but only the second was tolerant and enjoyed being with me…I was careful to be both a husband and a CD/TV. My first wife thought it was “depraved" sighs so I had to dress in private when I could and hide my girl clothes. My second had been in show business, loved costumes and makeup and more…would dress with me in the bedroom. But, as I say I was careful to be her husband too and love her for who she was…and now though much older, am seeking someone again…lonliness… Read more »
Hi Trisha Anne read your story yes your partner is very lucky to have you. When my husband told me I was taken back by it but I am an understanding person so I got on with it. Was little hard to understand it at first but done my to cope with it. I love my husband and my dad was very open I think to the same thing reflecting on when I was a child so I had better understanding of it or it help a little. But yes still a little strange at times
Thank you Trisha Anne! I count myself fortunate that my wife is supportive and finds me some great clothes. Like your boyfriend, I really like the male side of myself and have no desire to transition, but extended periods en femme are a huge excitement and happiness. If society let us Live as a Woman, i kinda would. But in Real Life, just the kind of understanding that you have shown to your boyfriend, or that my wife shows to me, is the key to happiness.